Aside from Omega Supreme, there's also Sentinenl's lance and shield combo for something that's a weapon and not a multi-purpose tool.

 

Time for a massive catch-up response post!

This was my favorite episode of Animated as a kid; the shared backstory and dynamic between Optimus and Blackarachnia fascinated me and made their way into hundreds of my games with my dad and siblings.
Weird side note: even though Dad was really only familiar with G1 Optimus and always played him that way, the dynamic between him and our Blackarachnia was still really effective.

If seeing him and his big jerk chin for thirty seconds in the first episode didn't turn you against him, this episode is here to finish the job!

I first watched this when I was about seven, and even then I was able to figure out the connection before the reveal!

The great hidden secret of Animated is that the writers and producers alike were trying to teach the audience about realistic PTSD.

His goal is to one day be Headmasters Chromedome. Or Super Special Ultimate Hero of the Universe Ginrai.

Sentinel was the one who first came up with this stupid idea, wasn't he?

Characters experiencing actual consequences for going off half-cocked on some stupid glory-seeking mission? What madness is this?

Where'd he find a cape in that size? Did he make it himself?
Also, I'd totally buy a toy of this.

So how mad do you suppose the owners of that house are gonna be about the giant robot stealing their fumigation tent?
And thank you for not showing the screencap of the dead cockroaches. That was gross enough the first time.

The Autobot army really needs some therapists...

This is a really cool power. And a great explanation for how she ends up as a techno-organic later on.

The fact that Sentinel Prime made it into the Elite Guard really says something about Autobot High Command.

Maybe they could include a little PVC Sari in her Optimus costume along with the Dracula Bumblebee toy.

Animated Optimus is great. He's my second-favorite Optimus Prime after G1 Prime.

He's already getting sued for stealing somebody's fumigation tent. What's one more lawsuit?

Can you imagine what Animated Tarantulas might look like? Shudder.

He's taking stalker lessons from RID 2001 Optimus Prime.

I miss the pink cube design for energon. It feels as though we haven't seen that for awhile.

WHERE COULD THIS POSSIBLY BE LEADING?

This episode would be horrible for people with arachnophobia.

You just know that Sentinel somehow rewrote events in his head so that the trip to the nightmarish spider planet was Optimus' idea all along. Because he's that sort of self-absorbed jerk.

Has Blackarachnia ever had a non-cheating transformation?

I actually wouldn't be surprised if she's literally the first female of his own species he (or Bumblebee) has ever seen.

Good to see there's at least some problems it can't fix.

Sumdac Systems must have a huge fund set aside to pay for all the damage that the Autobots are causing to Detroit.

To be fair to Optimus, he did think Elita was dead.

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! (Though weirdly this didn't creep me out too much as a seven-year-old from what I remember.)

I'm glad they added the personal connection between them. This horrifying shared backstory adds a lot to both characters.

Animated's Autobot High Command might actually be worse than the Maximal Elders from Beast Wars. And considering that the Maximal Elders created an invulnerable psychopath while trying to replicate the spark of the most notorious traitor in Cybertronian history, that's saying something!

Now this did creep little me out.

And this solidified Blackarachnia as one of young Longitudinalwave's favorite characters.

 

Animated Soundwave never sat quite right with me. He felt as though he never got enough screen time to get properly developed (though his second appearance is a considerably improvement over his appearance here.) The fact that he was built on Earth also bugs me for some reason.

Characters actually learning lessons is overrated.

The dynamic between Megatron and Sumdac would be a lot less frustrating if it was always like this.

They actually had a really solid dynamic in this episode.

Although it did have the unfortunate side effect of Megatron suddenly being self-aware with seemingly no explanation (since he didn't regain consciousness until "Home Is Where the Spark Is", which wouldn't have aired yet due to this decision).

That raises a whole lot of questions about Professor Princess that will never be properly answered.

I almost wonder if Professor Princess is supposed to be a parody of those people who believe that playing video games directly causes children to become murderous criminals.

I actually enjoy her for what she is too. Some characters are just supposed to be goofy and fun.

Because Sumdac is a genius who somehow also has the common sense of a turnip on LSD. At least he's not overlooking the fact that Megatron added flamethrowers to his animatronic dinosaurs this time!

Who was keeping Sumdac alive before Sari was born? Because there's no way he could've survived without someone supervising him.

Hopefully it's Carly who is a Sumdac employee. Because she has the education and she deserves a reward after how badly she was treated in Headmasters.

Sumdac should never have been given the responsibility of raising a child. The fact that Sari is still alive and as well-adjusted as she is is a miracle.

This is wonderful. Yeeessssss.

Optimus Prime understands Peter Cullen's pain. Or maybe it's the other way around.

SOUNDWAVE! EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Yes. But Sari has no responsible parental figures at home to ensure that the lesson sticks.

Credit to Megatron: This is actually a really solid plan.

Sari is smarter than at least half the humans in the franchise thus far. Which is a bit scary.

Maybe the landline phone was a gift to her (or her dad) from technology-hating Captain Fanzone or something?

It reminds me of how everyone in G1 played the same two songs over and over and over again (the generic rock song and "Cold Slither" from GI Joe).

This is disappointing. The revolutionary angle is fine, but I wish that he had been a proper Decepticon.

Most of this design is good, but the head has always creeped me out.

EEEEEE! He said the thing!

Hopefully Tutor Bot isn't a widely available commercial product. Because if it is, I fear for the education of all the future children of Detroit.

You're not wrong. Kremzeek would be a perfect fit for the world of Animated.

Here comes another lawsuit!

How exactly Soundwave achieved his upgraded form is a mystery to me. As is how this happened.

YAY SOUNDWAVE! (Animated Soundwave is one of my least favorite Soundwaves...but he's still Soundwave. Can you tell Soundwave is one of my favorite characters?)

Finally caught up! Phew!

 

What you guys were saying about Soundwave having to be reinvented, I suppose it's one of the reasons why Blaster hasn't appeared in any TF media after G1.

