SoundFire Prime presents TFA: Season Four

Sari and Rodimus Prime have become very close friends in the short time they’ve known each other. They first became acquainted with each other a few months before the Lugnut Supreme incident, but only briefly, as Rodimus Prime was soon needed back on Cybertron for urgent business. Sari and Rodimus Prime have found that they are alike in a lot of ways. They are approachable and friendly, hard-headed at times, modest, and surprisingly unsure of themselves despite their uncanny skills in battle. Now that Rodimus Prime is a permanent member of the Earth Autobots, he has found more time to spend with Sari. When he isn’t leading the Earth Autobots with General Kup, Rodimus Prime often goes fishing with Sari, and today, the two friends are down at Lake Erie. The fish aren’t biting too much today, but they don’t mind. All that matters to them is that they have an opportunity to hang out and talk. Rodimus Prime looks down at Sari and smiles. Sari looks up at Rodimus Prime and smiles.

Sari: “What is it, big guy?”

Rodimus Prime: “A crotchety old bird with rust in his arse told me that you accepted your destiny.”

Sari: “Yeah?”

Rodimus Prime nods his head.

Rodimus Prime: “Listen, I know you were scared…about facing the Fallen, I mean. You were afraid for your father, and that you would mess up. Well, I just want you to know that there’s nothing to be scared of, and that you’re not in this alone. Half of the surviving Autobot Armada’s got your back, not to mention you’ve got Sky Lynx, Roadbuster, Sixshot, and General ‘Stonewall’ Kup, the most grizzled, hard-ass, ass-kicking and name-tacking war veteran on all of Cybertron leading the way.”

Sari: “I’ve also got you.”

Rodimus Prime smirks.

Rodimus Prime: “Well, not to brag or anything, but yeah, you could say I’m like an added bonus.”

Sari laughs softly.

Rodimus Prime: “But none of the Autobots are as hard-core as you are.”

Sari blushes.

Sari: “I’m not that special…”

Rodimus Prime: “You know, it takes a lot of courage to face your fears, especially if it means doing so to protect others. I’m proud of you, Sari. I’m sure Optimus Prime, Prowl, Bulkhead, and Ratchet are proud of you, too.”

Sari: “I know.”

Rodimus Prime: “Hey.”

Sari: “Yeah?”

Rodimus Prime: “Can I trust you to keep a secret?”

Sari: “Hey, you can trust me with anything, Rodimus.”

Rodimus Prime: “Really?”

Sari: “Really, really.”

Rodimus Prime laughs softly and then frowns.

Rodimus Prime: “For as long as I can remember, people have expected great things out of me. I’ve done my best to live up to their expectations, but I’ve never really felt like I was doing my job, you know? I was just your average Autobot Boot Camp cadet along with bots like Optimus Prime, Sentinel Prime, Elita-1, Cliffjumper, and the like, and I by some miracle came out on top of my class. It wasn’t long until I was promoted to Minor status and was the first and only young bot to lead his own team. Even though I was just a Minor, people still called me Rodimus Prime, because they all thought I was that good. They said I was destined to be the greatest Autobot that ever functioned. They called me ‘the Chosen One.’ Even Ultra Magnus himself said I’d eventually take his place as Supreme Commander of the Autobot Armada. So, I’ve pretty much been a celebrity since before you were born. I was pretty modest, but I just went with it anyway.

Rodimus Prime sighs and shakes his head.

Rodimus Prime: “Then not too long ago, my team and I screwed up royally on a mission. It was our job to defend an off-limits spacebridge on the far side of the galaxy from the infamous Team Charr led by the merciless Vehicon General ‘Nemesis’ Strika. Details are really messy, and I don’t want to get into it, but just know that they came, they saw, they kicked our asses and put us in the infirmary under the treatment of Hot Spot and the Protectobots for three of your Earth weeks. I was so humiliated, and I had to lay low after that. I failed a mission, and so many bots had been counting on me to become the next Magnus, or even the next Roadbuster. I felt like I let my people down. Then I heard how Optimus Prime defeated Megatron and Prowl sacrificed himself to stop the Lugnut Supremes and give life to the new AllSpark. They’re true Autobot heroes. They deserve to be praised…not me. And now Optimus Prime and Ultra Magnus are dead, leaving me and General Kup in charge of the surviving Autobot forces. Even worse, my field medice Red Alert and weapons specialist Brawn are dead too. Yeah, some team leader I turned out to be. I probably could have saved them, but…”

Sari attempts to sooths Rodimus Prime’s dampened spirits.

Sari: “Rodimus, you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. Come on, don’t feel bad. You’re a great leader. Optimus and Ultra Magnus never would have asked you to take over if you weren’t a good leader. Hey, you win some, you loose some, right? Seriously though, sometimes you can’t win every single battle. What matters is that you keep fighting afterwards. Hey, you know what? You shouldn’t do anything based on what other people want out of you. Being a hero isn’t about impressing people and living up to their expectations. You have no one to prove anything to but yourself. Now tell me, do you believe in yourself? Do you believe that you can accomplish anything you set your mind and heart to?”

Rodimus Prime: “……Do you?”

Sari: “Believe it or not, there was I time when I didn’t, but now I believe in myself. My goal is to prove to myself, and no one else, that I can accomplish great things.”

Rodimus Prime: “…I’m just afraid I’ll let everyone who has faith in me down.”

Sari: “Well, so am I, but I’m not gonna let that stop me. You shouldn’t let that stop you either. So, what do you say, big guy? Will you give it a shot? Will you do it for me? Please? Come on, pretty please? Pwetty pweeeeeeaaaaaase?”

Rodimus Prime: “Heh, Sixshot warned me about that ‘blue-eyed evil’ monkey mind-trick thing of yours. You’re a cute kid, I’ll give you that, but I’m not easily swayed by pretty blue eyes OR crocodile tears.”

Sari: “I’m not trying to manipulate you, Rodimus. I’m asking you as a friend.”

Rodimus Prime: “……Okay. I’ll try.”

Sari: “I believe in you, Rodimus.”

Rodimus Prime smiles and pats Sari’s head.

Rodimus Prime: “Thank you, Sari. You really are a sweet kid.”

Sari: “Anything for a friend.”

Sari and Rodimus Prime resume fishing. Later that night in the backroom of Wyatt Toys, an old novelty Good Guy doll sits atop a shelf. A cloud of black smoke flies through an open window into the room and enters the Good Guy doll. The Good Guy doll comes to life with burning red eyes and dark blue skin and bursts out of its box. The doll jumps down from the shelf and runs out the door and into the main sales room. Toys of all shapes, sizes, and brands line the shelves. The Good Guy doll uses a black magic version of the Cyber-Ninja Processsor-Over-Matter technique and draws the toys towards him with a magnetic pull. Diaclone planes, Microman figures, Micro-Machines, and Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, Prowl, Bulkhead, and Ratchet action figures join the Good Guy doll and cause it to triple in size. Dark blue symbiotic fluid envelopes the abomination made of toys. The abomination becomes more organic and mechanical in appearance. Legion (voiced by Brad Douriff) has returned, and is eager to continue his perverted reign of terror. Legion breaks out of Wyatt Toys and stomps down Winslow Street. Random Automatons, Petomatons, Media Mechanoids, Tidytrons, Disposal Droids, Constructobots, Cameracopters, Reporterbots, Camerabots, Mailbots, Copterdrones, and Policedrones are magnetically drawn to Legion and make him grow much larger and more demonic in appearance.

Legion: “MY NAME IS…LEGION, FOR WE…ARE MANY.”

Legion cackles evilly and disappears under the cover of night. The next day, Sari, Professor Sumdac, and Captain Fanzone are visiting N.E.S.T. in Diego Garcia. Agent Seymour Simmons has since been working for N.E.S.T. as an informant, since his knowledge of Sector Seven activities mostly involving the Transformers has proven more than useful. Everyone is watching a montage of various news reports regarding Decepticon attacks all over the world in such cities as Tranquility, Mission City, Shanghai, Philadelphia, New York City, Paris, San Francisco, London, Tokyo, Los Angles, Toronto, and Atlantic City.

Captain Fanzone: “Persistent sons of bitches, aren’t they?”

William Lennox: “You ain’t seen nothing yet.”

Robert Epps: “This ‘Matrix of Leadership’ thing must really be something worth tearing half the planet apart searching for.”

Jetfire: “The Matrix contains a vast amount of energon that succeeds even that of the AllSpark itself. Once the Fallen finds it, the AllSpark will be worthless. The AllSpark, you see, can give life, but the Matrix of Leadership can do that and so much more. It’s a key to unlimited power like nothing no mere mortal has ever laid eyes on before.”

Agent Simmons: “I’ve been looking into the Matrix of Leadership myth for a long, long, time, and after over fifteen years of research and reviewing the facts again and again and again, I have reason to believe that it is buried somewhere deep within Mount Fuji in the land of the rising sun itself, Japan.”

Jetfire shakes his head.

Jetfire: “It’s not in Japan.”

General Morshower: “Well, if it’s not in Japan, and it’s not in any of the other cities the Decepticons are menacing, then where in the name of Douglas McArthur IS it?”

Jetfire: “I don’t know. I don’t remember. Vector Prime and I hid it somewhere on this planet a long time ago, but I don’t quite remember the exact location. Vector Prime would, but he died some time ago. Well, either he died, or went into hibernation somewhere. I’m pretty sure at least some of the other Seekers might have an idea of where to find it.”

Rodimus Prime: “But didn’t you kill most of the Seekers already?”

Jetfire: “The ones I killed and some of the ones that escaped were Ocularus Prime cultists, devoted servants of the Fallen. A lot of the other Seekers hidden on Earth are turncoats much like myself. Knowing the Fallen though, it’s a pretty safe bet that he revived the Seekers I killed to do his bidding as immortal zombies; much like every other Decepticon we’ve ever killed. We could possibly interrogate them and see if they know where to look, but that might not be so easy. The best thing to do would be to locate the Seekers that weren’t activated by the NullSpark pulse. I haven’t exactly kept in touch with them, so I don’t know how we’ll be able to find them.”

Agent Simmons: “Funny you should mention that. Back when I was working for Sector Seven, I took the liberty of researching and locating disguised Transformers lying in stasis all over the world. I’ve been keeping them on file.”

Agent Simmons slaps a file down on the table. Sari and Lennox look through black and white photographs of various vehicles including a Ford Model T, the Red Baron biplane, an F-104 Starfighter interceptor, a B-24 Liberator bomber, a J-3a 4-6-4 Hudson steam locomotive, a PBY Catalina, a T-34 Tank, the Enola Gay B-29 Superfortress, a Panzerkampfwagen VIII Maus, a B-2 Spirit, a Mitsubishi A6M Zero, a Focke-Wulf FW-200, an F-117 Nighthawk, a Porsche 550 Spyder, a Lockheed P-38 Lightning, and an Aérospatiale-BAC Concorde. Wheelie jumps up on the table and inspects the photographs.

Wheelie: “Oh, hey, I know these guys. This is the real deal right here.”

Jetfire grimaces and spits.

Jetfire: “Yeah, I know that lot, too. Half of them owe me money, limey bastards!”

Robert Epps: “Well, at least one of them should be willing to help us out, right? Like Sixshot is always saying, ‘anyone can change’…right?”

Sixshot shrugs his shoulders.

Sixshot: “Last time I checked.”

William Lennox: “Uh, I don’t want to alarm anyone, but the all of the Decepticons are gathering in Egypt.”

General Morshower: “What?!”

Everyone turns their attention to the screen and view the ensuing chaos in shock. Jetfire’s eyes widen in horror.

Jetfire: “No…not now…not this soon…”

The Decepticons are shown making frighteningly short work of the Jordanian military. All of them surround the Giza Necropolis. A Mack cement mixer (Mixmaster), a Terex RH400 excavator (Demolishor), a Caterpillar 773B dump truck (Long Haul), a Caterpillar D9L bulldozer (Rampage), a Caterpillar 992G wheel loader (Scrapper), a Komatsu HD465-7 articulated dump truck (Overload), and a Kobelco CK2500 truss crane (Hightower) combine to form the Constructicon combiner Devastator. Megatron and Starscream fly to the top of the Pyramid of Giza.

Megatron: “DEVASTATOR!!!”

