The Depression/Anxiety Thread

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by jru42287, Nov 19, 2020.

  1. CannonBlaster

    CannonBlaster Well-Known Member

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    I have depression although it thankfully doesn't cause me to push people away or obsess over unhealthy coping mechanisms. It just causes me to feel permanently low on energy. Watching Transformers helps me to feel a bit better
     
  2. Psychoshi

    Psychoshi Grammaton Cleric

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    At first, I thought it was prostate/bladder related. I had the urgency to urinate very often. Thankfully, that symptom has subsided. Started off as a small tingly feeling for a while. Then it evolved into burning pain, like an inflammation. Now I suspect it could be nerve damage or muscle related. My left foot has become kind of numb, and sore.

    Gonna have to beg for an mri scan it seems.

    Obviously stress could be a factor. The pain causes stress, and stress causes pain...
     
  3. jru42287

    jru42287 Ass Möde is a way of life.

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    Yikes, that sounds pretty serious. Have you seen a Urologist? If not, might still be worth a visit.

    I've actually had an issue with my bladder recently, having to urinate often too. I saw a Urologist and they found that my prostate is slightly enlarged, so its pressing on my bladder.
     
  4. jru42287

    jru42287 Ass Möde is a way of life.

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    If the "killing 20,000 people" part is in reference to the nursing homes, PA did that too, but the governors aren't solely to blame for that. They were following direction from the Center for Medicare/Medicaid Services, which is a federal entity. They couldn't keep elderly people in the hospitals after they were deemed recovered because they needed the room for other infectees. Also, no one was gonna pay for them to stay either, certainly not Medicare. On top of that, many if the nursing homes they were sent home to were not following proper COVID regulations, so it spread easily. A lot of them actually had prior issues related to faulty management, poor practices, etc.

    But COVID numbers are high everywhere again. Locking down in March wasn't going to help in November. Yeah, maybe everything they're doing isn't great, but it's hard to know what the right choices are with a virus that we're still learning about. Locking down definitely did prevent a lot of infections in the spring, though. Much if the reason the cases are so high now is because of people not following social distancing and masking guidelines (especially in Southern states).

    But enough about that crap before the thread gets closed down for being political.
     
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  5. Psychoshi

    Psychoshi Grammaton Cleric

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    I did see a urologist.
     
  6. jru42287

    jru42287 Ass Möde is a way of life.

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    It's surprising they weren't able to give you any idea of what might be going on. I can run your symptoms by a few friends that are Physician Assts, if you'd like. That's what I do for my symptoms haha.
     
  7. ObakaChanTachi

    ObakaChanTachi sing us a song you’re the piano man

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    Seriously didn't appreciate 2019 enough, I would if I'd known how bad 2020 will be.

    November has been a huge leap of an improvement for my mental health. Though I'm a lot happier now, I cannot forget how much I despised the months leading up to this moment.

    When my country shut down the first time around I was still in my 11th grade and all was good. THEN, in 12th grade, because of online learning my school decided that the existing system that was working perfectly fine had to be changed entirely. So now, a lot of my favourite subjects (CERTAINLY not physics, math, or religion) were taken away and my original class was split up. We were divided by majors, so we were supposed to be together until 12th grade but alas. It took me a couple months to settle into that system but not enough to keep my grades from dropping. I've been telling my parents about how hard it's been for me to adjust FOR MONTHS long before my midterm report card came in and all they did was tell me to suck it up.

    I fucking hate how my chance at a fresh new start at life at my new school was snatched away from me after only 9 months. First, my life as a dorm kid? Gone. Second, my favourite subjects and 11th grade classmates? Gone. Third, my grades? All going down the gutter.

    I legit loathe physics now. It used to be my favourite subject DESPITE how hard it was. I enjoyed it because I had a ton of friends and classmates that made the class super chill. Now I just get the hard shit and none of the friends.

    And I'm in 12th grade, by the way. You know, the time when I should be studying my ass off to get into college. Maybe I'm pitying myself too much and I need to study harder but I just can't for the life of me. Trigonometry and electrical currents? I need to be laser focused for understanding them but everything's so vague and blurry to me I might as well be learning the Klingon language.

    But I get it. I'm a pampered, spoiled kid who needs to shut it and be more grateful. Okay.
     
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  8. stprime

    stprime THE Prime that the Matrix refused.

