One time I asked my mom for one dollar. She gave me a two dollar bill. I freaked out and ripped in half, screaming and crying, but happy that now I had a dollar See, my small child mind knew that half of two was one, but could not comprehend that two was better than one. Screwed up, I know.
when i was a kid, i didn't understand that women didn't have adams apples, so when i would draw women, i'd always draw them with them.
Found a large tar ball. Made tar penises and stuck them on cars. People drivin around, don't get to close to that car. Also stuck 48 stale krispy kreme donuts all over stepdads car. Stayed home from school and my neighbor & I got high and watched him pick them off. He was a big bastard that always inhaled donuts, wanted to see if he'd take a bite out of one.
I think the year was 1986. It was summertime, and I didn't have to go to work till the afternoon, so I was playing Colecovision in my room (probably Turbo), and my sister and stepsister WOULD NOT LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! The more they'd bug me, the madder I'd get, until finally I had enough and went after them. Down the stairs. All through the first floor. Back up the stairs. They fled into their room, taunting me the entire time. As I came into the upstairs hallway, they slammed their door shut and locked it. As I was only 15, and it was the heat of the moment, I aimed a momentous kick at their door! CRRRR-AAAA_CKKKKK!!!! Then silence. My little sister opens the door, wide-eyed, and my stepsister is standing behind her. Three sets of eyes go the frame of the door, where a large crack is now in the frame. Uh oh.... My mind goes into immediate damage control mode, knowing that when my parents come from work, Hell hath not the fury my parents will when they see this. Judging from the look on my sister's and stepsister's faces, they know they won't be spared either. I suddenly remember my father has wood glue downstairs from when he had to fix one of the dining room chairs, and that my little sister has an acrylic paint set. Action time - I tell my sister to give me her paint, and tell my stepsister to go get the wood glue. Once I get the wood glue squeezed into the crack and then push the frame back together until the glue sets, I go about mixing paints to match the color of the door frame. Finally, I match the colors as well as I can and then apply the paint. It looks good. Once the paint dries, you can barely tell anything has happened. We all swear each other to secrecy and to never speak of it again. Years and years later, I think about it and offhandedly ask my dad: "Say, you remember that townhouse we rented? When we moved out...you didn't notice any damages upstairs did you....?" "No...." He looks at me, very suspiciously. "Why?" "No reason...." My little sister eventually spilled the beans a couple of years ago. All my dad could say was "Good job."
i was in 1st grade, had a "girlfriend" and when this other girl was making fun of her, I took my belt off and hit her in the face with it..
-Throughout my band career in high school, wherever we went for competitions, my friends and I would pee in bathroom sinks at other high schools. It was silly and juvenile, but kind of a 'marking our territory' thing. Also, it's an arrestable offense with a $50 fine for every incident. By the end, we had racked up over an estimated $5,500 worth of peeing offenses. -A friend had a little Honda Civic he was overly protective of. So naturally, a few of us carried it off the road (only weighed around 1000lbs) and placed it on a curb, diagonally, and over a storm drain. Hard to describe, but it was not easy for him to get out of there.
I work in the office of a distribution center, and I can honestly say that there is no such thing as a clean truckers bathroom. We've had incidents of used 'personal items', suspicious fluids and poop in the trashcan.
My Mom couldn't figure out why my younger brother was terrified of taking baths. Turned out I had been terrorizing him for days telling him he'd go down the drain with the bath water. This also resulted in him being afraid of swimming pools and generally being immersed in water for years afterward. Poor guy.
I was a pretty good kid growing up, so I wasn't too naughty. But once when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, I remember some kids trying to jump me. There was about 3 of them, so I was pretty scared. Luckily I was near a fence door with a chain hanging off it. I picked up the chain, and swung it right at the first kid who got near me. It hit him right across the nose, and he started bleeding pretty bad(If I rember correctly, I think I hit him with the end that had a padlock on it). After that the other two kids took off, and of course the kid was crying like a baby and blamed it all on me. I got suspended for a week and had to do some BS therapy classes. On the plus side it was a whole week off from school, and mom wasn't even mad, because I told her it was self defence.
