On the cancer front

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by MTME, May 22, 2013.

  1. MTME

    MTME Well-Known Member

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    The thing I also have the perspective of ,y son which is why it kills me, I wrote about it somewhere in this thread but my mom was sick and in the hospital my whole life. And in a hospital a coup,e hours away so it's not like we could go and visit her.
    I too am in a hospitals coup,e hours away and it is difficult for them to visit me.
    My mom was never at my birthday parties despite her being physically sick she also changed and became mentally sick, and our relationship beams a volatile one.
    I don't want that for my son and me.
    Still in the hospital, still tired, still in pain. I just want the pain to stop.
     
  2. TFW10

    TFW10 Well-Known Member

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    Please stay strong
     
  3. Titanic X

    Titanic X Believe in the future!

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    Sorry to hear about your cancer. Hope you come through this. And as some people have said, keep on fighting. Just remember: "Think of all the things that really matter and the chances you've earned." This is from Dare by Stan Bush. So just remember what really matters to you and what will happen if you don't beat this. I know you can do it!
     
  4. Autovolt 127

    Autovolt 127 Get In The Titan, Prime!

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    Stay Strong. I hope you can have a relationship with your son.
     
  5. JazzHunter83

    JazzHunter83 Mrs FatalT

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    MTME - you need to find peace with your path, don't let anyone guilt you into any decision. I don't believe it's your time to go yet, but, I don't believe that people have some sort of obligation to fight kicking and screaming....you can die well and die kicking and screaming....you can live kicking and screaming or live with acceptance. For some people, they find true comfort in trying everything, all the experimental treatments, in discussing the plan B and the plan C and researching the next clinical trial or drug regimen...that is how they find comfort.... Other people choose differently. It is ok to not continue to do these tests and investigations and undergo painful treatments. On the other hand, you do have a son and you haven't been told yet that you are out of options.

    Have you been treated for depression? Are you on medication for depression? If not, your first step is to see a psychiatrist and organise something to help you keep those darkest thoughts at bay. Only when you have a completely clear head, can you make a decision about treatment.

    Whatever you choose, write a letter to your son and explain things to him from your perspective...make sure he knows how much you love him, and how this has nothing to do with you wanting to leave him. He may not understand now, or in the immediate future, but he will when he is grown...I promise.

    I abhor the term "cancer warrior" as it implies that one has an obligation to die fighting....but, sometimes those who die fighting don't actually live those last few months or years. You need to speak honestly with your medical caregivers and have them explain things to you, so you know where you stand. From what I gather, you have ovarian cancer which has metastasised? You have the right to know what their suspicions are, and what your prognosis is....they are not keeping you informed, and that not knowing and being in the dark is no doubt contributing to your unhappiness.

    Keep your doctors transparent....it's your life, and you call all the shots and its their obligation to ensure they get INFORMED consent for any procedure or treatment they do....

    I'm not saying do or don't carry on this way, but I'm trying to tell you that whatever you choose is ok, and it's ok to change your mind over and over again....it's not set in concrete, ever.....tomorrow you may feel a little more able to keep fighting, or you may just want to roll up into a ball and cry all day and do no treatment or anything....you are not tied forever to any decision you make. Just do what YOU want....it's all about you xxxx
     
  6. MTME

    MTME Well-Known Member

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    My son is so wonderful as I apologize for being in the hospital for the hundredth time he just smiles and says that's ok mommy I still love you.
    I can also tell that when he does visit me though he wants to run screaming from the room he is tying to make the best of our visit and cuddle on the hospital bed and help me with my logic problem books(he cants do them but he helps by reding the questions) I use the logic problem books to help ease pain by concentrating on those instead of the pain.

    Please remember my son will be 8 next week and is autistic.
    He is supposed to go a friends birthday party and I am scared I will miss not only watching him have a good time but being still in the hospital I am scared I might even miss his birthday.
    I've missed Halloween, his birthday once, first day of school etc.
    But Tyler still smiles and says that's ok mommy I still love you
    What a great kid/miracle
     
  7. KnightSaberAmi

    KnightSaberAmi Nyan Nyan

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    If you only focus on the here and now and get caught up in that, you mire yourself down by living for today and instead you are failing to see the beauty of seeing what could be, tomorrow. Remember it's always darkest before the dawn, just because you don't have this birthday doesn't mean there won't be others to enjoy.
     
