Transformers: Suffering

Discussion in 'Transformers Fan Fiction' started by Lazerbeak, Oct 27, 2005.

  1. Lazerbeak

    Lazerbeak Keronian Ambassador

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    Well, I've noticed a lot of people writing really kickass fanfics, so I decided to throw my hat into the ring, so to speak. The best way I can describe this story is G1, but not. It takes place in modern times. TF's have been on Earth now since the beginning of the 20th century. Now the war on Earth has escalated to the point where Earth is in ruins, and almost devoid of human life.

    It is told through the perspective of the Decepticons. Usually, the story centres around Over Run, my own character, but at times it tells the tale of other characters. There's some familiar faces, as well as a slew of new characters, created mostly by me. This is my very first serious attempt at writing a fanfic, so please, be gentle. :D 

    I must also give major props to my man, REDLINE, for donating his valuabe time to helping me perfect the story, and providing much needed feedback. Anyhoo, without further ado, here is chapter one of Transformers: Suffering. Enjoy.
    _________________________________

    Chapter One: New Recruits

    The sun shone bright on Seibertron as the shuttles appeared on the horizon. They were carrying the newest Decepticon recruits, reinforcements that would be sent to Earth to help aid in the war versus the Autobots. Some of them haven’t even seen battle, while some have been around for longer than anyone can remember. The Decepticons were running low on available soldiers, so they had to take whoever they could get.

    Laserbeak sat perched on a pylon as the shuttles got closer, his camera focused on the slow-moving shapes. Soundwave, Decepticon communications officer and Megatron’s right hand man, was receiving the images from Laserbeak’s camera.

    “Megatron, Laserbeak has spotted the shuttles, ETA: 40 cycles.” Soundwave said.

    “Excellent” said Megatron, “Hopefully these new recruits will help turn the tides in our favour…”

    Inside Shuttle 86R sat Over Run. He had already been assigned an alternate mode based on an Earth vehicle, a 1983 DMC DeLorean. He sat in the corner of the shuttle, his mind on the battles he would soon have to face. He had already seen quite a few battles, and he was very experienced in both melee combat and gun fighting. His whole life had been war from the beginning, at first he had enjoyed it, but now he had had enough of it. After losing many comrades in the Great Battle of Iacon, he had sworn to never fight again. But with this new war on Earth, everyone was fighting, and there is no escape except death. Also in this shuttle was Rat Rod, a member of the newest generation of Decepticons; smaller, faster, stealthier, and more fuel efficient. He was the fastest on land, and could transform twice as fast as these older models. His kind is the wave of the future; unfortunately, they were never battle-tested so nobody knew how they would fare against the Autobots. Rat Rod was designed for close-combat, although he was equipped with a plasma pistol in the event of a gun-fight. It was a small weapon, but he’d seldom use it. He thought of himself as superior to the others, and he often got on his comrades’ nerves with his cynical demeanour.

    Rat Rod looked at Over Run sitting alone.

    “What are you sulking about?” he said loudly. Over Run ignored him. “What’s the matter, are your sound receptors malfunctioning?” Rat Rod continued; “Probably too old to hear anything, like the rest of these outdated rust buckets.”

    Over Run looked over at Rat Rod and stood up.

    “I’d watch my mouth if I were you.” he said.

    “Ooh, tough guy, eh? Them’s fighting words, comrade! You in the mood for a scrap?!” said Rat Rod; he had a habit for overestimating himself. “Bah, the hell with ya, you’re not worth my time!”

    Over Run grabbed him by the neck and lifted him up until he was at eye level.

    “Hell? I’ve been there. You know nothing of hell…” he said, and let Rat Rod fall.

    The others just stared as Over Run walked back to his seat. They could see that Over Run had nothing to fear. Not even death. And especially not Rat Rod…

    The shuttles landed slowly upon their pads and the heavy doors opened. The new recruits marched outside. They heard a voice yell “Attention!”, and then formed a row. Supreme Commander Megatron walked down the row, inspecting his new soldiers. He then walked over to his post, ready to assign them to their groups and send them to battle.

