Shrekformers: A Very Crappy Fan Fiction

Discussion in 'Transformers Fan Fiction' started by Galvatross, Apr 15, 2019.

  1. Galvatross

    Galvatross Make TFW2005 Shrektastic Again! Veteran

    Aug 24, 2013
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    "I'm bored," Unicron voice boomed, carried across the barren plains by the wind, but heard by not a single soul in this purgatory of Shrek-xistence. Unicron turns his head 360 degrees, and in every direction all he sees is an drab mixture of thistles, shrubs, salt, and earth. Earth in which his metallic underbelly bakes in, in which the humans have dubbed UzShrekistan.

    Why this land was called UzShrekistan, Unicron knew not nor cared not. Unicron thought it was ironic that, in his alternate mode as a giant, superficially impenetrable prison, that the small-but-plump organic being known as Shrek was his only prisoner. Why Unicron's master, Galvatron, went to such great lengths to keep such a puny fleshling, Unicron also did not know.

    Nor did Unicron really care. All Unicron knew was that one day Shrek, like all organic beings, would be no more, and Unicron would be free to wander the cosmos, sowing the seeds of entropy as he went. That's what he wanted all of this time. When that day came, Unicron and Galvatron would roam the universe united in hatred and brimming with insanity. Insanity that, like the gravity of a black hole, could not be manipulated or controlled, but merely let free.

    That future felt very far off. In the mean time, things were too orderly and mundane for Unicron.

    The desert air was hot, but something within Unicron was burning. A warmth was filling the squalid air in the machinery of his innards. Unicron's vision starts to blurr, and his audio sensors ring with extreme oscillatory vigor as an ogre-powering voice repeats ogre and ogre again, "This is the beginning of something beautiful. This is the Onionverse, and the Shrekoning of the old things is nigh!"

    Green flames, accompanied by the sounds of flatulence and rushing whirlwinds, shoot from Unicron's eye as shards of glass-like material and metal rain from his massive pupils. A wave of green light instantly emanates from any holes found on Unicron's body. Every movement is a struggle for the giant Transformer, until Unicron collapses on the ground, his gigantic back thrusting hundreds of tons of dust in the air as the barren wasteland around him transforms into fields of vivid green onions. Then Unicron's mind goes blank, and he remembers neither his master nor his love of chaos anymore.

    The newly and instantaneously created eden of onions is filled with the echo of banging metal. Unicron's forehead is dented, blow-by-blow, from an unseen force inside. The dented metal ruptures as a clenched green fist erupts from the prison of Unicron's head. The outermost metal of Unicron's forehead is torn apart and tossed away in an instant, and out pops Shrek.

    "Better out than in I always say," Shrek says as he dusts off his shirt and vest and pants. Shrek stretches his arms and cracks his knuckles and stares with curiosity at the Shrekage that are the remains of Unicron. "That crazy bastard Galvatron messed you up real good. I never intended for my greatest robot creation to be used for such Drek purposes as a prison for a being as Shrektastic as myself, but now your original purpose of spreading my love and life across the universe will be clear. Arise, Onioncron, the Layer Enforcer, the greatest servant of the DeShrekitcon Ogrelords."

    Within seconds, vines grow from the empty sockets of Onioncron's eyes, wrapping themselves around metal panels and shards. Luminous onions grow exponentially in size, filling Onioncron's eye sockets to the brim with Shrek's life. The newly born and christened Onioncron stares at his Ogrelord. Shrek doesn't say a word, as the Ogrelord's mind, made of nothing but neurons and the many spiritual layers that make up an ogre's soul, is connected to Onioncron's brain unit and memory files, which are but Transformium and not living matter. Onioncron sees images of Galvatron blowing out Fiona's brains, of Galvatron filling Onioncron with his hate, of Shrek and Donkey running for their lives on a swamp planet from the wrath of Galvatron and the Galvatron-controlled Unicron. Onioncron watches as Shrek nods and Shrek's memories play through Onioncron's mind. A sinister smile runs across Shrek's face, and Onioncron knows what he must do for his master...

    It's Never Ogre...
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2019
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