wait..... burn the half a car with fire !!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

How……….random.

So, what other Combiner War figures do you have? Full Teams or whatever got released over there?

Will Jetfire ever get upgraded to the Leader Class figure from last year?

 

Oh man those reaction faces are priceless!  

 

Femmes and gentlemechs, back by popular neglect... the Helvetillinen Half-Car, Big Daddy's handbuilt disasterpiece!

Born as a product of the once-Micromaster Autobot Hot Rod Patrol commander's twisted processor, this robotic-muscle-car-on-legs has drowned under the Sea of Irrelevance in the complete Chaos of the worse-than-turbulent times of the FC/Bastion Dispute Battle, the sham wedding leading to the 8 Trials of Screamer and your garden variety insanity in Findie Country, the completely morally and mentally bankrupt madhouse of a country where "Just another day" consists of gung-ho militaries wielding maximum city blockbusting firepower and minimal intelligence, competence, discipline and complete lack of gun control, a police force whose competence levels matches Waspinator's chances of getting out of a typical Beast Wars episode intact - ZERO PERCENT - giant monsters (and giant Knightmare Frame pilots) trample skyscrapers, people and caring not a Rattrap's tail about any of them, a colossal joke of a "Government" led by a truckbot fulla Freebirth vulgarity and a pistol tyrant redefining the meaning of "Evil" in new and disturbing ways launching pointless wars and making horrible political choices left and right and generally an entire filthy, ultra-violent asylum of a country, a cataclysmically failed experiment named after "Finnish Indie Movies" just begging for a relentless non-stop Orbital Bombardment from an alliance of War Planets. (Or a visit from Unicron or the Beast Planet, whichever said alliance of War Planets feel in the mood for.)

Now, after years of being forgotten by basically the world, forgotten like Big Daddy never even built him, and days after the Union in Unholy Matrimony was called off and the Trials were declared on, Half-Car has decided to emerge from the Swampy Bogs of Oblivion and sends both Bumblebee and Slingshot screaming for the nearest Fallout Shelter (or the nearest Vault, if Vault Tech does not forbid Transformers) with their interfaces distorted by the sheer terror of it. At least he wasn't equipped with missile launchers on its leg-hardpoints...

The 8 Trials of Starscream So Far:

#1: Rub Pyro's Fuel Tank While He Chugs Down on XXXXXL Energon Slushie
#2: [Coming Soon]
#3: [Coming Soon]
#4: [Coming Soon]
#5: [Coming Soon]
#6: [Coming Soon]
#7: [Coming Soon]
#8: [Coming Soon]

Chances of Findie Country "Government" Restoring Order:
0.00% (Like I would trust my skidplate on these living avatars of cataclysmically horrible politicking and galactically amateurish realpolitik to bring peace to my little corner of the Universe.)

Chances of Starscream Getting a Happy Ending:
0.00% (Don't even dream about it, Junior.)

Chances of You Suriving Day 1 in Findie Country:
0.00% (Only go there if you have decided your decommissioning daycycle has come... or if you want to prove you got bearings of chrome steel.)

Chances of You Choosing to Go to UO-0506 or DoomPrime Country Instead:
100.00% (Heavy Metal Mayhem Eternal all 'round Known Space betwixt Autobot and Decepticon with me, Username UltimateOptimus, at the helm or living and dying in DoomPrime's world, knowing only an eternally peaceful and joyous life safeguarded by the Power Rangers? A supernova-bright future's ahead of you either highway you drive your Cybertronian sportscar alt mode down on.)

Hm. Since this year happens to be Cyber-Troopers Virtual-On's 20th Anniversary (because who doesn't want to climb into a Virtuaroid and wreak absolute Virtual Reality havoc on the enemy on the Moon (and no, I'm not talkin' 'bout the fluffy-puffy wussy moon rabbit variety of Moon Alien either, Chester)?), I'd like to send your Fei-Yen a Happy Birthday present and wishing her best of luck in her next VO+ virtual battle... after all, her life doesn't have to be always about chubby chasing. (Loved how she rearranged Screamer's faceplate back in the day.)
And as for giving Hibiki's MS-sized figure a nice warm hug? I sure hope she likes a hug the size of Optimus Maximus... so here's to you and a better future where the sun rises on the end of your childish days in FC and Bastion as a mere Intern-Volunteer Academy Student and the beginning of your new life as one of DP Country's Champions, o my fair, musically martial young little Valkyrie. And may thy own wedding day be a happy and Mephisto-free one (I am watching thee, thou Prince of Hell).

