I don't usually talk about myself much, I don't really like to, and I know what great advice you guys give... Considered throwing this in the TFGD, but I hang around here more, so there's a better chance some of you might know who I am and get where I'm coming from... I'm also rambling a lot, sorry... Guess I should get on with the story. I was in physics class this afternoon, I was early, so I was waiting for my class to start. There was another girl there, and she got a text from someone. Her phone started playing (what she informed me to be) the Dr. Who theme song. She asked me how it could possibly be that I don't know the theme. I apologized, and offered her my knowledge of Transformers themes and TV shows, (I don't watch much TV, so they're the only ones I know) and she rolls her eyes and says "That's not something to be proud of, hun." So uh, yeah. I don't really know what to say. It was so rude (And strange, considering she's a giant Dr. Who fan. Also WTH at "hun" ) I don't know where to begin. This isn't the first time someone's made a comment like that, (I don't usually care, but she really embarrassed me...) my mother always discourages me from buying TF things (particularly comics), and the cousin I am closest to is concerned I won't "grow out of it." (Like, mental illness concerned. She's 30, btw.) It used to be really enjoyable to share with my peers, as they truly seemed to be interested, but now they just get really condescending or mean. I'm getting really sick of it and I just don't know how to deal with it. Though I am more than capable of being very assertive, I don't want to upset anyone. However, I don't want to be treated this way anymore. I don't want to be another sob story on the news because I'm being treated poorly by others. I want control of my situation, I want this to stop before it gets worse. Does anyone have any ideas? No, I will not hit anyone with a book. I am not that strong.
Unfortunately, getting through life without upsetting people is impossible. Unless you want to get walked over, which you've made clear you don't, you're going to have to learn to be assertive and risk upsetting someone. At this point I'm not too sure what else to say, but if you ever need to talk to someone I can be there for you.
1. Shrug it off. Social acceptance, in my experience, nadirs in those middle-to-highschool years. Later on, personal quirks become something of a benefit. 2. Enjoy your hobby, but don't let it consume you. It sounds like you have the awareness to realize the difference between an interest and an obsession.
I realized early on that I wasn't like the "other girls." I like sci fi stuff and that "Friends" crap bores the absolute hell out of me, everybody I've noticed has basically made that vapid show the new normal. She's probably just a bitch and mark it off as such. Think about it in these terms if the zombie apocalypse happened tomorrow, well then, guess it sucks to be her. You're a cool cat, don't worry about her. this actually reminds me of a time right after my first accident and my Dad was trying to cheer me up. He says to me, "I betcha don't know who's singing on the radio." and I deadpanned him back, "It's Perry Cuomo , Dad." He was mystified that I knew who it was, me too, actually. In other words Kid, it's going to come in handy one of these days, so don't sweat the small stuff. And I've read through your post a couple of times and one thing to keep in mind, be fair, be firm, and be consistent. See what you need are lessons in tact and that is an art form. Bone up on your verbal judo skills. http://www.verbaljudo.com/ And remember its okay to defend yourself and there is a difference between F you and F off.
I can count the number of people that I'm still in contact with from High School on a regular basis on one hand. In other words, don't put too much stock into what other kids think about you because chances are, once school is over you'll never see them again. And if they're not one of your friends or even close friends, then you shouldn't give a crap what they think anyway. As you said she's a huge Dr. Who fan, so who is she to judge someone else who is passionate about something "geeky?
Everyone mentioning not caring about other's opinions is right. Last thing you should worry about is someone thinking you're odd for liking TFs or not knowing the Dr Who theme.
You shouldn't be ashamed of your hobbies and what you enjoy, but at the same time you should also know how to laugh at yourself. Not that you should have in this particular situation. I went through periods where I hid my hobbies because I didn't want to seem "uncool" (Pokemon in middle school comes to mind), but eventually you learn to embrace yourself in such a way so that when you care to bring something up relating to your hobby or your behavior, you already kind of know what reaction you are going to get, be that good or bad, because you learn to understand your peers and read people in general. This sounds like it stung you because it came as a shock. Part of accepting yourself is accepting how you are perceived by others. For every nitwit that looks down on you or condescends because they deem any part of "nerd culture" as beneath them or immature, there is a person with whom you can enjoy your hobby with. Don't need anyone to fit into either category. If your priority is to be yourself to anyone and everyone, then be prepared to shrug off inevitable backlash. If your priority is to have the least amount of friction in your social interactions, then learning to be a chameleon is the only way to go and with our hobby, unless you KNOW you are around like minded people, the safe assumption is that you are going to be looked at a little funny. The best way to diffuse when you want to bring up your hobby to someone you can safely guess will find it obscure, it to beat them to the punch. all it takes is beginning a sentence with "I'm such a dork" or some such. A small amount of self deprecation goes a LONG way towards dismantling any potential jabs that might get thrown your way. It takes many years for most of people to learn to navigate their way through these things and strike a balance that works for them without constant struggle and strain. Most importantly, never forget to empathize, even with your abusers. You don't have to like or agree with how others act, but you should never look at their behavior purely in terms of how it affects you. Its the biggest mistake people make in life, forgetting to keep the conniving narcissist in us all in check. Anyways, that's how I decided to cope with my surroundings and I've learned to do more than cope, but actively enjoy things. I've gotten to the point where I can proudly talk about or display my collection to people who I know think I'm batshit nuts, but my attitude is such that they merely accept it, and if I do get the odd jerkoff who wants to make a snide remark, no big deal, depending on my mood I either let it slide or fire one back. Hope something in there or this thread resonates, because ultimately being so jilted by such a small thing, while understandably intense, isn't worth the premature wrinkles.
