Mon-Musu Silly

Discussion in 'Transformers Fan Fiction' started by Meta777, Dec 31, 2016.

  1. Meta777

    Meta777 Dr Pepper Fan

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    Lil' paraphrasing of Parks and Recreation for fun.

    ---
    "So," Rachnera states, her calm tone and relaxed posture belying the tense air and seriousness of the situation. "Who broke him?"

    Around the kitchen table, the rest of the girls remain silent, expressions mingling between unease, confusion and lamentation. To the arachne's right, Meroune sits silently in her wheelchair, nervously easing webbed fingers through the long curls of her hair. To her left, Centorea is stoic, arms folded and expression stony. On the other side of the table, Miia has her hands clasped together in anxiety, biting her lower lip as she stares blankly ahead, whereas Papi simply seems unsure as to why she's here. The right end of the table, Lala is sat down, lower face hidden by her scarf and yellow eyes dispassionate, with Suu standing to her right and doing her best to emulate the cool aloof air of the dullahan.

    Upon the table itself lies the subject of their varying reactions; the man lovingly known as Darling (and various other monikers, essentially every name under the sun except his own). The poor man has seen better days, no doubt; his body is bent in on itself, crumpled and twisted like a pretzel, limbs left at unnatural angles and head tilted all the way around. Assuredly a far-cry from the normally human-like and perhaps even handsome frame he wielded. One might wonder if he was dead, broken and bent as he was, but his blank expression and soulless white eyes indicated mere exasperation. Well, if he were still alive, he wasn't saying anything, simply laying there in a broken heap and waiting for the girls to go through their little business before, ideally, they took him to the hospital.

    Throughout this moment of description, Rachnera's six crimson eyes sharply examine the other liminals, ever the spitting image of a spider waiting for the fly to drop into its web. It's not normally her who oversees these impromptu gatherings, looking over the others akin to a boss. Normally Miia is the one to instigate discussion and shenanigans amongst the girls, what with seeing herself as the undisputed leader of the bunch, or perhaps Centorea if she had some prudish matter to complain about. But now the aloof arachne has stepped up, and step up she will. When no-one sees fit to speak, she offers a placating comment;

    "I'm not mad, I just want to know."

    The expressions of her fellow inhuman females don't change, nor do their postures; they simply perpetuate their own awkwardness. Small wonder she is often frustrated with them; even ignoring the fact that they impede her efforts to seduce the man of the house, they can simply be quite infuriating with their stubbornness, obnoxiousness or plain dumbness. With an air of slight impatience, her eyes rove over them in her continuous search for elaboration, until finally someone reacts.

    "I did," Meroune speaks at last, her soft waifish voice quite loud with the passion of her declaration. Leaning up in her chair slightly, she raises a webbed hand to draw all eyes to her, letting all know who was responsible for poor Darling's predicament. Admittedly, the gesture would have been more impressive where she not confined to her seat, but the gleam in her eyes and the intensity of her expression more than make up for it. "I broke him-"

    "No, no you didn't." Rachnera sighs, rubbing a clawed hand over her face in exasperation. Meroune promptly deflates at the dismissal, adopting a rather dramatic pout at being shot down so quickly as she slowly lowers her hand. The other girls exchange bemused glances, never failing to be surprised at just how devoted the mermaid was to all things tragic and wrought with despair. No wonder she'd try and take the credit for Darling's unfortunate fate if it meant another terrible happenstance to fawn over.

    Well, with one contender down, Rachnera looks over the rest again and considers the possibilities. No-one ever wants to admit to hurting someone or doing something wrong, not if their life depended on it. Too much bad rep, you see. But then again, maybe it wasn't a matter of denial. After all, sometimes people do the wrong thing and simply don't understand that it was wrong. And with that in mind, the arachne knows one person who could absolutely mangle the poor guy in this way and then not understand the problem, or even remember what went down. And that person could only be-

    "Papi?"

