Cybertron's Finest

Discussion in 'Transformers Fan Fiction' started by Scorpibrunt, Apr 13, 2020.

  1. Scorpibrunt

    Scorpibrunt Well-Known Member

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    Hi everyone. I posted part of a Transformers play that I made some time ago on this website, but now I added to it and gave it a title: Cybertron's Finest. It's a police-centered story following Prowl and his partner Streetwise. Stay safe, everyone, and without further ado here it is:

    SCENE 1

    PROWL and STREETWISE, two police officers on the planet Cybertron, wait for their commander, OPTIMUS PRIME, to assign a mission for them to undertake.

    PROWL

    (walking into the briefing room)

    I wonder how Optimus needs us today.

    STREETWISE

    (also walking into the room along with Prowl)

    As long as it involves catching criminals, I’m in!

    He pulls out his triple-barreled shotgun and pumps it.

    OPTIMUS PRIME

    Streetwise, that’s enough. Your assignment for today is to investigate the theft of several weapons from the Iacon Armory. If they fall into the wrong hands, the Cybertronian Wars will start all over again.

    STREETWISE's eyes widen, as do PROWL's.

    STREETWISE

    Wait, the armory run by Wheeljack and Shockwave?

    OPTIMUS PRIME

    Yes. The very same one.

    PROWL

    But I thought only Wheeljack and Shockwave had access to it...

    OPTIMUS PRIME

    Whatever the cause, time is running out and you two must find and recver the stolen weapons before the Decepticons use them to free Megatron.

    PROWL

    You can count on us, Optimus.

    PROWL and STREETWISE transform into car mode and race towards the Armory.

    SCENE 2

    As PROWL and STREETWISE arrive at the armory, they transform back to robot mode and are greeted with a horrifying sight.

    STREETWISE

    (eyes widening)

    The door’s been blasted apart!

    WHEELJACK, the manager of the Armory, walks up to the two officers.

    WHEELJACK

    Whoever stole the weapons must’ve wanted them badly. Nobody could blast through those doors before!

    PROWL

    (Analyzing the ruined doors)

    From the looks of it, gamma energy was used to break the doors apart. Wheeljack, may I check your inventory to see what was stolen and what may have been used to break into the armory?

    WHEELJACK

    (Handing a copy of the armory’s inventory over)

    Here you go, officers.

    PROWL and STREETWISE check the inventory list and the weapon racks, respectively, to see what was stolen.

    PROWL

    From what Streetwise and I see, two each of the LV Gamma Disruptor launchers and the LV Duo-Pulse radiographs, and six each of the HPI and RM Storm-Range Null-ray Laser launcher have been stolen. Wheeljack, who else has access to this building?

    WHEELJACK

    Only Shockwave. But he couldn’t have stolen the weapons. He determined himself that quitting the Decepticons and working with me was logical.

    STREETWISE

    Logical this, Logical that! Why, I’m going to make Shockwave wish he was never built!

    Suddenly, a laser blast startles the three and they turn to see who fired. They see SOUNDWAVE, Decepticon spymaster, holding his concussion blaster.

    SOUNDWAVE

    Laserbeak, Rumble, Ratbat, Ravage: eject. Operation: termination!

    SOUNDWAVE and his minions start attacking the three who then retaliate.

    STREETWISE

    (firing his shotgun)

    Laserbeak, you tinfoil turkey! Get back here!

    WHEELJACK

    (Swinging his wrenches and firing his shoulder cannon)

    You two get out of here and solve the case! I’ll hold Soundwave off!

    PROWL ceases fire for a moment.

    PROWL

    But there’s too many of them for you to handle!

    WHEELJACK

    I’ll be alright! Besides, I owe him one from the battle of Cybertron Canyon!

    As PROWL and STREETWISE exit the armory in car mode, WHEELJACK, looking determined, aims his shoulder cannon straight at SOUNDWAVE, who is now charging towards him. Just as SOUNDWAVE is about to tackle WHEELJACK, the latter fires his shoulder cannon, causing an explosion in which SOUNDWAVE, his minions, and WHEELJACK are killed.

