MP On the Rocks I 4121 Shockwave: Soundwave, open up a communications channel with Megatron. Megatron: Soundwave, I trust Shockwave has finally reached Earth. Soundwave: Affirmatve Megatron. Megatron: Shockwave, I'm sure you know what to do. Shockwave: I will assume control over construction of the intergalactic energy delivery system. Megatron: Excellent! Pretty soon, we will be able to instantly transmit energy from Earth to Cybertron and prepare to conquer the universe! Starscream: I am pleased that we are ahead of schedule. This new transmission device will supply Cybertron with all of the energy we can gather. Perhaps This will be the key event in my rise to absolute command over the Decepticons and future ruler of the universe. Scrapper: And where do you think Megatron will be? Starscream: I don't care where Megatron will be or what he is doing! My command begins now! Shockwave: Correction Starscream. Megatron has placed me in command of this project. You are temporarily relieved of command. Starscream: Shockwave! Starscream: How dare Megatron attempt to strip me of my command here! Shockwave: Our time table does not allow for emotional outbursts. Scrapper, I want a status report. Scrapper: We are very well ahead of schedule Shockwave. We are now ready to move into the testing phase of the project. Schockwave: Excellent. Soundwave, prepare the decive for a transmissions testing. Soundwave: Testing underway. Initiating transmission of energy. Spike: There goes another day wasted. No sign of the Decepticons for miles and miles. Bluestreak: Cheer up Spike. Not running into them is a good thing for a change. Even those rust buckets have to take a break once in a while. Bumblebee: That's true but knowing Megatron, when he's quiet, he's cooking up something dangerous. Bluestreak: Don't remind me. I still have teeth marks in my chasis from his last pet project. Spike: Before we go back to base, we should do one more sweep around the bend here. Bumblebee: I agree Spike. Bluestreak: You two are always inventing things to find. Next thing you know, you'll have me chasing phantoms only to discover that they were Decepticons all along. Spike: Now that you mention it, I could actually see you doing that. Maybe even saying ZOINKS or something. Bluestreak: You know Spike, When we get back to base, I have a box of snacks I can toss at you. Soundwave: Transmission array is now in position. Shockwave: Proceed with beta testing Soundwave. Spike: Hey! Do you guys see that bright light on top of that cliff? There's not supposed to be anything up there. Bluestreak: I'm betting my last stack of energon goodies that the Decepticons are at the bottom of this. Spike: Rhut Roh! Bluestreak: We'll climb up there and check it out. Bumblebee : You find someplace to hide Spike. It could get dangerous. Spike: Right! Be careful! Laserbeak: SQWAAAAAAK! Spike: Oh no! It's Laserbeak! Soundwave: Laserbeak has just spotted the Autobots. Shockwave: Starscream, you were supposed to secure the area. Starscream: Get off my back you one-eyed menace! Scrapper, let's go. Scrapper: I have an idea. Scavenger. Bonecrusher. Let's have a little fun with gravity. Spike: They're pushing the rocks over the edge! Bluestreak: Things are about to get very heavy around here. Spike: Great, I'm gonna die hearing bad jokes! Bluestreak, last night on stage! Show hits rock bottom! Bumblebee: Spike! Crawl under me!
MP On the Rocks II 4126 Starscream: Ha! Ha! Ha! The Autobots are stuck between a bunch of rocks and a hard place! Starscream: As for you Shockwave, even though Megatron has placed you in charge of this project, you will do best to remember that I am stILL SECOND IN COMMAND OF THE DECEPTICON ARMY! Shockwave: Spare my audio receptors of your ranting. It is a waste of energy. Megatron. Megatron: Proceed Shockwave. Shockwave: Preliminary test successful. We are now prepared to initiate a full scale energon transmission to Cybertron. Megatron: Excellent. Cybertron will be ready to receive your transmission within two thousand astro-minutes. Shockwave: We wll be ready Megatron. Shockwave out. Ironhide: What a mess. I can't believe they're buried under all that rubble. Prowl: Their distress beacons are very faint. Ratchet: I can't even begin to think of the repairs I'll need to make. Ironhide: According to my sonadar sensors, they're still alive in there. Prime: Sideswipe, activate your pile drivers and start chipping away at these rocks. Autobots, help him. We need to get them out quickly. Sunstreaker: These rocks are scuffing up my new paint job. Sideswipe: If you would move your hands as fast as your mouth, we'd be done by now. Bumblebee: Thanks guys. Spike, are you okay? Spike: Yeah thanks to you Bumblebee. I thought we'd never get out from under all of that rock. I'm glad you guys are okay. Ratchet: Yeah, but Bluestreak's arm is in drastic need of repair. I better get to work. Wheeljack: I'll look over Bumblebee. Bumblebee: I'm okay Wheeljack. Everything's fine. Wheeljack: I'll be the judge of that. With your luck so far, you'll drive off and loose all four wheels. Prime: What did you guys see on top of the cliff Spike? Spike: Some weird looking tower that was shooting energy into the sky. We were about to check it out and then Laserbeak spotted us. Prime: I see. Prowl: So the Decepticons are behind it. But why build something to shoot energy into the sky? Prime: I don't know Prowl but we're going to find out. Soundwave: Cybertron is now in position to receive energy transmitted from Earth. Shockwave: Proceed Soundwave. According to my calculations, we will be able to replenish our reserve stores once we begin. Scrapper: Starscream, I took the liberty of telling Mixmaster, Scavenger and Bonecrusher to return to base. Starscream: It's just as well... Starscream: ...it's not as if the Autobots have discovered where we are with their scout team buried under tons of rubble. Starscream: The Earth will be a lifeless ball of space rock once we transmit all of it's energy to Cybertron. Ramjet: By the fires of Polyhex! Thundercracker: AUTOBOTS! Starscream: Optimus Prime! Prime: Megatron having you do his dirty work Starscream? Starscream: Shockwave's spearheading this project! Prime: Glad to hear Megatron's finally rethinking his command structure! Shockwave: For the future of Cybertron, you must be destroyed Optimus Prime! Prowl: Freeze Shockwave! Soundwave: Shockwave! We must... Shockwave: No Soundwave. We must complete the transfer process. Sideswipe: These silly jets should know that they work better in the air! Sunstreaker: Who are you kidding? We have no plans on giving these airheards flight clearance! Thundercracker: You Autobot punks! Just wait til we get up. We'll show you! Sideswipe: The day you do that is the day the Decepticons come up with a plan that works. Sunstreaker: Yeah! It's not like you guys have an impressive track record! Prowl: Stay right there Starscream! I have you covered! Starscream: Reflector is right. You do have screws loose! Shockwave: He'll also have to reboot himself. Get up Starscream. Decepticons, retreat! Thundercracker: Braggarts! Let's take off Ramjet! Ramjet: About time you got off us Autobots! My revenger list is getting longer with each encounter! Ironhide: You know Sunstreaker, I'm getting mighty tired of watching the Decepticons retreat while on my back. Prime: Have you two figured out how to shut this thing off? We have to stop the transfer of Earth's energy to Cybertron. Wheeljack: We could try to rewire the junction box and reverse the polarity. Ratchet: Or we could rig up a power dampener and short out the capacitors. Prime: We need a solution and fast! Spike: Why not just smash it? That's what dad does whenever he gets mad at something. You know, like Fred Flintstone style. Prime: Not a bad idea Spike! Wheeljack: Amazing. So simple, it works. Ironhide: Like Spike said, sometimes stone-age remedies work. Bluestreak: Speaking of stones, looks like another one of Megatron's plans have hit the rocks. All: BLUESTREAK!!!! Bluestreak: Zoinks!
