There is no evil so great that it can't be thwarted by a small elf-like boy in a green tunic.

 

Metal Gear Solid 3 taught me about the Siberian ink cap mushroom, which has a chemical in it that will prevent the breakdown of alcohol in your system. Give it to someone just before they go bar hopping and they’ll either die from alcohol poisoning or wake up with “the hangover from hell.”

On a real note? The value of developing your own opinions & trying things for yourself.

GamePro magazine said that in order to beat the wall-mounted canons boss in Megaman 2, that you had to die once & come back. Well that sucks & I didn’t want to go through that level a 2nd time. I found out there was a trick to beating it on the first try.

The whole world tells me MK Mythologies: Sub Zero sucks, but I like it. And that’s my opinion & I’m allowed to like trash.  

 

In honesty, games taught me to read things carefully, timing can make all the difference, how to plan things out when I'm stuck, and go look for help if you really need it.

 

That’s seriously what Gamepro said??
That’s a really lame strategy.
As long as you don’t waste any Crash Bombs, it’s not hard to do it without dying.

Wot’re ya buyin’?  

 

There’s a simple trick to it. Most people will try to blow up all the walls with the crash bombs & run out of energy with one canon left. If you die & come back, all the walls stay gone & then it’s easy.

But if you use the item 1 platform, and some tricky jumping, you can get behind one of the walls without having to blow it up. Which I’m guessing you already knew. But they apparently didn’t. Or they just decided to give people the simpler method (if you call redoing half the level easier).

 

Video games have taught me that Crazy Taxi accurately predicted Uber years before it existed.

 

Underrated game.

 

If you encounter wild spiders or crazy dogs and somehow manage to kill them you might find rolls of bread.

Eerie gold statues are evil.

A baseball bat is more powerful than a yoyo, but only because the stats say so.

Using a frying pan to club something until it stops moving is perfectly acceptable.

Paying other people's debts will get you a ride in a funky van full of sweet tunes.

Monkeys that live in the desert hold the secret of teleportation.

Diamond somehow turns into fire... or was that the other way around, I can never remember if I fight the diamond dog first and then the flame one or deal with fire boy first and he turns to hard diamond.

If you find yourself involved with a gang, kill'em all and you can turn the leader into your best buddy.

Pizza delivery will happen anywhere, anytime, even if I'm stuck in the middle of a desert, a swamp, somewhere deep under the ground in a secret world of surviving dinosaurs and tons of other harsh environments.

A valley exists with strange creatures that will help you out.

A pile of puke is deadly and you should kill it with jam made out of fly honey.

Flies make honey.

Circus tents are evil.

zombies can be trapped in a giant tent with zombie paper.

Getting a high score in any arcade will shower you with power ups.

Collecting a very large amount of furniture will net you points to collect even more furniture.

Apples are better than Oranges.

Any pipe leading underground will include secret areas full of giant coins.

Taming monsters to fight other monsters for you is perfectly acceptable.

Super Fighting Robots will try to Save the World.

Evil scientists always have sweet mustaches. And a strange penchant for making things shaped like eggs or skulls.

If you engage in a tournament against demons and monsters you are protecting our world from alien invasion.

Street Fighting to prevent an evil organization from conquering our world is perfectly a legitimate excuse for skipping homework and getting into brawls. Also if you practice long enough you can channel your Chi into an epic energy blast of pure fire.

Stealth missions are the worst ever and impossible to complete, so anyone who can manage it in the real world must be god tier.

If someone asks if you're a god, again, just blast them with hot protons.

Getting into debt for a home and home renovations is easy to pay off by selling things to the black market. Er... I mean, the debt collector's kids.

It's really easy to start up a community on a deserted island.

Four giant turtles constantly travel through time and save New York against an evil ninja clan.

Running while firing a weapon and performing crazy leaps across impossible wide gaps is entirely safe and not going to get you killed if... again... you are god tier.

The Earth has been invaded since 1982 or so.

If your home town mayor is ripped as all hell don't mess with him or his family. He will murder you.

Eating random mushrooms will make you a giant, shrink you really tiny or give you the ability to cheat death for one more go round.

Four plucky young heroes will venture forth to save the mystical energy of Gaia using four magical crystals with the properties of the four elements.

And I think that about covers everything.

In all seriousness though games have taught me that playing video games for over thirty five years straight is murder on your carpal tunnels. Thumbs and joints. I curse the day they invented BUTTON MASHING!

 

Googling for cheat codes.


Also, you can reach Mach 1 in a WW II warbird. Unfortunately, you can't live through the achievement.

 

When being shot at, taking cover heals your wounds.

 

You all used the best jokes, so serious lessons learned:

Bastion taught me to let go, forgive, and move on or you’ll be stuck in an endless cycle.

Transistor taught me not all situations can be fixed.

Final Fantasy Tactics taught me sometimes the real hero isn’t the one that goes down in history as a hero, and that getting everything you wanted isn’t what you wanted after all.

Final Fantasy VI taught me that confronting a crisis is the easy part. Picking yourself back up and putting your damn life back together is the hard part.

Dragon Quest III tight me even legends started somewhere.

Final Fantasy Adventure (also known as Adventure of Mana) taught me winning can feel a whole lot like losing.

Final Fantasy Legend taught me that paradise can be a trap.

 

That I’ll never be as good as Commander Shepard.

 

Apparently, all of your base belong to us, or me, whatever that means.

 

Batman will not kill you but he will shatter your bones and leave you in the middle of a crime-ridden 'city' inhabited by sadists, murderers and an honest-to-gosh cannibalistic crocodile man.

 

I can take more than one bullet to the chest.

Or I'm immortal and I have the greatest power my enemies do not have:

Saving.

 

You can kill a god or gods.

 

Talking flowers can have big boobs.

 

A man is a miserable little pile of secrets.

 

That I can name an entire island after a Pokemon and it can somehow be perfectly acceptible to my comrades... Also, I may have an addiction to Wooloo....

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