A Transformers Christmas Song!

Discussion in 'Transformers Fan Fiction' started by The Crab, Dec 11, 2005.

  1. The Crab

    The Crab Custom Awesome Title

    Jan 19, 2004
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    I so totally made this up on the spot. Bewarned, it contains random stupidity, and it rhymes... For the most part. You'll see what I mean. ;)  :p  It also features The Pope kicking some Decepticon butt. It's set in Cybertron/Galaxy Force. (Though I use the Cyb. names) Thus, here it is!

    It was a normal day at the Autobot base, all of the human kids were dead

    All of the Autobots killed them, with bloody thoughts in every head

    But then Optimus barged in, a Christmas tree in tow

    He threw it at Jetfire, and gave Hot Shot a pretty red bow

    “It’s Christmas time, you scallywags!” Prime declared loudly

    “Oh for the love of Primus…” Jetfire raised his middle finger proudly

    “For two years, you put us through this crap.” Hot Shot said with his voice low

    “I’m not doing it anymore.” He threw to the ground his pretty red bow

    Optimus slapped the rookie across the face

    And then slowly he reached for his mace

    “Make the tree look real pretty.” He said, swinging his mace around

    “Or else to the wall you will be bound.”

    Red Alert asked, “Why does Prime talk so weird this time of year?”

    “Because that way, I can control your fear.”

    Prime didn’t make sense, but no one asked why

    For if they did, they would surely die

    “Make the tree real pretty.” Optimus gave the command.

    “Vector Prime and I will go out to the mall and form a band.”

    For forty days and forty nights, Optimus and Vector Prime rocked out

    Before security came along, and they got knocked out

    “BWAHAHAHAHA!!!” The familiar laugh sounded

    Megatron drifted down from the air, and quickly got pounded

    “Megatron, you prick!” Optimus screamed

    “You sent security after us, or so it seemed!”

    Megatron grinned and said “Your feeble attack didn’t even make me itch.”

    He zapped Optimus with electricity, and Prime screamed “That hurt you son of a bitch!”

    He looked to Vector Prime, a pleading look in his eyes

    “Help me, Vector Prime! Don’t believe Megatron’s lies!”

    Vector Prime looked to Optimus, a confused look in his eyes. “Why do you and that voice over keep rhyming? I don’t understand it.”

    “It’s a Christmas song, Vector Prime.” Optimus said. “Just roll with it. You’re breakin’ my balls.”

    “Oh… Er… Alright…”

    As we were saying…

    Vector Prime looked to Optimus, a confused look in his eyes

    “I cannot help you with this. You’re on your own for pies.”

    Optimus groaned loudly. “You suck at rhyming.”

    He gestured wildly with his arms. “Ya don’t even have good timing!”

    The Prime looked up to the sky, in his optics a look of plea

    “Primus, send someone with rhyming skills to help me…”

    Suddenly, an airplane shot across the sky, and with it came hope

    For the one who dramatically leaped from the plane was The Pope!

    “Be gone, spawn of Satan!” His Holiness screamed out

    He started forming Naruto hand seals, and moving his arms about

    Optimus began searching for his secret weapon, the super tazers,

    When he realized he didn’t need them, The Pope fired his eye lasers!

    Megatron screamed as he was hit, and he was down for the count

    And Optimus quickly raided his wallet, trying to find money to amount

    The Pope landed on the ground, and preformed the cross over his chest

    And Prime stared at the aged man, he was certainly among the best!

    “My son,” His Holiness said to Prime. “You are indeed a hero to some.”

    He folded his arms. “But in His eyes and my eyes, you’re simply dumb.”

    “… What?” Optimus asked, full of Shock (Tarts)

    “How can that be? I just ate some Cherry Pop Tarts!”

    The Pope began. “You are dumb because you fail to see…”

    He looked over to Vector Prime. “How valuable your teammates can be.”

    “What?” Vector Prime asked.

