Weird-ass wedding customs

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Streck, Mar 28, 2006.

  1. Streck

    Streck <B><FONT COLOR="#FF0000">QED</B></FONT> Veteran

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    Okay, so I'm supposed to be the best man at a friend's wedding in about a month. Now, I consider almost all interpersonal relationships to be unnecessary shackles that erode the very core of your being, so I know little about the ceremony that a marriage entails. Here's what Wikipedia, that diverse and frequently autistic oracle, had to say about best man duties, along with my remarks about how they relate to this particular wedding.

    - Organizing a bachelor party for the groom
    We'll drink or something, but we're not big fans of the stripper-cake, and we don't even know that many people.

    - Possibly helping plan or organize some details of the wedding
    All of that is being dictated with an iron fist by the bride's parents (the groom's mom is in the ground and his dad is rather passive).

    - Getting the groom to the wedding on time, generally by sleeping in the groom's bedroom the night before
    Non-sequitur. My sleeping in his room would guarantee jack shit.

    - Supervising the groomsmen
    Like what? "Straighten your tie"? "Stand over there"? "See if you can cop a feel on that bridesmaid"? Shouldn't the rehearsal take care of most of that?

    - Holding the bride's ring at the altar
    The ambiguity of this directive is really quite dangerous.

    - Acting as the officiant if the wedding ceremony is paid
    Huh? Isn't an officiant a clergyman or some such? I mean, I could pretend, but I'd probably be burned at the stake.

    - Giving a speech at the wedding, usually at the expense of the bride and groom, and thanking the bridesmaids
    Right up my alley, I love making fun of people. As for the bridesmaids, I guess I could thank them for being hot, if indeed they are. I'm informed that the maid of honor, who I'll be escorting, is the hottest one.

    - Stocking the men's room at the reception with mints and soap
    The only reason I can think of for why someone would need a mint in a men's room is if he'd been giving a blowjob and/or indulging in some coprophilic fetish, and needed to get the taste out of his mouth. That is literally the only thing that springs to mind.

    At any rate, I'm sure I'll have a classic "Thoughts From..." for you all after the event.
     
  2. KA

    KA PENIS GOES WHERE?!!

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    do best men get prima nocta rights?
     
  3. vf-xx

    vf-xx ereh ees ot gnihtoN

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    As I'm coming up on my 1yr anniversary, and was best man at a friend's wedding a month after mine, I'm framiliar with some of these.

    - Organizing a bachelor party for the groom
    You can do other things for the party. I believe Weird Al went paintballing. I would have, but didn't have the time.


    - Supervising the groomsmen
    Generally keeping them in line and making sure they're in the right place at the right time. Granded the rehearsal should take care of it, but it's better if you worry about it so that the groom doesn' thave to. Trust me he's got enough on his mind already.

    - Holding the bride's ring at the altar
    Basically you hang on to the ring till the clergy asks for it. Again the bride and groom will have their hands full, or be too pre-occupied to mess with it. Actually depending on the church you might end up carrying both rings.

    - Acting as the officiant if the wedding ceremony is paid
    - Possibly helping plan or organize some details of the wedding

    In much older times, being the best man meant that you dealt with ALL the wedding specfics. Basically your friend would ask you to be best man and that's about all that they had with wedding planning.

    In this case, I think it means that you deal with paying the DJ, caterer, etc... I don't think it applies much to you really.

    - Giving a speech at the wedding, usually at the expense of the bride and groom, and thanking the bridesmaids
    Have fun with that.

    - Stocking the men's room at the reception with mints and soap
    I have no idea what the hell this is about.
     
  4. RabidYak

    RabidYak Go Ninja Go Ninja Go

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    I'd like to do this for a friend someday, but none of my computers or comics have ever shown interest in getting married.
     
  5. Darth Megatron

    Darth Megatron Don't tell Lucas!

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    Hmmm... I'm in the same boat too, Best man at a wedding coming up. Nice too know the folks at Wikipedia are keeping tabs. Come ceremony time I will be jumping in to act as the official.

    'No, no it’s ok, I am the best man, its expected that I marry you two... stop crying,'


    A bachelor party should be fun. I was trying to convince the groom to do something super cool like white water rafting. Apparently the bride has something against getting killed on the stag. **Whip Noise** It's starting already. I guess we will just have to have some hot girl on girl action instead.
     
  6. Razerwire

    Razerwire 99 Problems... Super Mod

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    I'm in the midst of organizing my buddy's bachelor party in Vegas...:banghead: 
     
  7. Predaking

    Predaking Well-Known Member

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    Heh, one of my best friends is gonna do that for me too. We'll be getting a Suite room and get some strippers and have some fun. :D 

    BTW my brother is going to be my best man but he's not gonna do anything except holding the ring for me. Is he required to take on more responsibilities if he's gonna be one?
     
  8. Ops_was_a_truck

    Ops_was_a_truck JOOOLIE ANDREWWWWWS!!!!!!

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    Having been the best man for 2 weddings, I'll offer what I can.

    Based on your source post, it sounds like you already have a relative idea about how to handle this. "Get drunk at a bar" is the common theme.

    However, I have to admit that for my radio cohost's wedding, I went all out in the pre-planning - groom, bride, groomsmen, bridesmaids and friends all went and played lasertag, then we went and got drunk at our favorite bar. The wedding was in our alum college town, so everything was really close.

    The additional planning is really your call. The best thing I can suggest is take the groom and friends to a bar; that's usually the bare minimum requirement.

    Not your duty. Unless you're specifically targeted by the family or the groom or bride and they say "PLEASE, help us get this thing done on time!" ...and then, it's your choice to help or not.

    Oh shit, I thought you were supposed to sleep with him! Oops... :p uke

    Actually, I've woken up late both times I was best man and I've gotten the groom to the wedding on time.

    I think this is an archaic reference to the taboo about "the groom can't see the bride 24 hours before the wedding!" Who the fuck cares.

    Yeah, pretty much as it's stated. And it's the ring made out of metal, Streck. :lol 

    No clue on this one. This must be for weddings where people give a whole shit.

    Hands down, the best and most fun you'll ever have at a wedding. You write well already (which is evident on these boards) and you've got a scathing enough sense of humor. I'd watch how scathing the humor gets, just because there is always a 60-year-old Vietnam vet somehwere in the extended family who could decide that you ruined so-and-so's wedding because of something you said, which would in turn lead to :Gouki: 

    dude wtf

    I think this one boils down to "make sure the men keep their manners during the wedding," which is, again, not your duty. Fuck dat shit.
     
  9. Razerwire

    Razerwire 99 Problems... Super Mod

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    Best men are supposed to be the go to guy for everything, at least that's what I've always assumed...
     
  10. Streck

    Streck <B><FONT COLOR="#FF0000">QED</B></FONT> Veteran

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    I just realized that I've no idea how many there will even be. Could be just one, his older brother, who's also a Linux developer. That guy needs more help than I can give.

    Good. Why, you can practically hear me sidestepping that mess.

    What did I just say about ambiguity?

    It'll be like Jon Stewart at the Oscars.
     
  11. Wing alpha

    Wing alpha <b><font color=blue>I voted for Super_Megatron and

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    In middle ages in the time of crusades and knigths(according my research from english) suposdely the best man is suposdely the best figther of the bunch to keep anyone who wants to interrupt the wedding at bay....yeah probably thats not gonna happen....

    just keep in mind that :D (hint bring something blunt and heavy just in case)
     

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