    PROWL

    Rest in peace old friend.

    STREETWISE

    Another reason to find Shockwave and bust his circuits up!

    PROWL

    Streetwise, if we act that way we’re no better than Megatron and his followers were during the war. Let’s try and track Shockwave down peacefully.

    As the two police officers race through the streets of Cybertron, they spot a green tetrajet, ACID STORM, carrying some of the stolen weapons.

    STREETWISE

    Stop that tetrajet!

    PROWL

    I’ll radio Jetfire for backup.

    After a short radio transmission, Autobot flying ace JETFIRE flies in to intercept ACID STORM.

    JETFIRE

    Stop, Acid Storm, in the name of the law!

    After ACID STORM refuses to comply, he is shot down and restrained by the three officers.

    STREETWISE

    Finally, we catch somebody!

    PROWL

    Streetwise, how many times do I need to remind you that there’s so much more to being a police officer than catching criminals?

    He turns to ACID STORM.

    You have the right to remain silent, Acid Storm. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

    STREETWISE

    Those Null-rays you’re carrying are illegally possessed by you and stolen from Wheeljack and Shockwave’s Armory at Iacon. How do you plead?

    JETFIRE

    Streetwise, this isn’t a court case yet.

    STREETWISE

    I don’t care. We have all the evidence we need to throw him in jail along with Megatron and his allies.

    PROWL

    Every Cybertronian has rights, Streetwise. And for all we know Acid Storm may have been helping to return the stolen null rays.

    STREETWISE

    I don’t think so.

    He pulls up ACID STORM’s criminal record.

    He’s known to have helped Megatron before, and now he’s helping Shockwave cause even more trouble than Megatron did during the war.

    ACID STORM

    I was just listening to my orders.

    PROWL

    Whose orders? You know that the war is over, yes?

    ACID STORM

    My boss’s orders.

    STREETWISE

    (Punching Acid Storm)

    Who’s your boss?!

    STREETWISE strikes ACID STORM with his shotgun.

    Give us a name now!

    JETFIRE

    Streetwise, that’s enough!

    PROWL restrains STREETWISE and activates his radio.

    PROWL

    Ratchet, could you come over to fix up Acid Storm? We’re in the outskirts of Iacon.

    RATCHET

    Will do. I’ll be on my way.

    PROWL

    Thank you Ratchet.

    SCENE 3

    PROWL, STREETWISE, JETFIRE, and RATCHET surround ACID STORM, who is lying down on RATCHET’s operating table. RATCHET is currently tending to ACID STORM’s injuries.

    RATCHET

    Alright, that should do it.

    PROWL

    Thank you again for your help Ratchet.

    RATCHET

    It’s my job to fix any Cybertronian up, regardless of who they are or what they’ve done.

    STREETWISE

    Now can we throw him in jail?

    JETFIRE

    No, Streetwise, we need to put him on trial first.

    PROWL

    You of all Cybertronians should know that, Streetwise. I’m beginning to think that Barricade was a better partner than you are!

    STREETWISE

    That Decepticon scum? Are you serious?

    PROWL

    Yes, I am. Even he wasn’t as ruthless as you’ve been so far this mission. What’s going on with you?

    STREETWISE

    Acid Storm wounded me during the war. Like Wheeljack owed Soundwave, I owe Acid Storm for wounding me too!

    PROWL

    I was injured by many Decepticons during the war too. Do you see me trying to wound them in return? No!

    STREETWISE

    Only because you’re too concerned with upholding Optimus’ orders!

    JETFIRE

    For Primus’ sake, would you two cut that out? We have a suspect to interrogate!

    PROWL

    Oh right!

    STREETWISE

    Ah, my favorite part, besides just throwing them in jail.

    PROWL

    Acid Storm, why were you carrying those null-rays?

    ACID STORM

    Because my boss ordered me to carry them.

    STREETWISE

    (in an attempt to intimidate Acid Storm)

    AND WHY DID YOUR BOSS ORDER YOU TO CARRY THEM?

