anyone here deal with depression/anxiety?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by NotFastEnuff, Aug 20, 2014.

  1. grindcore138

    grindcore138 Handsome like an F-22

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    I'm not normally one to throw in the "yeah but not officially" camp, but it's become clear, especially recently, that I'm dealing with depression to some extent as a result on the strain dealing with Crohn's disease has had on me both physically and mentally.

    I don't see the point in seeking therapy or medication for myself, because I know exactly why I feel the way I feel: it's the lack of control I have over my own life because of my illness, it's something I genuinely have no control over. With all the failed treatments and complications, brushes with death and hospital stays and now surgery, I've been knocked down one too many times and it's getting harder and harder to pick myself back up.

    I try and take every day as it comes, and if I'm feeling like death and like there's no hope or end in sight and genuinely don't care if it ends up being my last day on Earth I still lumber zombie-like through to the next because I figure one day I might actually be able to take back control of my life.
     
  2. King Kaiser

    King Kaiser BEARS!!!!

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    Yes, I got this mod for Skyrim on the PC and it made my mods and DLC's not appear and have me a flickering screen so thus 600 or so hours of playing this game down the toilet for now which depresses the absolute shit out of me.
     
  3. NotFastEnuff

    NotFastEnuff I'm a smartass...

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    Well, first of all, it's nice to see some of the old "faces" in here...cough Ami cough. lol

    I'll go a little deeper with myself since so many have opened up. If you've met me at one of the Botcons I've attended, you've met the biggest part of my support group, my oldest son and my Mom. Well, as of 10/17/12, my Mom's not here anymore. My son is now 15, and Dad isn't nearly as cool or as important. He has his own life, and I'm not gonna burden him with my bullshit. I've got a wonderful wife of 18 years (yeah, I'm one of the original old farts of TFW), and she truly is wonderful. BUT, as Candice on Phineas and Ferb points out, you can't talk to Jeremy about Jeremy. Mom was always my unofficial shrink. I don't have a good relationship with my Dad, and we won't discuss my sister. As for the comment of life being interesting, at the beginning of 2010, I had a job the I loved, we'd just moved into a new to us house in the country (major goal was getting out of a city environment for my kids), and life was rolling along nicely. 1/5/2010, I was laid off due to the company restructuring. They closed that November. I went back to school, got my degree which has proved less useful than John Wayne toilet paper. I've gone back to retail management twice, snapped over the day to day bullshit and quit, twice. Took a job where I was traveling all the time. Made GREAT money, all was going well. Mom took care of my kids while the wife and I worked. She'd become our live in nanny. Life was good. Money was great. We were all happy. One Tuesday afternoon I get a call that Mom was admitted to the hospital, and they weren't sure what was wrong. I drop everything, quite literally, and haul ass home. After 2 days of tests, I find out that she had stomach cancer that she'd known about for 1.5 years, but wouldn't tell me. "It's my job to worry about you, not the other way around." 9 days later, she was gone. I've lost 2 of my best friends from growing up in the last 3 years. My support group is getting quite small.

    I've done meds. Let me tell you, I've DONE meds. I think there's only one that's been named so far that I'm not familiar with. Had varying results, but nothing to get excited over. Usually, if it helped one symptom, it caused something else.

    I'm back to not really caring about anything. I get out of bed everyday because I can't bare the thought up putting anymore on my wife. I trudge along because my boys need a dad. I've not found a nice quite place to relieve this body of it's soul because I know there are people that would never forgive me, and that hurts more than going on. I hate being a disappointment. I can't see a counselor because of certain, we'll say professional reasons.

    I deal with it, but that's about it. I've all but forgotten what happy is. I see other people doing it, but ... yeah. I don't enjoy stuff that I used to could spend days doing. I dunno. I guess I just wanted to talk.

    Thanks for opening up. I appreciate it.
     
  4. Mako Crab

    Mako Crab Well-Known Member

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    My fiance has clinical depression. Her body doesn't make the chemicals to stave it off. So she takes meds for it, but as anyone with depression knows, that doesn't always work. So as someone that's generally outgoing, positive, energetic and extroverted, it's been a learning curve being with someone that's introverted, shy, and has clinical depression. There are some days where all the tricks in the world can't shake her out of it. Still, wouldn't be with her if she weren't a wonderful person. And when her meds are working, she's not depressed and she's usually very happy.
     