    Air Commander Starscream stood left of Megatron. Starscream despised Megatron, and saw him as an inferior leader, and the sole reason that this war has lasted so long. His secret plot was to overthrow him and lead the Decepticons to victory. Megatron knew this, and kept Starscream around because he had the courage to even think about overthrowing him. He admired this bravery, although he found Starscream foolish for thinking he could pull it off.

    Motormaster stood right of Megatron. Motormaster had become a favourite of Megatron since he defected from the Autobots long ago. He was a high-ranking member of the Autobot forces, and a master of pyrotechnics. He was also Optimus Prime’s own brother. Years ago, during an epic battle on Seibertron, the Decepticon forces had delivered a heavy blow to the Autobots. Motormaster was on the front line when he was badly wounded by artillery. The order was given for the Autobots to retreat, and to leave behind any dead soldiers. Motormaster, believed dead, was left behind. Megatron himself looked upon him and saw that he still lived. He pointed his fusion cannon at him and prepared to finish him off, when suddenly Motormaster began to plead for his life, and swore eternal loyalty to the Decepticon cause. Megatron accepted, and made Motormaster a lieutenant. He has vowed revenge on the Autobots that left him behind so long ago, and wants to kill Optimus Prime personally…

    Megatron began to speak, he was going to break them up into squadrons, and give them their destinations.

    “Recruits #0001-1086 will be led by Commander Dezaras; you will be defending the East Asian sector of Earth. Recruits #1087-2171 will be led by Commander Clench; you will be defending the European sector of Earth.

    The list continued until he reached Recruits #160186-161271, who would be led by Megatron himself, and would wage war on the East American sector. This group included Over Run, and at this moment, he knew who his “family” would be in this war. After the assigning, the squads boarded large ships, programmed to travel to Earth. The Decepticon soldiers climbed into special modules that would place them in stasis lock for the journey ahead. Then the ships took off from Seibertron, and the new recruits knew that they might never see their home again…
     
  2. REDLINE

    REDLINE longer days, plz? Veteran

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    yes... yes... most excellent! *drums fingertips together* So, it has begun. Can't wait for more! :thumb 

    Andy
     
  3. JLBarnett

    JLBarnett Well-Known Member

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    Well, it's interesting but I can think of a few problems.

    Transformers have been around since the beginning of the 20th century, and reduced the Earth to ruins, yet the DeLorean is still around? I doubt many recongnizable Earth vehicles would exist.

    Motormaster- would Megatron really trust a former Autobot, who was willing to beg, and had suich a poor understanding of war that he'd turn on his comrades for a mistake?
     
  4. jet convoy

    jet convoy Beast Wars Forever!!!

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    Good start. Can't wait to read the next chapters, LB.

    :D 
     
  5. Lazerbeak

    Lazerbeak Keronian Ambassador

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    Very good point. The only answer I can come up with is that I pretty much just wanted a DeLorean in the story. :D 

    I'll probably come up with a half-assed explanation somewhere down the line.

    About Motormaster, another good point. Unofrtunately I have nothing to counter that except, I often suck at making up characters. Like before, I'll probably pull something outta my ass eventually. ;) 

    That being said, I really do appreciate the crits, it helps me to improve.

    To those that are interested in seeing more, I'll post another chapter soon. :) 

    EDIT: It was my mistake in saying that the Earth was in ruins. It's not ENTIRELY ruined. Some parts still have some semblance of normal human life. The only difference is that the war is not secret now, and the Decepticons have occupied most of Earth, pinning the humans down. Major battle areas (like Manhattan here), are the ones that are totally wrecked. Hopefully, that didn't sound too half-assed. :D 
     
  6. REDLINE

    REDLINE longer days, plz? Veteran

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    sWEEEET new sig, beak!! damnit, now you HAVE to drop everything and take pics of yer delorean model hahaha

    Andy
     
  7. JLBarnett

    JLBarnett Well-Known Member

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    That's fine. Saying the entire planet is in ruins makes the Autobots sound to pathetic anyway.
     