    The harpy looks up on hearing her name, only to look hilariously offended when she realizes that the arachne is essentially accusing her of doing the deed. As all eyes turn to her, she puffs herself up in a futile bid to seem larger, wings raising up like a boxer's fists and brow furrowing in annoyance to further up the imposing edge. Though, any attempt from her to seem tough would always be mitigated by how small and adorable she was.

    "Don't look at Papi!" She huffed, challengingly looking at Rachnera as if daring her to come closer and say that again. And then that challenge tilted to the side, specifically to the reptilian liminal beside her, and her belligerent tone turned rather waspish as she added: "Look at Miia."

    Miia, content to have returned her attention to her mangled hopefully-soon-to-be-husband and get back to mourning him, jolts as if she'd been stung. Turning back to look the harpy dead in the eye, she takes just a second to comprehend her insinuation before she snaps: "What? I didn't break my Darling!"

    "Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know he was broken?"

    The lamia's jaw outright drops as she hears this, eyes widening in complete and utter disbelief. She keeps her eyes locked onto the harpy's, as if trying to comprehend how she could possibly dare to say such a thing to her, as if trying to understand what inane logic was driving her. The other girls admittedly have to restrain snickers, because any stand-off between these two rather ditzy and cutesy liminals is always entertaining, even in matters of seriousness.

    Finally, Miia regains herself, hands balling into fists and her tail flexing behind her like a whip about to crack, as she rears up over the smaller girl and vehemently snaps: "Because he's lying right in front of us and he's broken!"

    Indeed he was, twisted like a mishandled slinky, and surely his expression could not be any more exasperated.

    Papi, apparently satisfied with supposedly exposing the folly of the serpentine liminal, simply folds her wings and pointedly looks elsewhere, only offering one last comment to complete her little tirade;

    "Suspectus."

    "NO IT'S NOT!"

    "If it matters..." Suu speaks now, the slime focussing her green eyes upon Rachnera as she raises a translucent blue hand to catch her attention. Normally quiet and reserved, content to copy instead of to innovate, the slime seems to have found her contribution at last. As the arachne focusses on her, as Miia reluctantly returns to her passive posture, she idly shrugs as if said contribution wasn't even important and continues: "Probably not, but... Lala was the last one seen with him."

    Eyes widen, Meroune visibly claps her hands over her mouth, and the dullahan's head turns so fast that her neck dislodges and it winds up spinning on the spot. Irritably raising a hand to put her head back into place, her golden eyes narrow with a sharp sense of aggravation and the self-proclaimed goddess of death snarls with all the potency of the very depths of Hades;

    "Liar! I'm not even into that mortal harem nonsense!"

    Which is to say, an amusedly high-pitched rendition of her normally cool and soft voice.

    "Oh really?" Suu replies, the very temperature of her tone dropping a few degrees as she matches the infuriated glare of the self-proclaimed mistress of shadows with a cold gaze. "Then what were you doing snuggling up to him earlier?"

    Miia looks outright aghast right now, as she always does when her Darling so much as looked at another woman, and even Centorea seemed a touch sour. Lala stood up then, the chair thrown back and rattling at the speed and force of her ascent, and her scythe appears out of thin air to loom menacingly over her. Though the foul expression she wears is somewhat marred by her embarrassed flush, one can't deny that the very air seems to thicken around the dullahan and her very eyes seem to shiver with a dark presence as she offers a less squeaky and more intimidating retort;

    "I get close to him so to fuel my dark powers via absorbing the energy of his soul! Everyone knows that, Suu!"

    Though Miia and Papi are prompt to back off slightly, and Centorea slowly moves a hand down to the handle of her prop sword, Suu does not back down from the dullahan's formidable display. If anything, she seems to welcome the challenge from the self-proclaimed reaper of souls, eyes narrowing as the green tentacles forming her 'hair' start to writhe menacingly. But before conflict might break out, Meroune is prompt to step in and attempt to diffuse things.

