Chojin Acceleration: Nights

Being totally new to this, this shall be somewhat the starter to my comic series, "Chojin Acceleration: Dreams". (Note that this is only serious & not really funny)

Right now it's just the bios, but I shall go to the story afterwards.


Dremare
Gender: Male
Colors: Mostly silver on black with a silver torso
Weapons: Twilight Spear, DenHikari Ken, Twilight Chains
Personality: Hard to tell, as he as multiple ones, with forms to match
Toy: Custom Bionicle
Bio:The hero of the story, he has no connection to the Owner's user name on TFW2005. He can control twilight, & is ten times as powerful as a normal Bionicle, but because of the limiter shield placed on the entire house, is as strong as Omega Supreme. He was multiple personalities, with the common ones being the true, care-free, friendly personality & the one mostly seen, & a even more serious, dark, cold, & uncaring personality behind that. He truly wants to protect everyone, & will, no matter what the cost.
Motto: "Don't think what could happen, but what will happen."

Howling
Gender: Female
Colors: Green, black, white, & a flesh color
Weapons: Tonfas, cannon
Personality: A hot tempered personality but kind & caring
Toy: Busou Shinki
Bio: The heroine of the story, she has a crush on Dremare. She often assists him protecting the house from his half-brother Dramage & Blood. Her hot temper tends to get her into hostage situations but Dremare is always there to save her.
Motto: "Help others no matter what."

Dramage
Gender: Male
Colors: Nearly all black with silver & red
Weapons: Shadow Slicer, Hand-Held Gatling Cannon
Personality: Crazy, but sane & evil
Toy: Custom Bionicle
Bio: The crazy brother of Dremare, he is the main antagonist with Blood. He plans to take over the room & nothing else, but Dremare is there to stop him. He considers Blood his underling & has a small army of Bionicle parts.
Motto: "Cause pain & misery everywhere!"


More to come, as I am tired of typing.

Now more!!!


Blood
Gender: I would check, but he/she/it'll kill me
Colors: Red, black, silver, & gray
Weapons: Claws, Power Blade
Personality: Insane, evil, & homicidal
Toy: Custom Bionicle
Bio: A blood-thirsty Bionicle, Blood wants nothing more. He/she/it kills for the fun of it, & laughs at his/her/something's dead opponent.
Motto: "Kill! Maim! Burn!"

Grand Convoy
Gender: Male
Colors: Red, black, blue, white, orange, yellow, & a whole handful of colors
Weapons: His Super Modes configurations
Personality: Funny but serious
Toy: Transformers: Energon
Bio: The funny guy of the three, he justs wants to see the toys living peacefully united together again. He is saddened to see the deaths of his comrades & friends, but he wants to move on & forget the war & make a memorial to his comrades & friends.
Motto: "Remember those who have fallen."
More to come, as I am tired.



Edit: Man, did I notice a lot of mistakes. Took care of it though.

Okay, here is my first chapter:

Chapter 1: War Zone
It was two years ago when it happened. No one expected it, not even Vector Prime. It was a gigantic slaughter of the collection. A war started from this slaughter between all of the toys in the Owner's collection. Power Rangers, Gundams, Bionicles, Transformers, everything in his room were at war.

The one who caused the slaughter is unknown. The Bionicles claimed it was Megatron, the leader of the Decepticons, who did it. The Decepticons said it was Akatsuki, the leader of the Gundams who did it. The Gundams said it was Optimus Prime. The Autobots thought it was Branka, the leader of the Bionicles. & Branka said it was all of the Power Rangers. Nevertheless, the toys could never agree on who it was, & the war started. The Autobots, Power Rangers & Decepticons joined to battle the other factions, while the Gundams, & Bionicles joined to battle the others. Nevertheless, meaningless blood has been shed & countless corpses have been tossed into the Garage, the final resting place of every toy. However, a new alliance between four toys will decide what the fate of the room will be, & what will happen.


Okay this isn't really a chapter but its a summary of what happened before the true story.

Are there any readers who see this?! Man, I had hoped for more viewers, but oh well.

Chapter 2: Runner
It was quiet in the halls, until a silver blur came racing down the halls, to be only followed by a giant warplane.
"Come on, Dremare-kun! He's gaining on us!!"a female voice said, & the blur went faster.
"I would, but this thing isn't build to go supersonic speeds!!" a male voice said, when the warplane fired at them.
"Cease & no harm will go to you!!" the warplane said, attacking them more. Just then, a helicopter attacked the warplane, & it sped towards the blur.
"Hey, Howling! Dremare! Sorry that I couldn't make it, but I had a few things to do at the same time!"a voice said from the helicopter. The blur turned a head around.
"No problem! But the only problem that we could have is that Megatron would catch up!" Dremare said, going a bit faster. Just then, they pasted a shiny black hole.
"Hey! A Twilight Portal!" Dremare said, turning to it.
"What's a Twilight Portal?" Howling asked.
"A Twilight Portal is a portal that allows you to go anywhere if you a twilight user. Otherwise, if you're not, it'll send you somewhere else," Dremare said, heading towards it.
"Gee, sounds like a plot hole," said Howling.
"Exactly!" Dremare said, going in it.