And Liege, let me tell you something: Losing Kevin Conroy and Jason David Frank within a week of each other was just gut wrenching for me. :-(

 

I like the Autobots using more 'improvised' weapons as compared to the Decepticons. I feel it hearkens back to Sunbow where the Autobots evolved from the consumer goods line and the Decepticons from the military hardware.

 

EPISODE 11: LOST AND FOUND
Every bot gets a character-affirming sub-plot with Sari. This time it's Prowl Ratchet. Basically if this were Avatar: The Last Airbender she'd be the season 3 Zuko of the show.

Spoiler

Youtube

Tubi release
Transformers: Animated S01:E11 - Lost And Found
(note: tubi's little one sentence synopsis for this episode seems to have been accidentally swapped for that of an identically titled episode of, of all things, Anne of Green Gables' 2001 PBS animated series. I had no idea PBS had made an animated series out of the franchise.

For the first time in a little bit we actually move the series' overarching plot along a significant amount as a pair of Decepticons show up and the Autobots actually deal with the fact that they're protecting the Allspark and not just working against silly Earthbound supervillains (and earth-made robots)

For the most part I liked a lot of this episode. Lugnut and Blitzwing are fun characters who fill their roles well, Lugnut in particular is a lot of fun as a big, bombastic idiot who's also not a total lumbering simpleton. And his interactions with Megatron continue to add to his quietly building sense of dread and threat level for the Autobots. Sari's reaction to the Autobots leaving is also fun/heartbreaking and her time spent with Ratchet produces some warm and fuzzy moments.

My biggest gripes were that this is like the 3rd episode in a row with issues surrounding Sari's over-use of her key for frivolous things. I know it's not realistic to expect her to learn the lesson once and move on, but if they wanted to repeat it or have her lapse into bad habits maybe they could've spread those incidents out just a little bit more. Also the Allspark and the key demonstrate weird new powers (the ability to construct massive pseudo-holographic visions for Sari so that she can be spooked into getting over her selfishness and a glowing skybeam attraction that points out incoming Decepticons respectively) that come from nowhere and feel really forced (and in the case of the key's tracer beam thing, wholly unnecessary)

I feel like maybe this is the groove Animated settles into. One where it's good episodes are great and its worse efforts are still pretty good. Because this is by no means a bad episode. It's just not nearly good enough to clear the high bar this show has set for itself through the first ten installments.

Spoiler

-Things start with a (presumably) NASA feed of a lunar rover exploring (obviously, given the name) the moon. Its camera spots the crashed Decepticon Flagship (the wiki, no doubt via the Allspark Almanac, helpfully tells us that it's this show's iteration of the Nemesis) before something rockets out of the sky and crushes the rover.

Given the long lead time on animation, there's no way to know if this scene ripped off the movie or if the movie ripped off storyboards of this scene. I mean it could also just be a giant coincidence, but where's the fun in that?​

Yes, they basically ripped off the concept of the original Bayverse movie teaser.  

-Turns out it's Lugnut that crushed the rover. He along with Blitzwing have come looking for Megatron.

-It's funny. I don't remember Lugnut being this eloquent. For whatever reason I was expecting a near-Hulk level of intelligence and speech. Instead he forms complete sentences and clearly expresses complex emotions and responses.

-Lugnut refuses to believe that Megatron has died. He has two core beliefs: The Decepticons will rule Cybertron and Megatron will rule the Decepticons. At least he has confidence.

-Meanwhile on Earth Ratchet gets awoken from a nap by what looks like a rock bouncing off his window (in vehicle mode). Shortly thereafter I realized it wasn't a rock, it was a ball of tape. Sari and the other non-Optimus Autobots are playing street hockey. The wiki calls it "field hockey" but that's a specific game with hits own rules. Sari and Bulkhead are clearly using regular ice hockey sticks that people would use to play street hockey instead (field hockey sticks don't have long flat blades, they have hook-like curved ends so they sorta look like a candy cane or a shepherd's crook), there's no actual field since they're playing in the lot around their base, and Sari is on rollerblades. It also makes a ton more sense since they're in Detroit which has a notable amount of (ice. If I ever just say "hockey" I mean ice hockey because nobody here would actually call it "ice hockey") hockey fandom/culture thanks to the Detroit Red Wings and their long run of sustained success through the 90s and 00s. I honestly can't think of anywhere in North America where field hockey would attract enough attention/interest for people to randomly be playing it out on the streets.

-Also Bumblebee and Prowl aren't using regulation sticks  . Bumblebee has a stop sign (can't imagine it would be conducive to good shooting) and Prowl has what looks like a street lamp (which would be even worse)

The starting lineup of the 2050-something Detroit Red Wings​

-Bumblebee has a sure goal saved by one of the Sumdac trash robots diving in to make the stop. It also reveals that she juiced it up with her key. Again.

-At least this time Ratchet chews her out for not listening.

-But that gets interrupted by the key glowing and shooting a massive beam of light up into the sky. That can't be good. I've seen enough movies to know nothing good ever comes from a sky beam.

-The beam appears to be tracking the landing of our two Decepticons. Ratchet knows this is not good.

-A news broadcast tells people not to panic. Then a giant hand emerges from the hole being filmed to crush the camera.

I'd make a Dragon Ball parody "oh no, they blew up the unmanned camera ship!" joke but it actually was an unmanned camera drone. Dang, the show anticipated my snarking and reacted accordingly!

-Huh, the construction workers running away from the emerging Decepticons sure do have some familiar looking outfits on.

In this universe Sparkplug Witwicky is a fashion icon​

*ding* fanservice (G1)

-Just like the Autobots, the Decepticons mistake an Earth vehicle for a sentient life form.

-Megatron sees the news report and is pleased his underlings have come, but is curious if they can be trusted after Starscream's treachery.

-Meanwhile the Autobots roll out, but leave Sari behind because they can't ensure her safety.

-Sari takes it about as well as you'd expect.

-AS this goes on the Decepticons cause random destruction to lure the Autobots out. It works, and the Autobots show up and transform without even using any stock footage. Are they allowed to do that?

-What follows is a pretty good fight with lots of unique action and creativity. It also demonstrates that Blitzwing as fire and ice powers while Lugnut is mostly big, strong, and has missiles in his back.