See, femmes and gentlemechs? That's the #1 good reason why I just love the MP Theatre: a Transformers Funny starring the Masterpiece Transformers (and a wide 'n varied army of special guests) that harkens back to the good ol' solar cycles where Good always fights Evil, Transformers are Transformers and Fun is Law - which also doubles as radical toy commercials that make you wanna get your tush off the couch, pay a toy store near you a visit and grab 'em thar Transformers! A much, much more brilliantly colorful, action-packed and healthy 80s optimistic alternative to the usual depressingly dystopian, rust-eaten, WAY-too-down-to-Earth, grey 'n brown modern hyperrealism plaguing our planets Earth and Cybertron these days, don't you agree?
MP Exhaust for Hire I 4155 (Exhaust Over-Voice(O.V.)): Ever get a hot dame giving out a hot tip about some hot energy? Well my bank account wasn't so hot so I was hot on her heels which almost left me out of energy. I have a story that's hot off the presses. Let me tell you about it. Voice: Wake up Jack. Are you for hire or are you on vacation? (Exhaust O.V.): I opened my optics and saw her at the door. Listen Jack, I never knew it was possible to wake up from a dream to be looking at another dream. She drifted into my office like a warm puff of smoke. Nevermind that that puff of smoke had attitude seven ways from Sunday. Exhaust: That depends. If you're having a hard time making up your mind, how about you hire me to take a vacation. Road Rage: Goodnight! Is this how you always run your business? Maybe I'm hiring the wrong private eye. Exhaust: You're in the right spot baby. This eye does all the seeing and none of the telling. What's the score? Road Rage: The score is still zero. Aren't you ever serious? Exhaust: Only when I'm asleep and right now you're starting to bore me sister so make with case already. Road Rage: I need you to track down a possession of mine. It's an energy pyramid that I had shipped from Cybertron. The problem is, it didn't ship all the way. I'm laying odds 8 to 3 that someone made off with it and I want it back. Exhaust: So your pyramid got cold feet and took it on the lam with somebody else. This sounds like a job for the police. Why drag me into it? Road Rage: Because what I don't want is the plublicity so I need you to find it and keep mum about the whole affair. Ehaust: I've been on wackier assignments. My fee is 100 energon credits a day plus expenses. Is that something you can swing doll? Road Rage: The credits aren't a problem. I've checked the rates and you're the cheapest in town. Exhaust: That's because being effective is cost effective. You got yourself a boy. Road Rage: Great. So how about this boy get off his shoulders and go get my pyramid. Perhaps there may be a little extra in it for you. Byeeee. (Exhaust O.V.): Road Rage didn't give me much to go on besides my fuel pump beating faster. So I decided to hit the truck depot and check in on Bug. Bombshell really but everyone calls him Bug because he has the scoop on every shipment that moves in town. Exhaust: Bug. I need information and pronto. Bombshell: Shhhh... It's Bombshell around here. I gotta be careful about who I talk to. Let's head around the corner. Bumblebee, make sure Rumble and Frenzy get that truck loaded. It's needs to be out of here in twenty minutes. Bumblebee: Right. Move those cubes you half-pints. Frenzy: Buzz off back breaker! Rumble: Get these cubes off me motorhead! Bombshell: Exhaust, every time you come around looking for some info, you're usually in some fix. Who is she this time? Exhaust: This hot dish is having me look for some kind of energy pyramid. What's the word on the street Bug? Bombshell: The word is and remember, you didn't hear this from me, Starscream's gang knocked off that shipment and nicked some type of weird pyramid. It may be the same one on your scavenger list. Exhaust: Starscream's in on the take?!? What has that broad gotten me into? Bombshell: I don't know lover, but your girlfriend's gonna get you into a wood overcoat with silver handles if you're not careful. You sure this dame is worth the trouble? Exhaust: Her energon credits are and if you saw her, you'd hope there wasn't a sugar shortage. Exhaust: The only thing I know is that if Starscream has his mitts on that pyramid, he's not gonna be happy when I show up at his doorstep and ask him to hand it over. Bombshell: Starscream and his boys play rough so you better be careful. I gotta get back to work. Remember, you didn't see me. Exhaust: Don't worry, if my meeting with Starscream doesn't go right, I won't be seeing anything ever again. Voice: Spsssh. Over here lover. Exhaust: I'm not used to hearing voices so come out before someone assumes I'm talking to myself and calls me crazy. Starscream: I'm gonna call you all types of things but first things first, ditch the rod see. Thundercracker: Or you can hold on to it and check it in when you visit Primus. Exhaust: Oh great, Starscream! That'll teach me to play patty cake with his goon squad. Ramjet: We're not goons! We're seekers! Exhaust: I see you've been benefiting from all of those "See Ramjet Fly" books that Starscream's stealing for you. Now, I haven't been known for always being smart so I might as well get this out the way. What do you know about the energy pyramid? Starscream: Nevermind that. You've been making a lot of noise with this pyramid routine. I'm here to ask you politely to knock it off because it ain't too healthy for you see. Exhaust: Yep, that's my clue to blow so see you guys on the other side of the tracks. Starscream: Grab him boys! My fists aren't done asking him politely! Exhaust: I'm ticklish and besides, I don't speak fist. Starscream: Where are your manners? They have a lot to say but you're just not listening. (Exhaust O.V.): I thought I was working on a case but Starscream had other plans. The only thing he had me working on was going to sleep.