  8. REDLINE

    REDLINE longer days, plz? Veteran

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    update update update!! :rock 

    Andy
     
  9. Lazerbeak

    Lazerbeak Keronian Ambassador

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    Update time! This chapter sets the stage for the first battle, and also provides a bit of valuable background info on the new characters from Shuttle 86R. For the most part, the story will be focusing on this squad. As the story goes on, readers will learn more and more about them. I also make another cameo here. ;) 

    Anyhoo, on to chapter two. Enjoy.
    _______________________________

    Chapter Two: The First Fight​


    The ship made its landing in a desolate, battle scarred wasteland. The ruins resembled a charred, war-torn city. In its centre, a vast, empty desert of blackened debris. Some were bits of buildings; others were the remains of fallen warriors.

    As it sped across the desert, the grim form of Decepticon Command Central grew larger. A terrifying mass of spires, turrets, and defence towers, it more resembled a twisted, mechanical castle than a base of operations. It was here where the centre of all Decepticon operations took place. The Autobots had known of it for decades now, but no one dared to attack it. Only a fool would. It was so well armed, that any army willing to face it, would be detected, intercepted, and reduced to ashes before getting within 80 kilometres of it.

    The ship slowed down to a crawl upon approaching the base’s spaceport. It hovered for a while, and settled down. The huge hatch doors opened, resembling enormous jaws, and the latest soldiers in the war stepped onto Earth for the first time. They were greeted by Starscream, who had arrived earlier in the officers’ shuttle.

    “Greetings, new warriors! Welcome to planet Earth. I am Air Commander Starscream. This is Decepticon Command Central, the largest, most well armed outpost on the planet. We are on Sector 0019, or as our oldest soldiers refer to it, the ‘Manhattan Sector’. I hope you will enjoy your stay. He-he-he-he…”

    “That will be all, Air Commander…” boomed a voice that seemed to come from nowhere.

    “As you command, mighty Megatron…” muttered Starscream.

    The familiar form of Supreme Commander Megatron reappeared. His grim visage and heavily-armed form gave the recruits a feeling of both security and sheer terror.

    “You all know me by now, so we’ll skip the introductions. I assume you were briefed on the shuttles. Now, let’s get down to business, shall we? Soundwave!”

    “As you command, Megatron. Laserbeak, eject. Operation: ‘Playback’.” said the cold, monotonic voice of Soundwave. Laserbeak flew from Soundwave’s chest compartment, and quickly transformed. He took a perch on Soundwave’s shoulder, and began projecting a series of shaky, grainy videos.

    “This is the Autobots’ base camp, located not far from here. As you can see, they are preparing for battle. The Autobots think that they can defeat us so easily, let us show them how wrong they are…” said Megatron.

    Laserbeak’s hologram changed into a complex map. Dotted lines began forming a path, extending from a red dot on the map.

    “Reconnaissance tells us that the Autobots will be taking this path, in an attempt to execute a sneak attack on one of our power plants. If they succeed, they will cut off our main power source, and severely cripple this base. It is imperative that we intercept their convoy quickly, and stop them from attacking. We will achieve this using the element of surprise. Two squads will attack their flanks while the Autobots are en route to the plant. The main objective will be to completely wipe out the attack force. No prisoners will be taken. No mercy will be granted. Let’s show those pathetic Autobots that the Decepticons will not be defeated so easily!”

    The recruits cheered enthusiastically. These robots were programmed to be warriors, and they were very eager to destroy their enemies.

    “Now, move out!” said Megatron, thus finishing the briefing.

    In the armoury, the recruits of Shuttle 86R were getting ready for their first major battle on Earth. The sound of rifles cocking, lasers charging, and rockets locking echoed in the immense building. Over Run was busy loading up his shotgun, the trusty weapon he had used since he became operational. Many sparks had fallen victim to its loud blasts. It was old, obsolete, but Over Run would never use any other weapon.

    “Wow, I didn’t know we’d get to fight so early in the game! This is exciting ain’t it Over Run? I can’t wait to start picking those bastards off!” asked Deadeye, holding his rifle in a sniping position.