-Lugnut refuses to accept Megatron is dead and unleashes a rocket powered punch that causes a huge crater and covers the Decepticons' escape.

-Or not. They didn't escape, they just got buried in the dirt.

-Megatron has been watching the fight and comes to the conclusion that at least Lugnut is loyal. So he decides to contact just Lugnut by himself.

-Blitzwing figures Lugnut has gone crazy. Ratchet's weirded out too.

-Blitzwing even tries to break free from Lugnut as he is being dragged away from the fight, so Lugnut headbutts him and sends him plummeting into the ground.

-The cops are now on their way but Lugnut won't hide. He wants to "stand tall and shout Megatron's name to the heavens."

Megatron: "Oh,for spark's sake..."  

-Now agreeing to hide, Lugnut and Blitzwing both scan alt modes. Lugnut picks a somewhat small, but still massive, flying fortress sort of bomber of indistinct design while Blitzwing, true to his heritage, is a triple changer with a fighter jet and tank (though it's a weird, stubby tank with two barrels on its turret).


According to the wiki, the small red dots on the sides of Lugnut's head are supposed to be "secondary optics."

That's right. He doesn't have a single cyclops eye. He has 5 eyes. Creepy

Also in Japan Blitzwing doesn't have a German accent, he has an American one (as in an American speaking Japanese as their second language). Apparently his stuffy noble head speaks slowly and formally but in a simplistic way that many Americans who have learned Japanese without the benefit of years of learning the intricacies of Japanese politeness use. The Schwarzenegger-esque "hothead" head speaks more rudely and peppers his speech with random English words, and the crazy head is a throwback to the fact that his actor previously voiced Alpha Q.

-Their alt modes set, the cops arrive to find nothing.

-Back at their base, the Autobots regroup after a tough fight with the pair of Decepticons. Optimus suggests the only way they'll keep everyone safe is to fix their ship and take the Allspark off planet.

-Bulkhead is worried about how Sari will take the news of them leaving. Bumblebee suggests she's a "big girl" and will understand. Has he met Sari?

*cut to Sari*

Yep, that's about what I expected.​

-Optimus says that Ratchet and Sari need to work together to fix the ship. Neither is enthused by the idea, and Sari says she won't help the Autobots leave her behind.

-While this is going on Megatron instructs Lugnut to find the key while Blitzwing still things this is ridiculous.

-As the Autobots head to teh shore of Lake Erie where the Ark is interned, the Decepticons attack with a massive barrage of missiles.

-As they flee Ratchet has a cool moment where he transforms just his tires to stubby ones so he can get more traction on the ice.

-But the missiles hit the ice and break it, causing Ratchet (and then the other Autobots) to plunge into the frozen-over lake.

-Lugnut's missiles still work underwater. That's a bit weird.

-Optimus manages to obscure the Autobots in order to prevent them from being easy pickings, while Ratchet and Sari were able to get away.

-In the ship Ratchet talks to it, calling it "old friend."

FORESHADOWING!

-But Sari and he keep fighting and she storms off to the cargo bay. Angry that she would be asked to help her friends leave her, she decides to sabotage the ship by tearing out a bunch of wires. Only when she does the key comes to life and forces her to repair the damage. Then the Allspark shows her some visions. Megatron's head, the key, and a fully restored Megatron. She tries to leave in a panic but ends up opening an airlock, allowing water to rush in.

Someone's been studying with Headmasters' Scorponok​

-Ratchet saves her and the pair finally make amends with Sari apologizing for her sabotage and Ratchet admitting that he wants to leave so badly because he can't stomach the thought of staying behind and putting the Earth, its people, and especially Sari in danger.

Aww. look at Ratchet and his soft, gooey center.

-Sari now agrees to help and Ratchet reveals that the ark was once a military vessel with weapons that were locked down when the ship was converted to maintenance service. So their goal is to activate the ship's armament to fend off the Decepticons.

-Ratchet tells Optimus to direct the Decepticons towards the ship, which Optimus thinks is crazy. But he goes along with it anyway.

-As soon as the Decepticons are in range of the Ark its weapons flare to life and a massive cannon takes both of them out while Lugnut can only mutter "slag."

I thought the word had been phased out by this point. They already renamed Slag the Dinobot. Interesting to see the curse word survive.

-Megatron loses contact with the Decepticons and the battle is won.

-Back at Autobot HQ Sari is repearing Bumblebee with the key and has taken on some very Ratchet-esque mannerisms.

You kids these days with your multiversal toy lines and store exclusives and popular characters being brought back. In my day you got a dozen toys and if half of them had knees and could stay together in robot mode you counted yourself lucky!​

-Ratchet says that it'll take a while for the Ark to be fully repaired, meaning the Autobots will be around for a while.

-Back at the lake the Decepticons have surfaced but are not in contact with Megatron anymore. However they do end up found by another Decepticon who demands their allegiance: Starscream.

Who rescues some 'cons from under the sea lake? Starbob Screampants!​

Fanservice Tracker
G1: 1 (total: 14)
Beast Wars: 0 (total: 4)
Non-Series-Specific Japan: 0 (total: 1)
Overall: 1 (total: 19)

Pros
+Two new Decepticons

+lots of action

+Lugnut being led around by Megatron is fun

+Progress for the overall series story arc

+the cute Sari/Ratchet bits.



Cons
-We're at like 3 episodes in a row about Sari misusing the key. It just needs to stick and be done already if they're not going to space this out a bit more.

-The allspark and the key manifest weird new powers for little reason besides moving the plot along

 

I... think you mean Ratchet, here. I'm not sure she interacted with Prowl beyond the hockey game.

I'd say they ripped off each other!  

He's single-minded, but he's not stupid. I like that a lot.

Don't forget about the Production Line in the 50s and Gordie Howe.  

Okay, you're right, Three episodes in a row is a bit much for key shenanigans.

I didn't realize sky beams were happening this early in media!

The best shows tend to anticipate your complaints and jokes and counter them quite effectively.

Oh, look! A Megatron who learns from past experiences!

I did enjoy it quite well. Some really good counters with the Decepticons as major threats.

megatron. "Is it possible for someone to be too loyal?!"

