Toys in the house

Discussion in 'Transformers Fan Fiction' started by Vraptor140, Jan 9, 2008.

  1. Vraptor140

    Vraptor140 Well-Known Member

    Jan 10, 2007
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    I hope the title isn't as bad as it sounds to me. Anyways, this is a story I've wanted to post for some time. I may not be the best writer, or a good one, but I hope you will enjoy this and will come for more.

    This story includes different toys so I'll keep here some references for you:
    Bionicle reference
    Transformers reference (not a link since you're supposed to know this already :D  )

    So here is it:

    Toys in the house
    We Start our adventure on a land where barriers have been breached, a land where an unbelievable peace has surfaced, a land known by the humble name of “The house”. A simple house of white walls and grey carpet, to us. For them, it’s a completely different story.

    Chapter one: A new kind
    Part one

    Toy room, morning.
    The toy room, apart from it’s small size (to us humans), is the main place of the house. There’s two main structures, two sets of shelves, each against opposite walls facing each others. Each has an elevator tower at one side, the main command is located on top while the rest are living areas. On the floor next to each tower are each faction’s labs, the opposite side of the shelves houses the medical centers. Close to the door is the container tower, a group of containers stacked on each other full of mostly Lego pieces and other construction material.

    However changes appear to be imminent, a new shelf has been brought in by the Owner, it lays on the end of the room facing the door on the other side of it.

    Three figures stand in front of it, conversing about the new piece of furniture:

    Nuparu Inika: So here is it. Finally something to work with.

    Classics Jetfire: Yeah, it’s been pretty boring around here, equipping the shelf might have us somewhat busy. What do you think Long Haul?

    Classics Long Haul: I don’t mind as long as we get something to do.

    Two more figures get next to them, a green Bionicle with spikes and a yellow Camaro that promptly changes to robot mode.

    Ehlek: What are you doing guys? Admiring the view?

    Deluxe Bumblebee: Yeah, don’t you have anything else to do, like… blow up the lab again?

    Nuparu Inika: Hey! That only happened once!

    Ehlek: What about last week?

    Classics Jetfire: That was different, it go melted…

    Classics Long Haul: Along with a good chunk of carpet, we had to go and get more from the garage to patch the hole.

    Classics Jetfire: You’re not helping. (to BB and Ehlek) Anyways, don’t you have anything else to do besides mocking other toys.

    Ehlek: Not really…

    Deluxe BB: There’s nothing to do around here, neither new arrivals coming anytime soon.

    Suddenly red lights can be seen blinking on top of the shelves while a female computer voice makes a surprising announcing.

    Speakers: New energy signature detected. No match with known profile.

    Classics Jetfire: Well it seems like things are heating up again.

    Nuparu Inika: And apparently it’s a new kind of toy.

    Deluxe BB: Lets go to the Transformer command center.

    Classics Jetfire: Alright, we’ll see you two up there.

    Jetfire transforms and lifts off, Nuparu uses his mask power and goes behind him. Bumblebee goes into vehicle mode as well. Ehlek, well… he just stands there since his powers don’t help in this situation.

    Deluxe BB: Do you need a ride?

    Ehlek: Thanks man. (Jumps on top of the yellow car next to him and both leave to the elevator of the transformer shelf)

    To be continued
  2. DilaZirK

    DilaZirK Is bullheaded.

    Aug 15, 2006
    News Credits:
    Trophy Points:
    Ahh, a script style of fanfictions, I remember doing this myself, and still do for Fun-ness.

    The writing is decent for a fic that's written in this style. A few errors here and there, but no biggie.

    However, I seriously think this fic could benefit more from a novel style of writing. There are just far too many descriptives used here that simply cannot be effectively put across in this script style.

    Keep at it, and looking forward to Mao. :D 
  3. Vraptor140

    Vraptor140 Well-Known Member

    Jan 10, 2007
    Trophy Points:
    Thanks for the comment Dila, and how I write this is more of an inbetween scrip and novel. This is beacuse I find it difficult to write conversations in novel style, that's why I use scrip style for the dialog and normal writing fo the rest. And English isn't my native language either, just to make this harder.

    Chapter 1
    Part 2

    Bumblebee and Ehlek were in the elevator tower as the platform raised up to the topmost level. When they reached the command center they were received by WWI Prime and Classics Magnus.