    Deadeye was an expert marksman; he could hit a moving fly from 88 kilometres away and not break a sweat. His weapon of choice was a specially modified sniper rifle, able to fire special armour-piercing bullets at the speed of sound, and a custom silencer made the shots whisper-quiet. Deadeye loves the rush he gets from picking unsuspecting targets off one by one. He was a legend among snipers, a force of nature that struck fear in the sparks of any Autobots unlucky enough to be wandering on the battlefield alone.

    “He-he, you really love this sniping shit don’t ya? Not me, just gimme a rifle and stick me in the heat of battle, I’ll be right at home, shooting the slag outta those Autobots point-blank! Ha ha!” that statement came from Dead End.

    Dead End, like Over Run, was a veteran, he’d seen many battles over the years, and seen many friends lost. One friend he never lost though was Over Run. The two had been thick as thieves since Over Run saved Dead End’s life years ago, during a heated battle on Seibertron. Dead End enjoyed nothing more than a good battle. The heat of the explosions, the weight of a rifle, the sound of the shots, the sight of his enemies dropping like flies; this was all that Dead End lived for. The idea of fighting Autobots on a new planet just made him even more excited.

    Over Run just chuckled and said, “Eh, another day, another battle. I dunno, maybe I’m just jaded by now. But who knows? Maybe this Earth place will add a little spice.” He was masking his true feelings. He loved battle as much as the next Decepticon, but by now, all he wanted was to forget this damned war. Nobody even knew what it was all about anymore, and he was sick of fighting a useless war…

    The Autobots were on their way to the Decepticon power plant, they had their own weapons, and some mobile artillery that they were planning to test out on the power plant, and maybe a few Decepticons as well.

    Optimus Prime led the group, with Rotorbolt in the air, keeping a close watch for Decepticon activity. Ironhide travelled beside Prime. The two were old friends, having been through countless close calls, and saving each others’ lives on occasion.

    “I can’t stand this fucking sneak-attack slag…” bellowed Ironhide. “I’m built for full-on close combat, not this sneaking around nonsense.”

    “He-he-he, still pining for the old days, Ironhide?” said Prime. His voice was sage-like, but commanding. Almost like an old king.

    “Ahh, don’t mind me Prime, I’m just ramblin’ on. It’s just that this whole plan seems cowardly to me. What happened to just bustin’ in, guns-blazin’, ready to bust some Decepti-chops?”

    “Remember that the Decepticons have the upper edge on this planet, and they control this sector, we have to be careful when dealing with this kind of situation. These sneak attacks are perfect for doing damage to the Decepticons without having to get into a huge battle situation.”

    “Bah. Leave it to the ‘Cons to mess up my fun…” Ironhide grumbled. Optimus replied with a hearty laugh. He could always count on Ironhide’s ramblings to lift up his spirits.

    “Optimus! Decepticons sighted! They’re tryin’ to flank us!” warned Rotorbolt.

    “Ah, slag. Battle ready team! Transform and roll out!” commanded Prime.

    “Finally, some action!” bellowed Ironhide.

    The Autobots transformed and stood ready for battle. The Decepticon forces sped onto the scene from the sides and quickly transformed. Then, the first shot was fired. A body falls.

    “Rotorbolt! NO!” shouted Skids, he watched as the shot hits Rotorbolt. A perfect head shot. His head explodes, Rotorbolt is the first casualty.

    “CHARGE!” shouts Prime. The battle has begun.
     
  10. REDLINE

    REDLINE longer days, plz? Veteran

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    hell yeah, that's what I'm talkin about... someone needs a new head :ev:  I need more chapters of Decepticon goodness!!

    Andy
     
  11. Lazerbeak

    Lazerbeak Keronian Ambassador

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    I got a little lax as far as updates go, so I'm posting the long overdue chapter three.

    This chapter picks up where ch. 2 left off, and now the squad from 86R is gonna dive into their first skirmish with the Autobots.
    ____________________________________

    Chapter Three: The Battle Rages

    Seconds after Rotorbolt’s death, the battle escalates from a skirmish into a raging fire fight. Both factions trade shots. Both factions lose comrades. The Decepticon Air Force is brought in, with Starscream, Skywarp, and Thundercracker at the front of the formation.

