I don't mean to sound narcissistic with starting a thread about me but I've had a lot of people PM me asking how I have been doing since being diagnosed with cancer. Instead of responding to each individual response I just decided to put it all here. I'm..........not good, I try to convince myself and others differently but whats the use I've lost my teaching job I can finish out the year but then I'm screwed, no one in CA, due to the budget is hiring music teachers. My administation yelled at because of my absences (like I could help it) and even refused to write a letter of recommendation, they wouldn't even give me credit for the things I have done and have accomplished. I am going to try for disability but there is no guarantee I will be approved, with 0varian cncer they can say just have a hystorectomy (something I refuse) my mother had a heart problem that resulted in a transplant and they rejected her and they had a big long fight to get disability which is something I don;t have rtime for I have no savings because my paycheck ios docked so much with my absences and I make 3 times more than my husband so he doesn't make anything close enough to support us i feel worse everyday, my hair is falling out which makes me cry (thank you radiation), my husband while trying to be supportive isn't especially emotionally my students are rebelling against me because they have so many subs that they have no structure my little boys smile is the only thing keeping me alive. we try to keep as mucj as possible from him but with his autism he is acting up at school and I know its because he senses something is wrong and knows mommy is sick. It kills me that I am unintentionally hurting him in this matter. I don't have many friends in the are only two actually and they never want to do things with me because they assume I am too fragile or I will end up cancelling plans because I'll end up sick that day. I haven't seen one friend in almost a month and the other (who lives across the street and her daughter is my sons girlfriend they are so cute together) has cancelled plans repeatedly the last four days. It just seems like every asdpect of my life has been taken away or effected negatively all because of this...and that's killing me more than any disease can. EDIT: I just got a call fom work they ,ay not be letting me return to work, they have put me on the rehire list and I can't even go back tomorrow meaning I probably won't be getting paid the rest of the year. I am now sitting here shaking and freaking out.