    The top of the Transformers shelf was a high tech command center, the side closer to the elevator was mostly open, but the opposite end was filled of computer consoles and several screens, most prominent were the communication and radar tower that sit next to the scanner, that was used to register new toys. In the wall one could see two pieces of cloth hanging from it, a red Autobot symbol on gold background and a purple Decepticon symbol on silver background.

    Under each there was some kind of throne, and there sit Supreme Commander MP Prime and Supreme Commander MP Megatron respectively, heads of the Cybertronian Council.

    Ehlek and BB could see that Armorhide, Classics BB and Movie Starscream were also present, their two friends having reached first the command center were also there.

    MP Prime: Tai, show us the location of the signal and contact Supreme Commander Gali Nuva.

    MP Megatron: And do it fast!

    MP Prime: (Glances at Megs)

    A hologram could be seen forming in front of Prime, and soon the “live” image of RiD T-AI (or just Tai for most toys) was there.

    Tai: Contact with Supreme Commander Gali Nuva obtained, showing holo projection.

    Another hologram was created, this time of a flat screen showing Gali Nuva with the Bionicle Command center as background.

    Gali Nuva: This is Gali Nuva, I got the radar alert. What’s the situation over there Prime?

    MP Prime: We were waiting for you. Tai will give us the info right now.

    Tai: As the alarm said. We detected a new energy signature on the living room, however it does not match with any known toy.

    Gali Nuva: A new kind, that would explain the new shelf unit in the room.

    MP Megatron: Indeed Gali. And now I think we should send a group to find the newcomer and bring him here.

    Classics Magnus: Yeah, but who should be in this group?

    Our four friends just gave glance to each other before BB spoke.

    Deluxe BB: We offer for the mission, general Magnus.

    Classics Magnus: So, you four want to do it? It sounds good to me.

    MP Megatron: However, I feel four is not enough.

    MP Prime: You’re right. Armorhide you shall lead this mission.

    Target Armorhide: Yes Prime, I’ll get two of the Scouts to help us.

    Gali Nuva: I’ll send the Vahki to the living room in case you need backup.

    With this the four friends went to the elevator, at level four they found Signal Flare and Clocker who joined them.

    Meanwhile, far away in the living, on a small table, was a small colorful box. It was open, and a plastic tray sit next to it, something seemed missing from it. It was a small creature, of cute factions and slim frame, it was Mao Chao. She had just woke up from the deep slumber toys suffer while in their sealed packages, her optics where still somewhat blurry and her servos stiff.

    She didn’t know where she was or how she had made it to this place, all she could do was admire the view of the big surroundings, until a nearby sound alerted her. She did her best to hide behind a couple of decorations, there she could see four mechanical creatures approaching the table. That was the Vahki squad. The four went straight to the box, hoping to get some info from it.

    Bordakh: Weird, it seems to be mostly in a different language, what do you think Nuurakh?

    Nuurakh: It seems to be Japanese or something similar, I’ll send this to the computer for translation.

    Bordakh: All right then, stay here while we survey the area.

    The three Vahki started their search, one of them got close to where Mao was hiding. Mao had heard everything, she was not sure what they wanted from her, but their alien appearance didn’t give any good sign to her.

    Suddenly she was face to face with Zadakh, she had been lost in her thoughts and didn’t notice him until that moment. She let out a high pitched scream that made the Vahki jump back. She ran and jumped from the table, not paying attention to Zadakh’s words while he tried to explain the situation, then she continued in her run to scape from them. She was soon out of view to the Vahki.

    Zadakh: …uh oh… I think I screwed up this.

    Nuurakh: You surely did, you scared her!

    Bordakh: This will be a trouble, and who knows what’s she capable of doing now.

    Rorzakh: Commander Bordakh! I got a message from Tai, it’s about the translation.

    Bordakh: I hope it’s something useful.

    Rorzakh: This is what she has at the moment: “Busou Shinki, Cat Type, Mao Chao”.

    Nuurakh: Mao Chao? I’ll have to guess but I suppose that’s her name.

    Bordakh: Right… Rorzakh, send a message to all units in the search of the new arrival. They have to know what happened.

    And with this the message was sent to the rest of the toys “To all units in the search of the new arrival. The new toy is a figure in the form of a girl with green hair, we suspect her name is Mao Chao. Zadakh scared her and now she may try to stay hidden. Find her but do not scare her, we don’t know what she is capable of, she could harm herself and others. Rorzakh out.”.

    Zadakh: Yeah… that works. But could have omitted some details.

    To be continued