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    I’ve hade anxiety all my life but it made itself known daily in high school. My depression in hind sight was popping up around that time too but became serious in college. I wouldn’t leave my room and if I did to avoid people I’d sneak of my window and do everything I could late at night. I have meds for both and most the time they work ok. But lately I feel like nothing works or helps. I’m tired. Constant negative experiences and the weight I’m carrying keeps getting heavier and heavier. When I wake up I immediately feel the pressure and pain in my chest. Every time I think this is bottom something else happens. In addition COVID has made me paranoid. I don’t want to leave the house. I don’t want to touch things and have sanitizer at all times. And I don’t want to see let alone talk to people. Being a teacher makes that impossible. I wear a face shield in addition to my mask around my room full of kids. Also, tmi warning, I’ve gone from occasionally having hemorrhoids to an everyday occurrence and I bleed. A LOT. I’ve had 3 colonoscopies in 5 years but no help. It affects my job. I have to find an aide, teacher, or ask my principal to watch my class so I can leave and sometimes it’s 30 minutes before I stop bleeding. I’m 12 years tenured but I’m scared I could be fired. They’ve let others go for less. I just feel lost. And I need to talk to somebody. Even if it’s to myself and no one replies. My tendency to deal are destructive. I’m not a good person or at least not the person I was 20 years ago. I do things I know I shouldn’t and lately I just don’t care. I don’t feel sorry or remorse and I’m starting to think I don’t know what love feels like. So I go through the motions. I fake a hello. I do my job. Then I leave and count the moments until I can fall asleep. Even then I find no piece. Always anxiety dreams. The worst part of goin in to sleep is waking up. Then doing it all again.
     
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  9. Psychoshi

    Psychoshi Grammaton Cleric

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    You can talk with me through private messaging. Cheaper than a therapist. I can relate to some of your struggles.
     
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  10. jru42287

    jru42287 Ass Möde is a way of life.

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    I have to say, I started on a new supplemental medication a little over a month ago, and it has been helping a lot. I'll still get negative thoughts, but not nearly as bad.
     
  11. ObakaChanTachi

    ObakaChanTachi sing us a song you’re the piano man

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    Well THANK GOD school’s over!

    While things are far from optimal, I think 2020 will be a soft happy ending for me personally. I couldn’t quite say the same for 2019. I still remember last year I was feeling down as fuck for some reason. Not this time :) 

    Hopefully 2021 will be better with the vaccine out, but I wouldn’t hold out ALL my hopes on it alone.
     
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  12. Scarlet knight

    Scarlet knight AKA: King Scarlet Bosphormemeus Hyrule

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    I've been doing a lot better this month. A lot of my anger is gone, I feel great!
     
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  13. Maximus Danz

    Maximus Danz Warrior King

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    2nd snow day and I was kinda depressed due to loneliness. I went outside to do some more shoveling and listen to music, didn't see a person for what felt like hours in the white landscape (got two feet of snow in NY) and I just had a crushing sense of loneliness.
     
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  14. Psychoshi

    Psychoshi Grammaton Cleric

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    The few things that I can look forward to, to help me feel better... 3rd season of Cobra Kai. Some pieces of art that I've done, or am about to do for some people, which they say gives them great joy. More new transformers.
     
  15. JohnRedcorn

    JohnRedcorn Well-Known Member

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    I thought I chime in with the young folks (based on posts) since I am a university professor and seen some impact on students. I am also in the field of the health sciences so I can I tell you one thing for certain... pandemics are temporary. The hard part is getting through it and surviving through it. Take that with comfort that eventually we will get back to normal, and very soon, considering some current news events. As far as the "blues" that some of y'all experiencing, I can't make any definitive advice because each of you have your individual unique experiences. The reality is, everyone is suffering because of the current situation, and we all have to deal with it some way. My advice (and take it with a grain salt) is to do something different/out of character ... new hobby, new activity, new routine, new skill, new relationship (or repair a broken relationship), etc, whatever. Definitely stay away from negativity and negative people, long internet surfing activities and social media, and don't spend time in isolation.
     
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  16. Unclejoe420

    Unclejoe420 Well-Known Member

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    Got to admit, I always feel a bit off at this time of year but it seems to be a bit worse, given what's happened over the past year.. but I am trying to keep myself mentally occupied with a few projects and ideas that I can work on during this whole situation we're in at present. Ok, I could do with a bit of help with a couple of things, but that can be for an entirely different thread..
     
