i think here it all boils down to each individual's personal experience, an maybe some luck, maybe all of that paired with me giving up too soon, who knows, but the point remains, how the hell can a 30+ old dude get to date anyone while being as weird as one can be, annoying and disliked(again, check all my posts and replies in these same forums to see what i mean by that), that is also half a geek half a weeb, with all the negative perception those 2 titles carry

 

I looked at your activity and posts and I didn't see anything that looked bad in any way... I see your opinion being stated on some items which are all fine and you trying to have fun with this hobby... all good.

You have to consider that one of my regular point is about the geek chic, and whenever I go to a local event with all the cosplayer and "regulars" and what I see is people looking for something to belong to, it's looking to stand out and "fun", and even on here, I will be polite and understand that some people do enjoy TFs but between the line, some posts do scream to me about such member being here because they think it's "cool" to like TFs and in the end, it's just a medium that they could flip to just about anything else and they'd be the same. So many time I see "what being a collector" being debated and I hold my tongue.

So you might think that you're weird compared to other people around you and you're probably right, but you have to define what this being weird is about, what appeals to you for being as such... it comes down to what I said earlier, the soul searching, the looking at yourself, and in the end, one needs to be their true self and not care about what anyone things, and stop with the labels... as honestly, anyone that uses a single label to wrap who they are around it ends up being nothing but someone looking to stand out and get attention.

So it comes downs to who you are, not care about such things... if you believe that you're annoying, think hard about why you say this, and if it's what defines you or what you want to be and work on figuring that part of you out. Same for the dislike thing, etc.

As my previous post, I've been a "black sheep" and the weird one that never fit in any group at all and I would have stories for weeks to tell you of everything I had to deal with all my life. But I learned that I was as good as I can be and did offer more than most, and it took me until I was in my thirties too to meet my wife... and for her, it was because I was "real", because I knew who I was and offered, and she knew that I hadn't figured everything out (by far), and still today, I'm still a big kid that still doesn't get so much, but I try as much as I can every day. But I lived hell and back so many times, but then I lived exceptional that as I said, most people say that I should write a book about it. But I digress...

To share my experience is to say that when I met my wife, she was living a fairly typical life in just about every way, and she had no issues with my hobbies because I still was "serious" and was a very responsible person... But in time she discovered "my world" in the way that she was drawn to many things herself, and discovered for herself that she had been limited to her "normal" world because that's all she knew and what most people do like going out like an adult to restaurants, bars, etc. and so on that are the "commercial" of what a "great adult life" is all about... Without any pressure from my side she saw that instead of empty drinking and such (the standard glass of wine to unwind mentality), you could enjoy so much more, including different cultures, and so on. (for me it's not just the "geek" stuff, but touching into more such as international cultures, food, arts, etc.) And as a person what I offered was more than just myself, but to expand herself, to learn about herself and not limit her thinking...

So that's why I've stated that it's about you, the person that you are, and make yourself someone that you want to be with yourself before even considering bringing someone in your "world"... then it's about knowing your worth, and being aware that it will take the time to meet someone special that will see this and appreciate it... and that will take the time that it will take but it's about finding someone that will add to your life and not just anyone because... what I've always told people is that I would rather be alone than with the wrong person, and always advised people to do this.

I did hit rock bottom a few times and the last time was when I realized that I just had to be happy as I was, be the best that I could be, and then put myself out there because I wanted to have someone to share life with (beyond my children)... so I did the phone chats, the internet adds, I walked up to women and asked them out but always with the mindset that if that woman wasn't right, it wouldn't work out and that was fine, and never would I "fight" to keep someone, the moment any would do any sort of mind game, I was done. Note that it took me a lot of soul searching to get to the point that I could do this, but in time I was a stronger person for it... I knew that I was worth it and it was up to the woman to see that... and my wife did.

It wasn't easy mind you, and the real hard part was the work I did on myself to cast away all of the issues that I could and make myself into the person that I am still today. Without that, there's no way that I would have known how to be in a true relationship. My wife wasn't at the same point but she absolutely wanted everything that I could offer and she grew as a person in the same way I did, with me supporting her, not changing her, letting her make her choices, etc.

I just want to give you a perspective and hope and I do hope that I am helping with these posts...

 

Oh man, filters are another reason dating online has become more complicated. Luckily I was done before Instagram.

I mean we had cropping your ex out like this profile pic a decade ago



And if you weren't that attractive, you'd take pics of yourself from a distance


Faking your pics these days has gotten way too easy.