Devastator opens his mouth wide to reveal his vortex grinder and inhales sand, livestock, villagers, tanks, soldiers, cars, and other random things. Devastator stomps over to the Pyramid of Giza and latches on with multiple hooks helping to pull him up to the top. Megatron and Starscream shoot down jets flying overhead in an attempt to kill Devastator. Devastator makes it to the top of the pyramid and inhales the cubes forming the top of the pyramid into his vortex grinder. Devastator inhales enough cubes off the top of the pyramid that he finally unearths part of an ancient, long buried machine appearing Cybertronian in origin. Megatron and Starscream gaze upon the machine in awe.

Megatron: “Never in a million stellar cycles did I think I would see it for myself…”

Starscream: “The infinite devil machine that started it all…”

Galvatron rolls up to the base of the Pyramid of Giza in his Merkava Mk3/Mk4 Tank, transforms into robot mode, and looks up at the top of the pyramid with an evil and twisted smile.

Galvatron: “Yes, we have found it. Now the Darkest Hour is nearly upon us. It is only a matter of time now. Lord Unicron will be most pleased, as will Ocularus Prime.”

Devastator climbs down from the top of the Pyramid of Giza and proceeds to lay waste to the military. Megatron and Starscream follow suit. The Fallen teleports up to the top of the Pyramid of Giza and gazes upon the machine in awe.

The Fallen: “YES…YES…IT IS STILL INTACT…EVEN AFTER ALL THESE LONG YEARS…MY BROTHERS COULD NOT KEEP ME FROM THIS…AND NEITHER COULD THEIR BASTARD AUTOBOT CHILDREN AND DESCENDENTS…AND ESPECIALLY NOT THE CHILD…AND NOW…THE SUN SHALL SOON BE MINE…AND I WILL HAVE HARNESSED ENOUGH POWER TO MAKE LORD UNICRON WHOLE AGAIN AND LAY WASTE TO THIS MISERABLE PLANET ALONGSIDE HIM. YES…AND I WILL FINALLY HAVE REDEEMED MYSELF…AND RETRIEVE MY NAME LONG LOST. I SHALL BECOME OCULARUS PRIME ONCE MORE!!!”

A flock of ravens circles over the Fallen. A swarm of locusts and scarab beetles flies across the desert and devastates the military forces opposing the Decepticons. The Fallen hisses like a swarm of cicadas and draws his Cybertronic staff.

The Fallen: “MY STAFF…THE STAFF OF RA…WHICH I ONCE USED TO RULE OVER THIS LAND…ALLOWS ME TO REGAIN DOMINIAN OVER ALL I SEE. I AM A GOD…AND THE DECEPTICONS ARE MY INSTRUMENTS. FOR THIS MACHINE…MY SOLAR HARVESTER…TO BE AT FULL POWER…IT MUST BE RENOVATED. THEN, OF COURS, IT REQUIRES THE MATRIX OF LEADERSHIP TO BRING IT FULLY ONLINE. FIRST, THE SOLAR HARVESTER MUST BE FULLY UNEARTHED.”

The Fallen floats high above the Pyramid of Giza and spreads his arms out. He hums to himself and falls into a deep, self-induced trance. The Fallen’s flames turn purple and grow taller and more intense. The Fallen uses highly concentrated psychokinetic power to lift the ancient cubes concealing the Solar Harvester within. The Fallen sends the cubes flying all over the place. The full Solar Harvester is unveiled. The Decepticons cheer wildly in celebration of their victory. The Fallen carefully inspects the Solar Harvester.

The Fallen: “HMM, AS I HAD HOPED, THE SOLAR HARVESTER WAS PERFECTLY PRESERVED. IT MAY STILL FUNCTION. HOWEVER, IT REQUIRES A GREAT DEAL OF REPAIRS AND RENOVATIONS IN ORDER TO MAKE IT FUNCTION PROPERLY IN THIS DAY AND AGE. IF WE ARE TO WORK THROUGH THE NEXT SEVEN DAYS WITH ABSOLUTELY NO REST, THE MACHINE WILL BE READY FOR ACTIVATION.”

The Fallen turns to face Devastator down below.

The Fallen: “MIXMASTER, DEMOLISHOR, LONG HAUL, RAMPAGE, SCRAPPER, OVERLOAD, HIGHTOWER, EITHER YOU WERE BORN OF THE ALLSPARK OR MY BLACK MAGIC. MANY LONG YEARS BEFORE EITHER OF YOU WERE CONCEIVED, A WORKFORCE MADE UP OF CONSTRUCTICONS MUCH LIKE YOURSELVES SERVED ME BY BUILDING THE INFINITE DEVIL MACHINE YOU SEE BEFORE YOU NOW. THEY HAVE LONG SINCE PERISHED. YOU ARE THEIR ANCESTORS, AND YOU ARE TO FINISH WHAT THEY BEGAN SO MANY YEARS AGO. THE SOLAR HARVESTER MUST UNDERGO EXTREME RENOVATIONS. IT MUST BE REFURBISHED AND ADDED ON TO IN ORDER TO MAKE IT FUNCTION MORE EFFICIENTLY. CAN I TRUST YOU TO FULFILL YOUR DESTINIES AND BREATH LIFE INTO THIS SOLAR HARVESTER?”

Devastator: “WE SHALL DO AS YOU PLEASE, MASTER.”

The Fallen: “EXCELLENT, AND AS A REWARD, YOU SHALL ALL BE BLESSED WITH AN ENDLESS FOUNTAIN OF ONLY THE PUREST OIL FOR ALL ETERNITY. IN FACT, I SHALL REWARD EVER LAST ONE OF YOU DECEPTICONS FOR YOUR CONTRIBUTIONS TO THE RESTORATION OF MY SOLAR HARVESTER. I HAVE SUCH SIGHTS TO SHOW YOU, AND PLEASURES BEYOND ANYTHING YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE.”

The Decepticons cheer wildly.

The Fallen: “NOW…GET TO WORK, YOU WORTHLESS MULES!!!”

A massive black cloud of smoke hovers over the Giza Necropolis. Thousands of balls of black smoke fly down from the cloud and burrow into the sand. Mummified Sweeps emerge from beneath the sand wielding flaming cat o’ nine tails and strike the Decepticons, forcing them to get to work.

The Fallen: “HMM, THIS IS GOOD, BUT I FEEL WE MAY NEED MORE......MUSCLE.”

The Fallen raises his staff and chants in backwards Tutankhamen. Everyone back at the N.E.S.T. Base in Diego Garcia watches the screen in horror as three mummified Lugnut Supremes emerge from beneath the sand.

Sari: “No…”

Professor Sumdac: “I don’t believe this…”

Jazz: “You…have got to be…shizzniting me.”

Bumblebee: “*KZZT*…Gentlemen…it has been a…privilege playing with…you tonight. *KZZT*”

Bumblebee plays Nearer My God to Thee by I Salonisti on his car radio and slowly drops to his knees, falls over on his side, and curls up in a fetal position. Skids, Mudflap, and Hot Shot follow suit.

Hot Shot: “The Fallen, the Decepticons, and now the Lugnut Supremes? We’re dead. It’s over, finished. What chance do we have? We’re outnumbered AND outgunned. We’ve lost. The Decepticons have won.”

Sari: “No, there HAS to be a way to make this right. There HAS to be a way to stop the Fallen. We can’t just quit while we’re ahead. There must be SOMETHING we can do.”

Jetfire: “Only the Matrix of Leadership can power the Solar Harvester. Without it, there’s not much the Fallen can do at all.”

Professor Sumdac: “But what if he finds it?”

Jetfire: “No, he won’t. Only one living Seeker knows the location of the Matrix. We just have to find him.”

William Lennox: “But he could be ANYWHERE.”

Jetfire: “That’s okay. I can find the Seeker. Meanwhile, Sari needs to start training.”

Sari: “Training?”

Jetfire: “You need to learn how to fully control your powers, and more importantly, you need to learn how to master Cyber-Ninja arts. Until you can learn skills like Processor-Over-Matter, you don’t stand a ghost of a chance against the Fallen and his evil forces. Thankfully, it won’t be too hard to learn, because you’ll be learning from the very best. He’s no Yoketron, but he’s certainly the next best thing, so what do you say, Sensei?”

Victory Saber steps forward.

Victory Saber: “It would be an honor to educate young Miss Sumdac and help her tread the Path of Enlightenment.”

Dai Atlas, Sky Garry, Grandus, Sonic Bomber, Road Fire, Blacker, Braver, Laster, Springer, Chromedome, Hardhead, Brainstorm, Jazz, Warpath, Lockdown, and Sixshot gather behind Victory Saber.

Dai Atlas: “We will ALL help you, Sari Sumdac.”

The Cyber-Ninjas nod their heads.

Jetfire: “We have an Earth week to prepare for the Endgame. While Sari learns to master her powers, you all must be ready for the Fallen’s onslaught. I strongly suggest upgrading your weapons and armor to the highest battle grades.”

General Morshower: “Well, you heard the old man; let’s get to work, boys and girls! It’s gonna be a long week!”

Everyone: “OORAH!!!”

General Morshower: "And God help us all..."

To be continued…

Sari and Victory Saber are at the baseball diamond in Grand Circus Park in Detroit, Michigan. Sari is wearing matching peach-colored sweatpants and a tank top, and is wearing her hair in a ponytail. Professor Sumdac, Captain Fanzone, Porter C. Powell, Henry Masterson, Major William Lennox, Master Sergeant Robert Epps, First Sergeant Patrick Donnelly, Chief Warrant Officer Jorge Figueroa, and Agent Seymour Simmons are watching Sari and Victory Saber from up on the bleachers. The other Cyber-Ninjas are watching from the sidelines. Bumblebee and Kremzeek are cheering for Sari and waving pom-poms around. Dispensor is also cheerleading for Sari, but is not as enthusiastic about his role as Bumblebee and Kremzeek.

Dispensor: “Seriously, what am I doing here? I have a life!”

Skids and Mudflap are driving around in their combined ice cream truck mode trying to make a quick buck off of naïve children. Ayo Technology by 50 Cent & Justin Timberlake is playing over the Twins’ ice cream music speaker phone.

Mudflap: “Ding-a-ling, come out and get yo ice cream, lil’ chilluns. We be makin’ it fresh just for you and all y’all bad mama-jamma mommas wit nice ba-donk-a-donks.”

Skids: “Yeah, lil’ bitches, and any big bad robot out there had better be ready for an ass whuppin’, gangsta’ style, homeslice! Can I get a ‘what-what’? Come on; give me some lovin’, boys and girls!”

Mudflap: “Yeah, boi, I say crocodile on my feet, fox fur on my back, bowtie ‘round my neck, I’m a REAL gangsta mack ridin’ in a Cadillac! And all the girls in the club say ‘HOOTIE HOOOOOO’! Oh, and give all y’all money, buddy.”

Skids: “Yo, listen to THIS, fool. When the pimps in the crib man, drop it like it’s hot, drop it like it’s hot, drop it like it’s hot, and when the pigs try to get at you, park it like it’s hot, park it like it’s hot, park it like it’s H.O.T.”

Mudflap: “Hey, Skids, can you believe some people actually think we’re RACIST?”

Skids: “Hey, man, that’s some bullshizznit right there. I’m sorry, but there ain’t NOTHING racist at all about us. I mean, it’s like what; robots can’t be like African-Americans? That’s ignorant, dawg. Jazz does it, so what’s wrong with us? That just ain’t right, man. Some people nowadays are so sensitive.”

Skids and Mudflap: “We’ll take you to the Candyshop. We’ll let you lick a lollypop. Go ‘head, girl, don’t you stop. Keep goin’ ‘til you hit the spot. Whoo!”

Daniel Witwicky: “Mommy, Mommy, I want a lollypop from the ice cream truck!”

Carly Witwicky gasps in horror and picks up Daniel Witwicky. She shoots Skids and Mudflap a disgusted look.

Carly Witwicky: “You sick bastards!”

Carly Witwicky runs off with Daniel tight in her arms. Skids and Mudflap separate into their individual robot modes. Mudflap trips and rolls face first into a tree.

Skids: “Hey man, what did WE do?!”

Mudflap rubs his head ruefully.

Mudflap: “Aw man, I gots brainfreeze, homie.”

A wasp’s nest falls on top of Mudflap’s head. The wasps start swarming angrily around Mudflap. Mudflap runs off blindly with the wasp’s nest on his head and arms thrashing about in a panic.