MP Exhaust for Hire II 4157 Voice: Okay everybdy! Give us room! Lt. Prowl: Never can a night go by without finding little presents littered all over the city. Bluestreak: Officers, over here! You want to get my statement? I was the one that found these two guys and called it in. Yoo-hooooo! Bluestreak: Am I gonna be on TV? Name in the paper? Hellooooo! Lt. Prowl: Red Alert, could you go over there and get that guy's statement before HE takes over the investigation. Red Alert: C'mon buddy. I'm here to take your statement. What's your name? Bluestreak: I saw it all when I came across them. Oh, my name is Bluestreak. Red Alert: Yeah, you talk like one as well. Now tell me what you saw when you first... Lt. Prowl: Everybody stand back! Looks like we have two stiffs doc. Bombshell and the department's favorite, Mr. Exhaust for hire. Looks like we'll need a mortician for hire. Doc. Ratchet: Hate to break it to you Prowl but these two will live. Bombshell has two holes in him but he'll keep. Looks like Exhaust is coming out of his deep sleep now. Exhaust: Uh... First I wake up to a dream and this time, a real nightmare. I'm not in the habit of hearing the gendarmes making with the jokes. Speaking of jokes, how are you Sgt. Ironhide? Sgt. Ironhide: Listen shamus, I can't wait to nail you to the wall and this time, you've provided the nails. Exhaust: And it looks like Lt. Prowl provided the wall. Sgt. Ironhide: Why you little... Lt. Prowl: That's enough Ironhide. I've been waiting for you to slip up Exhaust. This laser pistol is registered to you. It's been discharged twice. Why did you shoot the Bug? Exhaust: Are your circuits on the blink Prowl? I go to him to get information out of him, not to pump laser blasts into him. What reason do I have for trying to bump him off? Lt. Prowl: I'll tell you the motive. Exhaust: Your crystal ball must be working all again. You gonna tuck me into bed while you spin this yarn? Lt. Prowl: I'm going to tuck you into a nice jail cell. You're searching for something valuable and the Bug knew something about it. So you figured you'd try to knock him off before he beats you to the punch. Now Doc here has to take him to the hospital to patch him up and Sgt. Ironhide gets to take you for a ride and patch you up at the station. Exhaust: C'mon Prowl, that storyline's too pat! I'm in the habit of being found waking up next to stiffs, not creating them and waiting around for you guys to show up! What do you have against me anyway? Lt. Prowl: Everytime trouble lands in my lap, you're the one that always seems to put it there. You're the most logical suspect with an opportunity. Exhaust: Must be my magnetic personality. Trouble's always attracted to me. Lt. Prowl: You're gonna be taken out of circulation for a while. Does that sound attractive? Exhaust: That's what I love about you Lt., lazy police work. Always grab the guy closest to the scene. Lt. Prowl: You have a better suspect or are you ready for Sgt. Ironhide to take you on that ride? Exhaust: Why don't you go shake down Starscream and his hoods? He was the one that read me a lullaby and tucked me into the Arms of Morpheus. Why don't you take Red Alert, Sgt. Wall...I mean Ironhide and that half a brain module between you guys and come up with some type of clue. Now, I'm still on a case. Byeeee. Road Rage: ...so Starscream knocks you around a bit and you head back to your office to guzzle booze? What am I paying you for? Exhaust: It's not to eat knuckle sandwiches from the toughest jets in town. Besides, I need wash all of that octane out of my mouth. Road Rage: I can't believe that. This Bombshell character shot twice. I even understand that he'll live. Exhaust: Er right. Two shots. News travels fast. I hope that nobody else ends up with extra ventilation. Starscream: I can easily have that arranged. I want the broad to stand at attention. Exhaust, you can sit back down. Exhaust: But I'm not tired. Starscream: I can give you some more knock-out drops if the last prescription wasn't strong enough. Exhaust: My doctor told me to never take someone elses drugs. Starscream: Your doctor is gonna make another revelation. Pronouncing you dead if you don't stop with the chatter. Now, this energy pyramid is something I want to hang on my Christmas tree but it turns out that it needs a passcode to unlock it's energy output. I understand Miss Heartbreaker has the three-digit code to make my dreams come true. So make nice with the numbers or I won't be so nice. Exhaust: The next time you decide to hire a sucker to get your swag for you, make sure you get a boy that charges way more than I do. Lt. Prowl: Everytime I have trouble land in my lap, you're the one putting it there Exhaust. Sgt. Ironhide: Start tickling the ceiling you jokers. You guys have been grounded. Thundercracker: Does everyone make with the wise cracks around here? Sgt. Ironhide: We'll make with the laser fire if you clowns don't start shuffling toward a nice hanger with titanium bars. Exhaust: I'll be the Grinch that stole little Starscream's Christmas. You've been a naughty jet. Starscream: Just wait til I get my hands on you Exhaust, it'll be curtains see! Exhaust: No thanks lover boy, You tickle me everytime you touch me. Starscream: Why you... Sgt. Ironhide: Tell your story walking Star-jerk! Exhaust: Looks like you showed up just in the nick of time. Lt. Prowl: Now tell me what this business is all about. What goes with the weird pyramid? Road Rage: Maybe I can explain that. It's an energy pyramid that produces great amounts of energy. Anyone that has that can call their own shots. I have the combination to activate it. Exhaust: Lay it on me baby. Road Rage: Five, three, nine. Exhaust: Excellent. She's all yours Prowl. Lt. Prowl: What's the gag Exhaust? Exhaust: Attempted murder. She was the one that shot Bug because he would have pieced together that she wasn't the intended receiver. Only way she could have known the particulars before the press got wind of it is if she was the one doing the shooting. She hired me to cover her trail and once I made good with the delivery, she would have blown this popsicle stand. Lt. Prowl: How did Starscream deal his cards in the game? Road Rage: I'll tell you chumps. Starscream knew that pyramid was hot so he thought he'd nab it for himself. I shot the Bug to frame Starscream but I didn't count on Exhaust being such an idiot. Exhaust: Just like I said baby, effective is cost effective. Speaking of costs, you can wire over a few hot credits while you're cooling your wheels in the cooler. (Exhaust O.V.): Like I said, sometimes these hot dames blow into your life like a hot wind and if you're not careful, can leave it a hot mess. Lucky for me, the hot dame in question burnt herself out before she burnt me. I thought it was an even split between a dream and a nightmare but the joke's on me, it turned out to be a hat trick. I'll just go back to sleep and try to even up the odds. Byeeee.