You shouldn't care what this girl or anyone says. Your cousin who is 30 doesn't know the world over in fact, it sounds like her view is of limited scope. Don't let other people ruin your interests for you. In your life others opinions about meaningless things like entertainment aren't worth your feelings. I know it can be tough feeling alienated from family or friends or the world in general but what young people really need to understand is that life starts after school. You are sort of in training now, going to school living at home and it may be hard to brush off the insults and feelings of being misunderstood by family etc. Once you move out and are doing your own thing you will think to yourself "jeez, I was so foolish when I was younger getting upset over some snarky girl who now has 3 kids with 2 different people and likes to wear ratty pajamas out in public". When I was young I was into graffiti. other writers were not friendly. Insults were common.. so were beatings.. beatings by 12 other kids. But you keep going. Some of the other writers are dead now or in prison does it matter now if they "dissed" my tag in 1989? Of course not. Life is full of obstacles try to thicken up your skin a little now so when things do get heavy and they get heavy for everyone at some point .. you'll be ready. Stand tall
I guess I'll have to. I'll wait until she does it again, though. No point getting in her face about something that happened yesterday. 1.My quirks were somewhat useful to me last year when I started at my new school, but after the weird hobby thing lost its gleam for some of them I fell into one group that stuck around long enough to notice that I do other things. (I'm good at science [I take all three classes], and I'm in Honours English. I speak 4 languages. I like to build models and do 3D art but I didn't have room for the class because science. I'm on the rowing team. I do a ton of volunteer work, too.) I do have friends, they do respect me, and I'm doing okay, but (yes, here it comes) there's a group of screechy sporty girls that are too busy catching up with the bachelor (how cliché, I know.) to notice I do other stuff than play with robots. This girl isn't really one of them, so her comment caught me off guard. I'm just worried all the things I endured at my last school will come back to bother me here. I suppose if I continue to allow them to be rude to me, they will only get worse. 2.Unfortunately, I don't really have a way to gauge my interest, as I have no one to compare myself to. Based only on the other members of this site and my own judgement of myself, I would say that I'm slightly more than casually interested. I don't have a million toys and I don't have limited first edition Japanese sets or every single comic, I haven't written a giant 2,000 part fanfic, or anything like that. I watch Prime, I keep up with MTMTE, and sometimes I buy robots. I'm also fairly certain that because it's such a bizarre hobby for a girl to have, it is automatically considered incredibly strange. It is my family's opinion that, at my age, I should be interested in boys, not boy things, and that therefore there is something wrong with me. (This has not been outright said, but is implied.) EDIT: Er mah gerd where did u all come from? Thanks for being here.
You should be interested in whatever it is you are interested in. Transformers and whatever else are just things that exist in the world there's no rules saying who can and can't like or do whatever they want to. To push this point I'd like to attach this photo of my friend kate the best bike mechanic in NYC
I like to tell people that life's too short to worry about what others think of you and it's true. It's better to live happy and friendless than miserable so you can be part of the crowd. You will find others who share your interest or don't care if you like TFs or not. In the meantime do what you like and do them proudly, as long it's not illegal of course.
Tell her Optimus Prime would kick the shit out of the Daleks. Dr. Who might have a sonic srewdriver but Dr. Ratchet has a sonic jackhammer. She'll be in tears.
So seconded! GFH....just remember, some people will resort to insults when they don't know what YOU are talking about...rather than they admit their lack of knowledge they try to make others look dumb or stupid. It's true, you have 2 choices, turn the other cheek..walk away...or fire back with something cheeky. I like cheeky. You can always use this wonderful line from Uncle Bill Shakespeare: “I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed!” ― William Shakespeare
