Lmao I don’t even have a girlfriend. I don’t have any interest in dating.

 

Even better!!! You my friend enjoy your youth!

 

That feeling when you realize that someone you thought was your friend for close to fifteen years really isn't.

 

Yeah I've had some long time friends turn out to be jerks. That and various other crap over the years has led to trust issues. I'm always waiting for someone to stab me in the back or something bad to happen. Where as younger me was all work hard and do the right thing and it will all turn out right. Older me keeps getting more cynical.

 

I can relate to that. Especially after what just happened with my former friend.

 

This, especially my sister-in-law, dad and relatives/cousins (dad's side)

And this

 

My Dog of 13 years gave up the ghost, returned to God. And I'm still in those exemption battles just to keep my job.

 

Senior citizens are inconsiderate as fuck. Literally every appointment I set (and confirmed prior in the week) blew me off. One of them was literally at home watching TV, and turned up the volume when I knocked/called. 6 hours of time and 50 miles of driving, all for fucking nothing. I'm not even pissed that I lost money (no sale, no pay). I'm pissed that I could have stayed home and done something actually fucking productive.

 

So I have been living in a rooming house since June of this year.

Before that I lived with my sister and her husband for a year and a half.

It was a emotionally toxic environment.

I have been on disability since late 2017 early 2018.

Ended up having a breakdown (suicidal ideations) after my father passed away.

He was diagnosed with dimentia, and spent four years taking care of him (mostly grunt work).

Anyway, back to my first statement.

The place I'm living at is also toxic in a emotional sense.

The guy across the hall from me thinks he runs the third floor.

Even asked me once if I could go to the gas station to buy him a blunt.

I set a boundary by saying no.

He continued to ask why before walking away angrily.

After spending a week house sitting for a friend, he sees me and goes I noticed you were gone.

I responded with "I had some personal business".

As similar to before he continued to poke around for details.

Today somebody (clearly high on something) was walking around with only one shoe on.

I had just gotten back from grocery shopping, and he stood in my doorway proceeded to mumble something then walked off.

The hallway constantly smells of cigarettes or pot.

Which leaves me with the occasional headache.

A low income apartment in the same city says I'm near the top of the waiting list.

Dropped off some requested documents last Friday.

My sister texted me yesterday.

One of the things she said is I wish you could live closer.

I'm a 30 or so minute drive from her.

I don't have a car or license.

She is an EMT and works crazy hours.

I truly believe I'm not meant to live with others.

Apologies for the long post.

 

Earlier this year my wife's step dad's mom died. Today, his aunt died just out of the blue. Her and her husband were house hunting, placed a bid on one, and then collapsed on their way to their son's house. She got to the hospital and died an hour later. Two year's ago her grandson committed suicide.

Oh, and last week one of our friend's aunt died.

WTF 2021?

 

Really struggling to deal with my cat's disappearance. I can't focus on class at all, I've been skipping a lot and have fallen behind on homework. It's killing me to not know what happened to her. I can't move on without knowing for certain if she's dead

 

Without getting too too sentimental, I wish everyone here well.

I don't know you folks on a personal level, but I can feel your pain from what you post. I truly hope things improve for each and every one of you, because you're a pretty swell person. I've probably said something similar to this before, I meant it then and still I mean it now. Take that for as much as a random stranger telling you how awesome you are is worth these days.

I apologize if this message feels too depersonalized and general, I'm always worried in regards to offering advice for dealing with serious issues because I already have enough shit on my conscience I don't think I can deal with knowing I lead a well-meaning stranger down the wrong path because of my stupid advice.

So instead I'll just send out good vibes and hope maybe it brings a brief smile to someone who needs it.

 

So I have been trying for a week to get a refund from Amazon.

I cancelled Prime.

Twice now I have been told by a representative that the refund will reflect on my debit card in 3 - 5 business days 

Edit -

I called my debit card company.

Turns out they refunded my money on the 1st.