MP TF:TM 30th Anniversary Just in time for the 30th anniversary. I created a drive-in setup with a few easter eggs sprinkled about. Enjoy.
MP A Royal Problem I (Exhaust V.O.): Ever heard the expression, "heavy is the head that wears the crown?" Well Jack, they were wrong about who's head was getting crowned. I would have preferred a jeweled headpiece but all I got was a headache when I received a visit from a royal pair of jokers. Get ready for this yarn. Voice: On your feet shamus. I have use of your services. Exhaust: Sgt. Wall, how many times do I have to tell you that your face scares the energon out of my fuel lines? Voice: I am not this...Sgt. Wall that you speak of. Ultra Magnus(U.M.): >snap< Is this how you want to present yourself? Prince Hot Rod: Maybe this is how they conduct their affairs. With the prices that he charges, the results must be dismal. Exhaust: That's because being effective is cost effective. Now, how can I help you and the half-pint out? U.M.: Be aware that this is Prince Hot Rod you are addressing in a disrespectful manner. Prince Hot Rod: Oh will you lighten up U.M.. You're the director of security, not a grammer teacher. U.M.: But your highness... Prince Hot Rod: I'm bored! Will you acquire his services already? U.M.: Yes your highness. Exhaust: So you're the guy calling the shots and has this giant building of a robot under control. Prince Hot Rod: Yes to all of the above. Now, I'm ready for the royal treatment. Exhaust: Wait. You're hiring me to play tour guide? There're a thousand and one con men that'll take you for a longer ride than I will. U.M.: You are not just being hired for enterainment value, you'll also be his bodyguard. Exhaust: So I'm to play royal baby-sitter? You know the gendarmes provide protection for heads of state to keep their heads. Why me? U.M.: I want you to keep our prince out of trouble while I set up security detail for the royal conference this afternoon. Prince Hot Rod will be pronounced king of Iacon and receive the crown once you present him at the convention center. Exhaust: You sure this isn't a gag? Lt. Prowl would crack his faceplate from grinning if he heard me fall for a yarn like this one. U.M.: Just keep the police out of this. The less people know that you are escorting the prince, the better. If Prince Hot Rod doesn't show up to the press conference, Iacon would have to crown a new king. Exhaust: After hearing that megaphone sound off, I'm in need of a recharge. Let's get some exercise princie. (Exhaust (V.O.): I decided to take my royal guest to a greasy spoon close to my office. Swoop's, where the elite meet to eat. His menu won't rot anyone's fuel tank which is why the joint's popular. While people swoop in to dine, he'll swoop into your wallet. Prince Hot Rod: So these lunch counters are where people eat? Where are the royal recharging stations. We have them everywhere in Iacon. Exhaust: Well here, we're left to fend for ourselves. Those lucky enough to survive yesterday's leftovers from this joint can always rejoice in today's lunch specials. Swoop: Next! Exhaust: How's the chow today Swoop? Swoop: Doc Ratchet no shut me down. As long as customers stay above ground, my business won't be run into ground. Prince Hot Rod: You guys can't be serious. Exhaust: Swoop, Prince Hot Rod is on a local visit so how about fixing him up with the special plate. Swoop: Slag, we need some Cesium Salami. Slag: All we have is Beryllium Bologna. Sludge: Me Sludge not know us have Beryllium Bologna. Me keep serving Cesium Salami. Slag: Cesium Salami is bad leftovers. Me hope guy that talks too much eats and shut up. Prince Hot Rod: Nevermind Exhaust, I would prefer to see the sights from above ground. Exhaust: I think you'll be a very wise ruler if you keep making decisions like those. Exhaust: ...so your crystal ball is telling you that Magnus doesn't like you that much? Prince Hot Rod: You know, it's the oddest feeling. Ever since our king was assassinated, he's been very short with me. He performs his duties well but I can see that he still blames me for the king's death. I kept telling him it was an accident. Exhaust: So now he brings you to a new planet and hire's me to do his job while he's shoring up his tin men to guard a place you're not scheduled to be in yet? This smells worse than Swoop's cooking. Reflector: Right you are Exhaust. This setup will give you a bad case of indigestion. Exhaust: Great, the local hoodlums. Reflector, don't you have any pictures you can be taking like the insides of a jail cell? We were having a great day so far. We survived Swoops, now you want to ruin our streak? Reflector: How about we take a picture of you two to celebrating the brief time you've had together. Exhaust: You're so sweet but we really must be going. Pressing matters you know. Reflector: Once we press your faceplate into the ground, we'll take a picture to show you what a nice job we did. This may be our best work yet. Exhaust: Would it help if I said it stinks? Reflector: You can say anything you like as long as you don't say stop. Exhaust: Stop! Couldn't help myself. Reflector: Neither can we. (Exhaust V.O.)While Reflector went to work on me, he also went to work on kidnapping the prince for a king's ransom.
Really loving the speechless comedy skits and the awesome film moir style mystery tale! Keep it coming!