  8. JazzHunter83

    JazzHunter83 Mrs FatalT

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    Talk to the hospital about A) day leave if you are well enough to leave for a few hours in the day to take your son to the birthday party. And B) ask if you can organise a small birthday celebration for your son if you are unable to leave.

    Most hospitals will relax their policies on visitors etc for long term patients.....just let them know what you want planned and they can help you plan it. Extended visiting hours, a small party in your hospital room or day leave etc.
     
  9. Moonscream

    Moonscream YES, We Exist, and We DON'T Want to Date You

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    Has your pain become so bad that no medications are working anymore?

    --Moony
     
  10. MTME

    MTME Well-Known Member

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    Yes moonscream, I built up a high tolerance to pain meds which doesn't help matters.
    Still in hospital
     
  11. Hannah

    Hannah Shockwave above all!

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    Oh dear, I hope things look up for you soon
     
  12. JazzHunter83

    JazzHunter83 Mrs FatalT

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    What medications have they given you? I doubt you have built up a tolerance to everything available. If you are experiencing pain, ask to speak to the pain management team and get something - a single med or a combination of meds - that knocks your pain out so you can sleep...while you're at it, maybe request something specifically to help you sleep.

    Keep pressing that buzzer until they give you something that helps....
     
  13. MTME

    MTME Well-Known Member

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    They are trying but I am on 60mg of oxycodone every four hours, 130mg of morphine extended release every 8 hours, and 4.5 IV dilaudid every four hours.
    If thy give me anything more i will overdose and quite frankly it's amazing I havent already. A sleeping pill while on these meds would be deadly.
    Though I don't quite get relief from pain this is the combo that works the best
    They tried millions of other things hat either they react with cancer drugs or hormones or they do absolutely nothing for me.
    I didn't really want to say how much I am on and hats just the pain meds, WHILE I AM IN THE HOSPITAL, NOT AT HOME. I have been all the way off the pain meds before quite recently in fact because I thought we were going to be able to try Ivf

    But there is talk of me going home tomorrow, I won't be on quite as many pain meds while at home as the flare up of endo is easing up.
     
  14. JazzHunter83

    JazzHunter83 Mrs FatalT

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    I didn't mean a sleeping pill, I meant something for pain that would help you sleep. But, if your not sleeping on that combo, nothing will help you sleep....certainly not a sedative.

    I'm out of ideas. Hope you feel better soon and get to go home.
     
  15. MTME

    MTME Well-Known Member

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    Thanks sweetie
    The only other thing I can think of to make me sleep would be propofol and we all know how well that turned out for Michael Jackson, p,us the hospital would only do it a surgical setting which is also goes to show how amazingly stupid this doctor was!
     
  16. JazzHunter83

    JazzHunter83 Mrs FatalT

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    Hugs! I know things aren't easy for you. I think that you will feel the pain less when you can be around your husband and son. Hospitals aren't restful, or particularly healing places....I work in one and can't wait to get home each shift, lol.

    Have you considered hypnotherapy? Was chatting to a fellow nurse and she mentioned hypnotherapy...she said she did hypnobirthing to help with labour and birth, but found that it actually helped cure her chronic insomnia! I'm wondering if it might be a possibility? Being sleep deprived is not going to help your recovery, and I think you will brighter and happier and stronger if you were getting sleep! Lack of sleep makes our pain seem worse and reduces our ability to cope.

    Again, I'm sending you all the love, hugs and prayers I can xxxx stay strong and just keep swimming!
     
  17. Moonscream

    Moonscream YES, We Exist, and We DON'T Want to Date You

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    That's pretty bad. :( 

    If I may suggest something that may help when you get home, something that's helped me a LOT with shingles pain and is also helping a friend of mine post-op is a strong infusion of nettle tea with a dash of ginger powder. I generally leave a third of a cup of dried leaves and half a teaspoon (or more) of ginger steeping in a bottle for several hours to overnight, then refrigerate and drink a quarter cup or more twice a day as needed, mixed with juice and stevia or straight. The only side effect is it does have is some gas, but that's what the ginger is there to prevent along with having some inflammation soothing properties of its own.

    --Moony
     
  18. MTME

    MTME Well-Known Member

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    home from the hospital!!!!
     
  19. GFH

    GFH The G Squad

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    Yay! :3
     
  20. khopson

    khopson Well-Known Member

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    I'm sure that alone makes you feel better. :)