Discussion in 'Transformers Fan Fiction' started by optimegatron, Jun 21, 2012.
I'll get a review up for you sometime between now and Sunday afternoon.
Any progress on Deceptive Beginnings? Please remember that the stories are not ordered chronologically, and are meant to be one-shots.
It's Friday, and this week we're moving from the snowy lands full of mercenaries, to Cybertron, in the origin story of how the Decepticon Uprising began, and beyond.
Deceptive Beginnings is essentially a collection of character-based stories, all of which, as the title suggests, Decepticons.
The story is overall well constructed, with the some buildup to the reveal of who this story's protagonist is, you're left waiting until it finally hits you, either before, or after you read it; it definitely deserves credit for the first sequence tricking you for a while, until the character reveal bursts in your face. I loved it.
The story begins in the pre-Great War era on Cybertron, and continues into the War for Cybertron, clearly inspired by the TF novels Exodus and Exiles, and it does it justice, while being different enough to be its own thing. It's pays off to read through the carnage of the invincible characters only to find out, they're not so invincible after all. The stories managed to surprise me a few times, and deliver a cool mix of dark and war with the Transformers element that we come to this section to read about.
The first story is my favorite, definitely, featuring the coolest reveal and most interesting buildup to it. The other two tie in at second, but that's only until the next entries arrive.
But, after mentioning the reveals and twists that occur often in these stories, even while they are pretty fun, they lose their special touch after a little. There's only so many times you can introduce a Transformer by his color scheme until it becomes pretentiously stale.
In summary, the story department is sure to satisfy fans of the Aligned continuity, and is a cool story that pays off in the form of expanding the lore for another story, but that's not what we're reviewing right now. The fact that every character is built up to is exciting at first, and becomes more of a guessing chore later on draws it back from greatness, but it's certainly a tale worth taking a shot at.
The writing in this fanfic is mostly good. The grammar works, some errors here and there, but nothing major. The stories are written well, and are compelling to keep reading, despite the occasional nitpicky mistake.
This is a story that takes some cool characters from Transformers history and butchers them before your eyes in such grace that you begin to like the Decepticons being the focus of these stories. The stories give you a clearer look at these characters' origins and some really cool elements that connect really well from a series of one-shots, into a story.
Deceptive Beginnings/Ironhide1706: 8.5/10
Some repetition and predictability that makes it drag on a bit, this is a good story that is worth a read.
Thank you very much for your review! I understand the repitition problems, and I will seek to fix those in my next installment.
This week, we switch over to Maximals and Predacons, in this desperate version of the war that everyone loves.
The story in this fanfic is set in a universe where the Predacons have basically won. The Predacons have claimed many planets across the universe, and the Maximals are forced to take refuge in colonies far beyond Predacon reach. The plot deals with SilverBlade, a Maximal who has returned from "A Cybertron not controlled by Predacons, but Maximals.". What this means, I won't reveal, but there's some interesting concepts presented in this fanfic.
From a story standpoint, this fanfic works well with the concept that the bad guys have control of everything and are free to destroy whatever they want. The early portion, especially gives you that feeling that the Predacons are respected out of fear and that they have no mercy for anyone who break their rules.
The setting, a universe with all hope sucked from it, gives a sense of desperation, with the Maximals in hiding and few in number. However, SilverBlade's return, the main focus point in the story, is more than enough to present the flipside, the realization that maybe it's not all lost.
The length of this fanfic is substantial, and satisfying. A length of over 35,000 words, that from start to finish covers everything you want resolved in this story. Some plot elements feel like cheap quick fixes, and plot holes generate often, but that's to be expected from any story, and while it's there, and is annoying at infrequent times, the issues barely take away from the story that deals with both the personal and political aspects of the situation, and that's something to give it props for.
The writing, while not horrible, is probably the part that makes the story issues seem minor.
Changes of tense at random times between past and present are bothersome, and some grammatical errors take away from what could be a really awesome story.
The Return of SilverBlade is a fanfic that, while it fails to provide on the grammatical level, it manages to make up for it when it comes to the story.
Return of SilverBlade/SilverBlade: 7.5/10
What's the list status? I'm working on Azubots, my Azumanga Daioh/Transformers crossover. I'm shooting for five pages a 'skit', to take a break from my more serious story. Mainly because my mind isn't in the right place right now.
It'll be added in the list once you provide a link to the finished thing
The list is narrowing, I've marked what fanfics I've reviewed and which I didn't, so now it's more organized.
Thanks for the review. I knew it wasn't perfect, but I'm happy I got 7.5/10
Prime Effect 3 is complete and ready for review.