MP A Royal Problem II 2185n Reflector: Looks like Exhaust for Hire is very tired. Exhaust: You're right. I'm tired of hearing your jokes. Reflector: You'll be hearing Primus once I'm through with you! Reflector: I've always wanted to crown someone. Reflector: You just better hope that the royal treatment doesn't come with a tombstone. Voice: What's going on down there! Reflector: It's the gendarmes! Take flight! Voice: Stop or I'll open fire! >Pew!< >Pew!< Reflector: Ah! My arm! Reflector: If you don't move your feet, you won't have to worry about that on a slab! Clampdown: This is bad. I better call Prowl. Lt. Prowl: Why me? Every time trouble lands in my lap, Exhaust is the one that always seems to put it there. Clampdown: You're going to hate to see whom his bunkmate is then. Lt. Prowl: And it just happens to be the Prince of Cybertron. Give me some good news Doc. Doc. Ratchet: I've checked Prince Hot Rod's vitals and he's starting to come to now. Sgt. Ironhide: Wake up shamus. You should have let those hoods give you a one-way ticket to the morgue. Now you've woken up in real heap of trouble. Exhaust: Prowl, can't you turn this big lug's volume to zero. And get him a cab ride as far as it'll take him without going coming back? I have a Flintstone-sized lump on my head. Lt. Prowl:You think YOU'VE got a headache over all this?!? I can't wait for this storm to hit! The prince gets knocked out and almost kidnapped under your watch, which he shouldn't have been in the first place, and... Exhaust: But Prowl, I... Lt. Prowl: Don't but Prowl me! I can't even begin to imagine the... Voice: Officers, over here! You want to get my statement? I was the one that alerted the officer to stop the attack. Yoo-hooooo! Bluestreak: Helloooooo! I'm a key witness! Lt. Prowl: Not this guy again. Clampdown, take him away from here and get his statement. The less faces I have to see right now, the better. Clampdown: Yes sir. C'mon buddy. Bluestreak: That's Bluestreak. Clampdown: Of course Bluestreak. Clampdown: Let's go over here so I can take you statement. Bluestreak: Was that the prince of Cybertron? How exciting! I can't wait to tell the others that I saved a prince. That makes me real important right? Clampdown: Er...let's get your statement first and then gauge the level of importance. Bluestreak: Right! It all started when... Lt. Prowl: As I was saying, this is an interplanetary fiasco! You're a danger to the city and everyone that hires you for service. If I could, I'd snatch your private eye license and run you out of the city! Exhaust: But think of Sgt. Wall. Who would pester him if I wasn't around? U.M.: That's something that you can start thinking about now Exhaust! Prince Hot Rod: Lay off him Magnus. It's obvious that I'm ok. U.M.: I'll deal with you later! Exhaust: At ease soilder. How dare you ignore an order from the prince? U.M.: I don't even know why I stuck our fresh off the assembly line prince with a bumbling idiot like you! This kidnapping attempt was luckily foiled by the police but how you're still allowed to operate in this town is beyond me! Exhaust: I operate in this town by figuring out things that don't add up like the chief of security hiring local help. Doesn't the prince have his own security detail? And how did those hoods know we'd be in this alley? U.M.: Maybe you are just a sloppy operator shamus. Ever think of that? Sgt. Ironhide: How about you and me take a long ride and discuss a new career for you. Exhaust: How many times have I told you that I'm not going to read you bedtime stories Sgt. Wall? Sgt. Ironhide: I'm going to tear you apart shamus! Exhaust: Ahhhh! This is getting us nowhere! Lt. Prowl: My deepest apologies Ultra Magnus. I... UM: Spare me your apologies Lt. Prowl. Once we're done here, I headed towards the mayor's office and have a little chat about the lack of police presence and loose cannons running around this city! As for you Prince Hot Rod, I'm placing you under lock and key until the royal conference is over. Sgt. Ironhide: You trying to skip town shamus? It might not be a bad idea since you may loose your head over this. Exhaust: Then I'll finally be able to understand how you never think. Sgt. Ironhide: That's it! It's curtains shamus! Exhaust: Shhhh! Be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm hunting orphaned guns. Exhaust: Look at what I almost tripped on. Lt. Prowl: Let me see that. Ironhide, run an analysis on this gun and include all fingerprints. Sgt. Ironhide: The gun's registration is unknown. Lt. Prowl: Perfect! How could this day get any worse? What about prints? Sgt. Ironhide: Prints in reverse order includes mine, yours, Exhaust, Reflector and... Sgt. Ironhide:...Ultra Magnus? UM: It's too bad that you pieced it all together! I would have preferred to kill him quietly but for the benefit of the thrown, this royal mistake must be eliminated! Prince Hot Rod: MAGNUS!!!! >Pew!< UM: What!?! Clampdown: It's a good thing that report didn't take long! That Bluestreak guy said he was feeling sick. Lt. Prowl: You're under arrest for attempted murder! UM: I have diplomatic immunity! Exhaust: I'm pretty sure that's been revoked. Prince Hot Rod: A coup. I never would have believed it. Exhaust: The way everything played out? I'm sure you didn't expect a picnic. Prince Hot Rod: Are we going back to Swoop's? Exhaust: Skip it. We barely made it out of here with our lives. No way am I letting Swoop finish the job. Byeeee!
MP The Key to the Problem I 2202n (Exhaust V.O.): You ever listen to those people who talk non-stop about the key to a problem is the solution? Well, the local playboy brought me a key and it didn't solve anything but it sure did open up the door to a lot of problems. Get ready for this one Jack. (Exhaust V.O.): I was sitting around my office doing my favorite type of reading when I heard the door open. Voice: Listen chap. Are you awake or playing dead? Tracks: >snapping< Did you hear me? Exhaust: I'm awake for now but if you'd like, I can pretend to be bored to death and for the garnish, I can hold a daisy to give you the payoff. Tracks: Perish the thought. I have more money than Primus. Exhaust: Wait a minute. Aren't you the bot around town Tracks? Tracks: Being the cheapest in town, nothing seems to get by you. Exhaust: Being effective is cost effective. How can I solve the problems of your world today? Tracks: I want you to take a look at this. Exhaust: A key to my heart? I gotta stop leaving those around town for people to turn my lock. Tracks: I'm about to turn around and walk out. Pay attention. I'm selling this artifact to finance a business opportunity. There's an appraiser flying in later today to tell me how much it's worth. Exhaust: So I take it that I'm to stuff this key into the turkey and give it back to you on Thanksgiving Day? Tracks: Put rather crudely but that's the jist of it. Exhaust: So why come to me? Your mansion isn't safe enough? Tracks: I came to you so that you can take all the risks. I'm off now to set arrangements with the buyer. Byeeee! Exhaust: A broken arm? I should let the kids ride the oxen next time. Sunstreaker: Maybe next time, you should lock the door. Exhaust: But I save more money when hoods like you use the doorknob instead of kicking it in. Sunstreaker: Listen Mr. Funny Man, your face will get kicked in if you don't tell me what I want to know. Exhaust: That one of the kids died from dysentery? Sunstreaker: You must think this is a game Mr. Funny Man. Where is the key? Exhaust: I don't know what key you're talking about. Why don't you guys blow and hit the 5 & Dime and buy a key so I can get the rest of my party to Oregon. Redswipe: What do we do now Sunstreaker? Sunstreaker: I'd say before this guy can hit Oregon, let's let him hit the floor first. Blackswipe: I've been waiting to play match maker with such a lovely pair. Sunstreaker: While you boys are doing that, I'll toss the room for a safe. Exhaust: As long as I get first crack at matching my fist to your face! Blackswipe: Why you no good... Exhaust: Language please. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Redswipe: No, but I'll kiss your mouth with my foot! Blackswipe: And leave our mom out of it! Exhaust: No problem. Real sweet gal. She's the best woman I never met. Sunstreaker: Nighty-night Mr. Funny Man. Make sure to leave him alive because the only thing I want cracked around here is his safe, not his skull. We don't want him to be in the grips of death. (Exhaust V.O.): While Sunstreaker tossed my office, the hoods tossed me a parting gift. The gift of sleep.