 

Dating... fucking gross. I've pretty much lost all interest in romantic involvement. I don't have the time or the resources to invest in another human being. Taking care of myself, my kiddo and my glorified roommate.... until the economy stops being stupid I'm not even considering anything like that.

 

well, you could be one of the few that do not take my opinion as something bad, again it might be just bad luck, and i that havent interacted enough people that share my points of view
but at least on the fandom on internet i have been since 2006, and you can believe me if you want, but i have decades of experience being hated by a good portion of the "spanish speaking" transformers community, and i have lost all the "friends" and acquaintances i have made all over the years, people just suddenly stopped talking to me, right now i have ...3 to 5 friends in all social media and that is counting my sister, not a competition about having it worse or anything, im just saying that at least the "spanish and latin american" transformers communities are less...open, you either like what everyone else does or you are ostricized, in fact 2 of my friends got out of the transformers fandom completely because of the same, one can't like anything that is not the usual, g1, beast wars, idw, (and has to bow down to our hasbro overlords)
so what im saying is, maybe it has something to do with me living in latin america, where at least on the "transformers side" where people is ...well, zealots, and in general people isnt as open to other's opinions, at least the people i have interacted with, so like i said before, might be just a combination of bad luck, giving up and all sort of other circumstances

 

My biggest problem is kids. Way too many women where I live have young kids. And not just one, around where I am it's like a minimum of 3 or more. The only reason things were different with my late girlfriend is that her kids were grown. That I can tolerate. I prefer to date older women anyways.

 

my dating advice would be that you act the opposite of this

 

Nah, be yourself or the best version of yourself.

It's a reflection on the poster's self esteem more than anything.

Run for the hills!

 

When it comes to point of view, you mean relating to TFs? or more in general.

For forums, I used to be in a few other ones than this and I learned a lot from them, something that carries through to all forums... lots of people are close-minded, many believe themselves witty (and have sheeps that will jump in), the wannabe internet experts, and so on, and at some point, it's more on such people than on you. Myself, I wanted and tried to avoid the ignore button but at the end, it's not worth my time, every second that I wasted on such people is a second I regret wasting, and I must have a good 20-30 people on my list now and some days I could add a few more easily... it's the same in life, I've kicked out ALL of my family as they were all manipulative and users, some more than others, some were just liers, but in the end it that life is too short, and it's about what I said : better alone than with the wrong person, which also applies to anyone, be it "friends" or "family".

But for forums, I've had people pull me into the stupidest stuff and I've had to learn to just walk away as that's how these people make themselves feel superior, it feeds them.

And it is the same in the dating world. A lot of people are just like that and that's why I learned to walk away, to not lose sleep over. If the person isn't right, it's not worth the "fight" or any of my time, and I will always recommend that if you truly are a good person and have something to offer, then you should just work on yourself and be the best that you can be, and just go out and try to meet someone, at some point, all that's needed is to find that "one" that will see the person you are and what you offer.

But again, it comes down to who you are, if you work on yourself and what you want out of life.

For opinions, hell, read the debates that I've been in... I always try to be polite, informative, unbiased, and I've hit the worst of some debates, the worst is when I see a few like-minded people that jump in and they feed each other, and that's were I wish that I didn't even bother, as in the end, it's a freaking forum (I've even ended up deleting all of my related posts more than once, just to close it down), it really means nothing to argue with such people that believe that they know better... It comes down that such people must have nothing in their lives to be as rude, argumentative and such as some are. Dear God, to believe that knowing some sort of "hidden" fact from a comic or cartoon is important enough to be a jerk about it... hell no. :-D To repeat the same crap that they read from another wannabee know-it-all that is stating opinion as fact, it's a joke.

But still if you relate these sort of things into the dating world, that might be a part of your troubles... this is a hobby, and you might be passionate about it, but there's so much more to life than this (I dare say surrounded with hundreds of figures) and that simply "life".

I believe that I've very passionate about my hobby, hell, I've been collecting for over 45 years, and way before the internet, before the geek chick, before most members were even born, and look at the effort I've put in my "True Origin" story... but it's just one part of me, my passion to explore new cuisine, new music, learn about just about anything, and to care about the people that do matter, that's what and who I am, and that's the part that I've stated about... if you want to meet someone to share life with, one should not assume that they are "entitled" to have such, they need to be someone that is worth having in their lives, to be someone that's solid, that hold the key to a world that's worth living in.... only then can you go and reach out and open the door and see who would want to be part of that.