Either Sunday or Monday I'll post pics of them.

Sadly mature considering her upbringing.

At this point it's more like fiveshadowing. The show might get up to sixhsadowing at this rate!

Considering what he's been through? Makes sense. This show has 1. best Ratchet and 2. definitive Ratchet.

 

Wasn't Isenberg's motto for writing this show:

Write standalone episodes but build on them?

 

Just because he's a fanatic doesn't mean he's a drooling idiot!

I really should've expected @Liege Nemesis of all people to go on a hockey tangent.  

THAT DRONE HAD A FAMILY, HE WAS THREE DAYS TO RETIREMENT!

Megatron, damn near every time Lugnut opens his mouth, he is praising you to high heaven. Why would you ever doubt his loyalty?

And speaking of underlings, does Megatron know Blackarachnia is on Earth? She's technically a Decepticon.

A rare Megatron who has a minion who is too loyal!

I like to think it's some kind of drone tank.

If the Autobots can drive underwater, I don't see why Lugnut's missiles can't also work underwater.

Don't mind me, I'm just putting my copy of The Shooting Party on my coffee table...

"Sari Sumdac, yer gonna die!"

Now watch them use that same gag in the next series with Ratchet in it.

AND THE CROWD GOES WILD! I SCREAM! YOU SCREAM! WE ALL SCREAM FOR STARSCREAM!

 

Sari: "No way!"  

 

Yeah, this was the episode watching the show back then that got me to stick around given how I wasn't feeling a lot of the previous ones.

 

Episode 10: Sound and Fury


We start off the episode with Sari and Bulkhead looking into a toy store because Sari is choosing something for her birthday.

Bulkhead thinks a birthday is a “Construction date celebration.”

Sari says she wants something “Sweet, Pretty and loud” for her birthday and Professor Princess shows up. I hate her. She’s an annoying character with an irritating voice. She does sound like a character from Rugrats strangely enough.

I do like the background music that plays when she appears tho. Catchy.

Bulkhead destroys her pony and we leave her for now. Thank Goodness.

And we see Megatron watching the seen play out. Poor Megatron.

Just before Isaac sumdac walks in we see the schematics for his latest scheme- someone who looks very familiar.

Aww, Megatron just wants to give Sari a gift. What a nice decepticon.

I really feel sorry for Sari, she has no real friends (besides the Autobots) and her father forces his employees to bring their children to his daughter’s birthday.

Don’t spit the punch back into the bowl, Sari. Gross.

Who blackmailed the Autobots to go to Sari’s birthday party? No? Nobody?

I love the fish out of water scenes with the Autobots- Like Bulkhead destroying everything nearby trying to pop a pinata. Poor Bulkhead… at least you tried.

Prime being pestered into saying his catchphrase is chuckle worthy.

It’s sweet that Bulkhead brought Sari a xylophone for her birthday. The fact that he’s treating it with care and hasn’t broken it yet truly shows just how much he cares for Sari.

I really feel for poor Bulkhead, being out shined by Isaac’s present.

Soundwave being a children’s toy for this version of him is an interesting idea. Too bad Sari quickly bores with him and plugs her Allspark Key into it.

I do like the devious smile she gives before she plugs the Allspark key into the toy.

Seriously Sari?! You’ve been told off like three times about this now! When will you ever learn?!

…And of course, shoving the key into Soundwave has consequences.

I’m glad Bulkhead brings up all the times the Allspark key has messed things up.

…And of course, the Allspark key gave life to Soundwave. And of course, he starts a robot rebellion. I mean come on!

Bulkhead gently playing with the xylophone is adorable.

Bulkhead’s comm makes a classic phone ringing sound.

Did Sari use the Allspark key to bring those garbage truck robots to life?

Soundwave was about to kill Sari on Megatron’s demand/control and Bulkhead saves her, but everyone thinks he’s trying to just destroy soundwave. Ahh a classic plot.

I do like the whole just of Megatron creating Soundwave to make a new body for himself, knowing Sari would juice him up with the Allspark key.

Soundwave’s rebellion is extremely quick and rushed, I have a feeling it could have been fleshed out if this was a two parter.

The pacing issues quickly become apparent with how quick and easily Soundwave starts his revolution, and how quickly its ended. It’s annoying, but ultimately it doesn’t ruin the episode for me. I think the show would have benefited as a whole if each season had 26 episodes each, instead of a measly 13.

It’s a pretty good episode with a rushed plot. 3/5.

 

EPISODE 12: SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST
It's the battle nature always intended: mutant beastmen vs robot dinosaurs. Except not really.

Spoiler

Youtube

Tubi release
Transformers: Animated S01:E12 - Survival Of The Fittest

I was really happy when the Dinobots were brought in with the promise of more being done with them.

But this episode was not what I was expecting/hoping for.

For starters, the Dinobots themselves are basically passengers in this episode, doing very little except isolating Bulkhead and Prowl so we can make sure the Autobot numbers are small enough not to overpower the threat they'll come up against. While the revelation of their ability to Transform (well, the mute pair's ability to transform since we already saw Grimlock last time) should be a big deal, it's merely the punctuation mark on their portion of the story and doesn't really feel like a "this is HUGE" sort of moment.

It also didn't help that we got there in a somewhat disjointed way, with the self-defence plot leading into the kidnapping somewhat tangentially, leading into the Fanzone team-up somewhat tangentially, leading into the escape and the Dinobot resolution. Instead of one long thread that ties through the whole way, it's like a series of kind of fumbly baton hand-offs as each section of the plot drives us to a destination only for another, different car to pick us up and drive us somewhere else. Sure in the end everything sort of comes back together but it's not the smoothest of rides getting there and it makes this episode alternatingly drag and rocket past us at warp speed.

Which is a shame because aside from the transforming Dinobots, some of the other bits we get are a lot of fun. Prowl and Fanzone as the weirdest buddy cop dynamic is great. stiff-as-a-board Prowl easily going along with Bulkhead without grousing or complaining as they color outside the lines is fun in a different way. Meltdown having a team of fanservicey mutant monsters is weird but works for his character and creates something that could've been interesting. Each of these things are great on their own, but they kind of get lost in the soup that is the episode on the whole.