MP The Key to the Problem II 2204n Exhaust: >Riiiiiing!< >Riiiiiing!< >Riiiiiing!< uuuuhhhhhh... Exhaust: >Riiiiiing!< >Riiiiiing!< >Riiiiiing!< Cloud 9. Come back. Who's the wise guy that put a phone up here? Exhaust: I already gave to the Policeman's Ball. I don't want Sgt. Ironhide to step on my feet. Tracks: Exhaust, you bumbling idiot! This is Tracks! Exhaust: I'm not buying any music either. And three hoods already came by to deliver a pound cake. As a matter of fact, my head is still pounding. Tracks: For Primus sake, what are you talking about? Exhaust: My office just got tossed by three out of town hoods. They seemed to have been looking for the key you gave me earlier today. How they knew I had it is beyond me. Tracks: What will soon be beyond you will be freedom if you don't get my key back! The appraiser just hit town and we'll be at your office soon! Tracks: AND IF YOU DON'T HAVE MY KEY BY THE TIME I GET THERE, I'LL CALL THE POLICE AND THEY'LL LOCK YOU UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEY! BYEEEE! >CLICK!< Exhaust: Gadzooks! I better get to work and fast before Tracks gets to work on me! Bumblebee: Get those boxes loaded. We're already late enough as it is. Frenzy: When did he become Captain Bligh? Rumble: Why don't you get your hands dirty and help us? Bombshell: You guys can bicker later. Get this truck loader or else we'll... Exhaust: Bug...er Bombshell. I'm in a jam and I need to... Bombshell: Not you lover. My day was going by so well and then you happen to come along. Exhaust: C'mon Bombshell! I'm really in a bind. Bombshell: Ok boys. Get this truck finished. I need to have a mild discussing with this abrasive character. Rumble: Get this box off of me you yellow dictator! Bombshell: I have a few choice words for you lover. You have some nerve showing up here looking for information after you got me shot the last time. Exhaust: C'mon Bug! It was that crazy broad Rage Rage that wanted to give you an impromptu funeral with me as pallbearer. Bombshell: And what's supposed to happen once you walk away this time lover? A one-way ticket and two for the ferryman? Exhaust: What's to be sore at? I can't even see through you anymore. Doc patched you up good. Bombshell: Why me? Exhaust: We can ponder the mysteries of the universe later. Do you know a yellow hood called Suntreaker and two others that look like twins? Bombshell: I've heard of them. Out of town boys. Sunstreaker is their shot caller. The twins aren't big on brains but they must have cracked a few cans of spinich to hit the way they do. Exhaust: They didn't need spinich to toss me while Sunstreaker was tossing my office. They must have tailed Tracks to steal his key. He was prepping for a sale later today. Bombshell: The Key to Vector Sigma? Exhaust: You know it? Bombshell: I know everything. You say Tracks dropped it off to you today and it was stolen? Exhaust: Yeah...wait a minute. What's the gag? Bombshell: The gag lover, and you should start charging more, is that Tracks made a couple of bad investments and he had to sell the key to stay afloat. Funny he should have another one. It's the only one of it's kind. Exhaust: So it's that old racket. Thanks Bug. I can take care of the rest. Bombshell: As long as I don't get shot this time lover. Now beat it. You're bad for my health. (Exhaust V.O.): After I was done with Bug, I was ready to go off like a fireworks stand with the fuse lit. I did make one more stop before getting to my office. I opened the door and found Tracks and his appraiser were making themselves nice and cozy. Maybe I should start locking my door more often. Tracks: It's about time you got back here you charlatin! I want my key and I want it now! You've held me up long enough! Exhaust: Oh Tracks. You wound me terribly so. Voice: Am I interrupting something? Exhaust: Come on in Lt. So far, everyone else has today. Saved a ton in door repairs so that's a plus. Tracks: Lt., arrest this idiot! He's costed me dearly! Lt. Prowl: Before my jail fills up with suspects, here's one of them and he has something to say. Sgt., bring him in. Tracks: What's the meaning of all this? Who is this man? Exhaust: Cut the act Tracks. You knew him the minute you hired him to go twelve rounds with my office safe. Sgt. Ironhide: Give punk! Sunstreaker: The jig is up Tracks. They know everything and they also recovered the key. Lt. Prowl: He means this key. The Key to Vector Sigma. The one you were supposed to have sold to cover you bad investments. Exhaut: He passed this phoney key off to me as an original prepped to sell. Except he had no intentions of selling it. Then he acquired the out of town hoods to steal the key and then he'd file an insurance claim and skip town when he received the payout. Tracks: I'll sue you and take everything you own. Exhaust: Including one good door and a busted safe? Why not have the appraiser look at it. Lt. Prowl: Excellent idea Exhaust. Tracks: You're seriously going to believe this flower pot-headed idiot? Exhaust: I can't stand for these insults anymore so I'll have a seat. Perceptor: After an extensive analysis, this key is not the genuine artifact. Lt. Prowl: Let's go Tracks. We have nice cell waiting for you that doesn't include any keys. Figured it would be a sore subject for you. Exhaust: But if you have a bridge you want to sell, find some other sucker to keep an eye on it. Tracks: I'll find you when I get out you low rent idiot. Exhaust: While you're on your way in, would you like a cookie or maybe you just hated the way you plan crumbled? Byeeee! Perceptor: My dear fellow, may I have a cookie? Exhaust: For the amount of fun you've provided, you may have two. Perceptor: Good show. (Exhaust V.O.): Like I said before, the key to avoiding a lot of problems is to not open the door to begin with. My office is now locked and I can get back to getting my wagon to Oregon. That's tough enough. Byeeee!