Later...
As the blur slowed down, Dremare & Howling stepped off with the helicopter attaching to a robot, becoming a arm.
"What took ya so long?" the robot said, jokingly.
"Not funny, Grand. We could have been killed!" Dremare said, hitting Grand in the gut.
"Ow!! Easy there, fella. You do remember that you're as strong as Omega Supreme?" Grand said, rubbing his gut.
"Yea, but only with my strength reduced by 4 times! Stupid Blood & Dramage..." Dremare said, crossing his arms.
"Now, now. Is there any reason for this violence?" a voice said from behind. Dremare turned around.
"Grand's making jokes about me & Howling being nearly killed by Megatron!!"
Dremare said, pointing at the Autobot.
"Oh, come on!!! You know I was joking, right?!" Grand said, preparing to punch Dremare.
"Grand-kun, Dremare-kun, stop fighting! Now is not the time!" Howling said, walking out. Dremare, Grand, & the mysterious voice, followed Howling to the next room.

END OF CHAPTER 2

Okay, we have just introduced Dremare, Howling, & Grand. But who is this mysterious person? Find out in the next Chapter, which will be posted tomorrow.

Okay, I am really alone now... I wish that somebody would see this thread... Otherwise it's a dead thread.

Chapter 3
As they walked down the room/hall, they entered a great big room. There, 4 celestial beings where in front of them.
"Welcome, Dremare-tachi. Am I sure that your mission was successful?" the first one said.
"Yea, we did run into Megatron, though," Dremare said, with muttering between the 4 figures.
"This war as gone long enough. What did you managed to get?" a second voice said.
"Well, we've got part of the plans of the Transformers-Power Ranger alliance, until Megatron saw us. We have the entire plans of the Bionicle-Gundam alliance, though," Howling said, sternly.
"Hmmm... That sounds promising... What about the death count?" a third voice asked.
"The Power Rangers are declining rapidly, so much that only the Tyranno Zord is the only one left," Dremare said, sighing.
"While the Bionicles are pushing the Transformers back with the help of the Gundams," Howling said, not showing signs of sadness.
"Good. It is only a matter of time before they stop fighting," the fourth one said.
"Well, I believe if we just fight the factions head on we could stop this war faster!" Grand said, stepping up.
"Quiet, Grand. Now is not the time to act hot-headed again," the mysterious voice said behind them.
"Eh, what do you know, you're just happy playing 'Guardian of the Room'!! While our friends are out there that are being killed as we speak?!" Grand said angrily at the mysterious voice.
"Enough! Dremare-tachi, that is enough information about the war, you are dismissed, except for you, Fire-san," said the first voice. Dremare, Howling, & Grand all left, until the mysterious voice was the only one left.
"What has happened to Blood, as we haven't heard any reports about him since a week ago," the first voice said, signaling the guardian to head out of the shadows. As the guardian came out, he answered to them "Blood is been out of action since a week ago, & no one knows where."
"This is very bad," said the second voice.
"Yes, No good can come out of this for us," the third one agreed.
"Yes, I believe it is time for you to take action, Fire Convoy," the fourth one said.
"Okay, I will. I promise you," the guardian said, walking out.

Okay, we just revealed who is the mysterious voice, & its' Fire Convoy! Wait till the next chapter for tomorrow!!

..... I don't know even why I should bother doing this....

First of all, don't give up just because your story hasn't received any comments. It takes time to find an audience and you can't force the issue. Writing shouldn't be about seeking the approval of others anyways. It should be about personal enjoyment foremost.

Although I've been writing fanfic for years, I'm certainly no expert on the subject. I think you have an interest idea and the character bios suggest a good grasp on your characters. However your structural skills could use a little refining. Most readers find lots of dialog boring. So I would try to strike a balance by including more descriptive narrative. Create an image for readers about what is happening rather than rely on characters speaking about it. Also watch out for repetitive word use. A good resource if you get stuck is http://thesaurus.reference.com/.

Since you are new at this, best recommendation I can give is to take a look at other stories here. Pay attention to the different styles and structures so you get the hang of basic writing techniques. Then apply that knowledge to help yourself improve. Gradually you'll find a style all your own that people will enjoy.

DA's TF Photo Funnies Now At: DA's Belles Lettres & Busou Shinki World

Thanks, DA. I know I shouldn't really give up on this, because I really want people to see my ideas. Oh yea, my stuff also says thanks.

Chapter 4
Dremare walked towards his Twilight-Speeder & climbed on it. But before he had a chance to go, Fire Convoy stopped him.
"Dremare, I need a word with you," he called out to him. Dremare, with a grunt, stepped off.
"Yea? What is it?" he said, walking towards Fire Convoy. If you had been there you could have said that Fire Convoy had the advantage at a fight with Dremare because of his height, but Dremare is stronger then 10 normal Bionicles in the Owner's room.
"Have you seen Blood anywhere in the house?" Fire Convoy asked. Dremare, at the mention of Blood's name, looked down, & for 2 minutes was completely silent.
".....No. No one has seen Blood in days, not even Dramage, & they're working together," Dremare said, & before Fire Convoy said anything else, Dremare hopped on his Twilight-Speeder & left in a hurry, leaving Fire Convoy in the dust, confused.

Not very long, isn't it? Oh well, next one will be longer.

This thread is officially closed as of now, as I am suffering from writer's block.... I'm pathetic.......

Hey everyone, it's kind of been a while... But until I get a camera card for my photocomic I'm resuming writing my fanfic... The next chapter will come in a bit...

P.S. I have edited Dramage's bio to say that he's Dremare's full blood brother.

P.S.S. I have again edited Dramage's bio to say he uses a Hand-Held Gatling Cannon instead of a Shoulder-Mounted Gatling Cannon.