Mudflap: “MOTHERFLOODPUCKER WITH CHEESE!!!”

Skids runs after Mudflap.

Skids: “Yo, wait up, crackerjack!”

Sari tries to hide her giggles as Skids chases after Mudflap. Victory Saber clears his throat.

Victory Saber: “Are you ready, Sari?”

Sari: “Yeah, I’m ready, Victory.”

Victory Saber: “Ah, but you are my pupil, and I am your sensei. Lesson One: Etiquette. For as long as I am your teacher, you are my student, and you are to refer to me as ‘Sensei Victory Saber’. Is that understood, young Miss Sumdac?”

Sari: “Oh, um, yes, Sensei Victory Saber.”

Victory Saber: “Now, if you’re going to stop the Fallen, you’re going to have to learn how to master the ancient Cyber-Ninja arts. You see, child, Cyber-Ninja arts are as old as Cybertron and the Transformer race. Great warriors, Autobot and Decepticon alike have used Cyber-Ninja arts in the ageless civil war. Mere arms alone cannot solve every conflict. It is not the body, but the mind that triumphs. Mind over matter, brains over brawn, do you understand?”

Sari: “Yes.”

Victory Saber: “There are seven main Cybertronian martial arts to be mastered. There is Metallikato, the art of bladed combat, mastered by the likes of Bludgeon, Whirl, Springer, Dai Atlas, Ultra Magnus, and yours truly. Then there is Circuit-Su, an art which focuses heavily on mental and spiritual discipline. A true master of Circuit-Su can harness his spark energy as a physical attack, and in turn, use it as a last resort and commit the ultimate sacrifice. Diskmaster is an art in which the practitioner makes use of explosive discs in combat. Those who master this art can choose when and where the discs explode. Jet Judo requires a mixture of balance, acrobatics, aerodynamics, perfect timing, and graceful precision. Even those who are not Cyber-Ninjas have mastered this art. Crystalocution is an ancient and deadly martial art that only few have ever used. It is used to destroy opponents’ metal fracture points. Think of it as a sort of Vulcan Death Grip, only much more violent. Hopefully, this is one technique you will never have to use. Processor-Over-Matter is one of the most advanced and difficult techniques to master and only a select few have mastered it. A practitioner of this art can manipulate his surroundings using a supreme state of mental concentration. Really, it is a hyper-advanced form of psychokinesis, if you wish to put it that way. And last but not least, the art of Tekkaido.”

Sari: “What’s that?”

Victory Saber: “Unfortunately, I am not at liberty to say, as even I do not know of the focus of its fighting style. We have come to believe that the Dynasty of Primes, the Thirteen Original Transformers themselves were the only know masters of this art. Master Yoketron himself had apparently mastered the technique, but its coveted secrets died with him long, long ago. Along with mastering these ancient arts, you must also learn to control your current powers. So tell me, what is it you can do?”

Sari: “Well, I’m super strong, super fast, and super smart, I can transform my hands into repulsor blasters, shotguns, and machine guns, I have energy skates at the bottom of my feet that help me go really fast, I can draw tonfa-blades, an energy hammer, and an energo-sword, and I have guns and missiles that shoot out of my legs and shoulders.”

Victory Saber nods his head.

Victory Saber: “I see.”

Sari: “Oh, and when I get really angry, or just plain emotional, I can fire a big burst of energy from my chest, the jewel on my chest, I mean.”

Victory Saber: “Hmmm…and how often has this occurred?”

Sari: “Once or twice, I guess.”

Victory Saber: “Then you have already partially mastered the art of Circuit-Su. This is good.”

Sari: “So, exactly how am I going to master all of my powers AND learn all those techniques by the end of the week?”

Victory Saber: “Indeed, time is not on our side at the moment, but even so, if we work hard and give it our all, we can accomplish great things in a short amount of time. To master your powers and the Cyber-Ninja techniques, you must practice using them as often as possible, and balance it with supreme concentration. Only then will you have successfully traversed the Path of Enlightenment and proceed on your way to total victory.”

Sari: “Okay, but there’s only one problem: the Decepticons are all the way in Egypt, and all the supervillains in Detroit are locked up in a lunatic asylum in New Jersey. The crime rate has in Detroit has gone down by 85% since the night Optimus sacrificed himself and drove all the Decepticons away.”

Victory Saber: “Most troubling indeed, but fear not, for where there is a will, there is a way.”

Sari: “What does that even MEAN?!”

Victory Saber: “The Cyber-Ninjas and I shall serve as your sparring partners.”

Sari: “What? But I might hurt you guys. I don’t want to do that.”

Victory Saber chuckles softly.

Victory Saber: “Worry not, grasshopper, for we are strong, and can withstand even the most minor of annoyances. We will be fine, I promise.”

Sari: “…Okay. Say, is this going to turn into some sort of Rocky training montage?”

Victory Saber: “Eh, a mixture of Rocky, Kill Bill, and the Karate Kid.”

Sari: “Oh, well, can we get that song from the Rocky movies? You know, Gonna Fly Now, or Eye of the Tiger?”

Victory Saber: “If we can afford them.”

Sari: “And just for the heck of it, we may require a change of venue.”

Victory Saber: “Let’s begin, shall we?”

Gonna Fly Now (Theme from “Rocky”) by Bill Conti plays over Bumblebee’s car radio and throughout a montage spanning the many hours Sari spends mastering her powers and learning to master the Cyber-Ninja arts with the help of Sensei Victory Saber and the Cyber-Ninjas. Sari is shown doing pull-ups, push-ups, jogging around the city of Detroit, lifting weights, drinking a glass of raw eggs, and sparring one at a time with Victory Saber, Dai Atlas, Sky Garry, Grandus, Sonic Bomber, and Road Fire. Sari grabs onto Warpath’s chest turret and pulls herself up and down. The other Cyber-Ninjas laugh at Warpath. Warpath (with no audio, of course) cusses them off. Sari faces Grandus in a sumo ring. Amazingly, Sari pushes Grandus out of the ring. Sari jogs with Lennox and Epps. Sari beats Lockdown, Sixshot, Blacker, Braver, and Laster at arm wrestling. Lennox and Epps coach Sari through Diego Garcia’s obstacle course. Sari practices Jet Judo with Jetfire. Sari practices mastering Processor-Over-Matter in Wreck-Gar’s old junkyard. After several failed attempts, Sari manages to lift almost everything in the junkyard, including the Cyber-Ninjas supervising her. Sari uses her nascent Metallikato skills to best each of the Cyber-Ninjas. Sari quickly masters the art of Diskmaster. Sari gets buried beneath the ground in a casket and makes her way up to the surface using only her bare hands and supreme concentration. Sari perfects her Circuit-Su technique and manages to better control her individual robot powers. Sari finishes her training with another glass of raw eggs, sneaking into a meat packing plant and using huge chunks of meat as punching bags, and jogging all the way up the stairs of the Art Museum in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and jumping up and down in joyous accomplishment. Sari and Professor Sumdac return home to their penthouse after a long day of training. Sari collapses on the couch. Dispensor walks up to Sari.

Dispensor: “Hey, move over, brat. My stories are on.”

Sari: “…Drop…dead…Dewbot.”

Dispensor raises his fist and prepares to strike Sari. He lowers his fist and sighs.

Dispensor: “Fine, I’ll sit in the couch that’s more comfortable than that lumpy couch.”

Dispensor sits down on the couch and turns the TV on. Armageddon is showing on Pay-Per-View.

Sari: “Turn that…off.”

Dispensor: “Hey, what have you got against Michael Bay?”

Sari: “The world could possibly be ending in four days. The last thing I want is a reminder.”

Wheelie skates up to Dispensor and sits next to him on the armrest.

Wheelie: “Yo, uh, wasn’t the world, uh, you know, supposed to end in 2012, or something? I know it was supposed to end a few years after 9-11, but it was never really specified how long after…”

Sari: “Wheelie?”

Wheelie: “Wassup?”

Sari: “Please shut up. I don’t want to have to get the welding torch again.”

Wheelie: “Heh, you’re hot, but none to bright. You say you’re gonna torch my eyes like the crazy bitch you are, but I’m in the clear, baby. You’re too tired to beat the crap out of me.”

Sari: “You’re right, I’m too tired to get up, but Kremzeek’s not.”

Wheelie: “…Huh?”

Sari: “Kremzeek? Sweetie-Pie? Mommy wants you to do me a favor.”

Wheelie: “Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, first, I’m gonna shut up. Second, you’re not that little monster’s mother, and third, ‘sweetie pie’? Uh, ewww!”

Sari: “I know I’m not his mom, dweeb. Kremzeek is just my little buddy, and sometimes I like to play baby talk with him, ‘cause, well, he IS a baby, kind of.”

Professor Sumdac: “Kremzeek is a baby? What makes you think that?”

Sari: “Sixshot used to work for Decepticon scientists back on Cybertron, and he told me how they were always creating Kremzeeks by accident all the time. Apparently, adult Kremzeeks are about as big as a human head with dark red eyes and darker yellow skin. My Kremzeek is about the size of a grapefruit with bright red eyes and shiny yellow skin. From what Sixshot tells me, that’s what a younger Kremzeek looks like around infancy and adolescence.”

Dispensor: “Aren’t you glad you asked?”

Professor Sumdac: “Adolescence? Huh, well no wonder he’s so attracted to you.”

Sari: “Dad, stop that. He’s just really friendly.”

Dispensor: “A little TOO friendly, if you ask me.”

Sari: “Okay, so maybe Kremzeek has a bit of a crush on me. So what? There’s nothing wrong with that. I think it’s sweet. It just goes to show that he has great taste in girls.”

Dispensor: “Huh, I was not aware that I was swimming in the SHALLOW end of the gene pool.”

Sari: “Says the Mountain Dew machine robot who does nothing but lay around the penthouse drowning his sorrows in alcohol and makes snide, biting sarcastic remarks about everything around him.”

Dispensor: “Oh yeah? Well you…umm…you are…...uhhh…damn…oh, such a GIRL!”

Sari: “Oh, well thank you, Captain Obvious.”

Dispensor tosses a pillow at Sari’s face.

Dispensor: “Drop dead!”

Sari: “Get welded!”

Dispensor: “Get bent!”

Sari: “Bite me!”

Dispensor storms out of the living room. Wheelie eases back in the chair and watches the Untouchables on Pay-Per-View. He smiles and mouths Joe Peschi’s “funny like a clown” dialogue. Sari sits up and sighs. Professor Sumdac sits down next to Sari.

Sari: “These past three days have been torture.”

Professor Sumdac: “You’ve been working very hard, Sari. I’m very proud of you.”

Sari: “Thanks. I just want this whole ordeal to end already.”

Professor Sumdac: “Hey, when this whole thing is over, how about I introduce you to the rest of my family?”

Sari: “You mean besides Grandpa and Cousin Kumar?”

Professor Sumdac: “Yep.”

Sari: “Cool, I’d like that.”

Professor Sumdac: “You know, Christmas is coming up in a few months. Have you decided what you want yet?”

Sari: “I’ve been too busy to even come up with anything.”

Professor Sumdac: “Huh, that’s not like you at all.”

Sari: “Well, I could use a new jetpack…and a new cell phone.”

Professor Sumdac: “I’ll see what I can do.”

Back in Doctor Doom’s palace in Latveria, Doctor Doom and Theodore Galloway are reviewing a potential list of supervillains Doctor Doom wants to invite to play a part in his master plan. Doctor Doom is sitting on his throne as he watches Theodore Galloway pace back and forth reading a list on a clipboard and checking things off with a pen.

Theodore Galloway: “Okay, how about…Curt Connors?”

Doctor Doom: “You mean the Lizard? No.”

Theodore Galloway: “Uh, Mac Gargan, Herman Schultz, Aleksei Sytsevich, and Quentin Beck?”

Doctor Doom: “No, no, I don’t want any unnecessary jokes about Aleksei’s horn, and flashy Hollywood types like Quentin ‘Mysterio’ Beck are douchebags. Next!”

Theodore Galloway: “Let’s see, there’s Adrian Toomes, Maxwell Dillon, Sergei Kravinoff, Roderick Kingsley, Cletus Kasady, Wilson Fisk, Flint Marko, Norman Osborn, Otto Octavius, and Eddie Brock.”