That was my mistake for not noticing sooner 

 

If that even includes me, than thank you. I always appreciate someone who can still treat people they've argued with as a fellow human being

 

Absolutely, regardless of any disagreements here and there beyond the screen you're a person who deserves love and respect, and I truly hope you find your pet safe and sound.

 

Thank you, that means a lot

 

I'm not sure if this is even a good place to say this, but I think my mother is going to die soon. I just found out, still kind of processing it. She's been failing in health for a few years and in February she fell and broke her arm after slipping on ice. Then earlier this month she fell again getting out of bed and broke the other, and had to be hospitalized. She also has liver disease and blood problems that were exacerbated, alone with crippling arthritis in her knees and ankles.

I'm her caretaker, have been for the last year, and I feel like I did this. She's a very independent person but I'm her son and it's my job to protect her. She's my life, I owe everything to her, and I honestly don't know what I'm going to do without her. She gave up everything so me and my sister could have our futures, even when there wasn't anything to give, and I thought I'd be repaying that for as long as I could. She's not even that old, she's only 62. I visited her today and she wasn't even coherent during the brief moments she was awake, because over the last 48 hours her BP has bottomed out and her lungs are beginning to fill with fluid. It's happening so fast and I don't know how to process it, yet it also feels painfully drawn out. Part of it doesn't seem real, part of it seems too real. I can do nothing but wait, and it's agonizing. Everyone keeps telling em to take it day by day, and I try to stay occupied and act normal, but it doesn't feel right. There's nothing I can do, and I don't know where to go.

If there's anything even remotely good about this, it's that it's shown me I have amazing people in my life. My sister and brother in-law have done so much. My boss and coworkers have done so much. I made a great friend a few months ago and she's been unbelievably supportive. I don't know what I'd do without them.

 

Trying to find a place to stay was harder than expected lots of them are crowded or they aren't taking people because of covid.
The good news is my family is willing to take me in since they don't want me homeless on the street. I am more worried about my surgery since it is just something I need to be done for my health all of this has made getting that surgery harder but I hope my family can help me out. I might be switching states next week which is something I am mixed on I have been in Florida since 2003 I was a toddler in that year now I am in my 20's switching states just feels strange despite that fact I am not in love with Florida just feels strange moving.

I have some met of the neighbors at the hotel I also learned the hotel has awful wifi and that the hotel itself is pretty shady it is right next to a strip club so I guess it being shady makes sense. One neighbor who keeps talking to me a lot is a pregnant 15 year old girl the father is 30 years old she talks to me a lot for some reason she wants to work on my car to make it go faster I haven't been rude to her but been trying to keep my distance since she seems a bit off.

I do have more good news I met this one neighbor at the hotel who is pretty nice she has also had it rough she was lied to she said the apartment manager told her she will have the maintenance crew bomb for bedbugs but she would have to stay at a hotel for a couple of days because the smell from the bombing is fatal and sticks around for at least a week. Turns out this was a lie they actually threw out her stuff and sold her apartment. This same neighbor was luckily able to move from the hotel an old lady sold her a mobile home.

 

I haven’t been very open about my college life here since I started last month. I had my reasons why, but I feel like it’s better late than never to spill my heart out for once.

I still remember how beaming I felt when I announced I got into my high school. It felt like I got a golden ticket to heaven, and for the few months I spent having fun (to be honest, I didn’t do much studying) there, it sure felt like I was.

Then COVID came and just like that, those days of hanging out with my friends at the cafeteria and going out to malls on the weekends were completely gone. I’ve lost contact with about 75% of my class, a class I’d grown to consider as close as a family. I haven’t seen a single one of my friends from school in over a year. I feel like if we ever passed by one day, we wouldn’t even recognize each other anymore.

I was sick of feeling “locked up” at home. By 12th grade, with university prospects on my mind, I didn’t really care anymore if I got into the shittiest university in the world as long as I got to go out and actually meet new people, not just faces on a screen.

And thus began my year long search for a university and boy was it hard. At first I enrolled into this online university course (red flags) in communications or whatever as a sort of backup plan in case I failed to get into some universities I had targeted getting into, but that I was forced to forfeit as the entrance fee turned out to be beyond what my family considered worthy of a backup plan.