I'd be more than happy to receive some reviewing feedback on my http://www.tfw2005.com/boards/transformers-fan-fiction/852932-spotlight-starscream-script.html
Oh, me, me, I'll do it!
. Grammar and other literal tools are used well; no mistakes identified, is any to be found at all. Satisfying to read, easy to follow. Well done.
. Synopsis; Starscream muses on past and present and how circumstances led him to both his position and his pursuit of leadership.
. It's a very interesting and wonderfully depicted read; a nice insight into the life and times of our favourite back-stabber. We see how his resolve changes and adapts to new circumstances, how his previous faith in Megatron is replaced with his own goals and how he is willing to tolerate even an Autobot to further his plans. My only complaint may be that the confrontation between Starscream and Overlord seems rather anti-climatic and perhaps unseeming of the general view of Overlord, but I suppose it works for the story at any rate.
.Very nice; I do enjoy past muses from character
.Pacing is wonderful, shifting from past to present smoothly and telling the major parts of Starscream's story along the way, from first contact with Soundwave to his arrival on Earth. Scenes are engaging, do not drag, and soon efficiently shift to the next one. Starscream's story is quite gripping.
Personal Notes: A pretty awesome story, portrayed neatly as script, if I do say myself! Very well done; I enjoyed it more than I first expected!
So, um, I don't suppose anyone is willing to do a review of the first two 'episodes' of my newest project, Transformers Meta?
If anyone could review my first ever fic, it'd be great. I realise that I'm missing out the summary so I'll get that fixed ASAP with my partner.
So by the looks of it I've got to get to work. On it guys.
Edit: Okay, I was a bit of a jerk and missed eagc's review by two days. I am a horrible person and I'm sorry. BUT. To make it up to you, I'll review two fanfics today. Because I'm cool like that.
http://www.tfw2005.com/boards/transformers-fan-fiction/343497-transformers-marvel-continuty-5.html#post7464935: Earth Protectors/eagc7
Earth Protectors is essentially a readaptation of Revenge of the Fallen. Yes, you heard it correctly. Revenge of the Fallen. This fanfic was, originally, written as a stop-motion, but was later converted to fanfiction along with the deletion of the stop-motion version.
Now, the story is quite different overall than the actual movie version, and that's not necessarily a good thing. When your fanfic is not as well paced as ROTF, you know you're on the wrong track.
First, the characters. You have your usual cast of Sam, Optimus and Bumblebee, but also a lot of new ones such as Incinerator, Wheelbot and Knock Out. The characters are flat and some of them randomly appear for a second before they are left behind either for a long period of time, or they just never come back; it doesn't do much help that everyone's dialogue is boring and everyone speaks like they're bored, always cut to the chase, no small talk or anything. It's boring and most of the characters are just not necessary.
The pacing is not as horrible, but it's not amazing either. The scenes always, ALWAYS, cut quickly (That might be the fact that it was translated from a stop-motion into a fanfiction... Stein.. Thing.)
So, in a nutshell, the story is about the quality of ROTF if it was turned into a stop-motion then turned into a fanfic.
Well, it's readable. Kinda...
All kinds of issues on this one. First, it's written like a transcript, meaning there's more dialogue than actual description of what's going on. That is inconvenient because the descriptions of what's going on are usually the best written parts of the story. Grammar Nazis will go to war when they read this, and people who aren't will be turned off, if not repulsed, by the lack of effort put into this. Seriously, some characters are called by their nicknames, only to later be called by their full names, ad infinitum. It feels lazy and like it was just rushed to be made into a fanfic because there's no point.
The Transformers/Marvel Continuity: Earth Protectors: 3.5/10
With all honesty here, guys, go watch a stopmotion. Whatever it is, it's probably better than this. While it gets points for the overall concept and the fact that the story's at least interesting to read, the execution and abysmal writing are just making it something that no one is going to enjoy, and it's not worth a read.
Tune in later today for the next fanfic I will be reviewing. It's a mystery!