Doctor Doom: “No, no, no, no, no, hell no, uh-uh, maybe, possibly, and most definitely.”

Theodore Galloway: “Okay, so now we’ve got Venom on our guest list.”

Doctor Doom: “Spectacular, now for God’s sake, how about someone who ISN’T an enemy of Spider-Man? Seriously, that wise-cracking little punk has more enemies than Elizabeth Taylor had husbands and Larry King had wives!”

Theodore Galloway: “Right, now, how about Emil Blonsky, Carl Creel, or, uh, Samuel Sterns?”

Doctor Doom: “Hmm, let’s see, out who would YOU pick, the giant green monster, the guy who absorbs everything he touches, or the guy with the pulsating brain? HELLO!!”

Theodore Galloway: “Uh, Emil Blonsky it is then.”

Doctor Doom: “Brilliant, we have Venom, the Abomination, and yours truly, but we need a little more…hard-assery, you know what I’m saying?”

Theodore Galloway: “Galactus?”

Doctor Doom: “No, no, no, absolutely not! What? Seriously, you think I’d want a big space cloud that eats planets coming to my party?”

Theodore Galloway: “Point taken.”

Doctor Doom: “Come on, keep it coming.”

Theodore Galloway: “Annihilus?”

Doctor Doom: “Giant alien cockroach? No thanks.”

Theodore Galloway: “Puppet Master and Mole Man?”

Doctor Doom drums his fingers impatiently on his armrests and glares at Theodore Galloway.

Theodore Galloway: “Uh, Super-Skrull…maybe?”

Doctor Doom thinks for a moment and then shakes his head.

Theodore Galloway: “Mephistopheles and Blackheart?”

Doctor Doom: “Oh yeah, like I want Satan himself and his brat kid overshadowing my grand designs. Come on; just read me the good ones!”

Theodore Galloway: “Johann ‘the Red Skull’ Schmidt?”

Doctor Doom: “Not particularly fond of Red Skull. Try again.”

Theodore Galloway: “Bullseye?”

Doctor Doom: “Uh, I said the ‘GOOD ONES’!!”

Theodore Galloway: “Paste-Pot Pete? The Bug-Eyed Bandit? Polka-Dot Man? Rainbow Rider? Hypno Hustler? Bushmaster? The Owl? Stilt-Man? The Chameleon?”

Doctor Doom screams in frustration and fires electrical blasts from his palms at Theodore Galloway and knocks him onto his back. Theodore Galloway seizes on the ground.

Doctor Doom: “FOR GOD’S SAKE, GALLOWAY!! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF COMIC BOOKS ARE YOU READING?! WHAT PART OF ‘GOOD SUPERVILLAINS’ ARE YOU HAVING TROUBLE PROCESSING THROUGH THAT THICK SKULL OF YOURS?! DAMMIT!!!”

Theodore Galloway sits up and rubs his head ruefully.

Theodore Galloway: “Those guys where the big bads when I was a kid, okay? I don’t know who’s in with the in crowd nowadays.”

Doctor Doom sighs and sits back in his throne.

Doctor Doom: “Very well. What about Erik Lehnsherr?”

Theodore Galloway: “Magneto? Oh yeah, he’s free.”

Doctor Doom: “Good, sign him up. What about his Brotherhood of Mutants? Are any of them up for grabs?”

Theodore Galloway: “Unfortunately, Mystique, Sabertooth, Juggernaut, Toad, Blob, Pyro, Multiple Man, and the Omegas Callisto, Quill, Archlight, and Psylocke are doing hard time on Rikers Island at the moment.”

Doctor Doom: “What, we can’t bust them out?”

Theodore Galloway: “As it happens, Nick Fury and the boys at S.H.I.E.L.D. did a lot of renovating there not too long ago, so it’s nearly impossible for anyone to get in OR out of there.”

Doctor Doom: “Freakin’ S.H.I.E.L.D. Well, I don’t suppose we could get a hold of say…Apocalypse or Fing Fang Foom?”

Theodore Galloway: “Sorry.”

Doctor Doom: “Please, PLEASE tell me we can get Obadiah Stane to come or at least Mark Scarlotti.”

Theodore Galloway: “Yes.”

Doctor Doom: “Yes to Iron Monger or yes to Whiplash?”

Theodore Galloway: “Both.”

Doctor Doom: “Yes, now it’s a party!”

Theodore Galloway: “And I just got off the horn with Ultron a few minutes ago, and he said he’d love to help us out with your little plan.”

Doctor Doom: “Yes, yes, YES!!”

Theodore Galloway: “And when we’re done here, I’m going to see if we can get anyone from Gotham City or even Metropolis.”

Doctor Doom: “Brilliant, Galloway! This is going to be good. Just you wait, my friend. It’s our time to shine now. No more transforming robots, no more boy wizards, and definitely no more heartthrob, shirtless, douchebag vampires, and my god, how I HATED the Twilight Saga!! The supervillains are getting the spotlight now! Once the Decepticons are out of the way, I will be free to take over the world once and for all!”

Doctor Doom laughs evilly.

Doctor Doom: “You can join in if you want to, Galloway. Go ahead, I won’t mind.”

Theodore Galloway laughs evilly along with Doctor Doom.

To be continued…

Jetfire teleports to the Steven F. Udvar-Hazy Center at the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum in Chantilly, Virginia and enters the Boeing Aviation Hangar. He walks up to the SR-71 Blackbird on display and acts cool and smooth.

Jetfire: “We top o’ the morning to you, sexy. What’s a femme like you doing in a hideous mausoleum like this? You come here often? Aw, is your speech synthesizer tied? It’s okay, love, I used to get that way around the ladies a lot back in me salad days. You may not be able to tell by looking, but I was actually quite a charmer, very popular with the other femmes back on Cybertron. Nice jet mode, by the way. Very sleek and sexy like those little black dresses human females wear. I have one just like it, of course, but mine is more masculine, mind you. Wait a minute, what was I doing again? Oh right, I was on a mission. Yes, I was looking for someone. Sorry, mademoiselle, I must be on my way. Stay beautiful, darling.”

Jetfire walks up to the B-29 Superfortress “Enola Gay” and taps the cockpit with his landing gear cane.

Jetfire: “Let’s see, according to Wheelie, this is one of the last Seekers on Earth aside from me. Obviously, he seems to be in stasis mode. A little bit of AllSpark shard will fix that.”

Jetfire pulls out an AllSpark shard.

Jetfire: “Let’s sit back and watch the magic happen.”

The AllSpark shard is magnetically drawn to the B-29 Superfortress “Enola Gay”. The holy spark energy in the AllSpark shard brings the B-29 Superfortress “Enola Gay” to life and transforms it into a large, wide, bulky Cybertronian robot similar in appearance to Decepticon Lugnut, only with large wings on its back, a cracked visor with two blinking eyes behind it, a beard, and rusty articulation joints and malfunctioning bolts, gears, cogs, and pistons shooting out of its body. The ancient mechanoid coughs and gags and stuggles to stand on his own two feet. The mechanoid speaks with an Irish accent.

Warhead: “Bloody Japanese, you’ve got nothing on the mighty Warhead, Decepticon Seeker and bombardier extraordinaire!”

Jetfire: “Hah, Warhead, old boy, is that you? I haven’t seen you in ages!”

Warhead: “I was just…what, Jetfire? You’re still online? My god, how long have I been out?”

Jetfire: “Since the bombings of Nagasaki and Hiroshima, if memory serves me…and that was well over…what, seventy or so stellar cycles ago. Anyway, there’s no time for small talk, we have to…what?”

Warhead pushes his way through the various aircraft on display and kicks the hangar doors down. Jetfire runs after Warhead.

Jetfire: “Warhead, you daft bullock, get back here! I have to talk to you!”

Warhead: “World looks a lot different than it did all those stellar cycles ago. I wonder how much has changed. Pray tell, are we still fighting a war or some kind? I seem to remember something about Germans, Italians, and Japanese trying to take over the world. Then I think there was something about the French being good for nothing cowards or some load of bollocks. I don’t know, I guess I’d better get back to bombing cities again. Where to begin, I wonder?”

Jetfire pounces on Warhead and knocks him to the ground.

Warhead: “Hey, get off of me, you brute! Get your grubby servos off me lucky charms!”

Jetfire: “Shut up, you processor-dead leprechaun! We need to talk, and sparkdammit, we are going to talk RIGHT NOW!!”

Jetfire teleports himself and Warhead to the 309th Aerospace Maintenance and Regeneration Group’s Boneyard in Tucson, Arizona.

Warhead: “Okay, okay, I’ll talk to you! Just get up off of me already!”

Jetfire gets off of Warhead and pulls him up off the ground and throws him against an old C-135 Stratolifter.

Warhead: “ARGH!! THAT HURTS!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

Jetfire flies over to Warhead, lifts him up off the ground, and slams him into a group of old UH-1N Twin Huey helicopters.

Warhead: “STOP SLAMMING ME INTO THINGS!!!”

Jetfire picks up an old F-4 Phantom II and chucks it at Warhead. He grabs Warhead and pins him up against an old Boeing 707.

Jetfire: “Now you listen to me and listen well, the Fallen has returned, the Solar Harvester has been unearthed, the AllSpark has become the NullSpark after being combined with the Matrix of Evil and the Dead Matrix, and the world is going to end in two days!”

Warhead: “……And the girl?”

Jetfire: “Yes.”

Warhead: “……I see.”

Jetfire: “Vector Prime and I hid the Matrix of Leadership somewhere long ago, but I’ve since forgotten where. Do you know where the Matrix is? It’s imperative that we find it.”

Warhead: “The Matrix of Leadership is not found. It is EARNED. The girl must earn the Matrix of Leadership herself.”

Jetfire: “Wait, what does that mean?”

Warhead: “Don’t you see, Jetfire? The girl IS the Matrix of Leadership. It is in her. She has the touch.”

Jetfire: “……What?”

Warhead: “Come on, the fact that she has the Matrix symbol on her chest should have been a dead giveaway all along.”

Jetfire: “Ah, but of course. NOW I remember. Yes, I remember EVERYTHING now. But, if she is the Matrix, then that means…”

Warhead: “She will have to sacrifice herself to stop the Fallen AND Unicron.”

Jetfire: “Dammit, I forgot all about Unicron.”

Warhead: “We ALL did, Jetfire. We ALL did.”

Jetfire: “So it’s all true. No, it cannot end, not like this. Sari can’t sacrifice herself. I won’t allow it.”

Warhead: “We have no choice.”

Jetfire: “That’s a lie! There’s ALWAYS a choice. Sari is just a child. She didn’t ask for this. If she sacrifices herself……she’s made such a difference in so many peoples’ lives. Her father, the Autobots, Sixshot, and me…”

Warhead: “Her sacrifice will not have been in vain.”

Jetfire: “…There has to be something I can do. I can’t let her go through with that kind of sacrifice.”

Warhead: “Her sacrifice has already been written in stone. There is nothing that can be done to stop it.”

Jetfire: “Nothing…except for a little…divine intervention.”

Warhead: “I cannot allow you to interfere with what Vector Prime has already predicted. He knows all and sees all.”

Jetfire: “Just because something is set in stone…doesn’t necessarily mean there can’t be a last minute change of plans once in a while…”

Warhead draws a large spike mace and takes a mighty swing at Jetfire. Jetfire draws his battle axe and blocks Warhead’s attack. Jetfire flips back and spools his arm-mounted machine gun, firing a barrage of rapid fire bullets at Warhead. Warhead swings at Jetfire with his mace. Jetfire knees Warhead in the groin and knocks his mace out of his hands.

Warhead: “Your heresy is unacceptable! You must be punished for your betrayal!”

Warhead charges up his double Punch-of-Kill-Everything and prepares to finish Jetfire off once and for all.

Warhead: “BOMBS AWAY, MOTHER....”

Jetfire throws his battle axe at Warhead’s forehead. Jetfire’s battle axe lodges itself right in the middle of Warhead’s forehead and spatters his energon everywhere. The color begins fading from Warhead’s body.

Warhead: “…You will *KZZT* burn in the pit of *KZZT* Unicron’s stomach…for this *KZZT* unforgivable act of…betrayal…there can be *KZZT* no greater punishment…”

Jetfire draws a photon missile launcher super-charged with AllSpark shards, allowing it to fire fatal shots that cause instant death.