It's not easy, but no one can find true happiness with someone else like that, it's about being complete as a person first, and then finding someone that you can share that world with... and that's why I believe that so many have trouble finding someone to share their lives with... because they don't have such a world around them but expect that meeting someone with be that "fix". Those that do tend to be the relationships that fail.

 

I have seen guys that are very short, conventionally-unattractive, poor, no car, immature... all of those things, and they somehow managed to hook up with pretty women. Some of my friends actually lol. It defies what I once thought about attracting women.

They never let those earlier mentioned percieved flaws hold them back.

 

the reason i started to believe what people said was because it wasnt only on the internet, it happened in school, highschool, college, even my mother and sister have told me "to act normal" from time to time, one starts to really think, its not completely untrue what people say about me
while i would LOVE to find someone that likes transformers as much as i do (i used to talk with women that did, although never tried a relationship because, well, most of them live in mexico or spain so, yeah, quite far apart from where i live, and even then, they also stopped talking to me, happened with 90% of the people i used to talk to, even people i chatted everyday with
the worst part is, near my house is the university campus my sister attended to, and one sees people go in and out, and talk and most are so...shallow, superficial, and then what hurts me the most is seeing cute women obviously dating with dudes that are as ugly on the inside as they are on the outside (one can clearly tell, the way they talk the way they act) one has to wonder, how much money they have because they clearly aren't attractive by any means, of course i dont want JUST a girl that is cute or sexy or attractive, whatever one "considers" average is fine by me as long as she is honest, and of course, someone i can talk with, spend time and love and be loved by, but once again, i seem to drive people away, be that what people say or think about me is true or not, im not what most people consider pleasant to be with, which i think is worse than just being ugly

i mean, i would totally use dating apps but, what would my profile say?

 

I grew up being called "psycho" and worst by my siblings that caused nothing but hardships and was an absolute reject (and always being pulled into fights, but that's another story) at school throughout primary and high school (trust me, it went to pretty insane levels)... as I stated earlier, I have stories to fill a book.

So yeah, I know what it's like to be surrounded by the fake and shallow, and like you said, I could never believe how just about every girl would go out with the garbage guys they did.

It comes down to that whole confidence that some have, and just the "vibe" that some put out that managed to suck others in...

I didn't have any of that, and again, so many stories, and I hated life as a whole as I couldn't understand what the hell I was doing so wrong or what the hell was wrong with me.

It might be the "mean" part of me but whenever I see or learn of anyone that treated me bad or flat out rejected/ignored me, I usually learn that they had a completely empty life, aren't happy, etc. and I look at it as "well, too freaking bad for you, you kinda got what you deserved for how you were" and that's the end of it... I don't feel much for them... I'm more annoyed by those that have had an easy life and rant about how "hard" they believe they had it.

But to what I stated earlier, if you offer something of value, something good, and the other person doesn't see it, try to see it as "oh well too bad, it's their loss" and move on. I stated earlier about so many "used" me as their shoulder to cry on, as their support, etc. and then I was nothing, forgotten. And I don't really care about that, I gather that I had a role in their lives, I touched them in my own way that was it, my part was over and it was time to move on.

All you need is to find the people that really realize who and what you are.... I only have had two real friends that came along in my life (both are long stories) but they know the real me and know that their lives are better for it... one is similar to me and tried to help others so much and got burned so crazy hard that at some point he had a moment that he started believing that I was like the others as he couldn't believe that he could trust anyone anymore... he then realized that I wasn't like the others and thanked me in his own way and just like any relationship, he realized that it was all about trust... friendship or love, trust is always the biggest thing.

So what could you put in a profile... just who you are, no filters, no making it better than it is, just be honest about everything. Instead of just making yourself sound "good", make yourself sound real. Put down what you offer, what you're about, the world that you have around you... stuff like that.

It's better to get just a few responses in time that are "real" than just a bunch of anyones that simply would reply to a not-honest profile.

 

For the first time since my girlfriend died I've found someone who I want to be with but can't have. Life sure has a sick sense of humor.

 

what happened?

 

Probably some dude bitten into an unpitted date. Dropped a flurry of mother f- & c-bombs. Wasn't a good experience. It's a risk you take with dates.

 

oh, i though he meant that we said something against the rules in this thread

 

The best advice I can give is just to be honest, open and sincere. You’re only going to be happy with someone who likes you for you. The real you. And, don’t waste time worrying about what people think.

 

Another piece of advice to add: Never simp/fall for someone if they can’t or won’t reciprocate it back. What could be never translates well sometimes.