Maybe that's a testament to how weird and less-coherent this episode is: I've multiple different metaphors in this review and none of them really feel like they stick.

I didn't hate this one. I was still generally entertained. It's just only kind of able to be a little bit above average and less than the sum of its parts.

Spoiler

-We open up with Sari under the tutelage of Prowl learning some martial arts. She kicks Prowl in the knee and it does nothing and Prowl is discouraged. What was he expecting? He's a giant space robot made of metal and probably weighing thousands of pounds. She's an 8-year-old girl who, given how short she is, would probably be be lucky to be much over 50 lbs (for the record, info I quickly googled suggests that the average 8yo girl likely weighs somewhere in the mid 50s). In what universe was he honestly expecting Sari to damage him?

Wrong show, Sari. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is down the hall.​

-Bulkhead and Bumblebee get it. But Prowl and, shockingly, Optimus both agree that she needs to learn to defend herself. And that martial arts against giant robots is the only suitable path.

-She tries again and misses Prowl, instead hitting Bulkhead. He tries to sell that the kick really hurt, but everyone recognizes that he's faking. At least he's not out here destroying a child's fragile confidence.

-Later that night Sari's at home in her room and still practicing.

-She turns in for bed but is awakened by a shadow flying past her window. Then she sees something cool and we switch to a reverse camera angle to reveal that it's Swoop.

*insert Furmanism here. You know the one*​

-But then things move ahead to later in the evening when Prof. Sumdac shows up outside her room with milk and cookies, but finds her room trashed and Sari herself gone.

-The next morning Captain Fanzone is leading a police investigation. And also struggling with his weird outdated/not real cell phone (it's got a dial on it. But beeps like a touch-tone phone. And looks more like an ancient cordless receiver than a cell.

-He curses machines as usual, but the Autobots have arrived and Prowl chides him for being a technophobe.

 , Fanzone, in the most pedantic way possible, points out that being a technophobe would mean he fears technology. But he absolutely doesn't fear it, he simply detests it. Prowl gets his point.

-After he gets the Autobots to go over what she did the previous day, he questions the sense of teaching an 8-year-old "ninja nerve blows"

But Bulkhead says it's ok, it's not like they're having her fight Decepticons.

Prowl: "Yet."

  not helping, Prowl!

-As they're talking Optimus spots Swoop on the security footage. He and Prowl are confused because they don't know what happened to the Dinobots after they escaped.

That's right. They escaped. And not anything else.

-Bulkhead thinks they should come clean, but Prowl refuses and says he needs to fix things on his own. None of the Autobots notice, but too bad for him Fanzone was paying attention and picks up on their secrecy.

-And so the two Autobots steal a massive cargo boat to get to Dinobot Island.

Meanwhile Fanzone has a submarine but somehow manages to accidentally open the airlock instead of retracting the periscope. Seems pretty dangerous that it can do that while its submerged. Also the way he sinks and gurgles and blubbers sure does make it sound like he's about to drown.

-Flash forward to Dinobot Island where Prowl finds evidence that someone else has visited the island. While this is going on Fanzone surfaces and lands on the beach

-Prowl turns off his holoprojector, the one that was creating the fake tree cover. The Dinobots are gone. Cut to an interior monitor where it's revealed that Meltdown is on the island.

-Fanzone follows along behind the Autobots, but since they're unaware of his presence they inadvertently endanger him several times. or maybe they know he's there and are taking out his virulent anti-machine rhetoric on him through physical violence. Who knows!

Early tech demo for a Donkey Kong inspired video game based on the series​

-Meanwhile Meltdown still watches. But this time we see he's got Colossus Rhodes with him and Sari in a laser cage.

-Bulkhead is annoyed at Prowl for acting like he thought Bulkhead wouldn't notice the extremely obvious quicksand. "You'd have to be a real glitch-head to get caught in that."

so of course Captain Fanzone gets caught in it and the Autobots are finally alerted to his presence.

-Captain Fanzone knows that Dinobot Island was actually an abandoned research facility. This certainly would've been useful info for the Autobots back when they first left the Dinobots there.

-Fanzone rants at the Autobots for keeping secrets, but that ends when everyone comes face to face with the Dinobots and Grimlock declares they'll destroy the intruders.

-Bulkhead believes this is proof the Dinobots took Sari and want to destroy the Autobots, but Prowl isn't convinced. and Fanzone is more concerned with the revelation that the Autobots helped the Dinobots escape.

-Prowl then notices that Swoop has acid burns on his legs and might've been coerced into their current actions.

-The group gets herded into a box canyon and Meltdown makes his presence known, taking credit for everything.

Also Grimlock apologizes for his actions. Aww.

-Meltdown discusses using the island to conduct "unique experiments" and that he's taken Sari to be his newest subject. An enraged Bulkhead charges and is taken out by acide, while Fanzone and Prowl fall into a trap door. Either this was a strange research facility staffed by wannabe mad scientists or Meltdown works really quickly to install all the usual supervillain accoutrements.

-Prowl and Fanzone wake up inside a holding cell. But I'm not really paying attention to that. I'm noticing that "I hate machines" Fanzone remembers the Autobots' names (he shouted for Bulkhead when he was struck by Meltdown's attack, and then rouses Prowl by calling his name.)

-Since the heroes are captured, we're at the part of the story where the villain is obligated to explain his entire convoluted plan.

So up steps Meltdown: After seeing the Autobots he recognized the value of transformation and set out to design biological transformers with humans. He's made a few prototypes but none have worked out that well.

-The test subjects step into view and hey, I know things that look like that!


They very obviously resemble Submarauder and Bomb-Burst, or if we want to look at their major cartoon appearances, Gilmer and Blood

And then Meltdown unleashes his ultimate creation: a mutant that looks like Ginrai!​

*Ding* Fanservice (Masterforce)

-Meltdown explains that he thinks that kids, who are still growing, might have the structure to endure the transformation and function correctly.

-With Sari next on his experimentation list, Meltdown leaves Fanzone and Prowl to deal with his mutants.