    “Skywarp, bomb those targets!” screeches Starscream.

    “Whatever you say, boss!” says Skywarp. He lowers his altitude and slows down. His sinister F-117 jet mode makes him perfect for bombing operations. He drops a small bomb, a direct hit. Autobot parts fly in all directions.

    Over Run unloads several rounds into any Autobot to go near him. He is a highly skilled warrior, and it shows when he’s in combat. It is like poetry in motion, every shot a direct hit. This is a piece of cake for him.

    “Over Run, cover my rear! I’m goin’ in!” it was the voice of Rat Rod. Despite their sour encounter on the shuttle, Over Run was glad to offer cover fire. If there’s one thing Over Run learned over the years, it’s that there’s no room for grudges on the battlefield.

    “Gotcha, little man, I’ll cover you!” shouted Over Run as he finished off another Autobot.

    Rat Rod transformed into his vehicle mode, a ’32 Ford Model “A” hotrod. This vehicle mode included a powerful engine, making him one of the fastest Decepticons around. He weaved around Autobots; Over Run was making sure that Rat Rod was safe as he made his way, blasting any Autobot that got too close. Once he got deep enough into the enemy’s forces, he transformed and began to fight.

    Rat Rod’s favourite method of combat was to rush deep into the enemy side, and fight from within. He preferred melee combat, so he kept his pistol holstered. He was a master of Metallikato and Circuit-Su, and made good use of both fighting styles. He was blindingly fast, and before an Autobot knew what was going on, he was immobilised.

    As Rat Rod kept the Autobots busy, Deadeye watched from atop the remains of an old skyscraper. He had his sniper rifle ready, and was picking off the confused Autobots one by one, laughing happily with each perfect shot.

    There was sufficient confusion for Skywarp to launch his second bombing run. He made his approach, and launched three laser-guided bombs at the mobile artillery the Autobots planned to use on the power plant. Three direct hits. The artillery was disabled, and the Autobot forces were severely crippled. Prime, now very battle-scarred, shouted the command, “Autobots, retreat!”, and the Autobots were glad to get out of there.

    “Shit! I knew this would happen! Damn ‘Con bastards!” roared Ironhide as he transformed and drove away.
    “Hey, you cowards, get back here! We’re not done with you yet!” shouted Rat Rod, he had been having too much fun killing Autobots to stop now.

    “Ah, let ‘em go, we won didn’t we?” said Dead End as he drove past him.

    “Bah, Autobots are all cowards!” said Rat Rod, “Say, who’s gonna clean up this mess?” he was referring to the piles of dead bodies and severed limbs strewn across the battlefield.

    “Damn. I think this was one of ours. I’ll miss ya, whoever you were…” Over Run said silently as he picked up an arm, still clutching its weapon.

    “Ah, the scavenger drones’ll get it. Let’s just get outta here!” replied Dead End.

    The battle was a Decepticon victory, already the tide had turned in the new recruits’ favour.

    That night, the Decepticons had a small celebration in the barracks. They toasted their victory, laughed, and joked. Over Run was never one for parties, and he just stood in the far end of the barracks, observing the festivities.

    “Ha, ha! Here’s to our victory! And to many more!” said Deadeye as he raised a cube of the finest Energon. “Hey, Over Run! Come on mate, join the party! We couldn’t have done this without ya, you old slag-heap!”

    “Nah, you guys have fun. My circuits are a little fried. I think I’ll turn in for the night.” said Over Run. He entered his stasis chamber to rest for the night. He wasn’t tired at all; he just didn’t feel like celebrating after all the carnage he’d just seen. Sometimes he felt as though he were the only one who ever saw it…

    The party lasted several hours. After the festivities were over, the soldiers entered their stasis chambers, and awaited the new Earth day, and despite all their optimistic boasting about their strength during the celebration, they still wondered if they would be so lucky next time. If there’d even be a next time…

    In the morning, the alarms rang. And the soldiers rushed into the briefing hall, where Laserbeak projected yet another map. Another day, another battle, right? Not quite. This time, they were going to do the attacking. This was a little different than ambushing an unsuspecting Autobot convoy. This time they were going right to the Autobots’ doorstep. Though they acted confident and eager, there was a cloud of dread over each Deceptcion soldier that day. Would they win this time around? What sort of threat do these Autobots really pose? They would now find out…
     
  12. REDLINE

    REDLINE longer days, plz? Veteran

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    another good chapter! I can see this being a nice long "bloody" novel! :rock  If I had a complaint, it'd be that the chapters were so short :lol  I'm guessin its on purpose to make us wait for more! more more!