Correction, its not. my real adaptation of my ROTF comes after my Tales of the Fallen story is done. (my rotf adapatation will also bring an end to Phase 1, before starting what i call the Marvel Phase, Phase 2)
but thanks for the review , btw reason it feels like a transcript and also reason its rushed and also the bad grammar is because i simply used the old script i wrote in 2010 (my story pacing, writting and such wasnt good back then). instead of re-writting all of it, like i did with Prologue and Transformers, because i was lazy and was more focused on my Tales of the Fallen stop motion which was still in the filming process back then in March 2012, so i wanted to get to work on tales quickly, so instead of re-writting it i simply used the old script i had in my files, for save time so i could work on Tales of the Fallen without any delays. i only re-wrote the first part of the series. cause it didnt fit the overrall continuity of the fanfic universe (while it did fit the stop motion one), also since it was a old script i had somewhere in my computer thats also why i mainly called the characters by their nicknames, back then i reffered to them by their nicknames while writting the story. plus back in 2009, this was originally supposed to be a collaboration with other 2 users on youtube, i wrote and made one part and they did they the other parts and vice versa but they started to get busy with stuff, resulting in a troubled production. (which also led to an annoying 1 year production hiatus) so i had to do all myself, but since i didnt came with a full story, i had to come up with something quickly cause i wanted to finish this series soon as possible. which explains the rushed story too. (but at least it allowed me to introduce the first character for Phase 2, Tony Stark/Iron Man)
in my honest opinion i dont consider my Phase 1 stories to be my best work considering they were written back in 2009-2010 (expect for ROTF which started writting in April 2011) and as i said my story pacing, writting and such wasnt good back then, only Phase 1 story i did tried to put a bit more effort was my real adaptation to ROTF, but i am still not sure if its going to be good, but we will see.
If someone could give me some constructive criticism/feedback on my Fan-Fic Return to Cybertron that would be great! It only has 3 chapters so far, but the advice I get could help me write some more.
Look at the queue, brother, post #85. You're up next. I was going to review your fanfic today, but I don't think I've got the time, so I'll just whistle this away and do it tomorrow.
Okay that's fine! I don't mind waiting, so take your time!
Apologies for the wait, Transformerwars.
"Shattered Bonds" - a Shattered Glass-based one-shot by Transformerwars
“Sorry, bro. Just know it’s nothing personal, only business.”
The beginning and the end of this story revolve around this line. A worthwhile read for any fan of the Shattered Glass concept, Shattered Bonds gives a glimpse into a possible reality where the war on Earth between the Autobots and Decepticons is waged anew; but with the aggressors and defenders flipped.
Story: The first thing that comes to mind was how well-thought out this was. Deep enough for a one-shot, but not too complicated. Though it isn't a long story, it never shows poor pacing, nor does it rush or meander to its conclusion. You are left with a satisfying conclusion to a rather grim tale told by the "evil" Autobot Sideswipe. You feel for the character and wish you could reach into the story and just rescue him.
Grammar, Word Usage, and Formatting: All-in-all, the grammatical usage and word usage are very well done, not too difficult nor too easy. Much like the story, it's easily fitting for it's target audience of 13-17, and is written strong enough to likely appeal to older audiences as well.
That being said, there were some formatting problems here and there, and some punctuation errors or misuse. Some of these make some areas difficult to read, but for the most part don't conflict with the story, and just about all of these could easily be solved by having a competent proofreader look at it before it's posted.
Tone & Setting:
As mentioned before, the story takes place on Earth; in New York City to be exact. While exact locations are mentioned and used, I feel very much that it could've been any major US city if it weren't for that fact. A little more detail, or more reason for it to be New York would've been nice and have helped with the immersion, though again, that's more of a luxury.
This story is dark, very dark. Without spoiling anything, the main character has several bad things happen to him, that result in some pretty severe circumstances. I would not recommend it to younger readers, but I doubt it was intended to be done as such in the first place. At no point does it confuse it's target audience, staying strictly within the parameters of Dark, Movie-Esque Shattered Glass.
Characters & Dialogue:
Let me preface this with: It's Shattered Glass, therefore the characters must be reviewed more for execution than accuracy. And to keep from spoiling the read (given its short length), some specifics won't be used.
The Decepticons & Humans, the little time spent with them, felt very spot-on, and individual. While the humans felt a little flat, they weren't the focus of the story so that was understandable. The Decepticons featured each felt like their own characters, if slightly generi-heroes. Not necessarily a bad thing, with how much time they had, it'd be difficult to make them feel otherwise.
To the real meat of the story, we have Sideswipe and the Autobots. Sideswipe is characterized perfectly as a story's protagonist. While he's a villain, you care for him, his struggles, and what happens to him in the course of the story's events. The other Autobots (w/ one in particular), contained better characterization than the Decepticons in terms of individuality and originality, but it's obvious that one of them received more work than the others.
If you're a fan of dark, gritty, Shattered Glass-Based, Transformers action, I can't help but recommend this story. Very well-written and well-described for its length, there aren't many faults in its design. Most, if any, faults you can find would be based on your tastes and opinions. If Transformerwars ever chooses to write more fanfiction (Please do!), I'll gladly read it based on this story.
"Shattered Bonds" Final Score: 9/10; 4/5; A-
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