I've been struggling the past few years trying to complete a story I started when I was in...7th Grade I think. I'm pretty happy about how far I've gotten storywise besides a few minor things.

I'd be grateful for your feed back on what you think.



The story is about a 15 year old girl named Katharine. Normal in almost everyway despite the fact she doesn't know anything about her family's past and has never met any of her reletives. One day Her parents drop one big bomb on her; she and her parents aren't from earth. They are from a place called Terrasine, or the real world. Earth is a mirroed image of Terrasine; a pocket of space made by mages of Terrasine long long ago to lock away the Shakni. The Shakni (Dark men) and the Rakgnai (Dark Elves) made an alliances in Terrasine and caused a war that raged through Terrasine for 1,000 years. When they were finally brought down by Hitus(guy) and Shokui(girl), two mages, and the Shakni were sealed away on Earth while the Rakgnai were sealed away in the Underworld. The only way to brake the seal was that the blood of the Rakngai enemy (Hitus and Shokui) be spilled on the alter where the spell was cast. Hitus and Shokui's decendants became high mages in the Kings courts all the way down to Katharine's parents, Marcuss and Laureen(who actaually distant cousins to each other). The reason why her parenst were on earth was because years ago some man from a radical organazation tried to assasinate them and awaken the Rakgnai and start the war all over again. Scared, and pregnate with her first child, Laureen asked the high council to send them into hiding until the radicals were all rounded up and desposed of proper. The counsil agreed and sent them to Earth, where Katharine was born and raised with the decendants of the Shakni(us; modern humans).

With the threat of the racials gone they are ready to move bacl home. Despite Katharine's obvious protests they go anyway. For the next few months Katharine is showed a world like something from a book. She meets Captain Philix, the captian of a bounty hunting ship for the royal Navy, at a party at the King's summer home. She also meets an Elf named Abis, the kings chief mage. The handsome young man who wears too much black, suggests that Katharine go to Daviir, a boarding and finishing school off the coast on an isalnd a few miled out to sea.

On the way there the ship Katharine is on is attacked by Pirates and she is taken. The pirates in turn are attacked by another Pirate ship and over taken. The captain of the second ship is a rough rouge young man named Jak who is Philix's twin Brother. Talk about polar opposites. Katharine is given free passage, but in return she will be their barganing chip to the king's navy while they scurry around doing piratey things. All the while the last reminates of the radicals search for the girl and the Pirates.



I won't go in anymore mainly because it'd ruin everything and secondly I'm still piecing them together so...yeah.


Thank you for reading this and It'd be very much helpful for some feedback.

 

Sounds like your standard fantasy novel fare. It has pirates, elves, magic, alternate realities, some sort of quasi-feudal system of government, a conspiracy theory/new world order, a strong female heroine, twins who are like night and day, parents with an earth-shattering secret, and an overall neo-medieval feeling.

Throw in some elder gods with lots of tentacles with thing for buxom young maidens, a love triangle between strong female heroine, good twin, and dark swaggering mysterious stranger who may or may not be all that he seems, a pair of dim-witted yet loveable characters for comic relief, some scary yet benevolent talking dragons, a magical article of clothing that is only magical to the one destined to wear it, and an ancient ninja clan sworn to protect the truth at whatever the cost. Then run that puppy through the best spell-checker money can buy, find a publisher, and you're good to go.

 

The premise is really neat and it's obvious that you've been working on some backstory. This might sound random, but one of the fortunate things you've got going for you is that none of the names are similar to pre-existing science fiction & fantasy characters.

 

Yay! Just what I wanted!

There is a dragon, but he's kinda the comic relief along with Jak.


Katharine is in no way powerful. She's is literally being pulled along through the story against her will through out the whole thing.

Any love between Katharine and anyone else (except one maybe, but he's her age) is strickly a little sister kinds love. Jak and Kat don't hook up. >< Someone else asked me that when I told them about this too...