    Andy
     
  13. Grimlock_13

    Grimlock_13 Reformed Geewunner

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    Soundsing good so far Lazerbeak, I'm looking forward to more:) 
     
  14. REDLINE

    REDLINE longer days, plz? Veteran

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    its been weeks since the last chapter!!! :(  Beak, when are you on school break?

    Andy
     
  15. Lazerbeak

    Lazerbeak Keronian Ambassador

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    Damn, I haven't updated this dusty old thing in months! I'm gonna put in a little update in case anyone's been keeping up with the story. Unfortunately, since school started, I'll have a lot less time to write, so updates will be scarce.

    This chapter introduces a character that most of you may be familiar with. It's REDLINE's own character. I loved that character so much that I decided to put him in my story, and he fits right in. He's not just a cameo, he'll be one of the main characters.
    ____________________________________

    Chapter Four: Redline

    The day was uncomfortably warm, and the sky was a unique shade of gold-orange. It was deathly quiet outside. The planet seemed as if it were preparing itself for the vicious fight that would soon take place.

    Back at Autobot Headquarters, the Autobots were also preparing for battle. Intelligence reports confirmed that the Decepticons were planning a full-scale attack. There was no time to lose, they had to get ready, or the Decepticons would tear them to pieces. Defence was stepped up considerably, with guards at every post. Anti-aircraft gun emplacements were scouting the skies for any signs of an air attack. Anybody with a heavily-armed vehicle mode was put on the front lines. Not much more they could do now except wait…

    Hotrod was second in command in a squad of elite Autobots. He was young, but he had proven himself in combat before, and Optimus was sure that he would make a great leader someday. Also with Hotrod were Arcee, Springer, Kup, Blurr, Jackhammer, Jetfire, Hipster, and Ultra Magnus, who was in command of the squad. Hotrod, ever the brash youth, was eager to face the Decepticons, and with each passing minute he grew more impatient.

    “Man, when are those damn Decepticons getting here?! I’m dyin’ to blast those scumbags all the way back to the pit they crawled out of!” Hotrod said, charging his rifle.

    “Easy lad, have a little patience. They’ll be here soon enough.” said Kup. Kup was old, very old, but with his age came a great wisdom. He took it upon himself to become Hotrod’s mentor, giving him advice on every situation, and always dispensing war stories. Kup’s often farfetched stories seemed to always fit the situation at hand, and some wondered if there was any truth to them at all.

    “Heh, at your age, all you have is patience, old man.” Hotrod said jokingly.

    “Experience, lad. You should learn to appreciate it.” retorted Kup.

    “Ha! Ain’t that the truth?” said Hipster. He was probably older than even Kup. He came to Earth decades ago, during the Twenties, back when the war was still a secret, and Transformers lived in peace among humans. He had a lot of pride for his past, and never bothered to upgrade his rickety, rusted out body. His vehicle mode remained the same, a 1926 Model “T” Ford sedan. He was always fascinated with human culture, constantly spouting 20’s expressions and colloquialisms. His comrades often called him “Lucky Hipster”, because of the fact that he’s survived this long. “Pretty soon we’re gonna 23 Skidoo right into that battle, just keep yer pants on kid!”

    “Quiet back there! They could be watching us right now…” said Springer over the comm-link. He was scouting the area in helicopter mode. “Oh shit. Incoming!”

    The Decepticons had begun the attack! Giant artillery howitzers had been placed several kilometres from Autobot HQ, and they had already begun launching shells into the Autobot’s perimeter. The battle was on.