  5. Vanessa

    Vanessa Sadly more of a lurker these days =(

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    This post rings true for me. I'm not a million miles away from this myself.
    I am amazed I'm still here TBH. Guess I really suck at suicide.
     
  6. smkspy

    smkspy is one nice fucking kitty

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    Most defiinitely right now, XanaX is my friend. My good good high dose friend.
     
  7. RavageX-9

    RavageX-9 I don't know

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    I'm not going to talk about myself to strangers online (again).

    I wouldn't give a blanket statement about not regretting it. Yes, you got lucky.
    At the very least, don't get "checked in" (signing away your consent), period, unless you're under the rare circumstance of having someone you trust who's somewhat experienced in mental health issues, because there are incentives for professionals to fill prescriptions, but not necessarily the ones appropriate for you. Don't give them carte blanche on that.

    of course when you're seriously depressed it may be difficult to even research medication side-effects, so you may have to take risks of particular medication being ineffective for you or having unpleasant side-effects. (Supposedly and hopefully most modern medications have no permanent side-effects? Hopefully. How desperate is the situation? Better do nothing? That doesn't sound like a good idea.)

    I think linking the two together, examine statements you make about the present, as those can also be interpretations rather than objective.
    This is similar to the "E Prime", which is basically just English excluding all forms of the verb to be. Perhaps a bit extreme, but an interesting exercise, and leads to a lot of results, even if it doesn't correct them immediately.

    It's "entails", BTW.

    There's more than one kind of medication, and some of them are for anxiety.

    Too bad a lot of these lessons are ones not learned without experiencing them. A similar experience is required for words to resonate, otherwise they are hollow, which is why kids don't listen when they're given advice.
     
  8. RavageX-9

    RavageX-9 I don't know

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    Insufficient data, but odds are no. Humans are too stupid to properly evaluate such decisions. This isn't a "if I die, my family will live because there will be less mouthes to feed." kind of rare situation, so it's all wild speculation.
    I hear pro-suicide stuff, and I really can't imagine that even the "smart" people aren't just under a different delusion, usually based around their whole messed up world view. Maybe that one big flaw is that all women are evil, or all humans are inherently evil and damned, or that they understand society so well that they know for certain that it's all going to hell and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it. (I don't know. George Carlin seemed to be fine living with that last world view, but I wouldn't count on that for everyone.)

    I was going to say it's different when you're more selective about it, like when you stop caring about what other people think, but is it really? Is there anything in between the "blaaaah" energy-sucking vortex of apathy, and the rationalization that masks with lies the hardwired insecurities you have of not fitting in with the group? I dunno. I'm guessing.

    I know people say family and friends matter, but that guilt and obligation are the worst primary reasons for you to... drudge through misery or attempt to improve it.
    I hear like Buddhist stuff about how you shouldn't have emotional attachment even to your family, and I always thought it was rather cold, but maybe it's the only sane way to do it. You can't be there for your family if you're worried about not being there for your family.
    I hear Adam Savage talk about how he used to "get away" from the family, into his workshop, and he always felt guilty, and now he doesn't feel that way. I can't remember exactly why. I think he talked about how... it was similar to how intention really effects things in ways that mere behavior can't. When he made sure everything was taken care of with the family, he didn't have to worry that he was running away from obligations or that he might be needed when he wasn't there, and he'd WANT to come back. I mean he made time for his hobbies, but he made time for his family.
     
  9. Priest of Salem

    Priest of Salem Well-Known Member

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    I'd recommend reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle for anyone who is depressed.Hang in there everyone,see the glass half full,not half empty.Stop the internal chatter in your head and find some stillness.This can be done by concentrating on your breathing,staring at a flower or a beautiful view.There's lots of help out there,it doesn't take much effort to hold your head up and smile.
     