When I was six I crashed my dad's Mercedes, the car was in neutral already so when I pushed the handbrake down the car went straight into our gates fortunately I didn't have any serious injuries but the car was a wreck! On my tenth birthday I got so bored I devised a plan with my younger brother to have my sisters duke it out for my amusement. So we told each one of them in the absence of each other, of course, that had both said nasty things about each other. What ensuesd after they confronted each other was simply priceless, a catfight of epic proportions, insults were pouring, fists were flying, I was in ecstatsy untill my dad heard all the commotion, found out what happened and told me off! Things you do when your'e bored!
where to begin(so many)..long before i joined the military my father was in the military..while being stationed at grand forks AFB ND(which by coincidence was my first duty station) i got into trouble in the 4th grade for mouthing back to a sub teacher she was native american (which im part native as well)..by this time i already had the reputation of an unruly kid from half of second and all of third grade...times were different then and even tho it wasnt said i always felt like certain teachers would single me out because i was black by giving me extra lines to write(sentences)after school or just flat out detention for the littest thing and things that the other students wouldnt get punished for but i would....this one teacher..mrs donahue even dragged me down the hall(literally)as im fighting her the whole way..she even left bruises on my arms cuz i was pulling away from her so hard.....so like i said i already had this reputation as a bad kid when in actuality i just felt like i was being picked on and fought back the only way a 9 year kid old could..later i found out from my father that indeed ND was an ass backward place back then('89ish) when it came to racisim... so anyway we are in class and everyones talking but for some reason i get singled out and get lines added to my name..by this time i already had like 500 or so to write..one would think whats so bad about these lines... just dont do them..well heres the kicker since i had so many lines my normal teacher mrs streed (fuckin B****) told me if i wanted to go to the end of the year pool party at the base pool i had to finish them by the end of the year..which was 2 or 3 weeks away....i clearly had no intentions on finishing these lines but since i wanted to go to the pool party adding more lines to my sentence when unjust pissed me off..so i replied y r u giving me extra lines when we all r talking or something to that effect..the sub turn around and says u just got more lines..so i ask her again y are u giving me lines when we all were talking..she adds more lines to my sentence..this goes on back and forth for like 2 mins before she just gave up and tells me i have after school detention..the only problem with that was i had to walk my little brother home because not less then a month ago we got lost on base coming home from school and i wanted to make sure he didnt get lost by himself.. well 3pm comes and its time to leave..so i explain to the teacher i have to get my brother and he's waiting for me in front of the school so ill be right back after i find him and tell him to wait for me after detention...she tells me no sit down i dont care about ur brother and if he not smart enough to wait for u then he deserves to get lost..i again tell her well im leaving ill be back after i find my brother, and i start walking towards the door..before i can even get to the door the sub teacher slams it close and locks it..locking me inside the room..i tell her/plead w her to open the door but she wont..so i sit down crying cuz i think my little bro is out there walking home and lost by himself..well 10-15 mins into detention my brother knocks on my classroom door and i see him..so i ask the teacher to unlock the door and let my brother in..she tells me to sit down and shut up..so i get up and go to the door and try to explain to my bro that ive got detention and wait for me at the playround..but the sub gets in between me and my bro and tells me to sit down..i tell her to open the damn door(first time i ever cussed at an adult..not the last)..she tells me to sit down..so i walk to my chair..its was one of those orange plastic ones with the rails on the bottom and a wooden desk top that were all to popular in the 80s..i ask one more time but this time i am pissed.."open the god damn door!!!"...she screams at me to "sit down" and starts adding more lines to my sentence..(she had been doing it all along i just didnt realise it till then..so i pick up this orange chair and throw it at her narrowly missing her(only cuz she ducked) and crashing inches above her head..and at this time i proclaimed "open the muther fucking door"...she looked at me like i was possessed and was shaking as she went to unlock the door..i told my brother the situation and asked if i still needed to be in detention and in a crackling voice she told me i was excused..as i started to round the corner to exit the building i heard her call the principle over the intercom...busted..these fools(vice and the principle) waited on each side of the building and brought me back to their office and made me listen to the b/s story the sub told them..then they called my dad and told him that same story..which was 100% true.. but she left out the part that she locked me in a room and wouldnt let me leave....i got one of the top 5 assbeatings of my life(all by my parents i might add)...i told my mother what happened and she went up there the next day and demanded that the sub be fired and removed from the staff...needless to say she never worked at that school again..cuz my mamma didnt play......LOL
