Hearts of Plastic (The Life and Times of Transformer Toys)

Discussion in 'Transformers Funnies' started by Mr. Chaos, Mar 4, 2011.

  1. Mr. Chaos

    Mr. Chaos New Holder of the Matrix of Leakership

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    Thanks. I should have actually gotten a new computer about a year or two ago, but I managed to let the old girl hang in there a while longer. It still works, so I am able to go back and get things to put on this brand new one as needed.

    Now then, the first of our character bios:

    DoubleDealer

    Toy: Customized Landmine figure with Lost in Space energy rifle.

    Faction: Unnamed rogue faction

    Movie Bio: Landmine was an attempted by Sector Seven to create Transformers of their own. It failed. There is no DoubleDealer in the movieverse.

    Comic Bio: Born in China or Taiwan or wherever Transformers were made, Dealer began his life as a Landmine figure, though right away The Boss had long decided he would be Dealer. Dealer would go through several paint apps before he finally got his signature black helmet, chest and Prime Language tattoos (a tattoo of the Autobot symbol for D and the Decepticon symbol for D) as well as his upsidedown kneecaps. After several attempts to give him more firepower The Boss settled on Dealer's current twin-barrel energy rifle.

    Dealer makes up one half of the lead of Hearts of Plastic with Jazz, his hetro-lifemate. The calmer of the two, Dealer tends to act as a straightman to Jazz's panic-attacks. He is also attracted to Arcee, though he is utterly clueless that she feels the same way (as he is clueless about all women). Though he makes friends easily, he is overly annoyed with the original cast of the Transformers Movie, due to their treatment of his friend Jazz. Oh, and because they are all morons.

    Family: G1 DoubleDealer (Father), DoubleCrosser (Younger brother, a soon to be purchased HA Sandstorm), The Boss (Creator)

    Little Known Fact: Dealer is one of the few robots to acknowledge his Asian heritage. He has his last name (Double) appear before his first (Dealer)
     
  2. Drift

    Drift Banned

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    So does doubledealer have a hawk 3rd mode then? :) 
     
  3. Lock Cade

    Lock Cade Tarn Fangirl

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    Interesting.
     
  4. Renidragon

    Renidragon Toys on my table!

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    Very amusing. I like it. :)  Just read through all of em.
     
  5. Mr. Chaos

    Mr. Chaos New Holder of the Matrix of Leakership

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    Jazz

    Toy: Movie 1 First Release Jazz

    Faction: Co-Leader with Dealer of the Rogue Faction; formerly of the Autobots.

    Movie Bio: Optimus' second in command, he cares deeply for those bots under his care and, when Megatron threatened them and Sam, he bravely rushed in, knowing he stood no chance, to buy them another minute, which cost him his life

    Comic Bio: Jazz could have handed the fact he was the only Autobot to be killed in the movie and that Optimus spent a total of 5 seconds caring about his death before moving on. He really could have. What really grinds his gears is that he is the only Autobot from the first movie not to get any real improvement, save a new gun (and that mold is merely a reminder that it was his FINAL BATTLE!!!!).

    Add into this that Optimus is a fanboy, Ironhide is insane, Ratchet is a dick and Bumblebee is an arrogant jerk, and it is little wonder that Jazz decided to leave them behind.

    His life got much better when he met Dealer, who would become his hetero-lifemate ("It's guy love, that's all it is! Guy love, he's mine, I'm his! There's nothing gay about it in our eyes!")

    While he still retains much of the coolness all Jazz's have, his time in the movies has left him also a bit more skittish and prone to panic attacks and bouts of depression. Usually it is Dealer that has to talk him down.

    Jazz, like Dealer, is clueless about women, but unlike Dealer is also clueless about male/female relationships, which means he is unable to see the growing attraction between Dealer and their newest friend, Arcee.

    Family: Special Ops Jazz (Father)

    Little Known Fact: Despite what his name would have you think, Jazz does not like jazz. He prefers contemporary, especially the Black Eye Peas.
     
  6. Lock Cade

    Lock Cade Tarn Fangirl

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    Huh, Jazz does not like the music genre he gets his name from. Interesting.
     
  7. Mr. Chaos

    Mr. Chaos New Holder of the Matrix of Leakership

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    Arcee

    Toy: Movie 1 First Release Arcee

    Faction: Dealer and Jazz's Rogue Faction; Formerly the Autobots.

