I'd have taken Optimus' job offer to be the Autobot's human ambassador while getting a degree on the side.

Also, I would've only said one "no" at a time.

 

I would make Bumblebee scan whatever car I want. Then, I could have a free Koenigsegg Agera or Nissan GTR.

 

Help out as much as I could, and not whine like a little bitch like Shia did.

 

Change my ebay username.  

 

Carly, forget those Robo-bozos  

 

TF;

• get Optimus to be the guardian, if the Decepticons are after me I want the best not some childish immature radio speaking moronic Transformer who doesn't know how to blend in-
• punch Simmons for being pedantic when alien robots are having a war on Earth
• punch Lenox for suggesting to take the cube to the city, instruct him to get it as far away from the city as possible
• Tell Optimus he's a suicidal moron in the first movie and just tell him to use the cube to kill Megatron during the final battle

ROTF;

• Immediately give Allspark shard to Autobots
• Get an Autobot to accompany me to the college
• Immediately get in touch with Optimus about alien symbols
• Switch dormitories to get away from Leo Spitz
• Realise that I'm dating someone not flirt or mess around with strange chick who likes it when I spasm out in class
• Run away from the forest fight in order to make it so that Optimus doesn't have to constantly look around to find me, enabling him to fight without distractions
• Get in touch with Lennox via the Autobots to explain that the Decepticons are after me in order to lead them to Energon
• Stay close to Lennox when told during final battle

DOTM;

• Make sure that I continue to have an Autobot guardian who is actually around
• Send Wheelie and Brains back to the Autobots
• Accept a good life with the hot model
• Realise that getting a job is more for the sake of something to do and that I'm dating a hot model who lives in a posh building and is paying for everything I do
• Immediately get Jerry Wang fired for physical and sexual harassment, thus saving his life
• Immediately contact Autobots about potential alien involvement in the space race
• Explain my worry about Dylan to Carly in a rational method and explain that I am simply scared of losing her as she is the most perfect woman I've ever met, treat her to a meal using earnings from the job as a way of saying that I'll start carrying my weight
• Leave Chicago the second that things might be going down
• Shoot Dylan using the gun that I was given via the former N.E.S.T members
• Actually use the Bumblebee proposal joke as a way of side-lining into actually asking Carly to marry me, after three alien battles I need a break

 

"Optimus... I realize there aren't many around anymore, but you need to scan a flatnose truck/"

"I know it doesn't matter what kind of truck you turn into."

"Trust me, you will be bringing a small measure of peace to the internet."

Assuming that this occurred in a universe where the Transformers franchise already existed, that is.

Otherwise:
"Just take the glasses!!!!"
Which I would be able to find in a matter of minutes, because I don't lose the crap I'm trying to sale online.

 

Not that I like Sam at all. I just noticed a few glaring flaws in the post, and don't like it when people miss details that render their criticisms invalid when criticizing things.

 

Ignore the alien war, use Bumblebee to get laid.

 

either one of these scenarios with the addition of getting rid of ksi and cementry wind one way or another

 

I would say "Yes" all the time instead of:

Shia LaBeouf in "No No No NOo" video - YouTube

 

I'd be all "Do you have, like, some kind of exo-suit armour dealy with massive guns I can wear? Because if not I will almost certainly be a massive liability to your cause on account of being fucking tiny compared to you and easily squished. So here are the glasses, and in the event you succeed, feel free to come back then and be my best friends forever. kthx"

 

But that's exactly what Sam did.

 

Me ,Swipe ,Dino , the Wrecknecks and Ironhide would start a Gang.