    ACID STORM

    (Nervously)

    Because he wanted me to arm myself.

    JETFIRE

    And why would he want you to arm yourself?

    ACID STORM

    (After a brief hesitation)

    For his revolution and to break Megatron out of prison.

    PROWL

    Why would he want Megatron to be out of jail?

    ACID STORM

    Even I don’t know, and I’m third-in-command.

    JETFIRE

    After whom?

    ACID STORM

    Starscream and Shockwave, who are the second and first in command respectively.

    STREETWISE

    Well that was easy.

    PROWL

    Alright Acid Storm, you’re free to go.

    STREETWISE

    Wait, he’s not going to jail?

    JETFIRE

    Well he cooperated with us in exchange for no jail time.

    STREETWISE

    Oh, come on! Resources and time were wasted chasing that green idiot down! He should at least be put in jail temporarily!

    JETFIRE

    But Acid Storm cooperated with us, no thanks to your intimidating him!

    PROWL

    Besides, we need to track down Shockwave and Starscream now.

    STREETWISE

    But what about Acid Storm? Who knows what he’s going to do after being freed?

    PROWL

    Our first priority is tracking down Shockwave and Starscream.

    STREETWISE

    (a bit reluctant)

    Alright, let’s go catch those two Decepticreeps!

    PROWL

    For once, Streetwise, I find myself agreeing with you!

    JETFIRE

    Me three!

    STREETWISE

    (With more enthusiasm since his allies agree with him)

    Alright then!

    PROWL

    Let’s go now so we have as much time to catch Starscream and Shockwave as possible!

    The three transform to vehicle mode and race (or in JETFIRE’s case, fly) in search of the two Decepticons. Suddenly, JETFIRE is shot down by a series of laser blasts, coming from the recently-arrived Decepticon Air Commander Starscream.

    JETFIRE

    I’ve been hit!

    He slowly sinks down towards the ground and crash-lands. He survives the impact but is badly wounded. However, FIRST AID, Autobot medical assistant to RATCHET, sees Jetfire get shot down and immediately rushes him to safety.

    FIRST AID

    Don’t worry, Jetfire! Ratchet will fix you up in no time!

    JETFIRE

    Thanks, First Aid.

    FIRST AID and JETFIRE exit the stage.

    STARSCREAM

    (Laughing evilly)

    There’s no hiding from me, Auto-bugs!

    STREETWISE and PROWL transform to robot mode and start firing their weapons at STARSCREAM. However, they fail to hit him.

    STREETWISE

    He’s too fast for our shots! We need some additional firepower!

    PROWL

    I’ll radio Bluestreak and Smokescreen for backup!

    After another radio transmission, BLUESTREAK and SMOKESCREEN, two Autobot soldiers, arrive at the scene of the attack and aim their shoulder cannons.

    BLUESTREAK

    Ready, Smokescreen?

    SMOKESCREEN

    Ready when you are!

    PROWL

    Alright. Ready, aim, fire!

    SMOKESCREEN and BLUESTREAK fire electrical bolts from their shoulder cannons, stunning STARSCREAM and causing him to crash-land. STARSCREAM then transforms to robot mode and begins firing at the four Autobots.

    STARSCREAM

    (Yelling)

    You can’t win, Autobot fools!

    STREETWISE

    He’s grounded! Fire away!

    PROWL

    Streetwise, wait! He might have information on Shockwave’s plans for Cybertron!

    STREETWISE

    Then we’ll blast the info out of him! Autobots, keep firing!

    While STREETWISE, SMOKESCREEN, and BLUESTREAK continue firing at STARSCREAM, who returns fire, PROWL radios OPTIMUS PRIME, who soon arrives in the area of the battle.

    OPTIMUS PRIME

    Autobots, that’s enough!

    He turns to STARSCREAM as the other Autobots cease fire.

    Starscream, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

    STARSCREAM

    Are you seriously using human law codes right now?

    STREETWISE

    Shut your mouth you Decepticon scum!