Jetfire: “Not as great as yours…”

Jetfire eyes the Unicron insignia on Warhead’s chest.

Jetfire: “Traitor.”

Jetfire fires a photon blast directly at Warhead’s chest. Warhead seizes while electricity surges through his circuitry and extinguishes his spark once and for all. Jetfire douses Warhead’s corpse with gasoline and sets it on fire. Jetfire casually walks away without looking back and takes off in his SR-71 Blackbird mode. Warhead clenches his fist. A few days later, everyone is getting locked and loaded at the N.E.S.T. base in Diego Garcia. Sari has been training rigorously for this day to come, and now it is finally here. Sari presents some of the people closest to her with last minute gifts.

Sari: “Hey, ‘Bee, come here for a sec, will ya, buddy?”

Bumblebee walks up to Sari and kneels before her.

Sari: “I know its last minute and all, but I just wanted to give you something, you know, a present.”

Bumblebee perks up and plays I’m So Excited by the Pointers Sisters over his car radio.

Bumblebee: “♪I’m so excited, and I just can’t hide it. I’m about to lose control and I think I like it. I’m so excited, and I just can’t hide it. And I know, I know, I know…♪”

Sari laughs softly.

Sari: “Alright, alright, just calm down, ‘Bee. Come on, you don’t even know what it is yet.”

Bumblebee turns his car radio off.

Sari: “Okay, so let’s face it...Captain Fanzone’s car…in all honesty……is a rusty old piece of shit.”

Professor Sumdac: “Sari!”

Captain Fanzone: “Its okay, Professor Sumdac. I say the same exact thing every time I get in the front seat of that rusty steel metal deathtrap I’m forced to call a car.”

Sari: “And I know that when you first trans-scanned it, you didn’t really have much of a choice, and you’ve been stuck with it ever since. But I’ve got good news. You, my friend, are trading up.”

Sari moves to the side to show of a brand new black Chevrolet Camaro with yellow racing stripes. Bumblebee’s jaw drops.

Sari: “Well, what are you waiting for, big guy? Go ahead.”

Bumblebee trans-scans the Chevrolet Camaro and becomes taller and more mechanical in appearance. Bumblebee’s arsenal has been fully upgraded with more powerful stingers, missile launcher racks behind his head, and his right arm which can now transform into a plasma cannon.

Sari: “But that’s not all. I’ve been working on this for you for a LONG time, ever since we got back from Cancun. I really hope you like it. Okay, Dad!”

Professor Sumdac pushes out a cart with a large light blue and yellow battle armor/jetpack with a translucent blue cockpit/face mask. Bumblebee stares back and forth at Sari and the jetpack in awe.

Sari: “I remembered that day that you said you always wanted a jetpack. You told me not to worry about it, but you’re my friend, and this…well, this is what friends do for one another.”

Bumblebee puts the jetpack on and hovers off the ground. He drops back down and cries window washer fluid from his optics. Thank You by Jay-Z plays on Bumblebee’s car radio.

Bumblebee: “♪Thank you, thank you, thank you you’re far too kind. Hold your applause. This is your song, not mines. Thank you, thank you, thank you, you’re far too kind. Do me a favor, don’t do me no favors. I’ll handle mines. ♪”

Bumblebee lifts Sari up off the ground and gives her a great big hug. Sari laughs and hugs Bumblebee back.

Sari: “Your welcome, ‘Bee, and don’t worry about getting me anything in return, ‘cause having you as a friend is all I need. You’re my best friend, Bumblebee, and you’ve been there for me since Day One. This is just my way of saying ‘thanks’. Oh, and Blurr helped me upgrade your turbo boosters. So now you can go just as fast as Blurr, but he’s still the fasting thing on wheels. I also had Wheeljack and Perceptor help me build a new speech synthesizer for you. It may or may not work.”

Bumblebee puts Sari down. Sari hands the speech synthesizer to Bumblebee. Bumblebee swallows the new speech synthesizer and clears his throat.

Sari: “Well, say something.”

Bumblebee speaks with a synthesized British accent (voiced by Mark Ryan).

Bumblebee: “Hi, I’m Bumblebee, and I’m the second fastest thing on wheels. I may be small, but I’m scrappy.”

Sari: “……”

Bumblebee: “Aw, slag! I’m a limey Brit just like rusty old Jetfire!”

Jetfire slams his cane down on Bumblebee’s head.

Jetfire: “And just what in the bloody hell is wrong with that, you yellow wanker?!”

Bumblebee rubs his head and laughs nervously.

Bumblebee: “What? No, no, nothing, nothing at all.”

Sari tries to hide her giggles, but can’t help but let them slip out.

Jetfire: “Hmm, that’s what I thought. Oh, and Sari, I have something very important to…”

Blurr zips up to Sari and kneels before her.

Jetfire: “…Tell you.”

Sari: “Hey, buddy. What’s up?”

Blurr: “Well, you see, I meant to give this to you plenty of times, but I never got the chance to give it to you, and we also got caught up in battle after battle after battle after battle after battle so I had to keep putting it on hold. Now I finally have an open opportunity to give it to you, so here you go. I want you to have this. I really hope you like it, Sari.”

Blurr hands Sari a gold racing medal.

Sari: “What’s this?”

Blurr: “During my tenure with General Kup and the Wreckers and throughout my career as an Elite Guard intelligence officer, I was the star runner on the Cybertronian Olympic track team. Of course, I always won every race every year. This particular gold medal is especially one of my more treasure mementos of my Olympic salad days, and I want you to have it as a token of our friendship.”

Sari: “Really? Oh, but I couldn’t.”

Blurr: “I insist.”

Blurr hands the gold medal to Sari. Sari smiles and takes the gold medal from Blurr. Sixshot walks up to Sari and Blurr. He reaches into his mid-section compartment and pulls out a stuffed toy gorilla.

Sixshot: “I want you to have your stuffing primate Gary back. It belongs to you, not me.”

Sari: “Sixshot, wait, I gave you that as a token of our friendship.”

Sixshot: “I don’t need it. I don’t need some gift, trinket, or stuffing primate of any kind of yours to know that you’re my friend. The fact that you are my friend is reward enough, and I could never ask for anything more. Take it.”

Sari takes Gary the Gorilla from Sixshot, holds it close to her, and gives it a kiss, just as she would do with it when she was little.

Sari: “Thank you, Uncle Sixshot.”

Sixshot smiles beneath his battle mask and winks.

Sixshot: “Don’t mention it. Seriously, don’t tell anyone about this. I have a reputation to maintain, and the last thing I want anyone to know is that Sixshot the hard-ass Decepticon turned loose cannon Autobot mercenary who doesn’t play by the rules gave a stuffing primate to a human girl he’s best friends with.”

Sari rolls her eyes.

Sari: “Oh, just shut up already, you big meanie.”

Sixshot glares at Sari. Sari smiles playfully and winks. Sixshot chuckles and rubs Sari’s head. Sari turns to face Blurr and hands his gold medal back to him. Blurr nods his head and takes his gold medal back.

Blurr: “Still good tomodachis?”

Sari: “Always good tomodachis.”

Sari and Blurr bump their fists together.

Sari: “Oh, and Sixshot…”

Sixshot: “…You really mean it?”

Sari nods her head. Sixshot eagerly kneels before Sari and leans in closer to her.

Sixshot: “Alright, enough screwing around, monkey, tell my once and for all. Where do human monkey babies originate from?”

Sari: “…You’re positive you want to know? I’m warning you, I can’t be held responsible for any unfortunate side effects…”

Sixshot: “Just shut up and tell me where babies come from……please?”

Sari leans in and whispers in Sixshot’s ear.

Fifteen minutes later…

Sixshot is staring at Sari wide eyed with bright red cheeks and energon sweat drops leaking from his forehead. Sari crosses her arms and nods her head with a frown.

Sari: “So…yeah, that’s all there is to it. Are you okay, big guy?”

Sixshot: “…………So…insert WHAT into WHERE?!”

Sari: “Pretty much.”

Sixshot: “……I’m going to take a shower…and then I’m going to go throw up for about ten hours….and then I’m going to a therapist and a confessional.”

Blurr: “Um, as unbelievably fast as I am, even I couldn’t hear I thing Sari said with my super accurate hearing. Would you mind telling me what it was Sari said to you, Agent Sixshot?”

Sixshot: “OH, GOD NO!!!”

To be continued…

Sari: “Yo, Skids, Mudflap, come here for a sec. I’ve got something for you guys.”

Skids and Mudflap drive up to Sari in their combined ice cream truck mode and separate into their robot modes.

Sari: “I can only imagine how hard it must be to be brothers living under the same roof and having to share an alt-mode. So, I thought I’d do you two a favor and get you some new vehicle modes to trans-scan.”

Sari moves aside to show off a brand new red Chevrolet Trax and a brand new green Chevrolet Spark.

Sari: “Enjoy.”

Skids and Mudflap scuffle and climb all each other trying to get to their respective new vehicle modes.

Mudflap: “I call green! Green is mine!”

Skids flips Mudflap over and slams him onto the floor.

Skids: “No way, man, I get the green one! I’m the oldest!”

Mudflap: “Ouchies! Dang, man! That hurt!”

Skids: “Of course it hurt, fool! That’s why they call it an ass whuppin’!”

Skids trans-scans and transforms into the green Chevrolet Spark. Mudflap pulls himself together and trans-scans and transforms into the red Chevrolet Trax. Skids and Mudflap speed away in their new car modes and ram into each other while doing so.

Skids and Mudflap: “Thanks, Sari!”

Sari: “Anytime, boys!”

Sari frowns and looks at Professor Sumdac and Captain Fanzone.

Sari: “I don’t think they’re racist. I think they’re just too wannabe gangsta’ for their own good.”

Jazz walks past Sari and the others.

Jazz: “That’s a damn shame too, fo-shizzle, my nizzle. Man, I can’t wait to pop a cap in some Decepticon ass and open up a crack a’ lackin’ whup-ass on that mother-sucker, the Fallen. Yeah, boi!”

Jazz break dances and drives away after transforming into his Pontiac Solstice mode.

Captain Fanzone: “Hey, didn’t he used to be like a swingin’ jazz cat before?”

Sari: “Yeah, but he thinks that jazz music is an aspect of human culture that’s become irrelevant in the last few years and decided to adopt a more…CURRENT way of life, and a new personality to boot. So, he basically went from a laid back soul brother to a South-Central homey.”

Professor Sumdac: “I kind of liked him better as a cool cat.”

Sari: “Yeah, well some people just have different tastes.”

Jetfire: “Too right. Why, some people prefer me to be a crotchety old Scotsman instead of a peppy young cadet with a Russian accent or a bloke with an Australian accent who’s drier than a dead dingo’s donger…or even a plain American-accented dude who only appears for a few episodes. Oh, and Sari, there’s something I REALLY need to…”

Sari: “Oh, and Captain Fanzone, before I forget…”

Jetfire: “…Tell you.”

Jetfire sighs and walks away.

Sari: “I picked out that Camaro mostly for Bumblebee so he could trans-scan a new alt-mode, but I also wanted you to have it as a replacement for your screaming metal deathtrap of a car.”

Captain Fanzone: “You picked that Camaro out…for me, really?”

Sari: “Yeah. I hope you’ll like it. It’s a wicked cool ride. Go ahead and take it…before I change my mind.”

Captain Fanzone: “Oh, don’t worry, I’m taking it, I’m taking it alright!”

Captain Fanzone laughs and dances around his new Chevrolet Camaro.

Captain Fanzone: “Yes! Hah-hah! This is why I LOVE androids…or whatever the hell she is!!”

Sari turns to face Professor Sumdac and smiles.

Professor Sumdac: “New vehicle modes for Bumblebee and the Twins AND a new car for Captain Fanzone? Sari, I’m really impressed. That was mighty generous of you.”

Sari: “Aw, it was nothing, really. Actually, I got you something too, Dad.”

Professor Sumdac: “What?”

Sari: “Arcee, you can bring it over now.”

Arcee walks up to Sari and Professor Sumdac carrying a mechanical suit-like contraption in her arms.

Arcee: “You’re very lucky to have a daughter like Sari, Professor Sumdac. She’s been working very diligently these past few weeks along with Wheeljack and Perceptor. She built this exo-suit just for you.”

Arcee sets the exo-suit down between Sari and Professor Sumdac.