-Elsewhere Colossus is having issues with Sari, who was let out of her holding cell to use the bathroom (and not for the first time. Or second or third or fourth, it seems.)

-In the bathroom Sari is looking for a way to escape. She finds it by using her key to supercharge the toilet to shoot a torrent of water at Colossus, incapacitating him.

But why does the toilet have a key slot?

-Back in the cell Prowl attacks not-Gilmer by transforming his motorcycle wheels in his knees to use like striking weapons. That's cool.

-Not to be outdone, Fanzone takes out not-Blood with a strong right hook.

-And Sari has locked Colossus in the bathroom, where the water shorted out his steroid injector things.

-The freed Sari gets the force-field down and allows the others to escape. And she gets to snarkily throw Prowl's "I won't always be there to protect you" line from earlier back at him.

-And then outside she keys Bulkhead to close up his wound and save him and the pair have a pretty touching little exchange.

-But now Meltdown is outside with the Dinobots. Sari charges at Meltdown to use her flying kick from the beginning, but she misses. That's OK though. It was a distraction.

-The dinobots roar as Meltdown orders them to attack, but they aren't intent on following him anymore. Instead they want vengeance for his abuse. And so they transform, the tow that aren't Grimlock doing so for the first time for us.

-Also each Dinobot has a unique weapon. Grimlock has his sword that we saw before, but not-Slag has a club and Slag has a morning star type flail. All 3 weapons have cool black decos with red vein elements to look like lava cracking through to the surface. It's fitting for the Dinobots.

The strong, silent types. and Grimlock​

-Subdued, Meltdown chooses prison. But just then Colossus breaks out of the facility with the two mutant monsters. Too bad for them the Dinobots are in no mood and squash them easily off-screen. The potential for climactic fights is snuffed out almost like they ran out of budget. Budgetary cheats is nearly another *ding* for Masterforce  

-So we cut to the Autobots' stolen boat as they head back to the city

-Bulkhead wonders if they should come clean about the Dinobots now that Sari and Fanzone know, and Fanzone seems to back them up by saying he doesn't care if they're on the island as long as they stay there and don't cause problems in the city.

-he and Prowl also have a bit of a bonding moment. They're totally besties who are going to go off and fight crime together while having exciting adventures.  

-Sari is trying to practice her kicks on Bulkhead again, but Prowl says perhaps Sari doesn't need Cybertronian ninja skills as she's capable of taking care of herself.


Fanservice Tracker
G1: 0 (total: 14)
Beast Wars: 0 (total: 4)
Non-Series-Specific Japan: 0 (total: 1)
Masterforce: 1 (total: 1)
Overall: 1 (total: 20)

Pros
+Transforming Dinobots

+Prowl and Fanzone hijinks

+Meltdown's mutants

+It's fun seeing Bulkhead and Prowl operate outside the Autobot chain of command



Cons
-The pacing is a bit off

-Some things almost feel like they were resolved too easily

-The fact that the Autobots don't recognize the obvious flaws in simply trying to teach Sari combat skills for self defence against supervillains and Decepticons.

 

She needs to learn how to harness her ki, Prowl won't be so tough when he takes a kamehameha to the face!

Swoop gave Sari the worst case of indigestion she ever had!

Fanzone tried to go for the retro look and failed miserably.

This is why I like Fanzone, the guy has clearly been around the block and knows his stuff. He's not just some doofus who shows up to look stupid.

It used to be a Cobra lab back in the 80s!

Because the key gave it one.

QUIT KEEPING SECRETS FROM OPTIMUS FOR NO DAMN REASON!

 

prowl, i know Autobots can be a little... uninformed about humans, but this is ridiculous!

Guys, GUYS! Sari isn't Spike Witwicky and she won't be wielding giant laser pistols... yet.

Or trying to teach her moves that her body can't perform adequately against a target she has no chance against.

No. Furman is overrated.  

We may mock his absent-mindedness, but this is genuinely bad for him.  

That thing looks like it was intentionally designed to give Fanzone conniption fits.

In the Terminator franchise Fanzone was one of the most effective Terminator-killers ever.

I laughed my ass off during this entire exchange. The comedy and timing is just top-notch. So much personality!

Prowl, you are only compounding and delaying the inevitable.

Meltdown is the RAW general manager?

IT'S RHODES! IT'S SARI! THIS SUNDAY AT SUMMERSLAM IN HELL IN A CELL!

How did Fanzone miss the quicksand? Bulkhead and Prowl weren't exactly quiet about it!

Well, yes... if they had come clean about it Fanzone might've told them. It's not his fault they didn't know about it.

IT WAS ME, AUSTIN FANZONE! IT WAS ME ALL ALONG!"

JR: "Ah, son of a bitch!"

Could've been both. the former staff were wannabe mad scientists but couldn't finish, and Meltdown came in and finished the work.

He's definitely a lot nicer than he lets on.  

Jesus fuck that's some body horror there!

    Liege, how could you?!

The Transformers do some really cool and inventive things with their alt modes. I just love it.

I wonder if that bit was intentional on her part...

Good. He deserved the snark.

A bit early in the series to be running out of budget...

You fucking morons!

 

He truly is evil!

 

As I said, here's Blitzwing and Lugnut. Two Lugnuts, in fact.  


First we have, for the GLORY of Megatron, Lugnut. On the left is his original toy, and on the right is Lugnut apparently from G1, although to me he's just an upgraded Lugnut. Whatever. The toy on the left is good, but it's got problems. No head articulation, the light-piping is atrocious, and his front cockpit halves won't stay closed in vehicle mode. And a third of his vehicle mode is that damned mace that made one appearance in the show! He definitely needs an upgrade. The toy on the right from 2011 is pretty good, much better IMHO. His head moves!   







Next is the insane-ly cool Blitzwing.   Jet, tank and robot mode. The jet has some problems staying together, and like Starscream he can't point his missile launchers forward. the tank is nuts in how compressed it gets. And it's a fun little tank, too. Robot mode has the face-swapping gimmick, much better implemented than how they did it in G1 Blitzwing. Although sadly his missile launchers can't point forward, and his hands can't hold anything either. Overall, though, it's a fun toy.