    “Battle ready, team! Let’s get moving, people!” said Ultra Magnus as he ran into battle.

    “All right! Now’s my chance!” shouted Hotrod.

    The Decepticons were using the giant guns to weaken the Autobots’ defences for the main assault. Once they were crippled enough, the rest of the base would be theirs for the taking. Springer knew this, and decided that those guns were the number one priority.

    “Hotrod! I need your help! Follow me; we gotta take out those slaggin’ guns!” Springer shouted, he concealed his laser-sword and transformed into helicopter mode.

    “I read you loud and clear, buddy! I’m on my way!” Hotrod said as he transformed into his vehicle mode, a suped-up ’68 Shelby Mustang. He was the fastest Autobot on land.

    Hotrod and Springer raced to the first gun, Hotrod by land, Springer by air. As they approached the gargantuan weapon, the Decepticons spotted them.

    “Incoming Autobots! Load up another round, now!” said a Decepticon troop.

    “Right-o! You’re gonna love this, Autobot scum!” cackled the Decepticon gunner.

    A loud boom, and the round was fired. It hits Springer, fatally damaging his main rotor.

    “Agh! Shit! I’m hit! Mayday, mayday, I’m going down!” Springer shouted, as he struggled to maintain altitude.

    Springer’s rotor engine was spewing a thick black smoke, and he swayed uncontrollably, still losing altitude rapidly. He tried to transform, but soon found that he couldn’t. He refused to accept his fate.

    “Dammit, I can’t transform! I’m gonna try and make an emergency landing!” Springer said, continuing his struggle to save his life.

    “Hold on, buddy! I’m comin! Help is on the way!” said Hotrod as he sped towards Springer.

    “Hotrod, don’t! Stay back!” Springer warned as he quickly approached the ground.

    Hotrod didn’t get Springer’s warning in time. He tried to skid out of the way, but it was no use, Springer crashed directly into Hotrod, exploding in a huge fireball. The two were completely destroyed. Nothing was left except the smouldering wreckage.

    “Hotrod! Springer! NO!” screamed Kup. He saw the whole thing. “No. It… can’t be…” Kup had lost many comrades, but somehow, witnessing that explosion hurt as though it were the first time he’d ever seen it. He fell to his knees.

    Eventually, the gun that destroyed Springer was itself destroyed by a well-placed missile launch, courtesy of Ultra Magnus. He was driven by his anger and sadness to demolish the thing. He’d also seen many deaths, but like Kup, this loss seemed to hit him harder than any other.

    The battle raged on for hours, eventually, the Decepticon forces were beaten down enough that they were forced to retreat. It was not over though, they would be back.

    Later that day, after the Autobots had returned to their base, there was no time for grief. They had to prepare for the second assault. Decepticon scavenger drones were busy picking up the wreckage, including the remains of Hotrod and Springer. The scrap was to be returned to the Decepticon base to be melted down and made into weapons and tools. At the refinery, the workers saw something interesting in the scrap bins…

    “Hey, Detritus check this out!” said Compactor, signalling to the latest scrap shipment.

    “What now, more useless human parts? I told you, we can’t use that shit for anything!” Detritus growled.

    “No mate, look! This stuff’s in pretty good shape, it’d seem a shame to use it for just weapons, don’t ya think?”

    “What do you suppose we do with it? Put it together to make us a helper? He-he-he…”

    “Not exactly, but something like that…”

    “I was joking, you idiot. Besides, how do you suppose we do that? We don’t have that kind of equipment here.”

    “No, but the infirmary does. I really think this could work!”

    “Fine, you do what you want. I’m going back to work, or the boss’ll have my hide.”

    Compactor took the ruined bodies to the infirmary, hoping that his idea would work. Maybe, just maybe, Megatron will promote him, and he’d no longer have to work as a lowly trash collector. Or so he wished.

    “So, can you do anything?” Compactor asked the head medic. The medic loved this kind of stuff; Compactor knew that he’d be tickled with the idea of making a new soldier from Autobot scrap. Especially since this would give him a chance to test out a top-secret, experimental spark generator he'd recently acquired.