    "Okay, okay, let's not fight! I broke him, let me pay for the hospital bills, Rachnera." She offers quickly, putting on her best smile and raising her hands in a placating manner in her effort to establish peace, the end of her sentence complemented by a pleading glance to the spidery female. It seemed a touch odd for the tragedy lover to try and keep the peace when feasibly she would relish in disorder and despair, but then again, perhaps it was because there was no spousal loss or cuckoldry or some other romantic blight to fawn over.

    But then the arachne tilts her chin up slightly, crimson eyes flashing and lips curling to show the whites of her fangs. Her expression turns as hard as marble, clearly and totally fed up with the nonsense perpetuating before her, and when she speaks, it's a cold and sharp hiss that has all of the rest tensing;

    "No. Who broke him?"

    Postures sag and expressions turn uneasy, as the other girls avert their gazes from the sextet of crimson eyes boring into their very souls. Lala sheepishly sits back down, scythe fading away into a black mist, and Suu withdraws her tendrils with an air of disappointment. Miia's gaze returns to her Darling, whereas Papi attempts to subtly gesture to the lamia. Meroune looks a touch disheartened, whilst Centorea is as stoic as ever. No-one says a thing, and it's all but a repeat of the conversation's start.

    All the while, Darling's mangled body maintains the dull expression of exasperation, eyes blank as ever. If he could offer any input into this conversation, it might simply be to cease the blame game and just get him to the hospital already.

    And then at last, Miia tilts her head up and looks directly at the arachne. Her golden eyes gleam with something akin to determination, zeal perhaps, and surely the serpent has something truly poignant to say. Not often she does, what with her shallow fixations on her Darling and being beautiful and being better than the others, but now she finally has something worth saying. Intrigue flickers in the arachne, a sense of curiosity as to what had provoked this change in the lamia, and she awaits the lamia's words with bated breath.

    "Rachnee..." She murmurs, almost a whisper, as if the importance of what she has to say demands the greatest poignancy she can muster. She leans forward a bit, almost conspiratorially, and completes her momentous statement;

    "Cerea's been awfully quiet."

    The centaur speaks at last, and boy howdy is it dramatic. She throws up her arms in complete aggravation, expression twisting from calm to anger, ears twitching fiercely and massive body shaking with infuriation, and it is topped by the words she screeches in utter rage;

    "Really?! Oh by Chiron, REALLY?!"

    "Yeah really! You haven' said anything, and you-"

    Miia's sentence was drowned out by Papi's shrieking, claiming that Miia was trying to throw the trail off of herself and that she was obviously the one to blame. Miia retaliated with her own shrieks, and Suu took the opportunity to renew her conflict with Lala, who was more than happy to deliver scathing retorts in response. Mero attempted to intervene, desperately trying to break up the arguing, but wound up sinking into it herself when Centorea threw a sharp insult her way. In the blink of an eye, all six of them were screaming at the top of their lungs, calling each other all sorts of names and terms, simply unleashing every petty insult they could think of to burn the others.

    As the arguing got more and more heated, Rachnera gave a low whistle, pulled Darling's crumpled body off of the table and then promptly scuttled away to the living rom.

    ---

    "I broke him," Rachnera confesses to the empty air, smiling to herself in the safety of the living room, Darling's broken body cast aside onto one of the couches as she idly examines the kitchen conflict through the open doorway. "He burned my toast, so I punched him."

    The sound of arguing was a colossal din, the other six liminals yelling at each other with such fervour that it seemed miraculous their throats hadn't given out yet. Some of them were red in the face, quivering and shuddering with the force of their shouting, and it seemed they were mere moments away from outright brawling. Though the noise was intense and rattling, Rachnera took it in stride, simply observing the fiasco unfolding before her with immense entertainment.

    "I predict ten minutes from now, they'll be at each other's throats with Suu on their faces and an orc's head on a stick," She purred, smile widening as she watched the piercing kerfuffle in the kitchen, before tilting her head to wink at Darling's mangled body. "Good. It was getting a little chummy around here."

    Darling offered no response save for perhaps a fervent wish to go to the hospital.