I'm sorry for this post but I just had to vent.

Does anyone else have a disapproving family especially around the holidays?

My wife and in-laws (the mother, father, and sister-in-law all live right next door) have all been extremely critical of my being a Transformers collector.

I get the usual "when are you going to grow up?" and "You don't need toys" along with eye rolls, disapproving looks etc. etc. etc.

My in-laws complain to my wife about my collecting when I'm not there.

This year, they asked my wife what I wanted for Christmas. Traditionally they've bought me Amazon and ebay gift cards. Because A) They don't approve of my collecting and don't want to buy Transformers for me and B) They wouldn't know what to buy if I told them anyway. Transformers is a foreign language to them.

This year, my wife was trying to be spiteful told them to buy me things I didn't want or need just so that I wouldn't end up with any Transformers this Christmas.

I don't know. All of this makes me feel horrible. I told my wife my feelings and I'm a pretty good communicator.

I just feel like the black sheep in my family. Maybe I ought to stop collecting because it's causing too much friction between my wife and I and also myself and the in-laws.

Those of you who have significant others who approve of your hobby or even take part in it with you are extremely lucky. Especially around the holidays.

 

Don't let them make you feel bad. As long as your collecting doesn't get in the way of important things like food or bills, what does it matter? It's not hurting anything or anybody

They don't collect stuff? That's fine, but its no reason for them to look down on you. They can suck it up and deal. It's not your fault they're being judgmental.

I remember buying Optimus Prime for my daughter for Christmas one year and one older relative snidely asked her. Are you a little boy now?

I told her to shut up, that she had no business treating her like that on Christmas and that she was being narrow-minded and old fashioned.

I'm sorry they're being snide to you. *hugs*

 

Aw man. That sounds horrible. A lot of people just have really narrow views about how a person should behave, what their intrests should be etc.
I really dont think when all expenses are paid, mutual investments (car, home improvement, money for the kids, holiday...) are taken care of they have anyright to tell you what to do with the money you earned.
On the other hand it really doesnt take much to obtain a fairly sizable collection and i can understand people seeing it as hoarding, fearing it might become problematic and getting concerned for the future of their daughter.
Maybe they might lighten up if you can somehow make them see you are responsible with your finances and this isjust a treat for yourself.
Though it can be very hard to change peoples mind about something once they've gone into a certain frame of mind.
Not nice to be in such a situation and not nice to have your feast spoiled by family troubles.
I hope you can find a way to better understand each other.

 

I would never say my other half or her family approve. It's gone from surprise to tolerance to a sort of acceptance. I have always managed to convince my wife, rightfully so as it is true, that I know what I am doing and I sell easily as much as I buy. What has really helped me justify my collection is that I have always done something productive or creative with it, and while my wife has never bought me a Transformers toy directly, she bought me a light tent and lamps for photography, and not long ago she bought me a seriously good digital SLR camera. I do manage to generate an income from the hobby by writing paid articles, by doing reviews of foigures I do not always keep and can therefore sell. It was my Transformers writing and related social media promoting activities that helped me get a job in Iceland with a great company and facilitated a move to this country where we now live, closer to my wife's family here.

I'm sure I'd still be able to collect had all of that not happened, but it sure as heck has made sure those comments start to disappear from regular conversation. Now, moving my collection to another country...that did the collection of toys and her opinion of them zero favours  

All the best
Maz

 

Everyone has to have some sort of hobby. Collecting TF's is pretty tame to me compared to some other interests or vices, but I am biased  

 

As long as you're not harming yourself or others and are financially fit then you should be able to buy whatever you want.

 

Next year tell them you've expanded your interests to more adult activities. Ask them for cash. Specify it needs to be In single dollar bills, so you can spend it in the strip club and bar.

Perhaps then they won't mind a few robots.

 

Yeah, me and my cousin were planning to hit up toys R us for some last minute checks for new stuff, since the non collectors finally bought up all the old waves. We mentioned it at a family party, and the whole place just kinda got quiet with both our dads giving us shit and explaining to the distant relatives "we were just into weird shit".

 

Thank you to all of you. I sincerely appreciate all of your posts.

 

My entire life my friends and family have belittled me about my collections of things. A few months ago when I went away to school for the first time, my mother threw away a few of my transformers, including my absolute favorite, ROTF Sideswipe, months later she refuses to admit to me that she did it, but big toy robots do not magically disappear. Luckily, my girlfriend does not mind my collecting at all, I wouldn't say she is supportive but she has never complained about my fascination with transformers. For my birthday she even got me a G1 Blaster and has come with me on a few hunting trips to old toy shops. I believe myself to be incredibly lucky and I hope your family lightens up on you.

 

I like this idea a lot.

The whole concept of a hobby being inherently childish or "adult" just seems so ridiculous. Especially when sitting around watching men play a game on TV (America's pasttime!) is somehow a more mature thing to do than fiddle with some plastic figures. Both are things to enjoy, young or old.