Sari: “It’s really cool, Dad. Try it out, you’ll love it.”

Professor Sumdac: “I don’t know…”

Sari: “Come on, Dad, please?”

Professor Sumdac: “It looks…uncomfortable.”

Sari: “…I made it just for you.”

Professor Sumdac: “And I’m grateful for that, truly I am, but it looks like it would ride up a bit in very uncomfortable and awkward areas.”

Sari pouts her lip and stares at Professor Sumdac with her big blue eyes. Professor Sumdac makes the mistake of looking into Sari’s eyes and gives in.

Professor Sumdac: “Oh, alright. I’ll try it on, if it will make you happy.”

Arcee and Sari bump fists.

Arcee: “Heh, very sneaky. I like it.”

Sari: “Works like a charm every time.”

Professor Sumdac climbs into the exo-suit. The exo-suit’s systems merge with Professor Sumdac’s anatomy in a sort of exoskeletal bond.

Professor Sumdac: “Hmm, this feels strangely familiar somehow. I feel like I’ve experienced this technology before. Sari, where did you get the materials to build this exo-suit?”

Sari: “A lot of it was from spare parts lying around the laboratory on the Trion, but the more advanced materials were exports from Stark Industries in California.”

Professor Sumdac: “Stark Industries in Calif…? Oh, heh-heh, Anthony, you sly dog, you. I thought I smelled bourbon in the air.”

Sari: “Anyway, that exo-suit has a lot of cool features. It can let you survive up in outer space, under the sea, on distant planets, and Chernobyl. Unfortunately, it can’t withstand molten lava or ectoplasmic slime left by ghosts and ghouls. But it CAN make you go super fast, and can make you super strong. It also has arm blasters, thrusters, and get this, you can even transform into a hovercraft. It’s so totally awesome!”

Major William Lennox: “Speaking of which, ladies and gentleman…and robots, Command Central is providing us with a very special treat. As you know, General Morshower will be supervising our mission from Central Control back at the Pentagon back stateside. Well, a very good friend of his, General Conrad Hauser will be providing us with newly upgraded acceleration exo-suits. Accelerations suits, for those of you who didn’t pay attention in class, are a hyper advanced form of battle armor that you may remember being worn by members of G.I. Joe back in the War on Cobra-La. They make the wearer super fast, super strong, super agile, and almost invincible. Trust me, its better if you experience it for yourself. The acceleration suits just arrived, and I’m going to need all human combat personnel to get suited up, oorah?”

Soldiers: “OORAH!!!”

Major William Lennox: “Alright, one more thing, people, we’re leaving for Egypt in about half an hour. I strongly advise you call your families and friends and say your goodbyes, ‘cause there’s a pretty good chance that some of you may not be coming back. In fact, none of us may make it out of this thing alive. So, once again, call your loved ones, say your prayers, and be ready for take-off in thirty minutes. Make with the tender farewells, people!”

Major William Lennox turns to face Private Ryan.

Major William Lennox: “Get my wife on the horn as soon as possible. I want to be able to say goodbye to her and our daughter…in case I don’t make it back.”

Private Ryan salutes Major William Lennox.

Major William Lennox: “And don’t forget to call your family too, oorah?”

Private Ryan: “Will do, Sir, oorah.”

Major William Lennox pats Private Ryan’s shoulder.

Major William Lennox: “Go on, get out of here.”

Private Ryan marches off. The N.E.S.T. soldiers call their loved ones and say their goodbyes to them. They take the time to say their prayers. Chief Warrant Officer Jorge Figueroa clutches a pair of rosary beads in his fist and bows his head and mumbles a prayer in Spanish. First Sergeant Patrick Donnelly slowly walks back and forth while reciting the Lord’s Prayer. Major William Lennox, Master Sergeant Robert Epps, Sari, Professor Sumdac, and even Captain Fanzone say their prayers and contact their loved ones. All of the human soldiers are suited up in their acceleration exo-suits.

Major William Lennox: “Okay, everyone, Sea Knights and Globemasters are refueled and ready to go. We’re gonna be taking off in about ten minutes. Need I remind you that there will be absolutely NO PIT STOPS, so if you have to go, for God’s sake, GO NOW. And don’t forget…”

Autobot re-entry pods crash land in the training grounds outside and set off the alarm.

Master Sergeant Robert Epps: “We’ve been compromised by Decepti-tangos, people! Stay frosty and man your battle stations!”

Major William Lennox: “Alright, we weren’t expecting this, but get your weapons and prepare for…”

Kup: “Aw, pipe down and relax, you fleshy little dumb-asses! They’re AUTOBOTS.”

Major William Lennox: “…Okay, false alarm, people.”

Elite Guard Generals Thunder Clash, Landshark, and Flak enter the central hangar. A cadre of Autobot soldiers is waiting outside. Thunder Shark, Landshark, and Flak and Kup salute each other.

Kup: “Didn’t think you boys would show.”

Thunder Clash: “Yeah, well, it was hurricane season on Nebulos, so we had nowhere else to go anyway. We figured we’d come on by to Earth and see what all the fuss was about. A lot of bots have been coming to this mudball, and they all seem to have gotten in pretty tight with the local flesh slug monkeys.”

Kup: “Uh-huh…”

Thunder Clash sighs.

Thunder Clash: “Look, Kup, I’m sorry for what I said the other day. I was out of line with the things I said and…”

Kup raises his finger for silence. Thunder Clash stops talking and looks down. Kup smirks.

Kup: “No chick-flick moments.”

Thunder Clash looks up at Kup and smirks.

Thunder Clash: “You always were quick to forgive.”

Kup: “No, I just don’t let dumb-asses and their dumb-ass comments get to me. I prefer to be the bigger man and back down when necessary.”

Thunder Clash: “Please tell me you’re not building up to another one of your war stories, because I don’t think now is the best time.”

Kup: “Just shut up and shake my hand, you jackass.”

Thunder Clash and Kup shake hands. Landshark and Flak put their hands in. The four Elite Guard Generals throw their hands up in the air.

Elite Guard Quartet: “Elite Guard. Do or die! The few and the proud are more than meets the eye! Our mission is to live and let die! We ain’t got no alibi!”

Kup: “Heh, just like old times.”

Major William Lennox: “General Kup, we’ve got General Morshower and President Cullen on the line via telecommunicator. I’m gonna need you, your friends, and Rodimus Prime to come with me and talk to them. We need to discuss our plan of attack before we leave.”

Kup: “Right, come on, boys, you too, Rodimus.”

Rodimus Prime: “Right, sure…”

Rodimus Prime feels a tapping on his leg and looks down and sees Sari looking up at him with a smile.

Sari: “Go get ‘em, boss bot. Remember what we talked about.”

Rodimus Prime: “But, they’re the Elite Guard generals, the first four…and they’re conversing with your human president, the leader of your country, and the General Morshower. They’re leaders…”

Sari: “And you are too, Rodimus. You’re just as much a leader as they are.”

Kup: “On the double, Prime! Don’t make me put my foot up your ass!”

Sari: “Go.”

Rodimus Prime smiles and nods his head and joins the other leaders in their discussion.

Sari: “…He’s just like Optimus. Optimus was unsure of himself to, and didn’t think he had what it takes to be a hero…then he saved the day. He became the hero he was meant to be.”

Optimus Prime: (voiced by Peter Cullen) “AND NOW IT IS YOUR TURN, SARI. YOU TOO MUST BECOME THE HERO YOU WERE ALWAYS MEANT TO BE. FULFILL YOUR OWN DESTINY.”

Sari gasps and spins around.

Sari: “Optimus?”

Sari looks around and sees only the N.E.S.T. soldiers and the Autobots.

Sari: “But I……I could have sworn…Optimus……I miss you, big guy…”

Professor Sumdac: “What was that, Sari?”

Sari: “Huh, what? Oh, nothing, I just thought I…heard something…”

Professor Sumdac: “……I miss him, too. I miss ALL of them. Prowl, Ratchet, and Bulkhead too, even though we never got along when it came to building space bridges. Do…do you still have those nightmares, by the way?”

Sari: “No, I stopped having them some time ago. Now I just dream about Optimus and the others. They keep telling me how proud they are of me, and how I was such a good friend to them…and how they owed me their lives after all the times I helped them out with my key and stuff.”

Professor Sumdac: “Sounds to me like they know what they’re talking about.”

Sari: “Yeah. Oh, and Dad, if we get out of this…”

Professor Sumdac: “We’ll make it, I promise.”

Sari: “…You know that kid who started working for you a few weeks ago?”

Professor Sumdac: “You mean Craig the Intern? Of course I do, why?”

Sari: “You know he likes me, right?”

Professor Sumdac: “What?”

Sari: “Come on, haven’t you ever noticed how whenever I’m in the same room as you guys, his face gets all red and his knees start to buckle and gets all sweaty?”

Professor Sumdac: “…I though he was just nervous around ME. Being a world renowned industrialist with more money than the good lord and all, I tend to have that kind of effect on people.”

Sari: “No, I think it’s more that he’s nervous about being around the boss’s really pretty daughter.”

Professor Sumdac: “Gah, how could I not have noticed?!”

Sari: “Anyway, he likes me…and, well…”

Sari smiles sheepishly and blushes.

Professor Sumdac: “Oh no, Sari…”

Sari: “I kind of like him, too.”

Professor Sumdac: “Oh, Sari, no…”

Sari: “He’s really handsome, and I had a chance to talk to him earlier. We were both kind of nervous, but we seemed to hit it off just fine. So, I was wondering that, you know, if we get through this whole end of days fiasco, I could maybe…”

Professor Sumdac: “Sari, if I’ve told you once, gosh darn it, I’ve told you a million times! No dating until after you’re married!”

Sari: “That doesn’t even make sense! Come on, I’m not a little kid anymore. You can’t keep me locked up forever, you know. Someday I’m gonna HAVE to go out their, and you won’t be there to tell me what I can and can’t do. Someday, you’re gonna have to trust me…and let me go.”

Professor Sumdac sighs.

Professor Sumdac: “Oh, you’re right, Sari. I know I’ll have to let you go someday. I just want you to be safe. No one is good enough for a girl as perfect as you are. And besides, I’ve told you that boys are only after one thing…”

Wreck-Gar, using two M1A1 Abrams tanks as a pair of roller skates, skates past Sari and Professor Sumdac.

Wreck-Gar: “GARBAAAAAAGE!!!”

Wreck-Gar crashes through the wall.

Wreck-Gar: “I’m okay! I am Wreck-Gar! I dare to be stupid!”

Sari: “Daddy, not all boys are after…cheese. A lot of boys have good intentions, like Craig. You know him better than I do. You’ve been working with him at the lab. Can you honestly tell me that he’s the kind of guy who would take advantage of me?”

Professor Sumdac: “…Okay, you’ve got me there.”

Sari: “Of course I do. I’m Sari Sumdac. I know stuff.”

Professor Sumdac: “You know, I remember when I was your age. I was at that time in my life when all I could think about was girls, girls, girls. It was a very awkward time, though I imagine its NOTHING compared to what girls like you go through.”

Sari: “Can we maybe move along. I don’t want to dwindle on this subject.”

Professor Sumdac: “Anyway, like most boys, I was a nervous wreck around girls. Unfortunately, I was so nervous that I never had the cajones to actually talk to a girl, let alone get involved in a relationship with one, though there was that one Spring Break in 2019. Me and my friend Anthony were letting off steam at a bar in Miami, and this smokin’ hot girl I had a HUGE crush on was sitting a few bar stools away from us. Well, after two or three mojitos and a rusty nail, I came on to her, she came on to me, one thing led to another, and the next morning I had a splitting headache and found her name tattooed on my…”

Sari: “Uh, eww?”

Professor Sumdac clears his throat.

Professor Sumdac: “Anyway, as you know, I never got married, and I also never got into a real relationship. In fact, I was never much of a social butterfly to begin with at all. I’ve tried so hard to give you everything I never had while growing up on the alpaca farm in Paw Paw, and I want you to have a good, long life. You have a bright future ahead of you, I can tell, and I want you to get out there and live your life. Don’t make the same mistake I made, don’t be a shut in.”

Sari: “So, wait…are you saying I can go out with Craig.”

Professor Sumdac: “……Yes.”

Sari gasps and smiles eagerly. Professor Sumdac quickly raises his hand for silence.

