My alarm has failed to wake me in time for work two days in a row - pretty sure it even disabled itself last night because I damn well know i set it before bed. Really annoyed because if the alarm was for some ungodly early hour it worked but past five AM it doesn't seem too enthused.

 

I woke up early Saturday morning to accompany my wife grocery shopping in case any douche clowns act up, and there's a Chevy Silverado blocking my driveway, I mean RIGHT in the middle. Talk about blatant disrespect! I would have to drive in through the lawn to leave my driveway.

I knew EXACTLY whose house the truck was from, so I walked over to the neighbor's house (who we've all have had previous issues with) and rang the bell twice to no reply. The people that live there are the gang member-looking, Corona-drinking variety, so I had no choice but to call the police so they could authorize the dispatch of a tow truck. I couldn't call the towing company directly because the truck was not in my driveway, but on the street, which is public property.

Well, the police never even came out! After 2 hours, some lady from the neighbor's house hopped in the truck real quick like and bumped out before I could run outside and say "WTF?!?" Shortly thereafter, the police station called me back and asked "has an officer shown up?" Really? This is why people take the law into their own hands. If it happens again, I'm going to flatten some tires.

 

Started medication again after at least a year of struggling. Have low hopes for it to work, and certainly "takes one month to start showing results" makes it difficult to be hopeful for anything. Free therapy and psychiatrist is a good side of all this. That shtick gets expensive otherwise. Not feeling their approach, however.

I may have to quit my part-time job...

 

I hate how every time things seem to be just a tiny bit better, something else goes wrong.

 

That is called "life"!

 

Unfortunately quoted for truth. Seems like the family finances have been all over the place the last couple of months and every time I get it sorted something comes up. But it's all just a matter of 'same shit, different day'.

 

eBay buyers that message you with a best offer when you clearly don't have best offer options on your item. Then they get pissy with you when you politely tell them you aren't currently accepting best offers on that particular item. Just yesterday I had a guy do this to me and he kept going on and on about how overpriced my item was and how it'll either take forever to sell or won't sell at all. At first I messaged him back that I was in no hurry and to have a nice day as the thirty something watchers I had on the item showed there was obviously some interest in the item at the price I had it listed for. He then proceeded to message me, read harass me, the rest of the day saying the same stuff over and over (that it was overpriced, wouldn't sell and even said he was doing me a favor). I tried to ignore him, but I kept getting messages every two hours or so. Finally I messaged him that I was reporting him to eBay for harassment and proceeded to do so.

Also, just had a moron leave me negative feedback for a damaged product without giving me the opportunity to fix the issue. The item was damaged by the post office and was a measly thirteen dollar item. Would have happily refunded him his money if he'd bothered asking. Oh well, it's not like it actually hurts my percent and they drop off after a year anyway.

 

That shit it the truth  

I get one thing done something else takes a shit. I get some time off work, the kids get sick and on and on.

So, the secret is make the best of it even if you sometimes have to stir shit lol

 

Without going into it I've been unable to think positively these past few days. Nothing but sadness and anger for some reason.

 

Pondering cataloging my comic collection for possible sale...

 

Not for nothing did H.L. Mencken allegedly once write "Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats"

Or in the famous words of Monty Python:

 

My mom breaking promises.

 

It's been hard for me to do anything at all the last 4 weeks. I'm an open book, I have no problems saying that my recent ex just left me for her ex for no other reason other than she still loves him more. I thought I was done with all this alone shit. I've been blowing up at people at the drop of a hat, breaking down the same way. I've been wanting to off myself, but I won't slash my wrists, I can't bring myself to do physical harm to myself. I want something painless and instant if I'm going to do it. Sleeping pills or a gun seem the way, but I have access to neither, which makes me really just want to go ahead, say fuck it, and cut lateral to some veins....but I don't know why I can't. So I feel you man, if someone were to hand me either a bottle of pills or a gun, I wouldn't be here. I'd have no problems doing it right here right now. Just to clarify, it's not just that she left me, it's tons of other things that I stress about every day. It's become hard to handle it all, but her leaving me, makes me feel worthless, like I wasn't good enough, which obviously I wasn't. I'm tired, and I just don't want to be here anymore.

 

Sounds like you need to go to Westworld on a vacation and just relax without worrying about everyday life. You're so focused on all the problems that you just need some personal 'me' time to just not give a fuck about it all. Got a bucket list? Do stuff on it! Don't have a bucket list? Take a day off to make one!

 

I would if I weren't broke. I do not have one honestly, I've done some pretty awesome things though. That's one thing I can say, I've lived a pretty full life. Nothing really holds fascination anymore, and that's just one of the many reasons why I think I need to just end it....

 

Who says you need to go somewhere expensive? Do a Staycation, just take a day off from work and hang out at home. Binge a Netflix series. Go for a walk in the park. If you're particularly glum then download Pokemon GO.

 

Can't afford to do a staycation honestly. I've pretty much watched everything on Netflix that I'm interested in. And Pokemon Go.....No thanks bub. There's nothing specific that can help me. It's just gonna take time....which I don't know if I have the patience anymore.

 

Got any hobbies? Seriously, I'm trying not to say call a suicide hotline here.

 

I appreciate the concern man, but if I end up finally breaking, there's nothing anyone can do. I don't know if I will, but I'm hoping for something to finally push me. I'm just utterly spent.

 

Do something to get out of your head. Volunteer somewhere. Go for a walk and explore some area of your town you haven't been to before. Look in your local paper or community website or whatever to find some random event you can go participate in (even if it's not something that sounds amazing, actually, ESPECIALLY if its not something you would normally do).

This was not a relationship that was working great up until now. It had issues even some time ago, and when you posted about it then, you acknowledged you understood that you might have to move on like you have to now. It didn't end because you are worthless, it ended because it wasn't working. So my advice is to find something, anything else right now to pour your thoughts and efforts into.