MP How I Stopped Fearing Christmas and Loved the Present I 2240 Exhaust (V.O.): Christmas! My favorite time of the year where the scene is glittering, the people are hanging around the department stores like moths to a flame and hot chocolate brewing on the stove. Little did I know, trouble was also brewing on the other side of town. Listen to this tale Jack. Exhaust: Something about a slow day. Sitting at home waiting for Ol' St. Nick instead of trouble. But there is something about trouble that does excite me. Time to hit the streets. Huffer: Look at this guy Grapple. He's hogging the sidewalk like he owns it. I'll teach him something. Grapple: One day, that temper of yours is gonna get you into a heap of trouble. Ramjet: Out of the way runt! Huffer: Hey! Grapple: That's not cool at all! Ramjet: I can do a lot more than shove your pint-sized pal into a wall tubby so I suggest you make like my cheerleader if you want to stay healthy Jack. Huffer: The nerve of that guy! Wait til I catch up to him cause I'll... Grapple: I don't think you want any of what he's got Huffer. Huffer: Maybe you're right. Let's blow. Ramjet: Spss! Boss. You there? Starscream: Yeah. Is the warehouse score set? Ramjet: Everthing's Jake. I've been casing the joint for a week. We'll be holding all the aces. Starscream: Great. We'll need that dough to set ourselves up in another town and wait til the heat's off. Did you bring the pineapple? Ramjet: Right here boss. Stand back and cover your intakes! Starscream: Let's blow! The gendarmes will be on us like coffee and donuts! You guys head to the hideout and get set for tonight. I have a little present I want to give to my favorite pal Exhaust. Wheelie: EXTRY! EXTRY! READ ALL ABOUT IT! STARSCREAM BREAKS JAIL AND NO ONE DOUBTS IT. Exhaust: Hey Wheelie. Hey Ravage. Ravage: Rrrrrrrr. Exhaust: What's this business about Starscream? Wheelie: Starscream's warning you should heed. Buy this paper and read. Exhaust: That's what I like about you Wheelie, saving the world a credit at a time. Exhaust: WHAT?!? Starscream made bail the hard way and wants me for his play date? I don't know whether to be worried or insulted. I don't even rate higher than a page three blurb under the horoscopes. Wheelie: I don't write them, I just sell them. What do you plan to do now that Starscream has you condemned? Exhaust: I plan to follow my horoscope and stay home. I need to stay in circulation before Starscream takes me out of circulation. Exhaust (V.O.): As soon as I got back to my apartment, I noticed Santa came early. Exhaust: It's from Starscream and it has a note. I didn't even know he could write. (Starscream Voice): Since you set me up to do a lot of time, I'm going to see that you're out of time. Exhaust: How cute. Starscream brought me a clock. Wait a...
MP How I Stopped Fearing Christmas and Loved the Present II 2242n Lt. Prowl: Ironhide. Clampdown. Keep this crowd back. Inferno, Red Alert and I are going inside. Sgt. Ironhide: C'MON EVERYBODY! KEEP BACK! Red Alert: I can't believe the rest of this flop house didn't go up in flames like this corner unit. These places should be condemned. Lt. Prowl: I agree but do you have room to house all of these tramps every night? Inferno: Got some bad news fellas. Inferno: This apartment wasn't empty. Guess who I found on the floor over-cooked like my aunt's Christmas dinner? Lt. Prowl: Oh no, I should have known. Everytime trouble lands in my lap, he's the one to put it there. Red Alert: Isn't that Exhaust, the private detective? Inferno: Was. Exhaust (rescued damsel voice): Inferno, my hero. How can I ever repay you? Inferno: By not trying to kiss me you lunatic. Exhaust (rescued damsel voice): Is this how you pick up all your dates? Inferno: He's fine. Exhaust (rescued damsel voice): Ouch! Where are your manners you big brute? Lt. Prowl: What's the story Exhaust? Got a little bit too wild and misplaced a candle or you trying to get a little Christmas cash by way of arson? Exhaust: What is this? Exhaust under fire day? First, Starscream's gag gift almost sends me to Primus and now you're trying to pin this fire on me! The termites may eat better than I do but it's home sweet home pal! Lt. Prowl: Starscream was here?!? He was pretty swift in getting revenge on you. How did you survive that explosion anyway? Exhaust: As soon as I heard his present ticking my life away, I threw a Hail Mary and it was fire in the hole. Exhaust: And another thing... Red Alert: You shouldn't start a sentence with "And." Exhaust: Whatever! When were you going to tell me that Starscream broke loose and he was bringing trouble with him? I had to find it out from some second rate rag on the corner! Lt. Prowl: We've put a dragnet on the city. We're get them eventually. Exhaust: So do I reserve him a spot at my funeral in order for you to catch him cause I want to see him in jail instead of him seeing me six feet under. Looks like I'll have to do your job as always Lt.. Lt. Prowl: Get back here Exhaust! It'll only be a matter of time until we catch him! Exhaust: No dice Lt. You may feel comfortable waiting for the net to close in but I've always said, in order to catch a jet, you have to be a shark. Byeeee! Exhaust (V.O.): I don't know if St. Nick's looking out for me but I got the best present I could receive, Ramjet walking out of a liquor store. I tailed him to the warehouse district where Thundercracker was waiting outside. Looks like he's giving Ramjet the third degree, or his ABCs. Ramjet was never too smart to begin with. Ramjet: What's the big deal? I just wanted to knock the edge off so I went to the store for a nip. Thundercracker: The big deal, you idiot, is that we just broke out of stir and we're hot enough to melt ice! Meanwhile, you decide to walk to the store like it's a Sunday afternoon! You could have be seen! Ramjet: I made sure I wasn't. Thundercracker: You stay put and guard this door. I'm gonna go in and see how Thrust is doing with that safe. Ramjet: Yeah! Yeah! Ramjet: Always sticking his nose cone in my business. I'm smart enough not to be followed. Exhaust (V.O.): As soon as Thundercracker turned the corner, I decided to play kick the jet with Ramjet. Ramjet: Exhaust! You're supposed to be dead! Exhaust: Then I'm kicking the can out of order Ramjet! Exhaust: You wanted a night cap Jack so goodNIGHT! >Bonk!