Professor Sumdac: “BUT, but I want to sit down and talk with him first, just to make sure he won’t try anything funny, and when you two go out, I want to know where you’re going, and I want him to bring you back no later and know sooner than when I say. Is that understood, young lady?”

Sari squeals with joy and gives Professor Sumdac a big bear hug.

Sari: “ThankyouthankyouIloveyouDaddythankyouthankyou!!!”

Professor Sumdac: "You're hugging me too tight, Sari..."

Blurr: “Did anyone catch what she just said?”

The alarm goes off.

Major William Lennox: “ATTENTION, ATTENTION, THIS IS NOT A DRILL. ALL COMBAT PERSONNEL PROCEED TO THE MAIN HANGAR. WE ARE LEAVING FOR EGYPT NOW. ALL SEA KNIGHTS AND GLOBEMASTERS ARE READY FOR TAKE OFF. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.”

Master Sergeant Robert Epps: “Get your asses in gear, people! Come on!”

Everyone proceeds to the main aircraft hangar.

Major William Lennox: “The U.S.S. John C. Stennis and the U.S.S. Kidd are out in the Mediterranean Sea. They’ll be providing us with air and ground support.”

One by one, N.E.S.T. soldiers board CH-46 Sea Knight helicopters. The Autobots board C-17 Globemaster III planes along with numerous paratroopers. Kup, Thunder Clash, Landshark, Flak, and the larger Autobots board the Trion. The flying Autobots take off alongside the Sea Knights and Globemasters. Sari, Professor Sumdac, Captain Fanzone, and Agent Simmons board a C-17 Globemaster III along with Colonel Sharp, Major William Lennox, Master Sergeant Robert Epps, Chief Warrant Officer Jorge Figueroa, First Sergeant Patrick Donnelly, and SASF Agent Graham.

Major William Lennox: “Okay, so we won’t touch down in Egypt for a few hours, so…does anyone have any crucial flashbacks that they want to discuss to pass time?”

Sari: “I might have something worth discussing.”

Major William Lennox: “Ah, Sari, it’s always nice to hear from you. Please, share with us.”

Sari: “Well…”

To be continued…

Major William Lennox: “Well, come on, are you going to tell us your story or not, kiddo? Come on, you’re among friends.”

Master Sergeant Robert Epps: “Now hold on, Lennox, maybe its too personal a story to tell in mixed company. Give the girl a break. She doesn’t have to say anything if she doesn’t want to.”

Sari: “No, its okay, Mr. Epps. I WANT to talk about it. See, since I found out I was half Cybertronian, I’d been having these horrible recurring nightmares. I would be in an empty parking garage with Bumblebee who was sitting in his car mode, and I couldn’t get into him no matter how hard I tried. Then I’d look down at the far end of the parking garage and see this creepy black guy with a bloody hook for an arm wearing a long flowing coat. His chest was badly burned and there were honey bees crawling all over it. And he had these horrible burning red eyes. He’d tell me all these terrible things about me, my father, and the Autobots. He told me that to them, to other people, I mean, I was a freak just like him, and it was all because I was techno-organic. He’d just keep calling me a freak over and over and said that my dad and the Autobots never really cared about me and thought I was a freak too. Then he’d like, zip up to me and murder me with his big bloody hook hand. The next thing I knew, I’d be in on a catwalk inside an old abandoned factory, and this guy would be chasing me and trying to kill me. I kid you not; he looked just like Orson Welles. I know it sounds crazy, but that’s what I saw.”

Agent Seymour Simmons: “Once, I had this dream that Vincent Price caught me in a spider web and tried to……have his way with me.”

Everyone stares blankly at Agent Seymour Simmons. Agent Seymour Simmons blushes and eases back in his seat.

Agent Seymour Simmons: “…And now I’m shutting up.”

Chief Warrant Officer Jorge Figueroa: (Translated) “That’s funny you should mention that, Agent Simmons, because the other night I had this dream Humphrey Bogart was chasing me around my mom’s house dressed as Sunshine Bear and wielding a chainsaw.”

Everyone stares blankly at Chief Warrant Officer Jorge Figueroa. Chief Warrant Officer Jorge Figueroa shrugs his shoulders.

First Sergeant Patrick Donnelly: “English, dude, English.”

Sari: “…And he pretty much said everything the Candyman told me, only he was more unhappy to see me than the Candyman was. I know now that the Candyman was really the Fallen messing with my head, but I have no idea who Orson Welles could have been. I guess it was just one of the Fallen’s nightmare illusions. Must have been, because Orson Welles killed me with a Freddy Kruger claw just like the one the Fallen usually wears. Then I woke up screaming and sweating like a pig. I remember the first night I had that nightmare, I was still recovering back at the Autobots base. My dad and the Autobots were so worried about me, and I was so embarrassed that I had freaked out like that, even though I couldn’t help myself. I wouldn’t tell anyone about the nightmare. Bumblebee was so sweet though. He covered for me and explained that the two of us had seen a really scary movie the night before when we shouldn’t have. That was a lie, of course. So Bumblebee drove me and my dad back to Sumdac Tower, and for the first time in months, I was able to sleep in a warm bed in the comfort of my own bedroom. I’d still have the nightmares though, and Dad would always be at my side when I woke up. I told him it was nothing to worry about, but deep down, I think he knew something was up, and now you know the whole story.”

Professor Sumdac: “Oh, Sari, I had no idea. Why didn’t you tell anyone this before?”

Sari: “Would YOU tell anyone that a demonic alien was screwing around in your brain?”

Agent Seymour Simmons: “Did he ever probe you or abduct you?”

Sari: “What? No.”

Agent Seymour Simmons: “Damn! I specialized in the theory of alien abduction back when I was working with Sector Seven. Your story would have been great material for a book I’m working on. I just need to interview one more abductee before I can get it published.”

Major William Lennox: “Like anyone will even READ your tired-ass book.”

Agent Seymour Simmons: “Tired-ass book? Jeez-alloo, I know this is the military and all, but can we PLEASE cool it with the swearing? Come on, think about the children!”

Chief Warrant Officer Jorge Figueroa cusses in Spanish.

Agent Simmons: “I have no idea what you just said, and I don’t even want to know.”

Sari: “Oh, he said…”

Professor Sumdac: “Sari!”

Sari: “I didn’t even say anything yet!”

Professor Sumdac: “Let’s keep it that way, shall we, young lady?”

Sari: “Sorry, Dad.”

Professor Sumdac: “Oh, I could never stay mad at you.”

Agent Seymour Simmons: “Spare the rod, spoil the child.”

Sari: “Shut up, Simmons.”

Agent Seymour Simmons: “Hey, bite me!”

Sari: “I’ll make like Mike Tyson and bite your ear off!”

Major William Lennox: “Hey, shut up, both of you, come on!”

Sari clears her throat.

Sari: “So, Captain Fanzone…”

Captain Fanzone: “Yeah?”

Sari: “Why do you hate machines so much anyway? I mean, you’re always saying how much you hate machines and robots, but exactly why is it that you hate them in the first place? What have they ever done to you…aside from all the times they’ve crushed your car and stuff?”

Captain Fanzone: “……Honestly, I don’t like to talk about it much at all, but you deserve to know why it is that I hate machines so much. You see, the War on Cobra-La had finally ended, and I had just returned stateside. Yes, I’m a veteran. Hard to believe, isn’t it? Anyway, I touched down at the Nellis Air Force Base in Clark County, Nevada. I was looking for a ride back to Michigan, when all of a sudden; this big meteor of some kind fell from the sky and crash-landed on one of the airstrips. The next thing I know, it transforms into a giant robot that begins shooting up the place, blowing jets up and crushing tanks. It caused all kinds of damage and ended up leveling the entire base. I got this feeling, you know, like it was looking for something. It even tried to download top secret government files from the military database there. When it finally gave up and took off when it couldn’t find whatever it was looking for, it left the base in ruins, and God’s honest truth, I was the guy there who was still alive…the only one.”

Agent Seymour Simmons: “I remember that night. The boys at Sector Seven had reason to believe that the thing that attacked the Nellis Air Force Base was looking for Megatron or anything leading to his location in Detroit. Of course, we knew all along that his head was being kept in Isaac Sumdac’s lab in Sumdac Tower, but the robot didn’t know that. We eventually hunted it down, tried to communicate with it, and blew it to the high heavens when it wouldn’t cooperate.”

Captain Fanzone: “And a few years later when I was working for the Detroit Metro Police Department, I was trying to save some poor sap that had lost control of his car and drove it into the river during a nasty storm. I manage to pull the side door off the hinges and tried reaching for him. It was storming like crazy, and lightening was all around me, so I shouldn’t have been in there in the first place, but I had a duty. Well, one of those damn Automatons came onto the scene and ‘rescued me’ from the river. I kept telling the worthless piece of scrap metal to forget about me and save the civilian, but the brain-dead son of a robo-bitch wouldn’t listen to reason and dragged me up onto dry land. That poor civilian drowned trying to get out of his car and up to the surface. I could have saved that poor, poor bastard’s life if it weren’t for that meddling retard of an Automaton. I would have been perfectly having sacrificed myself to save that guy, but the worthless machines went and ruined everything. Because that Automaton saved my life, an innocent man who was just trying to get home to his wife and kids died a watery death. A little while after that, I found that stupid machine, grabbed a Louisville slugger, beat it to a bloody pulp, then pulled out my handgun and shot its worthless brains out. It didn’t make me feel any better though, and nothing ever will, and THAT…that…is why I HATE machines.”

Sari: “…Captain…I had no idea.”

Professor Sumdac: “Holy crap…”

Master Sergeant Robert Epps: “Why does that sound so eerily similar to that old Will Smith movie where he plays a robophobic cop?”

Captain Fanzone: “But none of that matters now. What DOES matter is that I’m coming along with you guys to Egypt. I’m locked and loaded, I’ve got years of military savvy to back me up, and I’m going to kill as many of those Decepticon Sob’s as I can, even if it kills me, and I’m going to have my revenge after all these years. So, are we there yet?”

Major William Lennox: “We’re coming up on the Giza Necropolis as we speak. We’ll be jumping off when once we fly over the Village of Nazlet el-Samman.”

Captain Fanzone: “Jumping off? Wait, what?”

Master Sergeant Robert Epps: “Yeah, we’re paratroopers, fool. You know soldiers that enter the battlefield from above? Why do you think there are parachutes over all our seats?”

Captain Fanzone: “I assumed those were safety precautions.”

Major William Lennox: “Don’t be a chicken. I thought you said you were a veteran?”

Captain Fanzone: “I was just a foot soldier!”

Major William Lennox: “The War on Cobra-La was one of the most hard-ass battles in American history! Every soldier in that war parachuted from aircrafts.”

Captain Fanzone: “Yeah, well, that’s why I hate heights. That I managed to climb aboard this flying deathtrap is beyond me.”

Master Sergeant Robert Epps: “Get your ‘chutes on, people! We’re about to go in hot!”

Major William Lennox: “Open the pod bay doors, HAL!”
Captain Fanzone: “If I hear ‘I’m sorry, Dave, but I’m afraid I can’t let you do that’ I’m gonna jump out without my parachute.”

The N.E.S.T. C-17 Globemaster III planes fly over the Village of Nazlet el-Samman. The human soldiers and Autobots parachute down onto the abandoned streets of the village. CH-46 Sea Knights land in the vacant lots and streets of the village and let off more N.E.S.T. troopers. Everyone draws their weapons and look around cautiously.

Major William Lennox: “Stay frosty, team. We have a whole lot of fight coming our way. Mind your surroundings, be ready to fire on my six, and don’t let your guard down for even one second.”

General Morshower contacts Major William Lennox over his comm link frequency.

General Morshower: “Have a safe landing, Major Lennox?”

Major William Lennox: “Affirmative, General.”

General Morshower: “Do you have the Pyramids in your sights?”

Major William Lennox: “Yes, Sir, I see them.”

General Morshower: “Good, stay frosty. We’ll be keeping in touch. Try to end this thing today, Major Lennox. Do you read?”

Major William Lennox: “Uh, say again, General?”

General Morshower: “I said…*KZZT* wait, uh *KZZT* Major Lennox, be advised *KZZT* you’re breaking up. Our radars back at command central are having *KZZT* trouble tracking your progress *KZZT* be careful…*KZZT*”

Major William Lennox: “General Morshower? Do you copy? General Morshower?”