    OPTIMUS PRIME

    Streetwise, that’s not how to treat a suspect in custody. How many times must I tell you this?

    STREETWISE

    I’m sorry, Optimus, but he was firing at us first!

    PROWL

    Streetwise is right. Starscream shot down Jetfire as we were looking for him and Shockwave.

    STREETWISE

    Speaking of Shockwave, shouldn’t we be tracking him down right now?

    OPTIMUS PRIME

    Our main focus right now is to interrogate Starscream.

    STREETWISE

    Even though I like doing that are you sure we should just let Shockwave wander around?

    PROWL

    Good point. But we do need to make sure Starscream doesn’t escape.

    OPTIMUS PRIME

    Bluestreak, Smokescreen, you should send Starscream to be interrogated. Prowl, Streetwise, and I will track down Shockwave.

    BLUESTREAK

    Will do, Optimus.

    SMOKESCREEN and BLUESTREAK restrain STARSCREAM and all three of them exit the stage.

    OPTIMUS PRIME

    Now we can go find Shockwave.

    STREETWISE

    What are we waiting for? Let’s hunt him down!

    As the three transform to their vehicle modes and race off in search of Shockwave, several Gamma energy blasts hit the ground near them, signaling SHOCKWAVE’s arrival in spaceship mode at the three Autobots’ location.

    PROWL

    (Sarcastically)

    Or, rather, let’s have him hunt us down!

    STREETWISE

    How did he find us so quickly?

    SHOCKWAVE

    Logically, Autobots are easy to spot.

    OPTIMUS PRIME

    Surrender, Shockwave, before we shoot you down!

    SHOCKWAVE

    Logic dictates my superior firepower will in fact shoot you down, Optimus Prime.

    OPTIMUS PRIME

    You will never succeed as long as one Autobot functions, Shockwave.

    SHOCKWAVE and OPTIMUS PRIME transform to robot mode and begin fighting each other, with PROWL and STREETWISE supporting OPTIMUS PRIME.

    To be continued…

    Anyway, that's it. Any critique is welcome.
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2020
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  2. Beatinrain

    Beatinrain Member

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    Since you asked for critique, I'll share what I think. That being said, if you find it helpful that's great, but don't take any one person's advice as the end all, be all. Write what makes you happy.

    This feels like a good start to a story, and could stand on its own merits with a little work. I'm not sure how in depth you want this to be, but right now it feels more like an outline. It doesn't have much detail, and the conversation feels a little off. Like maybe the question you're asking is: "What do I think the character would say right now?" based on an idea you have of their personality. Rather than "What is this character thinking, how do they feel about what's happened, what do they plan to do or say, and why?" If you can put yourself in your character's shoes and feel their motivations, then what they do next should come more easily.
     
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  3. Scorpibrunt

    Scorpibrunt Well-Known Member

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    Thank you. If it’s not too much trouble could you maybe make a few suggestions?
     
  4. Beatinrain

    Beatinrain Member

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    For instance, at the beginning, it's not super clear that breaking into the armory is a big deal. Obviously it wouldn't be a good thing, but they talk about it pretty casually, and then Streetwise looks really shocked when they get there. I'm not saying he can't be surprised anyway, considering the sheer extent of the damage. But if it's a big deal, it's gotta be a big deal. Which means when Optimus first mentions that the armory has been broken into, the first thing Prowl and Streetwise are going to think is something along the lines of "Oh holy gee, someone broke into the frickin' armory???" And while they won't use those exact words, they're probably going to make some remark on it before jumping straight into "You can count on us."
     
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  5. Scorpibrunt

    Scorpibrunt Well-Known Member

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    Thinking about it you're right. By the way, if nobody has said anything yet, welcome to TFW2005!
     
  6. Beatinrain

    Beatinrain Member

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    Thanks! Happy to be here. And I'm looking forward to seeing where you take this.
     
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  7. Scorpibrunt

    Scorpibrunt Well-Known Member

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    I just made the first of what I anticipate will be many edits to the play based on your suggestion. Thank you for taking the time to provide critique.
     
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