It's not the poorly made websites, wondering if i am getting ripped off, or having my credit card company put a fraud hold on my account. Instead it's how it's delivered. EMS ends up in the US Postal service which i normally like, but i hate how they always require a signature. I'm never home when they deliver, but the letter carrier has to crawl out of their truck, ring the doorbell, listen to the dog go apeshit and stand around like a doofus. I like my letter carrier and i don't want to subject her to that.

I tried something new; I ordered from a shop in Pennsylvania. Little did i know it was an Amish internet store. In order for them to receive my order a ten year old boy had to run 15 miles to the nearest internet cafe and write down (by hand no printers allowed) my details. Naturally he had to use the shitty home-made paper so when he arrived home his father couldn't read my information. The boy received the beating of his life for disgracing his father. Afterwards the father was too upset to fill my order, so instead he went to plow the fields with his favorite horse/donkey/mule/bear/leopard/whatever they plow with.

The next morning he awakes ready to fill my order. The Amish can't make cardboard, so instead they build a wooden frame around my products, then wrap in in homemade paper. The wood couldn't be sawed/milled because the animals were too tired from all the plowing after the beating. A day wasted. My products will probably tear through their shitty paper anyway and and up loose in the back of a delivery truck. Once my order is packaged it needs to be delivered to the nearest UPS store or hub. Horse and buggy is the preferred method, but horses don't really understand stop signs, so the local (non-Amish) police like to hassle the young driver. I am unsure if this resulted in an OJ Simpson ordeal (the low speed chase, not the wife murdering), or the buggy driver was merely tazed/beaten. Either way my package eventually arrived in the trusted hands of UPS. More than likely it will be crushed before being thrown at my door like a shot-put. As far as the tracking number goes it takes the Amish boy a few days to recover before making the return journey to the internet cafe to send me a tracking number.

I suppose having my letter carrier waste a few minutes at my door is better than two young boys being savagely beaten. EMS arrives 4 days faster anyway.

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