It's your life bro. You've been provided all the advice you really need on here from multiple people. At this point, you're just venting your frustration with your own indecisiveness, in hopes of affirmation from someone who can sympathize with you. In that respect, I think the vast majority of us can sympathize with you on some level. We've all had some experience with indecisiveness at one point or another. I believe the notion is, "learning the hard way". These situations in life always suck at the moment, but they forge who you will become later in life for better or for worse.
So here I come back into the thread after a couple of days, and find out the drugs she is using is....pot? Ok, it smells fucking terrible, and it's stupid..but seriously, I thought she was doing cocaine or something behind your back. I guess doing pot is less bad (although it's still not good). On the other hand, if she keeps doing it, that shows she just won't listen to you..and longterm use does affect her (and you I guess ). Plus like I said, it smells. So slap her in the face! But.. I hate both drugs and alcohol (and smoking too! RHHHHAAARGH), and even though I'd think twice before dating somebody that uses drugs or smokes, if it's actually somebody you have real feelings for, I think you'd have to see it more in perspective and try not to be so lineair. Don't ditch her just because she uses soft-drugs. Smoking pot is not much more worrying than drinking doses of alcohol, something that is much more commonly accepted. Like I said, I do not approve the use of drugs, but I'm also amazed by how some countries go all nuts by just the thought of soft-drugs (like ze United States), but not alcohol. Going from smoking pot to sniffing cocaine of a hooker's butt isn't such a quick progression as some media want to make you believe. It's two very different kinds of drugs, and hopefully any sane person would know to stay the hell away from the hard shit. So I don't think right now you have to worry of her turning into a junkie a la Requiem For A Dream.
Well at least it's only pot. If ya find out she's into anything harder then get the fuck out of Dodge as fast as you can.
Well it sounds to me like you mostly want to stay with her. Like you said it has not changed her behavior, so why not just ignore it and move on since you love her. Just let her know that if you guys get married and you become a cop she has to stop, that way she has advanced warning. Still call her on the whole behind your back thing you could score some good points to squirrel away incase of a future fuck up on your part.
i really don't know how to play my cards here. no girl has ever done me wrong, and i totally don't know how to react. i want to be angry and upset, but for some reason i just can't get myself worked up about it. it's weird because it's REALLY bad...she knew i was anti, and did it anyway once about three years ago. she didn't realize how upset it would make me, and she was pretty sorry about it, and agreed it wasn't for her anyway, and she'd be happy to stop. i also said that if she did it again, we'd be finished. now since then, my views on pot have changed, but i still don't want her smoking it. but the fact that she knew how upset it was going to make me, and she did it anyway...that is kinda fucked up.
Compromise? Ask her to cut back, and eventually do it when you are not looking? But if she gets arrested for it...
The best thing you did was ask her if Pot was more important than you, and she gave a good answer. You have to speak with her about this and tell her straight up about your concern. Yes, you only have one concern in this whole ordeal. Her doing it behind your back WAS a concern, but you have seemed to cleared that up. Yes, pot is relatively harmless. Yes, it hasn't changed her as a person. You realize that now, and you've accepted it. But does your girlfriend understand your concern? The biggest thing it comes down to is that you are a police officer in training. You have to make her understand that SHE IS free to do a whole crazy load of stuff with her life. You'll never hold her back. Even with Pot. Tell her you have accepted it. But you must also equal press the issue of your budding career. You are just as free to become an officer of the law, just as much as she is allowed to smoke Pot. The fact is, those two subjects are conflicting with each other. You REEEEEALLY want this, right? Present your argument with as much enthusiasm as you can muster. What you're doing is basically laying your cards on the table/throwing the ball in her court. The decision then ultimately rests with her. She can either quit the game, or start playing the game. All you can do then is hope and pray that for the Good result. She told you that you were more important, maybe it will all work out in the end.
I still want to thump the book regarding the legality aspect of pot. Not sure what you're planning to do with your life, but if you are caught with her, or you ever have to be screened for a secure position with the government, you'll have to indicate that you were aware of your significant other's prolonged exposure to an illegal drug and did not A) remove her from your life or B) separate her from the illegal drug.
this is quite true. but let's remember that if i do become a cop, it likely won't be for at least three years. by then, i have a feeling that she will have either A)gotten bored of it or B)have turned into a pot head (in which case i'd be history). also, by that point, pot might be legal in Canada.
Well, are there any other reasons for her to quit? Does your house or stuff smell like pot? Again, I don't know, I'm just trying to help.
I know you clarify that you're purposely using scare tactics, but this is pretty far-fetched. Job application drug tests are much rarer in Canada than in the US, and I believe that random employee drug testing is illegal, or at least extremely uncommon and subject to very stringent criteria (it may vary from province to province, too). I can't find much information on whether Canadian police forces even do it at all, the most I can come up with is that Toronto's ex-chief wanted to start doing it in 2005, but the union was against it and he isn't the chief anymore, and I have no idea what the end result was. Besides which, you're not going to test positive unless you were actually there while it was being smoked anyway, which he obviously isn't going to be doing since he clearly has a lot of distaste for it. You can't get a criminal record or fail a drug test just by associating with a drug user per se. I'm not sure about the different regional forces, but the RCMP's pre-application polygraph test asks about your own drug and alcohol history, not that of your friends and peers. Witholding employment because of the activities that people you know engage in would be grounds for some serious lawsuits. And it (the polygraph) is more concerned in general with making sure your answers sync up with your application, rather than punishing you for minor past transgressions (ie, if you smoked pot as a kid, they're not going to hold that against you unless they think you lied about it in the first place).
Well see, like I said, I didn't know how the Canadian legal system handled it. The US system - on pretty much each point that you mentioned - pushes for information on drug usage. Whether it's pee tests, asking you about activities performed by you & your peers, etc.
I knew most of that, except for asking about your peers' activities. Without trying to veer into politics, how does that even work? Like how far does it extend? Can employment be withheld on the grounds that, say, your father was an alcoholic?
Naw Naw, I don't think so. As far as I understand, they're really just looking to see if you regularly associated with folks that were into drugs, in the drug culture or had any other style of influence over you. It mostly comes down to who would you blab to in less-than-savory social circles, depending on your (or their) drug/alcohol usage.
This might sound dumb,but I think even if you tell her to stop and she does,you still wouldn't be happy. You dislike people who want to spend their day getting high and hanging out,and she would still be a person who wants to spend her day getting high and hanging out. What I mean is,you don't like the personality profile. The drugs don't magically make her some other person,she uses them because that's the person she is. I don't mean to sound like I'm talking shit on your girl,but you asked for an opinion,there it is.
had a very long talk with her today. it was really looking like we were going to be breaking up, but it had a solid turn for the better. it would take far too long to fully explain the situation, but ultimately, i understand where she's coming from, and we came to a couple of agreements that will make things work for now. and we'll see where it goes from here.