  10. LeakinLubricant

    LeakinLubricant Well-Known Member

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    Hi, I'm a mental health nurse and have supported a large amount of people through depressive illness, both clinical and reactive. My advice to you would be first try to identify what is contributing to your low mood, is it in response to a life changing event? If so then it is most likely reactive, however if you are depressed for no apparent reason then it's Clinical. If you struggle with identifying this then visit a mental health professional for a mood assessment. If you would rather address your mood without the need for professional help or medication then I would say listens to some of the very helpful comments already posted, such as engaging in hobbies you are interested in, I feel Transformers is the perfect hobby for dealing with low mood, it stimulates the brain and the transformation process (in most cases) is a pleasurable and rewarding experience. Also try to get out with friends and family (if they are supportive) being with people who "get you" can make a world of difference. The last thing I would suggest is some moderate exercise, running/walking is very helpful, as it releases plenty of endorphins which act as a kind of natural anti depressant, I appreciate that a lot of what I have suggested above can be very difficult when motivation and self esteem is low, if you feel that this is the case with you then again I recommend speaking to a mental health professional. Best of luck with your current situation and well done for being open about how you feel, a lot of people misunderstand mental illness which leads to too many people suffering in silence, PM me if you need to.
     
  11. Vanessa

    Vanessa Sadly more of a lurker these days =(

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    This is precisely the problem, it does take a huge effort to do this. In fact it can be beyond me completely at times. And forcing myself only makes it worse.
    The "pull yourself together, you don't know you're born" brigade have no idea at all about depression.

    This post is much better, good advice and an empathetic approach. The hobby bit, mild exercise and being with the right people can all help, and have helped me.
     
  12. Wolfguard

    Wolfguard Your own personal Jesus.

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    It's not that your advice isn't good or right - I actually do agree with much of it - but when the "dark" is creeping in, it's not so easy to do all that. That's especially true when you want everything to just stop.
     
  13. LeakinLubricant

    LeakinLubricant Well-Known Member

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    Thanks
     
  14. LeakinLubricant

    LeakinLubricant Well-Known Member

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    I agree, and likely said earlier, there is a lot of misunderstanding and misconceptions around mental illness, Priests intentions are good and the advise is spot on if you just generally down in the dumps, however when depression really takes a hold a simple task such as getting out of bed can seem an impossible task.
     
  15. Wolfguard

    Wolfguard Your own personal Jesus.

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    ^^ Exactly^^

    At the same time, once I was "up" and "out" of mine, there have been several instances where I've had to really go out of my way to preoccupy myself, especially this past week. The main thing is I have to "remind" myself to continue to be MORE afraid of not living, and much more thankful of life when I get to those points. I also think about all the people in this world who are constantly under threat of horrendous persecution and murder (the Yazidis, for example), and realize they would give anything to live without constant fear of death. It's like a mental wake-up call to acknowledge how good I actually have it right now.
     
  16. RKillian

    RKillian http://www.rktoyandhobby.com

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    That'll do it.

    I was seriously depressed for awhile several years ago. I don't remember exactly why, just that I was really depressed.

    Wish I could give you some good advice but what works for me is a good way to get on a watch list :/
     
  17. LeakinLubricant

    LeakinLubricant Well-Known Member

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    Very good advice, sounds like you have developed a very effective way of getting through the bad days, once you can do that you've nailed it.
     
  18. Priest of Salem

    Priest of Salem Well-Known Member

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    I apologize if my comments have upset people here.They were intended to be uplifting,not to have the opposite effect.If you read my first post in this thread you will see that I had my own issues in the past so I know its not easy.If you get a dish to eat and there is one ingredient that you don't like you can always pull that ingredient out and enjoy the rest of the dish.You can treat my words the same way.
     
  19. Wolfguard

    Wolfguard Your own personal Jesus.

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    Thanks - still gotta work on it, but that's just part of life. Sometimes you gotta keep repeating the same thing in order to master it.


    -------------------------------

    I don't think an apology is necessary. And I agree with your analogy here - change the recipe a bit so you can get a different result.
     
  20. LeakinLubricant

    LeakinLubricant Well-Known Member

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    No apology needed, as I said very good advice for general low mood and it appears to have worked for you.