 

EPISODE 13: Headmaster
Thankfully not all about Chromedome. But somehow nearly as annoying.

Spoiler

Youtube

Tubi release
Transformers: Animated S01:E13 - Headmaster

I went into this episode remembering how much I disliked Headmaster and fully prepared to hate the episode as a result. Maybe it's because of that preconception that I set my expectations low and found that ultimately I don't think the episode sucked as much as I feared it would.

Don't get me wrong, I still thought it was average at best. And most of that comes from all the things that aren't related to Headmaster himself. Bulkhead's artist subplot is a lot of fun and a side of Transformers characters we don't often get to see. Sure we see bots getting into music or culture in ways that suggest those things are somewhat familiar to them and they're just exploring the new forms of it on Earth, but rarely do we have a scenario where the idea of something like art is completely foreign to the bots and we have them learning about the concept from the ground floor. So it was enjoyable to see Bulkhead do his best to understand how art worked and what it meant and find a way to actually express himself artistically once he had gotten his head (heh) around the meaning and value of its creation.

The fights themselves are also fun if you ignore Headmaster being unbearable. Like most Animated fights they tend to be pretty dynamic and unique, avoiding a lot of the repetitive Transformers fight standbys since the Autobots don't have an array of standard weapons. Bulkhead, Prowl, and even Optimus all get creative and find different ways to attack their foe without the benefit of giant laser guns or powerful military-style armaments.

It's just too bad that Headmaster is terrible. That seems to be partially by choice as his painful lingo and negative charisma have to be intentional to make him off-putting and irritating (otherwise I might seriously question if the writers actually participate in society at large) but even if something is bad on purpose it has to be done in moderation otherwise the frustrating nature of the character will drown out all the other things around him that are supposed to balance out his antics. And that comes perilously close to happening here.

Aside from Headmaster himself, I think I also docked some points on this episode for its kind of unsatisfying conclusion. faced with a life-or-death situation that seems like it would necessitate a sacrifice of some type, the Autobots are saved by Key magic and a complete disregard for time as the gang manages to somehow build a fully functioning robot inside of a 5 minute window. That's so far beyond what I would expect to be possible that even granting that the key is basically magical technology. It sucks all the tension out of the climax to have them come up with such a complex solution in such a small amount of time and if not for the extra bit in the art gallery it would've been an extremely unsatisfying conclusion to the story.

The question going forward is if this C is going to be a low point for Animated or if we just haven't found the most suboptimal use of one of its more grating characters.

Spoiler

-the opening line is a new character saying "I feel like a total noob". My expectations have been suitably lowered.

He also wants to extol the virtues of Hot Topic and a bunch of bands you've never heard of​

-Said new character is named Henry Masterson. Given what we got with Nanosec and the title of this episode, it should be pretty obvious where things are going. Again.


Henry Masterson is voiced by Alexander Polinsky. Originally a child actor who rose to fame as a cast member of long-running 80s sitcom Charles in Charge, Polinsky basically became the poor man's Robbie Rist in that he transitioned from a notable sitcom role as a child to a semi-noteworthy voice actor. But while Rist did so with attachments to iconic franchises (as a kid playing the reviled Cousin Oliver on the Brady Bunch followed by his most notable role as the voice of Michelangelo in the live action Ninja Turtles movies) Polinsky came in a notch below as Charles in Charge achieved recognition but not adulation and Polinsky's most notable roles as a voice actor have been the villainous Control Freak in Teen Titans and Teen Titans Go! and a recurring role in some iterations of Ben 10 (both shows sharing numerous crew members with this one).

It's worth noting that Masterson is basically a knockoff of Control Freak.

Japanese Headmaster is Kosuke Okano. Previously he played Micron Legend's Hot Rod (Armada Hot Shot). This will be on the test.

-Sumdac asks about Masterson's research project and we then transition to a giant sheet for the reveal of....

the headmaster unit. Henry Masterson's Headmaster. There it is. Right on cue.

-Suddenly a giant, lumbering robot sneaks up behind Prof. Sumdac. how does it sneak up when we see that its every footstep causes tremors? Shut up! That's how!

-But this is part of the demonstration of the Headmaster, which flies up and takes over the "war bot" by sawing off its head and attaching itself to the body. Sumdac is unimpressed because he seems uncomfortable with the idea of "war bots". I guess he's against military-style tech. Except for those ED-209 style police bots. Or the flying police drones that have guns.

-As soon as I type the above, Sumdac says basically just what I did. He's not into making military robots or derivatives thereof. As he does this and Masterson calls his own tech "sweet" it suddenly malfunctions and a large rocket from the robot's back fires off towards the city to endanger all the innocent people.

-Having seen enough, Sumdac fires him.

-In the city, a reporter robot asks Bulkhead some questions about how he feels about being the most dangerous Autobot.

It's kind of fun that a 2050s reporter robot looks like a 1940s reporter.

Given the look I'll be disappointed if it's not called the "Scoopitron 3000"​

Bulkhead tries to explain that he's a sensitive bot with a soft side, but is interrupted by Optimus radioing to say the rest of the Autobots won't make it to hte rocket in time.

-So Bulkhead rushes over and uses his mace to fling a car up into the sky to stop the rocket. And cause immense amounts of collateral damage.

Optimus is getting to learn a lot about insurance in a short period of time in this series.​

-Poor wannabe-cool stepdad Optimus desperately tries to reassure Bulkhead that it's all Ok but he doesn't have the confidence to do so convincingly.

-Then the car Bulkhead used falls from the sky and crushes the reporter bot, who was continuing to press the narrative of Bulkhead being a danger to everyone. This scares nearby Daniel Witwicky, who is even further traumatized when Bulkhead pulls the car off and pronounces the reporter as fine right before his head falls off and his optics pop out.

Everything that happened in this episode is now totally worth it.​

-Some random woman comes to comfort Daniel and chastise Bulkhead. So... he just wanders the streets of Detroit alone? Can we call this show's Carly and Spike showing no interest in being present to parent their kid a bit of Headmasters fanservice?