Oh yes. And one last thing: a listen to your love song to Lady Prime as a trip down Memory Lane...

 

Well, least the Shenanigens will never stop.

 

Run!

 

*Dies from the joke nobody but he gets. Then gets back up*

Its not Big Daddy, though he did work on it in panic.

=3

Good luck. That thing might be far worse than Clouder.

Only Aerialbots so far.

Watch what you wish for =3 It may happen or not.

Yah, I am one of the few who actually DO faces.

That is just... such incredible analysis on my comic even if its not uplifting as fudge <XD Wish I could reply anywhere as good <=3 But those do motivate me to do my comic  

Not for a while if nothin' happens.

Wisdom.

 

Oh man, its been ages since I've read your comic Fez, you still know how to get a good laugh.  

 

hehe, Danger Zone...

now I don't know whenever to post something Archer related or Sailor Moon related!

 

"Highway to the Danger Zone", starring a low-flying Combiner Wars Silverbolt, Kairi and a nasty case of noxious, acrophobia-triggered jet fart-gas buildup, ending with a hideous-smelling faceful of superjet afterburner megafart. Speaking of ol' Kenny Loggins, I got just the rockin' 'n rollin' tunes for that...

I do oh so humbly believe Jetfire and Slingshot had a hand (or should that be an arm?) in Silverbolt's current fuel tank problem, what with them laughing at 'Bolt's and Kairi's foul-smelling pickle like the transformium-clad jerks they are... and I weep to think of the day these airborne airheads decide to combine into Superion. If they do, then boy, has Findie Country won itself a one-way ticket to Doomsday City (like FC wasn't doomed enough already the second it was founded - by the Inferno, the second its idea was conceived in your twisted processor)...

Oh. And you might wanna patch this message through Twincast Radio to Hibiki (hopefully, she'll have that other antenna back on her headgear):
"Dearest little Superhero Academy Student/Intern-Volunteer Militiawoman Tachibana Hibiki:

The moment I saw you utterly dismantle that Whinosaurus Rex Starscream to the point of critical system failure with your music-powered knuckle sandwiches in the bloody Dispute Battle between Findie Country and Bastion on the latter's side, I instantly found myself beholding a newer, younger and generally cooler battle angel in you. For that, I send you my deepest congradulations.

Since a bright young hope for the forces for Good like you does clearly not belong in neither Findie Country, the living epitome of total moral and mental bankruptcy (the Transformer equivalent of the Eye of Terror, if thou wilt), nor Bastion, a cosmically immature, horribly militaristic mistake of a nation every bit just as bad as FC, at all, I pray for your exceptionally successful Graduation Day, leading to your graduation to True Superheroine status and the end of your childish days as a mere volunteer militiawoman, your permanent citizenship as a DoomPrime Country Heroine and your joyous, everlasting, Mephisto-free wedding day till the sun eventually rises on your diamond coffin á lá Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, having lived and died knowing only happiness and peace - the same happiness and peace you will help safeguard alongside with your Autobot and Power Ranger compatriots and your future Magical Knight husband for today and generations to come, the same happiness and peace you will help secure for your future children, be they human or Mutant, boy or girl.

Either you become one of DPC's Protectors or an UO-0506 Battle Angel, you got a bright future ahead of you - don't let those living avatars of all that is wrong with 21C (21st Century) Earth snuff that light out. And whatever you do, keep singing with every breath in your lungs and every beat of your heart the Anthem of Hope the armies of Good march to in the neverending battle against the armies of Evil. And when the sun rises on Good's ultimate victory over Evil thanks to your everlasting singing of the Anthem, let then your singing voice be sung for more peaceful purposes, the way Jem and the Holograms did in "Tomorrow is My Wedding Day".

'Till that day, Hibiki, may Sigmar smile upon thee.
- UltimateOptimus (alias Lévai József)"

In closing, Findie: yes, FC is like the Bydo - a manmade nightmare one cannot wake up from (think R-Type Final). Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna call 555-DROPMORTUUS and see how would Starscream like his photon torpedo coffin made...