Afterwards I tried to apply to a university in Taiwan. That didn’t go well. I was rejected.

Then my father encouraged me to take lessons for a nationwide university acceptance test. After lessons that went on for hours many days a week for 4 months, I took the test and basically expected NOT to get in.

But granted, I wasn’t too worried because I had taken another stab at getting into that Taiwanese university through another program. Unlike with my national university here in Indonesia, the Taiwanese university application program was basically a given. The only problem would’ve been about which university you were lucky enough to get into (out of 70 options to pick as sorted by report card scores).

But then, something magical happened. I basically won the lottery - in a sense. The local university I never thought I’d get into - I’d gotten into it. Somehow.

I eventually got the results for my Taiwanese university application as well. I’d gotten into a university that wasn’t what I’d initially hoped for but one that wasn’t terrible, the degree I’d gotten into was just one that I spent 12 years in school NOT preparing for. I was a science kid from 1st to 9th grade, then I converted to a half science-half social studies mix of Physics and Geography at my new high school. So, what was my degree? Teaching Chinese - a language I don’t even know.

My degree at the local university made more sense to where my education had taken me - civil engineering. I never liked the idea of working hot summer days inspecting sand and concrete cement or whatever, but at least I had a rough idea on what the hell that was about.

While Taiwanese universities began in late September, Indonesian ones begin in late August. So I spent some time learning at my local university - albeit in online classes. In a matter of days, I felt like I’d grown into a really solid community.

The problem was that on the other side of the aisle, I’d also gotten to know many fellow Indonesians at the university I got into - both seniors and people who were also starting their first year like me.

So there I was, stuck between what was either two really good options - or two really shitty ones. I hadn’t realized it by then but I’d found myself in a one-man Squid Game. Only one of those two drastically different options could “live”. If I pick one, I must forfeit the other. That kind of stuff.

So which one did I pick in the end?

Me, being a man who lives by change for the sake of change, as stupid as that sounds, obviously picked going to Taiwan. Thus, I forfeited a university where I actually understood the language and where I could continue living with my parents - to move to a country I haven’t even been to for vacation to study for 4 years - in a degree I knew nothing about until I actually started classes. But hey, it was at least gonna be offline, right?

And so here I am typing this at midnight as in 2 days I’ll be flying to Taiwan. I might not see my parents or my home again until I graduate in 4 years (IF I graduate, right now it feels like a daunting task, like a huge brick wall I have to climb).

Somewhere in an alternate universe, I’ll wake up tomorrow to learn about rocks or whatever through my laptop from my comfy warm bedroom. Meanwhile here in the real world, I’m about to literally flip my world apart.

As I closed a chapter of my life (reluctantly so) in March 2020 when COVID struck my country and forced me to spend a year and half doing school online, I will soon be starting a new one, this time one I chose myself.

Whether this was the “right” choice or not doesn’t matter anymore. It’s not like I can run out of the airport and book a cab back to my house Jerry Maguire-style even if I wanted to (how am I gonna explain not attending classes for 2 months to my local university?). All I can do now is pray to God to guide me through what’s either the biggest mistake or the best decision of my life - or both. Maybe life isn’t as dramatic as the movies - maybe it is. I’m not sure, but I do hope to find out.

The pandemic’s given me a lot of time to reconnect with Him and recharge my faith. While I don’t have my family to guide me in Taiwan, I take comfort in knowing I have Him and my friends (yeah, a LOT of Indonesians are coming to Taiwan for university) by my side.

 

Much respect. A very brave thing you’re doing. Later on in life, 4 years will feel like nothing. And, you’ll see how things that were mistakes helped you grow and find your way. Few people go through life making all the right choices. And, most make the “right choice” without knowing what’s ultimately right for them. I’ve known many people whose degrees are nothing but a piece of paper and found fulfillment in other areas.
Don’t worry and keep being adventurous. Everything will turn out fine. Not easy, but alright in the end.