Korn Gold Chain T-Shirt
THE INTERNET'S MR. CHAOS HERE!
Are you tired of people looking at you, wondering if you are human or just a poorly dressed monkey? If so, do I have the shirt for you!
With the Korn Gold Chain T-Shirt, you will be able to show the world that you too are a super cool music god, without having to have any actual talent or fame or even immortality! Just slide this baby on, and watch as other bands begin to rush up to you, asking you to replace their lead singer who just died. How did he die? They killed him...to make a spot for you. The shirt is that good.
Made of a heavyweight cotton, this shirt will be able to survive all the people that will be tugging on it, trying to drag you closer to them in their vain attempt to have some of your coolness leak out onto them. The shirt comes preshrunk, and considering all the sexy hot tub parties you'll be invited to just by wearing it, that is a feature you'd be foolish not to have.
The gold chain is printed directly onto the shirt, meaning you don't have to actually wear the chain in order to look like you are wearing the chain. Why have 20 pounds of gold, costing thousands of dollars, pulling down on your neck when you can hold your head up high and have you chains and wear them too!
You'll be shocked at the reactions you get by wearing this shirt. Men will bow to you as you cross the street. Your boss will give you that promotion you deserve but he was going to give to Bill because that boot licker gets everything. Your parents will happily burn your siblings baby pictures and replace them with images of you in this shirt. Women will fall to their knees and undo your fly when they see you enter the room with this bad boy on. Aged politicians will consider you to be their running mate, and when the polls show you are more popular than him, you'll take over the campaign. Your running mate?
This...shirt.
Your campaign slogan?
"The Time For Strength Is Now"
This shirt was weaved on the bug planet of Arlia, by the insect queen herself over many cold nights. Blessed by the star children that make the planets move in the sky, and sent to Earth in a rocket moments before their planet exploded, thus ensuring the shirt would be able to stand for truth, justice and the shirty way, it was found by Jesus who use to wear it during his sermons. Judas asked a couple of times if he could wear it, but Jesus denied him...didn't want him stretching it out.
The rest, they say, is history.
But before he died Christ gave it too his friend Chuck.
That man's last name?
Norris.
Yeah, Chuck Norris got this shirt from Jesus.
I just blew your mind, didn't I?
It wasn't me though...it was the shirt. It has the power to blow people's minds.
Other powers include, but are not limited to: Superspeed, flight, communicating with small rodents and making bacon appear out of thin air. It has also been known to resurrect the corpse of John Lennon and make him perform songs not written by the Beetles but by the Counting Crows. Lennon would protest...but it is that good of a shirt. Also, he's a zombie, and zombies can't protest. Which sucks, because if he could protest, he would protest about how he didn't get a chance to wear this amazing shirt.
Countless countries have tried to outlaw this shirt, in fear that so many of their citizens would pledge loyalty to the wearer, resulting in them becoming the new ruler of this planet and setting up a new age of peace. An age when dogs and cats would gather together for tea and when babies would not wake you up in the middle of the night. But they didn't outlaw it, and now it can be yours for simply $17.98, plus shipping. And by shipping, I mean the fees the shirt must pay as it flies itself into your home.
So why continue being a mindless drone when you can own this piece of all consuming power! If Indiana Jones and Jack Baur were real, they'd be fighting right now to see who got to wear it. But they aren't real, you are, so get those credit cards ready and order now! Because if you don't...the shirt will get very angry. And you wouldn't like him when he's angry.
Ok, that's a lie.
You'll like him when he's angry.
Still, order now. I want one, and I'm just text on a computer screen.
