Has anyone else lost passion for the hobby in the wake of a bereavement?

Discussion in 'Transformers Toy Discussion' started by Such Heroic Nonsense, Apr 21, 2020.

  1. Such Heroic Nonsense

    Such Heroic Nonsense No!

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    Or alternatively, has the aftermath of a serious bereavement been helped by getting back into the hobby?

    Right now, I’m struggling to find the passion and interest in most things that interested me before: movies, favourite collectibles, writing fiction, art, music and TV shows (where only Better Call Saul’s amazing fifth season won that war … :eek: )

    The sudden and unexpected death of my mother on Feb 25th from Diabetes complications, exacerbated by the inability to give her a proper funeral due to COVID guest & wake restrictions, has pretty much trivialised everything in my world.

    As you'd expect from such an event, tbh. Those things no longer seem to matter because ultimately, by comparison, they don't.

    But I’m hoping this will change. Perhaps it might be useful to hear other people's stories? Don’t know.

    But anyway ... :confused: 
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2020
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  2. TGping

    TGping Well-Known Member

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    My condolences, but yes to all of that... with a slight change, instead of Saul keeping me grounded it was In a small way TFs. Just keeping up with releases was the only thing I did that was in the present.

    Like you, I stopped doing everything as well. I can tell you, it gets better. Just keep reaching out to people, even though it’s difficult for so many reasons right now.
     
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  3. ophyjgjhnfn

    ophyjgjhnfn Well-Known Member

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    With my aunt gone and her family and a cousins family under this thing, yeah, I kind of feel it. I had started a base in the garage using Nonnefs omega tracks and got most of my Autobot bases, the titans anyway, out and tracked and was starting to unbox TR leader bases but now? It all just sits out there and I try not to look at it when I go out there. Just, disappointing somehow. Feel I should finish or pack it up but can’t really bring myself to do either :/ there’s a whole lot of blah feelings for a lot of people right now. It feels like the world needs a hug desperately but, of course, we can’t :-(
     
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  4. fake

    fake Return to Innocence

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    I had not thought of it this way but now I think back, my grandfather's death in 2015, sort of slowed down my toy collecting habits ultimately ending it the next year. He was a big influence on my childhood buying me toys and books and taking me to places when I visited them during the summer holidays. In fact I have more fond memories with him than my own parents
     
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  5. Prime Noble

    Prime Noble Well-Known Member

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    Sorry for your loss.

    Closest I came was when the recession kicked in back in 2008. My brother lost his job and struggled to get employment for two years while paying a mortgage and their first child on the way.

    I felt guilty for spending money on toys while he struggled financially.

    At other times, I've found having this hobby a good way of distracting myself from bad times. In a world where we have so little control, it's nice to see the black and white simplicity of the Transformers. We know the Decepticons are the bad guys and we can make the good guys defeat them.

    I'm not trying to trivialize anybody's suffering but indulging escapism can help sometimes. It helped me when I got bullied in school and the weekly UK comic gave me something to look forward to.

    No matter the circumstances, I've found it's good to give yourself something to look forward to. Whether it's meeting with friends or treating yourself to a new Transformer.

    Exercise is also good. I jogged on and off for years. It often felt like a chore just going. I found the best approach was to not think, just go. And I ALWAYS felt glad I did it afterwards.

    We can feel guilty for any happiness in the wake of the suffering or loss of a loved one, but our loved ones want us to be happy.

    I'm sure your mother would want you to be happy.
     
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  6. Mirimus

    Mirimus Member Known Well

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    First, my condolences to the op.

    Outside of sports, Transformers was the only thing I liked a child that my dad really approved of. When he passed a little over a year ago, my collecting really ramped up. Equal parts trying to remember the good times and just trying to make myself feel better, I'm sure, but I reached a point around November where I had to slow down and realize that I was just indulging too much, and scaled back; with the uncertainty going on right now, I'm glad I did.
     
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  7. imfallenangel

    imfallenangel Well-Known Member

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    I've lost almost everything twice, but somehow managed to hold on to my collection, which was the only thing at times that would get me through such bad times..

    I lost several people of my family or close friends within a 3 year period.

    I had cancer during this.. and a few more things that I won't go into..

