UPS pilot gripesheet funnies

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Chaos Muffin, May 17, 2007.

  1. Chaos Muffin

    Chaos Muffin Misadventure Veteran

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    Got this in my email from Jess, from the UPS offices.
    Thought it was mildly amusing, if you don't giggle , feel free to throw rocks.


    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a
    high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

    After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
    sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints
    submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions
    recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

    By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident...


    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit
    S: Something tightened in cockpit

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on
    back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
    descent
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what friction locks are for.

    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right
    wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
    S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
    pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away
    from midget.




    UPS smartasses lol
     
  2. pscoop

    pscoop Dead inside

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    These are funny. Last time I saw them they were labled Quantas Airlines gripsheet. Still funny though.
     
  3. Gnaw

    Gnaw Banned

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    :lolol 
     
  4. Dark_Convoy

    Dark_Convoy Old Bastard Veteran

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    Good stuff.
     
  5. smkspy

    smkspy is one nice fucking kitty

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    I love it...:thumb 


    Woot 1,000 post!:rock 
     
  6. drippy

    drippy is a freethinker.

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    Good times.
     
  7. Methos

    Methos ...Hail Megatron

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    lol,I liked the last one.
     
  8. DaggersRage

    DaggersRage Autistic bastard.

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    Ahhh thats histerical.

    On a side note, what's your job Chaos Muffin?
     

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