Kup contacts Major William Lennox over his comm link frequency.

Kup: “Just a quick heads up, Major Lennox *KZZT* me and the flying Autobots will be *KZZT* providing air support for *KZZT* and if need be, we’ll be dropping off our more *KZZT* powerful Autobot soldiers…”

Major William Lennox: “General Kup…you’re breaking up. I can hardly…”

Soundwave: “Decepticons…are superior. Autobot and human alliance…is inferior. All hail the Fallen and Lord High Unicron…the Chaos Bringer…”

Major William Lennox: “Hey, who the hell is this? How in the hell did you get this frequency?!”

Sari: “It’s Soundwave! He’s hacked into our battle net! He’s been eavesdropping on us this entire time!”

A Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor stealth jet with black Cyberglyphic tattoos soars over the N.E.S.T. soldiers.

Captain Fanzone: “Uh, last time I checked, Raptors didn’t have tattoos.”

The F-22 Raptor spins through the air and emits a powerful electromagnetic pulse that knocks the Autobots and Sari off their feet.

First Sergeant Patrick Donnelly: “Um, okay, not to alert anyone, but, uh, my comm link is down.”

Chief Warrant Officer Jorge Figueroa: “My radar is seriously jammed right now, just so you know. I don’t know if that’s a serious problem or not, but…”

Major William Lennox: “General Morshower? General Kup? Epps, are you picking me up on your comm link?”

Master Sergeant Robert Epps: “Negative, I’m just getting static.”

Professor Sumdac and Captain Fanzone help Sari to her feet. The Autobots pull themselves up and shake the stasis paralysis off.

Major William Lennox: “Son of a bitch, all comm links and radars are down! Well, it looks like we’re on our own. Stay together, and for God’s sake, stay frosty! My gut instinct tells me things are about to get hot!”

Sari shakes her stasis paralysis off.

Sari: “Come on, let’s get this over with.”

SASF Agent Graham: “Hold on, doesn’t this strike you as odd? Where are the Decepticons? I thought they were supposed to be crawling all over the Pyramids.”

Agent Seymour Simmons looks at the Pyramids in the distance.

Agent Simmons: “Well, it definitely looks like the ‘Cons did some serious renovations on their Solar Harvester.”

Captain Fanzone: “Something definitely isn’t right about this.”

Major William Lennox: “Come on, everyone. Split up and search for tangos. They’re out here somewhere. We’re Oscar Mike, people!”

The humans and Autobots split up into groups and spread out. The Trion, Sky Lynx, the Aerialbots, and Jetfire are flying around overhead. Sari, Professor Sumdac, Major William Lennox, Master Sergeant Robert Epps, Bumblebee, Rodimus Prime, and Skids and Mudflap come up on the Great Sphinx and gaze upon its majesty and the beauty of the two massive pyramids and the almighty infinite devil machine that is the Solar Harvester. The Autobots and human soldiers all secure a perimeter around the Solar Harvester, but keep their distance. The mystery F-22 Raptor, which is in fact Starscream in disguise flies up to the top of the Solar Harvester and transforms into robot mode, joining Megatron, Galvatron, and the Fallen, who are all perched atop the highest point of the Solar Harvester.

The Fallen: “WELL, SARI SUMDAC, THE FREAK IN THE FLESH AND CIRCUITRY, DIDN’T THINK YOU WERE GOING TO SHOW. WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE VALLEY OF THE KINGS?”

Sari: “We’re here to stop you, all of us.”

The Fallen: “SO YOU FINALLY ACCEPTED YOUR DESTINY, DID YOU NOW? HOW BRAVE OF YOU TO DO SO. I’M SORRY TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU CAME ALL THIS WAY FOR NOTHING. YOU SEE, YOU CAN’T STOP ME FROM STEALING YOUR SUN, AND NEITHER CAN YOUR FELLOW FLESH SLUGS AND YOUR AUTOBOT PROTECTORS. YOU SUN IS MINE. NO ONE CAN KEEP ME FROM IT. YOU CAN TRY ALL YOU WANT TO SEND ME BACK TO MY PRISON, BUT KNOW THAT I AM NOT GOING BACK. I’M NOT GOING BACK TO HELL. I LIKE IT HERE! SO MANY FOOLISH HUMANS ARE WILLING TO MAKE DEALS WITH ME AND SIGN THERE SOULS OVER TO ME FOR PETTY PLEASURES. IT IS A PITY THAT THEY WILL ALL HAVE TO GO TO WASTE, BUT NO MATTER, FOR THEIR LIVES TRULY MATTER NOTHING TO ME.”

Sari: "You're crossroad demon days are over. It's over...finished!"

The Fallen: “TRUST ME, CHILD; I AM THE LEAST OF YOUR WORRIES.”

Sari: “And just what is that supposed to mean?”

The Fallen: “HEH-HEH-HEH, YOU’LL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH. YOU KNOW SARI SUMDAC, A GREAT BATTLE BETWEEN ME AND THE PRIMES I ONCE CALLED MY BROTHERS OCCURRED ON THIS LAND. THEIR MINIONS WERE PITTED AGAINST MINE IN…IMMORTAL COMBAT. IF YOU CAN IMAGINE, MANY A CYBERTRONIAN DIED ON THESE GROUNDS. THEIR LIFELESS SHELLS LIE BURIED BENEATH THE SANDS OF EGYPT, WAITING FOR THE DAY WHEN I CALL ON THEM TO AID ME IN THE FINAL JUDGMENT OF THIS MISERABLE MUDBALL OF A PLANET AND ITS PRIMITIVE, VIOLENT INHABITANTS. THE VERDICT IS IN, MY DARLINGS, AND I FIND YOU ALL TO BE……INNOCENT.”

Sari: “Enough talk. We came here to keep you from plunging the world into Armageddon.”

The Fallen: “AWWW, BUT YOU CAN’T STOP THE PARTY BEFORE IT EVEN BEGINS. DEAR GOD, CHILD, WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL MY GUESTS?”

Sari: “There’s no one here but you, Megatron, Starscream, and Galvatron.”

Megatron: “Hah, she said MY NAME first, Starscream.”

Starscream: “Okay, you know what? Eff you, Megatron!”

Galvatron: “Have you not heard that looks can be deceiving? I thought that would be big news. Perhaps it is not.”

The Fallen raises his Staff of Ra.

The Fallen: “DECEPTICONS, TRANSFORM AND RISE UP!!!”

The ground rumbles beneath everyone’s feet.

Master Sergeant Robert Epps: “Oh man, he’s doin’ somethin’…he’s doin’ somethin’…”

Mixmaster, Demolishor, Long Haul, Rampage, Scrapper, Overload, Motormaster, Drag Strip, Dead End, Breakdown, Wildrider, Razorclaw, Divebomb, Headstrong, Rampage, Tantrum, Hun-Grrr, Rippersnapper, Blot, Sinnertwin, Cutthroat, Snaptrap, Nautilator, Overbite, Seawing, Skalor, Leozack, Drillhorn, Hellbat, Gaihawk, Killbison, Jarugar, Gōryū, Kakuryū, Yokuryū, Doryū, Rairyū, and Gairyū emerge from beneath the sand. Thundercracker, Skywarp, Ramjet, Sunstorm, Slipstream, Thrust, Dirge, and Acid Storm soar overhead in their jet modes. All of the other Decepticons land in the Western cemetery, the Eastern cemetery, the Village of Nazlet el-Samman, and in front of the Pyramids of Khafre and Menkaure. Many of the Decepticons are demons of their former selves repossessing their shells. Most of the other Decepticons are mummified zombies long buried beneath the sands of Egypt since the Age of Pharaohs.

Captain Fanzone: “Robot mummies…really? I know this is Egypt and all……but really? Just when I thought I couldn’t hate machines any more than I did five seconds ago……”

Sari: “It could be worse.”

Three Lugnut Supremes rise come out from behind the Solar Harvester and train their sights on N.E.S.T.

Agent Seymour Simmons: “I hate you so much right now, you have no idea.”

Sari: “That makes two of us.”

Professor Sumdac: “We’d better have one heck of a game plan.”

Major William Lennox: “Actually, our plan is to poach the Decepticons to extinction.”

Master Sergeant Robert Epps: “Easier said than done, obviously.”

The Fallen raises his Staff of Ra and points at Sari.

The Fallen: “THE GIRL POSSESSES THE POWER OF THE MATRIX OF LEADERSHIP. I NEED HER TO ACTIVATE THE SOLAR HARVESTER. WHOEVER BRINGS THAT LITTLE BITCH TO ME FIRST SHALL BECOME AN ALL-POWERFULL GOD!! GET HER!! KILL THE AUTOBOTS AND HUMAN SOLDIERS. TERMINATE THEM ALL WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE!!! AND I’VE TOLD YOU TO KILL THEM LIKE, A MILLION TIMES, BUT THIS TIME I REALLY MEAN IT. SERIOUSLY THOUGH, TEAR THEM ALL APART!!”

The Decepticons start towards N.E.S.T.

Major William Lennox: “They can have this kid when they pry her from our cold, dead hands! OORAH!!!”

Master Sergeant Robert Epps: “We ‘bout to pop open a can ‘o whup-ass on these mother-lovers! Bust a cap in they ass, bois and girls!”

The Autobots and soldiers charge towards the Decepticons.

Major William Lennox: “We’ve got a whole lot of fight coming our way!”

The Fallen: “BRACE YOURSELVES, GENTLEMEN, THIS IS…THE ENDGAME. THE REAL ENDGAME, MIND YOU, NOT A HALF-ASSED ATTEMPT AT A SERIRES FINALE THAT LEAVES DOZENS OF UNANSWERED QUESTIONS UP IN THE AIR AND HAS A RUSHED ENDING.”

The Fallen, Megatron, Starscream, and Galvatron look out at the audience in a forth-wall breaking moment.

Megatron: “We’re looking at YOU, Hasbro and Cartoon Network.”

Starscream: “My death scene had no emotional impact whatsoever, and its like, ‘why did you even bother giving me my body back just so I could get my legs blown off by Megatron and ultimately die from having the AllSpark shard yanked from my freakin’ skull’?!”

Galvatron: “I never even got to BE on Transformers Animated, and now I’ll NEVER be except for this fan-fiction that wraps everything up perfectly but just isn’t the same because its not official canon!”

The Fallen: “THAT’S THE BEAUTY OF WORLD DOMINATION, BOYS. WE’RE GOING TO MAKE THE FLESH SLUGS PAY FOR KILLING TRANSFORMERS ANIMATED! AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, WE ARE GOING TO KILL THE ASSHOLES AT CARTOON NETWORK WHO CANCELLED TRANSFORMERS ANIMATED FOR THEIR BULLSHIT LIVE ACTION PROGRAMMING!”

Megatron: “Destroy Build Destroy sucks ASS!! If you want to see REAL destruction, watch a Michael Bay film! EVERYTHING explodes in Michael Bay films, and they’re all freakin’ AWESOME insane in the membrane!”

Starscream: “And the Othersiders, seriously?! Please! Who in the hell would want to watch a show about pre-teens investigating haunted places?! I’d much rather watch Ghost Hunters on SyFy. Now THERE’S a team of paranormal investigators who know what they’re doing.”

Galvatron: “Don’t even get me started on Bob’e Says. An annoying little black kid who narrates sports bloopers and other hilarious videos? Gag me with a freakin’ spoon! He’s like a young version of Tracy Morgan, only you don’t want to beat the crap out of him.”

The Fallen: “NO MATTER. THEY’LL PAY. THEY’LL ALL PAY!”

Megatron: “LET THE SLAUGHTER BEGIN!!!”

Unicron’s head falls from outer space and crash lands behind the Solar Harvester.

Major William Lennox: “Holy freakin’ crap!”

Master Sergeant Robert Epps: “Whoa, motherf…”

Sari: “Was that an ASTEROID?!”

Megatron: “What the deuce?!”

Starscream: “What in the name of Cybertron was THAT?!”

The Fallen smiles evilly.

The Fallen: “SALVATION, LORD STARSCREAM, SALVATION.”

Unicron’s booming voice echoes across the Giza Necropolis.

Unicron: “DO NOT BE AFRAID. I AM PEACE; I AM SALVATION.”

Sari's eyes widen in horror. She recognizes Unicron's haunting voice from her nightmares.

Sari: "No..."

To be continued…