    “I think I understand.” Optimus reluctantly compliled

    “They are the greatest! I love them all!” He compulsively lied

    “I am glad, my son.” The Pope said with a smile

    “Now if you’ll excuse me, I must go rescue the Nile.”

    And so The Pope flew away, with his fist in the air

    Optimus looked to Vector Prime, with his mind set on a dare

    “Alright Vector Prime.” Optimus began. “This is what I want you to do while I drink beer.”

    He looked to Megatron’s unconscious body, and whispered in Vector Prime’s ear…

    Vector Prime blinked, and nodded a lot

    “You can count on me.” He said to Prime.

    “DAMMIT!” Prime screamed. “You’re supposed to do something that rhymes with ‘Lot’. Geeze, ruin the whole song why don’t ya, douche bag…”

    “Sorry, my bad.” Vector Prime replied.

    On Christmas day, at the Decepticon Base

    Megatron was in his throne, and everyone made haste

    Crumplezone and Ransack decorated the tree

    While Sideways let tourists in while charging a fee

    Starscream sat in the corner, snickering at his incredibly good luck

    And Mudflap, with apron and hat, made to perfection the Christmas duck

    Scourge had on his Santa Hat, lighting the fireplace ablaze

    When suddenly the mailman came, with something to amaze

    He handed to Megatron, a envelope with a stamp

    Then he went back to his mailman car, complete with a tramp

    Megatron opened the envelope, and inside was a Christmas card

    And the photo on the front made him feel like a ******

    The picture showed, Megatron passed out cold

    With Optimus and Vector Prime looking very bold

    On Megatron’s head was a fluffy pink Santa hat

    And a red and white jacket that made him look fat

    “Merry Christmas from the Autobots!” The card read within

    Megatron had wide optics, at the way they dressed him up in

    Mudflap declared loudly, “I’ve finished the duck!”

    Megatron, still glaring at the card, popped a blood vessel in his head.


    At the Autobot Base, everyone was really happy

    Except for Optimus, who was getting real sappy

    “It’s almost over again.” He complained. “Christmas is almost gone.”

    He suddenly grinned. “But it won’t be for long!”

    Jetfire blinked, and fell over anime-style

    “Why don’tcha give this whole Christmas thing a rest for a while?”

    Optimus slapped Jetfire for committing treason

    After all, he’s the Prime. He didn’t need a reason

    Vector Prime looked confused, and blinked once more.

    “I still don’t understand the whole rhyming thing.” He said.

    Optimus sighed. “No… Just-… No.”

    “Optimus Prime, you are a dick.” Vector Prime stated.
  2. loverofGod

    loverofGod Member

    Jun 17, 2006
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    this would've been funny if it didn't have such crude humor in it. clean it up, dude.
  3. onesock

    onesock Banned

    Aug 14, 2006
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    Don't listen to him.

    I thought it was funny as hell! :lol 
  4. Sideways

    Sideways Banned

    May 17, 2006
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    i like your poem!!!!
  5. Windturf

    Windturf Insane Ratchet Fan

    Aug 14, 2006
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    :lol  :lolol  :lol 

    Very funny.Poor Vector Prime, he just doesn't get it.
  6. BrookeGirl

    BrookeGirl Member

    Dec 8, 2006
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    That was awsome! :dj  :lolol 
  7. BrookeGirl

    BrookeGirl Member

    Dec 8, 2006
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    That was awsome! And u just made it up on the spot? Cool. :dj  :lolol 
  8. Grimlock_13

    Grimlock_13 Currently facepalming at your post

    Dec 7, 2002
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    Boise, ID
    Nice! :lol 
  9. cybertron2006

    cybertron2006 Fly By Clockwork Pictures

    Jul 19, 2006
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    Ogdensburg, NY
    Lollercaust!!! :) 
  10. Autovolt 127

    Autovolt 127 Get In The Titan, Prime!

    Nov 26, 2006
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    Mudflap as a Chef That's Creative :thumb 
  11. SilverBlade

    SilverBlade Well-Known Member

    Apr 7, 2005
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    Awesome, I loved it!