I was still recovering, until last night when my mom was watching the jubilee, there was a disturbing commercial about something happening on the US news, I've been thinking about it all night.

 

Unfortunately, it's just going to get worse here in good ol' America. Don't know what else to tell you. Just try tuning it out and focus on your own priorities. That's what I do plus I don't watch the news. I'm too miserable to be bothered by the overwhelming misery of the country and world.

 

Everyone I know tell me not to worry about US news, because I'm Canadian and it shouldn't effect me in any way. It's hard to think of that.

 

All the more reason I need to find me a Canuck woman and get the fuck outta here in a few years.

 

Don't discount Russian woman.

I get spammed with Russian dating sites. I don't know why.

 

Another day that started off decently but the usual things here made it another lousy Monday.

I now have to worry about my Mother's Health along with being Concerned for my Father's Health cause he's not getting much better after coming home from the Nursing home and I'm literally stuck at home now 99% of the time and it's enough to make me stir crazy all the time.....I'm just glad that my Brother's coming this weekend and I can get out then when he's here but it feels like there's so much uncertainty with things I can't make ANY Plans at all and being disabled and stuck at home doesn't make things better so best I can do is try to keep myself occupied mentally to avoid madness.

Gotta make it through this week.

Then I may just Splurge for the heck of it next Monday and get what I want.

 

Hearing about something really disturbing that nearly happened in Idaho.

 

I have a long history of it. I no longer take medications. I have learned to level myself over the years. Meditate and connect with yourself. Learn to breathe again.

 

I'm so ****ING tired.

I've a job that is officially dead end. Shit sucks. Only silver lining was the idiot manager I had quit since the new head caught onto his bullshit. So writing was on the wall for him.

Late last year I got a decent raise, only one ever, because one guy quit. I was *this* close to being able to laugh at them and hand a two weeks notice. That four hours and five interviews proved worthless. Few other interviews and two outright trolled me after... I need new training but this place hasn't granted it despite it being helpful to the crap I work on for them... And my current job title also screws with potential applications.

Now they're hiring a part timer whose got my role... Another overqualified candidate, even mor so than myself.... They're planning to shift to full time... After myself and another long time worker train them. IE, writing on the wall for me now.

Meanwhile... I've got to deal with three adult children at home. One is a narcissistic sociopath who got knee surgery and is just suffocating. Can't get a break and they keep causing bullshit expenses we don't need here. Their finances aren't mine but I will be harassed to pull them out the hole when they're too deep. Also they're not following the doctor orders so if they don't fix their act they're going to be psychically disabled, making life even more excruciatingly difficult. Others don't do a damn chore so I'm cooking and cleaning all day when not in work. I have zero breaks. I complain and am told stfu. If they weren't family I'd obviously take a hike from all of it.

Also have this former acquaintance asking how am I but honestly.... I haven't openly answered that in ages. Not to them, nor anyone. Why. No one ever wants to hear "I'm ****ING miserable." Few folks that you do say that basically veer off the Convo or stop chatting eventually.

I'm so tired.

 

Yeah, I just read about that. Definitely scary stuff.

Man, I can relate to a lot of this, especially about work, so I feel you. I wish I had some wisdom to impart, but I really don't. Are you seeing a counselor or anything?

 

I’ve had a long ass day at work, I come home hoping go to bed by 10 cause I got to get up tomorrow and do it again. But no, on today, June 18th, at 10 pm, in the fucking city, someone miles away has decided they need to set off fireworks so powerful they shake my house.

It honestly sounds more like morters, as all I hears is loud thudding constantly.

 

I know what you mean. I dealt with that last night because we have a stupid town festival this weekend. The park it's at is right by my house and also next to a senior living community. It was loud as hell last night and scared the shit out of my cat. Thankfully I had today off. Hope you get some rest dude.

 

My neighbors are having a party complete with music and fireworks. They also have some kind of loud system for the partygoers in the backyard. I can hear it down the street and through my walls. (Lord I feel bad for those that live closer to them. My cat who likes to be outdoors all night demanded to come in. Currently they are having some kind of drawing and are calling numbers on the winning ticket.

 

I got the strange feeling today something really really bad is going to happen in the states. Let's just say it's something recent that happened in Buffalo.

 

It's been happening every day since Buffalo.

 

I was just starting to feel a bit better after getting an item I really wanted this month Transformers MB-01 Arch Enemy.....

Then I broke one of the grails in my collection.


Right now having that mood where you just want to go curl up in bed.

Breaking one of the rarest pieces in the Mecha collection trying to Transform it back to fighter mode the Mospeada Aoshima Tread just has me in one of these states of being.



Damn thing is so rare now at this point I'm gonna need a lot of heavy duty glue to repair it with the way it broke it reminds me why the Masterpiece Alpha/Treads were often referred to disasterpieces because of the poor quality on some of those but damn it if I just didn't pick that figure up today while dusting and moving things around on the shelf......

Well at least it's doomed to be forever in Robot Mode so at least it displays well in that but the fact that's a $200 figure that broke that way just.....well....it's another thing that sets my anxiety high when I'm handling some of the Mecha in my collection and makes me want to get away from dealing with things that are so fragile or look so fragile if you sneeze on them they may break.

But I got my enjoyment out of the Tread and have had it for a while.....still this just sucks to break something when one handles it just to transform it back to Fighter Mode.

One of the main reasons I stopped collecting Mecha is because of the absurd prices on those things and when things like this happen it's enough to make me swear off any expensive collectibles.

So that way when it breaks from handling it I won't feel depression or anxiety.

 

So business as usual for the states, you mean?

 

Never mind, I was worried about nothing.

 

What really sucks about depression and mental health is knowing that no one gives a shit about it or you. The whole there is hope, there is someone to talk to and you are not alone is a bunch of bullshit.

 

That's how I feel and I know this is the Truth of how things are.

Had one of those days today and just ready to give up on pretty much everything.