    So I did (and still) hit a lot of dark times, but yet, my collection was and still is part of my support system... I play with, fiddle with my figures, they aren't just glamorize book ends on shelves, I consider then toys as that's what they are, and could/can wrap myself in a five minute world that takes me away from the rest that simply sucks.
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2020
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  8. onnsake

    onnsake champ

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    As a matter of fact, just a week or two ago I posted something similar. This was a good friend, not my mother, so my deepest condolences go out to you. I can't imagine the pain of losing a parent, but as we all get older, it's just a matter of time and that terrifies me.

    Here's what I wrote:

    The Masterpiece Appreciation thread
     
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  9. Daedelus

    Daedelus Know sacrifice, know victory

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    My most sincere condolences. I wasn't a collector during the most emotionally devastating times with my loved ones.

    TLDWR; I like the "shelf theme" display and it accentuates the value of the piece and the whole because (and this is the biggest thing to me) it all makes sense.

    And that's what reverses the sense of powerlessness whenever things happen I can't understand. At least this thing I curate, makes sense.

    Once I started collecting TF's, I used to buy pieces that reminded me of my childhood before those moments. Its like they're a physical tether to the memory. But then I went through another year of anxiety, job stress, and I used release and shipping updates to kind of have something to look forward to.

    I realized that if I just collected cool but unrelated pieces, it would make me feel good about the piece but terrible about the collection. So I have a rule of 3, that there has to be at least 3 figures from a show/line that I like planned or already released before I buy it.

    It gives me something to look forward to if life sucks, something to plan and make my own, and also sets a limit.
     
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  10. DanC

    DanC Delightful person

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    I mean, these are toys, man. If they seem trivial in the face of big real shit like a loved one's death, that's totally understandable, they are trivial. And if they help other people get through tough times, that's reasonable too, whatever helps. But you don't need to wonder why you don't have passion for them at this moment, it's a completely reasonable way to react. You have bigger shit on your plate, you'll either come back to them when you're feeling better, or you'll move on to new passions.
     
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  11. mixelpix

    mixelpix TFW2005 Supporter

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    Heartfelt condolences. I can only imagine losing a parent like this. I'm no psychologist, but it sounds like you have some depression (which I've had some experience with). It's good to hear that you still have hope. It would probably help to talk with a professional. Do you have access to one?
     
  12. Primacron

    Primacron Well-Known Member

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    My condolences to the original poster.

    When I lost my Mum I did ease off buying a bit though I did keep on paying for preorders.

    One thing I found myself doing was to have a massive clear out of figures - I think it helped me focus on what was truly important.
     
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  13. Shakespearean Saurian

    Shakespearean Saurian Momentary Maximal

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    I’m really sorry to hear about your mom – it’s never easy to lose a parent. My condolences to you and your family.

    The way you’re feeling is absolutely normal. Take the time you need to grieve- however long it is – there is no timetable on grief.

    That being said, yes – in the past I have dropped some hobbies due to life stressors; some I came back to, others I didn’t. However, to be honest, I found the hobbies I gave up were ones I hadn’t been enjoying as much even before I dropped them. I find if I’m not enjoying something I can’t force myself to be interested in it. It’s ok to drop a hobby and come back to it later to see how you feel about it. Everything will still be there when you’re ready to try it again.

    One thing I would also say is that right now, don’t make any huge decisions (like giving away /selling stuff you think you might not want) - I made that mistake a long time ago and regret it.

    Am not sure if these if any of this helps in some small way, but that’s my :2c: 
     
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  14. fschuler

    fschuler Post Count Inflated With Hot Air TFW2005 Supporter

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    I’m really sorry, man. Losing people close to you can be a tough one to get through and it will take time. It can be a life-changing experience for sure. You just need to give yourself time to come to terms with it and adjust to the changes. It’s going to take time before life starts to feel normal again. Think about all the good times with her. Remember all of the things you learned from her. And, remember that she isn’t suffering any longer.

    I lost my Mom in August 2017. She was by far my most favorite human being, and I miss her every single day of my life. Losing her triggered a sort of mid-life crisis in me a few months later and I returned to this fandom and collecting after an 11 year “break”. I wasn’t searching for the past, exactly, I just wanted to be sure that I got to squeeze a little more joy out of life before my time comes as well.
     
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  15. Such Heroic Nonsense

    Such Heroic Nonsense No!

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    Thanks, fschuler, for sharing about your mum too. And to all who have expressed support and solidarity here.

    It means a lot, and I'll continue to read the responses, taking heart from what I can.
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2020
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  16. Motor_Master

    Motor_Master Lets the balls touch

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    I can't emphasize this enough. You just experienced a major life altering experience and it's going to take time. Day after day all you try to do is pick up the pieces and move forward one step at a time.