Note: according to the wiki, the random woman is actually the mother of one of the kids we saw at Sari's birthday party. The one who badgered Optimus to say "Transform and roll out". She also doesn't have a listed voice actor, though I would not be surprised if it was Tara Strong since Daniel's crying was Tara and it's not like they have any other actresses on the regular payroll besides her and Cree Summer.

-Back at the base Bulkhead is depressed about how much destruction he causes. Sari tries to make him feel better, but Bumblebee is here to ruin everything.

-Sari suggests Bulkhead try getting into art. His first attempt is to grab some sort of gizmo off the end of one of the factory arms and have it make the noise of an old 80s printer as he creates a perfect image of the Autobot cast (with covering halftone pattern) in a way that makes absolutely no sense.

Turns out Cybertronian AI art is better with hands than human AI art.​

-Wanting to explain the concept of art as an avenue for expression, Sari has the tutor bot show Bulkhead a bunch of famous paintings. But painting doesn't go well as he has trouble with the tools. Then he has trouble with graffiting a billboard.

-And back at the base the other Autobots are less than supportive. Except maybe Prowl. The fact that Optimus isn't is kind of surprising. This seems like exactly the kind of thing that wannabe-cool stepdad would encourage to score brownie points.

-Unable to finish his painting without breaking the brush (again) he freaks out and declares he sucks at everything.

-So of course sitcom laws dictate that Sari run in right at this point to declare she's gotten him an exhibit at a local art gallery. He immediately panics and runs away by smashing through a wall and leaving a Bulkhead-shaped hole in it.

So close to Looney Tunes logic that I almost want to give it a "fanservice (Waspinator)" ding​

-Elsewhere, Henry Masterson has turned to evil and is now playing rock-em, sock-em robots with pictures of him and Sumdac on them as evil people are wont to do.

-He realizes that he needs a ton of cash to start his own company and a body to put his Headmaster on. Cue convenient newscast showing Bulkhead.

He's incredibly annoying

-Out at night, the mopey Bulkhead is blindsided by Headmaster, who tazes him and attaches his unit to Bulkhead's body

One dissolve through black (with accompanying "total ownage" ugh), and Bulkhead wakes up as a head without a body.

Head off!​

-Back at base Bumblebee is a jerk while Optimus says they're out looking for his body.

-Seriously, Bumblebee is a massive jerk about all of this, tormenting and abusing Bulkhead.

-Bumblebee offers to help Bulkhead complete his art exhibit. He promptly sets the base on fire.

Though it does give a fun gag where Bumblebee asks where the fire extinguisher is and Bulkhead responds "attached to Prime!"

-Meanwhile Prof. Sumdac has heard of Bulkhead's predicament and immediately suspected Masterson.

-And while that lead is followed, Bumblebee has managed to stick Bulkhead's head onto the body of tutor bot, who is now doing the most useful thing he has all series.

How is that body not tipping over under the weight of Bulkhead's head?​

-Bulkhead says he feels like he's running and smashing things. One convenient news report later and they se that he's feeling the movements of his own body as Headmaster is causing carnage out in the city.

-Headmaster hacks the news to say that he's taken over the solar fusion power plant and is holding it ransom for 700 billion dollars. Inflation must be nuts in the next 30 years! If they don't he'll blow up the entire state

he seems pretty bad at this supervillain thing. He's in the state that will go kaboom.


-Optimus suggests paying the ransom, and thus we cut to the Autobots driving out to meet Headmaster. Optimus has a familiar trailer attached to him.

*ding* fanservice (G1)

-Prowl's Holomatter avatar can separate from his bike. Neat.

-Headmaster pulls the usual supervillain move and reveals that he lied and planned on destroying hte power plant anyway.

Then in the very next breath he says this is "exactly the kind of attack that the government will want my headmaster warbots to defend against."

You mean... the government that you are going to blow up along with the rest of the state? Don't know what their market for warbots is going to be when they're all dead.

-Sumdac suggests Headmaster should count his money. so he opens the trailer and finds Bulkhead's head. Now the Autobots spring their trap and it takes all of them to try and restain Bulkhead. This just goes to show how dangerous he could be if he really tried.

-While the Autobots deal with Headmaster, the humans try to stop the power plant from overloading and killing everyone. But apparently apocalyptic death is less interesting than fighting an awful villain.

-In spite of my snark, the fight actually is decent.

-One of Headmaster's missiles destroys the power plant control panel, preventing them from stopping the explosion.

-But at the same time Optimus manages to bring down the escaping Headmaster by turning Bulkhead into a version of his own mace. with his body now unattended Sari can use the key to fix him... Sort of. She attaches his head backwards.

-Headmaster escapes but the core is still overloading. The only way to shut it down is a sacrifice play which (of course) Optimus volunteers for because dying for the cause is rule 1 of being an Optimus Prime.

-However we've already done the "Optimus dies!" bit in this series, so instead Bulkhead comes up with plan B. somehow hastily construct a whole robot in less than 5 minutes and use Sari's key to power it up so it can sacrifice itself instead.

The obligatory A-Team montage would've lasted longer than the actual amount of time they had to make this thing​

How'd they do that in just 5 minutes?

-As the final seconds count down the robot melts away just as it finishes restoring the core stability.

and so Bulkhead shows that art can save the world in spite of Rachet's previous protests. So we cut to his gallery show that features several of his projects from earlier in the episode and the melted remains of the robot that saved everyone.

It represents the degradation of one's sanity after exposure to Headmaster.​

-Optimus says he feels "proud" looking at the very first picture Bulkhead made, the one of the group together, and we fade out

Fanservice Tracker
G1: 1 (total: 15)
Beast Wars: 0 (total: 4)
Non-Series-Specific Japan: 0 (total: 1)
Masterforce: 0 (total: 1)
Overall: 1 (total: 21)

Pros
+Bulkhead's journey into artistry has its moments

+The fights are generally well-made and interesting.



Cons
-Headmaster is suuuuuuuper annoying.

-The final twist of building a functioning robot inside of 5 minutes strains credulity even in a series about giant transforming space robots.

 

I'll have the other episode up tonight. I've got like 5 minutes of it left to watch.

 

I'm so focus on sentinel being annoying that I never realized headmaster was annoying.