  17. Constructor

    Constructor Behold my true form!

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    For the last 2 years, I have really been struggling to keep myself in anything that even resembles a positive outlook on life, but since the pandemic hit, the last 9 months have been nothing but fear, panic, anger, sadness, and hopelessness.
    I had almost graduated from a junior college with my certificates in technical theatre and social sciences, but the lockdown happened, and I didn't get a graduation ceremony or even a crappy digital ceremony. I got a pamphlet of the graduating classes of 2020 in August and my diplomas this month. As you could probably tell, my major in college was technical theatre and that entire facet of my future is deader than the grave. I never dated anybody because I had been so focused on finishing school before looking for that special someone and now Covid-19 has damn-near completely eliminated contact with anyone that isn't in my household. I haven't had a regular job because I had been making enough money off of scholarships to barely get through college, but now I can't really get a job now that I've graduated because two people in my household already work with the public and me getting a job would add a third multiplier for exposure for the disease. All of these aspects of my life has been weighing me down and draining me of my self-worth like a dybbuk that I can hardly justify waking up in the mornings anymore. I feel like I have no future and that I couldn't be in a worse place emotionally to deal with things day-by-day. I feel so worthless and the worst part is that I can't really do anything about it unless I wanted to put my family in more danger than we already are. It feels like every stage of my life has had the chances stacked against me and it has only been getting worse and I honestly have stopped hoping that things are going to get better because they haven't for the last 20 years of my life so why would things change now? I don't even know what would make me feel better anymore without making myself feel guilty that it is more than I deserve. I don't really expect anybody to really understand where I am coming from or even take me seriously, but I just feel like I needed to say all of this just so I can feel like it's out there and not just dragging me down anymore. My mind has been in the darkest place it has been in years and I don't expect it to get any better anytime soon. My only fear is that i might pass away before I get the chance to feel truly content with my life and I will enter the afterlife the sorry husk of a person that I am now.
     
  18. Dr Kain

    Dr Kain Well-Known Member

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    I know something happened to a friend, but I don't know what, nor to whom, but I know it happened.
     
  19. jru42287

    jru42287 Ass Möde is a way of life.

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    Yeah, assuming you're in the northern hemisphere, the shorter days and colder weather always take a toll on me too. I am so happy in the warm sun, and being outdoors, so being cooped up inside is just awful.

    Believe me, I understand exactly where you're coming from. Maybe not the exact same experiences, but certainly the same emotions. A lot of times, it's really good to type something like that out, or even physically write it down, just to get it out.

    Are you seeing a counselor or anything like that? If not, that's definitely a good first step to take.

    I also often wonder if I'll ever feel truly content with my life, and I honestly don't know. I know I need to make changes, and I'm trying, but you know how it feels. It's like the deck is stacked against you.

    Not sure where you're located, but I do have a friend who is involved with theatre things, and I could reach out to her to see if she has any suggestions of things to do that wouldn't be risking your health or the health of your family.

    As in they're the ones that are feeling depressed or anxious?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 11, 2021
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  20. Constructor

    Constructor Behold my true form!

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    Yeah, it certainly helps. Not much, but it does help.

    I'm not seeing a counselor, I don't really have the funds to pay for them or online equivalents. I also don't have the privacy to talk about really sensitive topics either, I'm living in a household that has twice the inhabitants than what it should accommodate.

    It's a horrible thing to think about that maybe you made the wrong decisions in life and that you will never be able to correct them. I want to improve my life, but it feels like everything is out of my hands and that I have no control over where it goes. I've felt like this for years now, but it took this year to really make me feel like I have absolutely no choice in my own life. It's truly a scary and miserable way to feel.

    I appreciate the effort in trying to help me with theatre but unfortunately I live in the United States, so not only are there no theatres open, there's no work for techies. Actors can still act with zoom plays, but there's no set pieces needing to be moved or built, all of the things that I specialize in I can't do anymore. Sadly with situations like this, the theatres are the first things to close down and the last things to open. I'm probably going to be out of the work I studied 5 years to earn a degree in for the foreseeable future. It feels like my future has been denied to me and that the only thing I ever do anymore is just wait for the next day. I feel like I have no hope left in myself or in my life ahead of me.