We Don't Need You Anymore: A Short Fic

Discussion in 'Transformers Fan Fiction' started by Lock Cade, Jul 16, 2014.

  1. Lock Cade

    Lock Cade Tarn Fangirl

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    So after seeing AOE a second time in theaters, I got the idea to write a short fic about what Optimus Prime might have been thinking when Joshua Joyce told him that the Autobots weren't needed anymore. Here it is:


    We Don't Need You Anymore
    By: TRANS+CRAZY

    “Don’t you get it? We don’t need you anymore.”

    Upon hearing those words, Optimus Prime felt like his spark had been stabbed.

    He couldn’t help but think about all of the Autobots who were no longer with him: Jazz, the Arcee triplets, Jolt, the twins Skids and Mudflap, Ironhide, Que, Leadfoot, Topspin, Roadbuster, Sideswipe, Dino, and Ratchet. He also thought about all of the humans who had long been his allies: Sam, Sam’s girlfriends Mikaela and Carly, Epps, Lennox, Agent Simmons, and the countless soldiers who were a part of NEST. They all had fought valiantly against the Decepticons who had threatened to kill and enslave the human race, and now… now their heroic actions have been disregarded, the Autobots were being hunted down by the very humans they had protected only to be taken apart… all so KSI could build their own robots that would replace them?

    Suddenly Optimus felt his faith in humanity – at least what was left of his faith – gave way to feelings of despair, and the rage he felt upon learning what KSI had done to Ratchet’s remains dissipated into nothingness.

    Finally, he lowered his weapon and turned to his surviving comrades.

    “Autobots, we’re done here.”

    With that, Optimus started to make his way out of the KSI building, wanting nothing more to do with the humans ever again.

    ----------------------

    Not quite sure how well I wrote Optimus Prime's character in this. My best friend Mini-Bot read this and thought I captured his thoughts very well, but still... doesn't hurt to ask for other people's thoughts/opinions.
     
  2. jgoss

    jgoss transformers fan 4 life

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    hey TC nice little fan fic! have you ever though about finishing the ff you started awhile back?
     
  3. AndreaPrime101

    AndreaPrime101 AP101

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    You captured his feelings extremely well!

    And I had to correct this as I felt it needed it.

     
  4. Necromaster

    Necromaster FEAR ME MORTALS

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    My only complaint is that it feels a little short. Otherwise, this is fantastic. It sums up what Optimus must've felt when Joyce said that one line.
     
  5. Lock Cade

    Lock Cade Tarn Fangirl

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    Thank you.

    As for my old fanfic, I won't be finishing it. I'm going to scrap it in favor of writing a newer one. Not sure how soon I will get around to writing it, though.

    Thanks, AP101!

    Going to make that correction pronto.

    The fic is meant to be short. In other parts of the internet, this kind of short fic would be labeled as a drabble, meaning a short story that is up to 300 words long. You'd be pretty amazed how fanfic writers from other parts of the internet could write short fics that are 100 words or less. So... yeah, short fic is short. I wanted to keep it as short and sweet as possible, given it's a brief glimpse into Optimus Prime's mind after being told the Autobots weren't needed anymore.

    Anyways, thanks.
     
  6. moreprimeland

    moreprimeland Optimus told me to do it!

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    Awww... I was hoping for moar, quite the cliff hanger there TC.

    Dare we hope? :D 
     
  7. Lock Cade

    Lock Cade Tarn Fangirl

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    I have an idea for another Optimus Prime fic that deals with his inner-most feelings regarding the loss of Ratchet, but I won't post it here due to the fact the fanfic will be considered "slash." Besides, I'm kind of disappointed in the lack of responses to this fic, so I don't know if I should even bother posting any more fanfics on TFW to be perfectly honest. =/
     
  8. myhobby

    myhobby Back From Outer Space

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    I think a story should only be as long as it needs to be. I'm a fan of the six-word story: "Baby shoes, for sale, not used." I think Earnest Hemingway wrote that one.

    There was one thing that stood out as odd-ish: I kinda thought from Optimus' actions that he had Lost Faith in Humanity some time before this. Possibly once he saw the
    recorded videos of the hunted autobots.

    If anything, he was driven by a touch of vengeance before this. Once Joyce spoke The Words, though, he just fell into depression, like you described.

    Is slash forbidden by the rules? I'm not a fan of it, per se, but as long as it's not NSFW--"toys getting freaky"--I figured there was at least some sort of audience for it. Otherwise, any writing, no matter how good or bad, is at least practice.

    The fanfic forum isn't exactly a high-traffic area. Neither is the comic forum nowadays, either. :(  Still, you got a pretty good response considering it was only about two-hundred words. I mean, that's pretty much thirty words per commentator! Peanuts!

    If you're looking for actual advice on how to improve your writing, you might want to look for sites based on exactly that, and only post here if you're looking to entertain Transformers fans. Around here, you'll only find a tiny handful of folks willing to help, and only about half of those know what they're talking about. On a dedicated feedback site, though... Badda-bing, badda-boom!

    Besides, look at the view-counter. People have read this a hundred and fifty times! That is not nothing.
     
  9. moreprimeland

    moreprimeland Optimus told me to do it!

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    He makes a good point TC....lots of folks read, visitors, guests and they can't post.
     
  10. Ironhide1706

    Ironhide1706 Elessar Telcontar

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    An excellent story.

    Please don't be discouraged by the 'lack' of comments. As said before, the Fan Fiction forum is a very low-traffic area and this story has quite a decent number of comments for the time and content.
     
  11. jgoss

    jgoss transformers fan 4 life

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    I'll agree with ironhide and mpl I would definetly read it! And like they said dont look at the the posts but the view counter!