Hey, do you have an Xbox?

Yeah? Sweet!

Do you have Monday Night Combat?

What do you mean "no"?!

This is an outrage! Monday Night Combat is probably the best original game on the XBLA service right now, and let me tell you why.

It has sweet graphics! Yeah, they may be a little derivative of Team Fortress 2, but they're also derivative of Smash TV and who the fuck doesn't love Smash TV? Exactly.

It plays like hot sex! I'm serious. It's a class based third person team shooter. BUT WAIT. Don't walk off yet. It's way different to that. It's not about simply fragging the loving crap outta the blue team. Each team has a "moneyball" in their base and each base spawns endless robots that move toward the moneyball of the opposing team. Your job is to escort the robots there to smash the pinata like moneyball! Sounds simple, right?

WRONG!

Cuz you and the other team build defense towers along the route, so you gotta take that shit out too!

You can also kill other players, but, like, if you're doing that exclusively then you're playing wrong, unless you're an Assassin, but more on that later...

You can also upgrade YOURSELF! Thats right, you have four things that you can upgrade per-game through cash rewards, so you gotta be careful about how you spend that money. Paying for a better pew pew gun isn't gonna help if y'all got no towers protecting your balls. MONEYBALLS.

Did I mention moneyballs? FUCKIN' BALLS FULL OF MONEY! God damn that is pretty fucking sweet. Who cares about candy when you have MONEYBALLS!

So, there are classes you play as;

Assault: This dude is all about his sweet rifle and grenade launcher. He can also punch pretty good, which is super handy. And he has a fucking JETPACK!!! Who doesn't love jetpacks? Fuck yeah!

Tank: This bitch is hard to kill and comes with a sweet JET GUN. A GUN THAT IS A JET! Can you even imagine how sweet that is? FUCKING JET GUN! Whoosh pew pew!

Assist: Don't like shooting? This smooth son of a bitch is your dude. He heals the shit out of his team with a proton-pack like beam of love WHICH ALSO HURTS BAD MEN! That's right, it can be used to kill. If that's not enough you also get a shotgun BOOMSTICK. But wait, there's more. THIS GUY IS A L337 H4XX0R! He can fucking hack turrets to make them stronger or steal them from the other team. He also drops airstrikes and can deploy a fucking turret ANYWHERE on the field. GODDAMN!

Gunner: You like bullets, right? THIS DUDE HAS A MILLION BULLETS! And he shoots them from... DUAL CHAINGUNS! Oh god that is so sweet, right? SO SWEET! He can also become a human turret to pew pew all the bad mens and robots trying to break the moneyballs.

Sniper: Yeah there's a sniper, but fuck snipers. Camping twits need to die.

Assassin: Invisible up this bitch and stab dudes in the back. Who doesn't love that shit? I fucking love that shit. It's amazing. STABBA STABBA!


Also it has jiggle! This game has everything!





TL: DR - PLAY MONDAY NIGHT COMBAT IT IS FUCKING AWESOME!

 

Don't forget custom classes and how the Gunner is easily the best class there is. Flying pancake attack of DOOOOOM!

Also there is a level/rank system that shows nothing more than how long you've played the game yet people will confuse it with ability so create invisible legs to stand on while bitching about getting killed all the time.

P.S Rocket turrets are awesome!

 

Needs a balance patch, but I believe one is in the works!

 

Honestly? I thought it was pretty balanced, everyone always chooses different classes at the start. I really like the gunner  

Those blitz mode achievements seem the hardest.

 

Try running around as an Assassin and watch how many times you'll get killed after a backstab cuz there is no hitstun :/

Really annoying.

Also 2 Assist's can perma-spam airstrikes and shit.

 

I played the demo and enjoyed it might grab the full game.

 

Thanks for the update!

 

It is pretty sweet. It's fun stuff.

 

Got it. Love it. But also get exceptionally frustrated at times.

I've been playing as the Assassin and missing many Grapples and or getting grappled by my target from feet away and dieing. Fuck the Firebase turret too, that thing tears people up and can rape if placed in a good spot.

Gunner was my main but I love the quick and nimble classes in games like these.

 

Yeah man, Assassin needs a boost. Most missed grapples are lag though. Just spam the shit out of the button, dog.

 

No problem.
I know how you like to be updated on all the little aspects of my life.

 

YO DAWGS! PATCH INCOMING!

Uber Details New Monday Night Combat Patch and Teases DLC - Giant Bomb

Who wants to play (pre-patch) tomorrow night? C'moooooon!

 

twist you need to stop writing like a 5 year old

 

Going to play it and stuff

 

You need to shut up and learn what the shift key does  

 

You're crazy.... I like you..... but you're crazy.  

Can I borrow 15 bucks, so I can buy this? Can I borrow 1200 MS points then?

 

i know what it does bitch, god tier skillz

edit: why won't it let me use capitols!!! GODDAMN, there we go.

I KNOW WHAT IT DOES BITCH, GOD TIER SKILLZ

this is slightly embarrassing

 

If Twin Twist and Boardwise love it, I really have no choice, do I?

 

You do. It's a trap.

 

yeah, those guys loved lego star wars, so....