    Movie Bio: This Arcee did not actually appear in the movie, though her robot form did appear in the comics. She would later be altered by the Decepticons, resulting in a muddled history worse than Hawkman.

    Strip Bio: A newcomer to the series, this Arcee replaced The Boss' original who would become Movie Blackarachnia. Arcee quickly attached herself to Jazz and Dealer, explaining she didn't fit in with ROTF Arcee (who abused her husband, Skids) or Animated Arcee (who hangs out with the Animated Dinobots and talks about their nails).

    Arcee provides a good balance for Jazz and Dealer, being more calm than the two of them. Also, because she has not been jaded like them, Arcee is more understanding and caring of other toys, taking them under her wing and helping them out. She is also more prone to protect her friends, standing up to bigger toys.

    Family: ROTF Arcee and the Motorcycle Trio (cousins) Animated Arcee (cousins)

    Little Known Fact: Arcee prays that if they ever make a G1 Arcee (aka her mom) that it is based off the cartoon...and not the comic. She has no need for a transgender who violently murders people.
     
  8. Lock Cade

    Lock Cade Tarn Fangirl

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    :lol  at how Arcee wants her mom's toy to be the G1 cartoon version and not IDW's messed up version.
     
  9. Mr. Chaos

    Mr. Chaos New Holder of the Matrix of Leakership

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    Bumblebee McSuperAwesome Bumblebee

    Toy: Battle Blades Bumblebee, the greatest toy ever!

    Faction: Autobot; but never apart of the Faternal Brotherhood of Bumblebees...they can't handle me...I mean Bumblebee. yeah...Bumblebee

    Movie Bio: Guardian of Sam, star of the movie, the guy that killed more Decepticons than anyone. Secretly the leader of the Primes. I...I mean Bumblebee...also refused to date Megan Fox, which is why she isn't in the movie. The robot version of Ezio Auditore.

    Strip Bio: Lead of the comic, though I...er, Bumblebee, don't have time to star in it so he lets Dealer and Jazz have their own adventures to fill space. He has The Boss' ear and can get whatever he wants. Arcee is in love with him, though she is too cool for school to admit it.

    Also made Megatron cry like a woman so the big baby was given the traitorous Bumblebees to keep around.

    Also, other strips LOVE it when he cameos.

    Family: g1 Bumblebee (Lame dad); Animated Bumblebee (Cousin); War for Cybertron Bumblebee (grandfather); Scrapplebee/Movie One 76 Camaro (Brother); Honeybee/Concept Camaro Movie One (brother)

    Little Known Fact: He is so cool that if he went back in time, your mama would dumpy your daddy to date him and you wouldn't exist!

    Oh, and he knows the password to The Boss' TFW account!
     
  10. Mr. Chaos

    Mr. Chaos New Holder of the Matrix of Leakership

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    62

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
     
  11. Lock Cade

    Lock Cade Tarn Fangirl

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    :lolol 
     
  12. gunman_sr5

    gunman_sr5 Well-Known Member

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    recycling FTW
     
  13. Dremare

    Dremare It's pronounced "dreh-mare"

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    Wow, I can't believe I hadn't looked at this comics at all. I have to say, these are extremely funny. XD
     
  14. Mr. Chaos

    Mr. Chaos New Holder of the Matrix of Leakership

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    Thanks for all the kind reviews...and now...the strip returns!

    63

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    ...yeah, it wasn't worth the wait.
     
  15. Lock Cade

    Lock Cade Tarn Fangirl

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    :lolol 
     
  16. boxorak

    boxorak Lacking Shelf Space

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    :lolol 
    Love the self-deprication, by the way. :p 
     
  17. Fez Findie

    Fez Findie Well-Known Member

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    :lolol  Can't say I saw that comin'. ^^

    Damn, that grin... XD
     
  18. Dremare

    Dremare It's pronounced "dreh-mare"

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    Oh my god, Jazz's conscience is Bill Cosby.
     
  19. weeklyhero

    weeklyhero Prototytan

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    That's great stuff! Jazz's conscience is much better than mine (I've got Theo!)
     
  20. Apoclatron5675

    Apoclatron5675 Well-Known Member

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    Jazz, who is the overlord? BILL COSBY
    now i want some snack packs