 

That's Slingshot/Quickslinger ^^ But yah =3

 

 

Silverbolt why?

 

yep, that's Silverbolt's old G1 personality, only worse……laugh all you want guys, but what happens once it's time for Superion?

 

:3

Always glad to hear I haven't lost it. Well maybe in head.

Hah, well I been watchin' one of those recently.

Heh, recallin' even old stuff like that? Awesome!   And don't worry, there'll be an answer to your message eventually  

Because   But he's trying to take babysteps.

Well that'll be seen when its time X3

 

okay.... that was weird

 

He's not worth it.

 

"Now be a good CORPS kitty, little Shadow, put away the Mini-BFG 9000, go back into my hair and let mommy handle this - or no Whiskas for you!" is I bet Kairi would say next to Shadowcat. Had she a Keyblade of her own, she would've been seeing the root of Jetfire's... mental issues. Alternatively, introducing his head to her Keyblade's steel hands-on would produce the same wonders.

And to think Jetfire, a renowned Autobot scientist and flybot, is reduced to a stressed out miser laughing at the suffering of others, in this case being Silverbolt and Kairi... all those MYA (Million Years Ago) spent being cryofrozen on Earth since the Ice Age must've done something to more than just his memory banks. Little wonder (if at all) why Shadow, BFG in hand (DooM fans the likes of DOOMPRIME can't miss it - if one knows where to look), Spiderman and basically everybody else in Findie Country and Bastion, in the most painful way humanly possible, want to make Jetfire wish the Decepticons let him stay frozen in the Arctic that fateful Winter day back in '85.

What a sad, sad, sorry fate living as a citizen in Findie Country, the Land of 10000 Straightjackets and 2014 Dispute Match Big Fat Loser, must be, femmes and gentlemechs. What a sad, sad, sorry fate. (You do remember about DOOMPRIME's essay about the legions of problems and problem cases plaguing Findie Country, don't you?) Once a Transformer soldier has lived long enough in such a Pithole of a country without getting all his/her sanity and maturity circuitry (or their entire bodies) fried extra crispy, he/she must ask him/herself: "Is it too late to defect to UltimateOptimus' Army of Anarchy?"

Speaking of which, my Army of Anarchy is both currently growing with each new recruit with an appetite for mass destruction and by way of my Imagination Factory (just FYI: I took the much, much cooler 80s/90s Beast Wars/Energon/War Planets style Original Universe route (remember the late '80s Transformers cartoon-style commercial animations and '90s Beast Wars CGI commercial animations?) instead of the stagnant strayed-from-the-way IDW MTMTE comic slag... past experiences, not past characters, please!), the most recent of which are new Pretenders, Autobot and Decepticon, each in sets of 4, one of which is an Autobot Cyberrocker Soldier with his Outer Shell armed with a Flying V Energon Axe, his Inner Robot with a Keytar Energon Assault Blaster and is dream cast-voiced by Rob Paulsen (of TMNT and The Mask fame - gimme a youthful Rock 'n Roll attitude roboticized voice any dandy ol' day). Who knows? If I play my cards right (and chances are it'll be a Five Of A Kind), UO-0506 would become the Military Superpower To End All Military Superpowers in all the Funnies Multiverse!

Now, back at the subject of FC, if this war-torn moral and mental asylum of a country is to have any hope of a complete Renaissance, it'll take either a Primus-given miracle, a full DP Country intervention (armed-to-the-teeth, no less), a bloody revolution to overthrow the current "government", the Duumvirate (as Meanimus Prime and Megajerk oh so indulgently call themselves), and replacing it with a newer, better, smarter and saner but no less more imaginative government based on the DOOMPRIME Country Model, complete with Mach Alert Model Police Force reform... or when everything else fails, there's always the Red Veil route: burn away all this corruption - and the entire country if you have to - to begin anew. Preferably with a War Planet Orbital Bombardment.

Oh. And one last thing: anybody doing anything bad to Hibiki will be answered with most holy retribution by my unalloyed Transformium hands the same way I answer to anybody doing anything bad to Saint Arika Yumemiya (Example: "That devilspawn Black Knight just took the Saint's head?!?! STORMCAST ETERNALS AND SISTERS OF SIGMAR! TO ME!!!").