Warring at Play

Discussion in 'Transformers Funnies' started by Polenicus, Dec 9, 2007.

  1. Proxima

    Proxima Goddess of Darkness

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    That's the plan ^^ I'm going to aim for twice a month personally.
     
  2. Keith Prime

    Keith Prime Advanced Engineer

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    Nice beginning. & good attempt for a first try (not that I can say much, as I'm only 3 chapters into my only comic).

    *edit* Oh, & when I saw your Sig the other day (can't remember the thread), I thought it was comic related... Guess I was right, just for one yet to be posted. :wink: 
     
  3. Fez Findie

    Fez Findie Well-Known Member

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    Callin' the Autobots scum when they prolly themselves are 100X that themselves! XD

    Aaah, Proxi be approximately pro.


    .... Ya. ^^
     
  4. doomboy536

    doomboy536 Universe Onslaught fanboy

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    Awesome stuff Proxima, keep up the good work :thumb 
     
  5. Radioactive Ravage

    Radioactive Ravage Ancient

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    Very cool stuff! I love Proxima as a Shinki, so I'm interested to see where you take the character. Best of luck!
     
  6. Vagabond Elf

    Vagabond Elf Well-Known Member

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    It's a good start, Proxima. The story is - as my favourite saying goes - just like a bikini: long enough to cover the subject and brief enough to be interesting.

    A few comments that I hope you find helpful:
    The dialogue does feel a bit stilted in places. I think there are two factors there; the first is punctuation choices. For example, Arcee's first line "I'm burning rubber as fast as I can Tracks." In my head, that seems stiff and unnatural. Changing it to "I'm burning rubber as fast as I can, Tracks!" puts in a pause (for breath and emphasis) just before the name, and the exclamation point give the who sentence some energy and urgency. I find reading dialogue out loud, and carefully adding punctuation to reproduce what I said, helps a lot.

    The second part is over use of the characters names. While it's important to establish who's who, using the names too many times again seems forced. Simplest example: Starscream and Skywarp use each other's names in their first panel. Repeating them in the Autobots' reaction panel seems overdone. I would either have Tracks say something like "Seekers!" or, better, not have the jets use their names and let Tracks tell the audience who they are.

    There's a couple minor typos; "Lets" should be "Let's" as it's a contraction of "Let us." "Deceptiocons Incoming" could be "Decepticons incoming!" or "Decepticons! Incoming!" depending on what you want to do. And the framing of speech bubbles could be better. I don't make photocomics but I do make fan comics on the computer, and my workflow is to put in the text first and then draw the speech bubble under the words. Finally, I'd suggest a larger font - not much, just a couple points. This one the words seem disproportionately small compared to the pics.

    All in all, I give it a 90%, and look forward to the continuation! :) 
     
  7. Proxima

    Proxima Goddess of Darkness

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    Thank you for the amazing feedback! I'll try to keep all the advice in mind. ~smiles~ I just hope that I can keep things flowing smoothly.
     
  8. Pun-3X

    Pun-3X Well-Known Member

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    I like it! It's a good start to the comic. And the fact that it's tied into Pol's comic at least in realities is definitely a plus. :)  Hope to see more soon.
     
  9. Ellamin

    Ellamin Freedom is the Right of ALL Sentient beings.

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    Ooh, I'll follow your comic Proxima, looks fun!
     
  10. Lock Cade

    Lock Cade Tarn Fangirl

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    Oh, your comic sounds interesting, Proxima. I will definitely look forward to it. :) 
     
  11. boxorak

    boxorak Lacking Shelf Space

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    Very nice comic, Proxima.
     
  12. Inikalord

    Inikalord Legal Binding Contracts

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    I loved it and want more.
     
  13. Dremare

    Dremare It's pronounced "dreh-mare"

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    Nicely done for a first attempt, Proxima.
     
  14. Screamingjet

    Screamingjet Well-Known Member

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    Entertaining- more please?
     
  15. Drift

    Drift Banned

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    Very nice, though i'd say maybe make the speech bubbles a little more defined...
     
  16. Autobus Prime

    Autobus Prime Transit Former

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    :thumb 

    Nice comic, Proxima! The zooming cars & jets are always great fun, but Tracks' spinning wheels turned out especially well.

    Of course, knowing how much chaos those gynoids tend to spark, when they arrive, Tracks & Arcee might be better off walking away very quickly. Of course, in-universe, they can't possibly know this, unless they've got bizarre Deadpool powers. :D 
     
  17. halconfenix

    halconfenix Through the fire and the flames

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    proxima's comic is so nice it needs his own thread.... :p 
     
  18. Proxima

    Proxima Goddess of Darkness

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    Shooting tomorrow, does anyone have a good backdrop image for Inside the Arc I can Print off? Please~
     
  19. doomboy536

    doomboy536 Universe Onslaught fanboy

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  20. Proxima

    Proxima Goddess of Darkness

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    Awesome Doomboy! much thanks!!