    We just lost my mother-in-law back in November. She lived with us since 2012 and for the last several years, our lives revolved around taking care of her, especially my wife's. As her health got worse and worse towards the end, I found myself with a bigger and bigger backlog of figures to open. Even now 6 months later I still have a back log of figures but it's shrunk quite a bit from what it was.
     
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  17. Houstonian Prime

    Houstonian Prime skilled tradesman

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    first off I'm sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine losing a loved one at this time. I understand that it's been very difficult for folks that have been unable to give their loved ones a traditional funeral service. my utmost and most heartfelt condolences go out to you, and your family. it's making me sad to write this. but with that comes strength, which leads to resilience. that my friend will carry you above & beyond any pain or sorrow in your heart. you're mom is a part of you, and you a part of her. I have faith that she will always be with you. remember the good times amd the difference she made in your life. I know it's hard but try and remain positive. I really do wish you the very best of everything in this world.

    a few years ago we almost lost my mom to pneumonia. she was knocking at deaths door. so in my mind I had to prepare for her passing. going to chapel every day, and ponder what life would be like without her. it was probably the most difficult thing I've ever dealt with. but she pulled thru and made it. at the time shed just recently gotten rid of hepatitis C that she had for 10+ years. that was a miracle in itself. but the damage was done. the pneumonia on top of all that was just too much. but thankfully by the grace of god and the wonderful doctors at the Houston Medical Center, she survived and is still with is today. isolated, but alive & well.

    now back to the topic. collecting. you mentioned about being down & out during times of bereavement.... well my story goes such as this... my grandfather passed away from cancer several years back. at that time I was a few years into collecting. and of course after grandad died I was bummed out for a very long time. grandad was my good friend, he a machinist, myself a welder. so working with our hands, we had that in common. nobody else in the family could say that. his passing would actually increase my interest level in collecting. because as it turns out, grandad was a collector. he loved 1:24 scale die cast cars. over the years hed always have a few on the shelves. I noticed them but never considered him to be a hardcore collector. but one day I was down at grandma's house, helping clean up the storage.. my grandma says "hey, come look at this" I go over and it was crates and boxes full of my grandfather's collection. it was at that moment I felt an extraordinary spiritual connection to my grandfather. the burden and sorrow lifted out of me instantly, i felt his presence. it was at that moment I realized where I get the collecting gene from. now between my grandmother and myself, we are maintaining his collection. we've passed some on to relatives. I've incorporated them into my transformers collection as well. got a few in the closet. so if anything I'm carrying on his pride and joy. turns out I've got a nephew that's into the same thing. loves transformers and cars. so more than likely he'll end up with my collection one day.. anyways hopefully now you can fathom how one mans passing, actually lead to so many other positive things... maybe take that into consideration when you're feeling bummed out. believe me I've been there. and my collection is what's getting me through all this stay-at-home stuff. so thankful to have a collection to keep my mind at ease..

    so with said I wish you (and everyone on TFW2005) a happy one, and a healthy one..

    take care y'all.
     
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  18. transmasterc

    transmasterc Well-Known Member

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    I lost both my Grandparents in 2001. Which is weird, my granddad died a week before 9/11 from colon cancer. My Grandmother died shortly there after. Didn’t slow down collecting for me. I believe my grandparents are in a better place. Also Star Wars was my main focus at that time.


    QUOTE="fake, post: 17832660, member: 102147"]I had not thought of it this way but now I think back, my grandfather's death in 2015, sort of slowed down my toy collecting habits ultimately ending it the next year. He was a big influence on my childhood buying me toys and books and taking me to places when I visited them during the summer holidays. In fact I have more fond memories with him than my own parents[/QUOTE]
     
  19. heltskelt

    heltskelt Well-Known Member

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    My deepest condolences. All I can add is that if these events redirect your focus elsewhere, it’s fine. This is a hobby, not an obligation. Many of us have set it aside for a while and returned later. I’m sure that once you process your feelings, you’ll return or find the things that bring you joy.
     
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  20. Pride21

    Pride21 Honor Wisdom Virtue

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    Both my mother and father were very encouraging of my hobby.

    My mother while out with my father would call the house and run off names of Transformers.

    After which would be followed by "Do you want any of the ones I mentioned?"

    One more for the proverbial road.

    While out buying clothes for my mother's funeral my dad bought me Classics Ramjet.
     
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