Regardless of the impression my signature may give (Edit: changed sig since post.), I don’t think Bay has raped my childhood… yet. I will hold on that verdict until I actually watch the movie. That being said, I’d like to bring up some thoughts I’ve had about the design of the live action movie Transformers. Keep in mind that I love G1 as much as the next guy and was hoping for a more nostalgic look… at first. One of the first things I noted and HATED with a passion about the movie designs was that the bots have toes. TOES! On my giant robots of destruction! “Why must they have toes???” I exclaimed. I didn’t think about it again until last night. THIS IS A LIVE ACTION MOVIE, and the Transformers must be ultra realistic or movie will fail to suspend the audience’s disbelief. We’re not talking about Harry Potter here, where magic is an acceptable defense. No, we need either visual defense or we’ll need to resort to some Giordi LaForge style technobabble. Seems like a reasonable requirement for a live action movie, right? Well allow me, a GeeWuner if you will, to design a movie Transformer from scratch with that requirement as my starting point. Transformers should be bipedal. What does a bipedal need to stand? Balance, hips, legs, knees, ankles, and feet. But feet that are simply shaped as a block won’t do. No, we humans use our toes for fine control of how our body falls into our next step as we walk. I want the movie Transformers to walk. Do you? Well crap. This means they must have flippin’ toes. …At least a big toe and another toe to collect the functionality of the four little ones. Well that’s not so bad. What about other range of motion issues? Well we’d want these intelligent robots to operate computer terminals at their seats, right? G1 had that. It was cool. Let’s keep that then. Well that means that the bots need extremely flexible hands, more flexible than even the comic books draw them. We need the bots to be able to angle their arms inward to type at a keyboard… Well there goes another G1 staple: exaggeratedly bulky torsos. OK. So at this point our G1-starting-point movie version Transformers have articulated toes and fingers. They also tend to have a little narrower body frame than we’re used to seeing. What else do we want our G1-based Transformers to do? They need to be able to duke it out, fist to face when their weapons are lost or disabled! What about those big hunks of alt mode that can be easily recognized in bot mode? Those can stay right? NOPE! It’s either them or the action. Megatron isn’t going to be able to wrestle Prime to the ground and choke him with his bare hands (al la the cartoon movie) with a huge cannon on his arm. Check this out: Yeah… Even though the position is a little weird and his tongue is hanging out, that’s Megatron, not Legion. ;-) So let’s see what we’ve come up with for our realistic G1-based live action movie Transformers. *Looks at bold stuff above. Looks at Bay’s Megatron. Grrrr… Looks at bold stuff above again. Looks at Bay’s Megatron again…* I guess he has a point. So scrappier, more agile Transformers fit the bill after all. I guess I’m OK with the big hunks of alt mode getting shredded then. Still… IMO, the shreds could’ve been a little smaller, and he still could have a better noggin. No doubt about that. Same goes for Blackout and Starscream. I have no defense for Starscream’s backwards knees or ginormous chest. He is an anomaly among the other designs. As for the rest of the designs, well… now we know how these could be called G1-inspired designs, yes? Now… Lets wait and see if they behave properly! So it's time to stop bitching and start getting excited again. ^-- Longest post EVAR!