< Exhaust: One down, three to go. Sgt. Ironhide: Nice work shamus. Looks like you're good for something after all. Exhaust: What are you doing here Sgt. Wall? I didn't think you knew how to turn a doorknob to get out of the house. Sgt. Ironhide: Why you little... Exhaust: Nah-ah-ah. Tis the season for peace. Lt. Prowl: The reason why he's here is because I had him follow you. Little did I know that you'd lead us to the rats we want. Thundercracker: Can't you guzzle that sauce without making a lot of ruckus? You want the cops to come down on us? Thundercracker: What the... Sgt. Ironhide: Too late bubblehead. Keep tickling the clouds octane breath. Lt. Prowl: Don't make this hard Thundercracker. Just come over here. Clampdown, cuff him. Clampdown: Yes sir. Come here pal. Starscream: You crack that safe yet? Thrust: Almost through boss. Strascream: Once we get the payroll, we can blow town and be distant memories like Exhaust is right now. I wish I could have seen his face when he was getting his blown off. Exhaust: Won't he be surprised when I appear without a séance. Lt. Prowl: As long as we don't appear to be dead when this is all over. On my mark. Lt. Prowl: Freeze Starscream! Thrust: It's Prowl and he has a ghost for backup. Starscream: That's no ghost! Exhaust is still alive! Exhaust: Surprise! What did I tell you about shopping at those five and dimes? Starscream: The same thing I've told you about making like a sitting duck! Exhaust: Move it Prowl! Starscream: Get back out here and get shot shamus. Exhaust: Not by the hairs of my chinny-chin-chin. Lt. Prowl: You don't even have hair. Exhaust: Skip it. I have an idea. Cover me. Lt. Prowl: I'm afraid to even hear what you have in mind. Exhaust: It'll keep what's in our minds inside our heads. I'm going to get the drop on Starscream Literally. Sgt. Ironhide: We heard the commotion outside. I thought Exhaust was with you. Did he turn tail and run? Lt. Prowl: No, but he's about to jump on someone else's tail. Exhaust: RIDE 'EM, COWBOY! Starscream: Get off me you fool! Lt. Prowl: Now Ironhide! Thrust: OW! You shot me! Sgt. Ironhide: Quit your crying! I only winged you. Thrust: Now you're making with the jokes? You're worse than I am! Exhaust: I have this used prescription of knock-out drops that you gave me the last time! Thought I'd return them to you! It'll help you sleep through the night! Just in time for Christmas! Starscream: Get off me shamus! Exhaust: Had enough Starscream? Starscream: No more. I'm done. Lt. Prowl: Since everyone seems to be in the giving mood, I have a nice pair of bracelets I can give to you Starscream. I think they're your color. Exhaust: Next time you want to blow me up Starscream, make sure it's at my office and not my apartment. I have to live there. Speaking of a place to flop, how about with you Lt.? Lt. Prowl: Uh, now wait a minute Exhaust. Exhaust: Thanks Lt.. I'll be over later. Byeeee!
MP Slot Fever I 2287 Megatron: ...and once Exhaust and Ravage come back from their reconnaissance mission, we can then devise a plan to destroy the Autobots and rule the universe. Skywarp: How do we know such power exist? Megatron: According to the data transmissions Soundwave intercepted, we have reason to believe that the information is valid. Soundwave: As soon as Exhaust and Ravage verifies the information, we can proceed with the next stage of our plan. Megatron: Right. After that, we can... Starscream: YES! I'VE DONE IT! Bombshell: You mean we've done it Star Breath. Megatron: What in the name of Cybertron? Megatron: Starscream! What is the meaning of this? How dare you use Decepticon energy and resources to create a slot machine? Starscream: This isn't just any ordinary slot machine Megatron. I've created a weapon to destroy the Autobots. Megatron: Enough! I should dismantle your worthless hide to replenish our stores. Bombshell: If I may Megatron, WE created this slot machine as a trojan horse. Once it's inside Autobot headquarters, we can destroy the Autobots and hang up a free parking sign outside their door. Megatron: This slot machine may help me with my plans after all Bombshell and I know just the perfect Autobot to help us. >maniacal laughter< Smokescreen: Almost done with patrol. I hope the Decepticons stay under whatever rock they've chosen and rust. It would make me very happy. Ramjet: I'd hate to tell Smokecreen that there are no rocks up here. Thrust: Only the rocks in your head. Starscream will take care of him. Starscream: Hello Smokescreen. Having a pleasant drive today? Smokescreen: Starscream! Of all the roads in the world, you happen to land on mine. Get ready for a fight! Thrust: Yes Autobot. We hope you are ready. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Bombshell: There's no need to fight Autobot. My cerebral shell will allow us to talk terms in peace. Bombshell: Listen up Autobot. You are to drag this slot machine into Autobot headquarters. Starscream: And make sure there are a lot of Autobots are around to receive the payoff. Smokescreen: As you command Starscream. Ironhide: What's the big idea with the slot machine Smokescreen? Perceptor: I would have thought that the last trip would have turned you off from those machines. Beachcomber: I don't think Optimus will approve of this one-armed bandit. Prowl: What's with all the racket in here Tracks? Tracks: Smokescreen must have been patrolling some alley and dug this slot machine out of the trash. Chip: I've never seen a slot machine that size before. Bumblebee: Chip's right. Something's wrong here. Smokescreen: Nonsense guys. It's all about luck. You have to play the odds and take the risks. Smokescreen: Too bad you guys just went bust!