But I'd figure out what is going on with your wife... whether she strongly dislikes your hobby, or just feels pressure from her family, etc. Nothing worse than a significant part of your life (transformers) causing a rift.

 

Ive been harrased by my dad, brother, and sister about it for years. Then earlier this year I had to sell a few of my "Never Thought Id Sell" TFs off to pay some bills. After my Dad found out how much just a few of those I sold brought in and the fact I used the money to pay off some of his bills too, he's been more accepting of it. Especially since I sacrificed some of the more important ones from my collection.

 

I know the feeling, but with time and perseverence, things will get better.

 

My father in law knows his daughter and our kids are taken care of, and his other daughter is bouncing from drunk D-Bag to drunk D-Bag, so he just chuckles and tells me he's glad I"m having fun with something healthy. Plus, he loves the bond it has created between me and my son.

My mom collects weird stuff, so she doesn't care. My dad feeds into it, since he's also a huge nerd. He collects video game related figures, and some SH Figuarts stuff. Star Wars stuff, too. So my TF collection is really no different.

My wife gives me fake grief. She picks on me, but its jokingly. Realistically, she doesn't care, and feeds the habit, too. Bills are paid, family is fed, and she lived through years of me racing cars and motorcycles, so by comparison TF is cheap.  
Plus, her and I collect video games and related merch, so it doesn't bother her. The only stipulation is my collection stays displayed in my office/man cave area.

My mother in law hates it, but since my wife and I have been together longer than her and my wife's dad, our family is taken care of, and her other daughter is the useless drug addict bouncing from drunk D-Bag to drunk D-Bag, I couldn't care less what her opinion is. I make an awesome wage, and our household is taken care of. My kids are well adjusted, my wife is happy (17 years together, I'd say she's here for good).

In the end, be happy. You aren't blowing your cash on drink or drugs. Take care of your family, make sure bills are paid, and collect if it makes you happy.

 

I should add, and this makes me laugh.

I spent crazy money on a Corvette. I live in the snow belt, and the car was a toy. Mother in law didn't blink an eye. I spend $150 on a 3P figure, she loses her shit.

I'll never understand that mentality.

 

Do you influence your in-laws hobbies and interests? If not, why should your hobbies matter to them?

Doesn't your wife have hobbies? e.g. shoe collection/bags/clothing?

 

I think it's because some people categorise certain pursuits - however frivolous - as acceptable, normal, common, expected etc. My in-laws have never quite gotten on with what I do with my spare time (Transformers collecting and writing, TF conventions etc), but any amount of money that was spent on golf, the gym, sports equipment, sports entertainment or media, anything to do with the pursuit of aviation as a career or hobby, that would have been totally acceptable. It's just because the toy collecting was odd to them, no experience or history of it in their lives or circles of friends & family...and this is with a son of theirs who spends time and money on video games. For the longest time it didn't seem to matter that I basically work a day and a night job, am a good father and husband, I think it wasn't until I got a job here and moved us closer to them that they gave me a pass on that whole toy stuff. There is one particular occasion that I will not forget for the rest of my life, just how little I was made to feel for wanting to attend a toy convention, having a toy on display by the laptop I was using in their home during a holiday to write about toys. How a look and a sentence can strip a person of their adulthood and dignity, that's a skill I hope I never have to acquire or employ.

All the best
Maz

 

I'm sorry that something so fun and pure brings so much grief to you. Small minded people are just sad. Hang in there

 

I totally feel you Maz! I learned fast to not pay it any mind. It was ok when I spent $80k on a car, and it was ok when I was racing bikes at a cost of about $100k a year, but the toys are the problem? Nope, sorry, I don't follow. They make me happy, and they brought a very strong bond with my son, who also collects.

Plus, I've adopted the ideology that I work very hard for my wages, and I'll darn well play with toys if I want to. Luckily, she's the only one, aside from the sister in law (spends what little money she has on drugs). Plus, I can be a raging A-Hole when I want to be, so after the initial comments (they hurt, not going to lie) about being an overgrown child, my responses changed and she doesn't say much anymore.

Having a supportive spouse helps tremendously, though. I'm very lucky and very happy to have her in my life.

 

Great to know man, and I am happy for you. My own wife's opinion has changed through the years as I said, it's crazy but to think that Transformers have helped so much in saving for a property down-payment, paid for family holidays, gotten us extra income and paved the way to come and live here - it would be impossible for her not to appreciate them.

What you say about the car and the racing, I guess it's nothing at all to do with money and perceived worth, it's all about the image, stigma, social context (more someone's personal context as opposed to wider society, which I hope is changing in regards to how they view such hobbies and pursuits as much as I think it is) and in some cases, not wanting to be associated with people who collect toys in front of others.

As you say though, their problem  

All the best
Maz