    “From what I can see, we got some good parts here, I think it can be done. What’s more, we can make him better than he was.” replied Hook, the head medic.

    So the project began, at first in total secrecy. They selected the most useable parts from Hotrod and Springer’s remains, and combined them into one super-soldier, with the abilities of both Autobots. The vehicle mode parts were far too damaged to be of any use, so a new vehicle mode was found, a 2005 Pontiac GTO.

    Parts were carefully placed together: the lower arms, head, torso, and hands of Hotrod, which included his arm-mounted blasters; the legs, shoulders, and waist of Springer. Springer’s laser-sword was intact, giving the new soldier a fearsome weapon to add to his arsenal. The firearms of the fallen Autobots were completely destroyed, so a new, pistol-grip, 4-barrel, Gatling-style machine gun was created. The gun was made to convert into the vehicle mode’s engine. His performance was tuned until it surpassed even Hotrod’s incredible speed; this new warrior now had the ability to drive at Mach 1.

    Hook had assumed that the accident had destroyed the original data-tracks. He was surprised to note that they were still intact. He didn’t want to erase them, for the new warrior would lose all of his combat knowledge, and be reduced to nothing but a drone. He didn’t erase Hotrod’s data tracks, but instead, added in some of Springer’s attributes, and then applied a Decepticon shell programme, to ensure his loyalty, and block their old memories. The resulting combination of green, red and orange parts would just not do. He was painted in colours reminiscent of Hotrod’s original paint job. He was now a rich crimson, with wild flame patterns gracing his car-front chest. A masterpiece, Hook thought. The painting ended with the addition of two Decepticon insignias on his shoulder, thus completing the look.

    At the end of the project, the new warrior was perfect, the best-rounded warrior in the Decepticon ranks. He was as brave as Springer, as fast as Hotrod, had their combined combat ability, and was endlessly loyal to Megatron. To top it off, he was made from the remains of two elite Autobot soldiers, the ultimate slap in the face to Prime. Why, he even had Hotrod’s very head, but different somehow. His once eager, young face had been replaced with a grim scowl, devoid of compassion, and full of hatred.

    “He’s perfect. Just perfect. The greatest Decepticon soldier yet. Arise, REDLINE!” Hook laughed maniacally as his creation was activated. His new spark fired, and his eyes, now a blood red, came on. Redline was born, and he was ready to destroy all Autobots.

    When Hook presented Redline to Megatron, he was wary at first, wondering if he could really trust a creature made from two Autobots.

    “My liege, I pledge my life to your cause, I swear on my spark, that no Autobot shall escape my wrath.” said Redline.

    It didn’t take long to convince Megatron. He couldn’t wait to unleash his newest soldier on the unsuspecting Autobots.

    “Tomorrow, we attack the Autobot base again, with Redline in the front lines! This time, we will not fail!” Megatron laughed with evil glee. Redline seemed to inspire both him, and the others. He was the greatest trophy of all. There was an air of great enthusiasm over the Decepticon army that day. They were all ready to attack once more, and they couldn’t wait to see the looks on the Autobots’ faces when they let loose Redline!
     
  16. alphie

    alphie Veteran

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    Okay, LB it's a good read, but it goes WAY TOO fast. It seems there isn't a break between any of the action. I think if you just slow it down a little and go into a lot more detail the story could read a lot better.

    For instance with this part:

    I was kinda confused with what is going on. I believe some breaks in the story will help clear this part up. Go into more detail with Megatron. He just shows up in a paragraph. There was no leading up to it at all. Take a few minutes to sit back and see what you want to do to introduce him to Redline. He is a great leader after all and will have to make a big decision. You need to showcase that.

    Also earlier on in the story there is this part:

    In between the paragraphs do this: **** or something similar to break up the action.

    This is just my comments on what I see right now. It's a great story, would like to read more. :thumb 
     
  17. Lazerbeak

    Lazerbeak Keronian Ambassador

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    I'd like to thank you aplhie, for your honest opinion. :) 

    Looking back on it, I see exactly what you mean. I tend to get carried away a lot whilst writing, so I'll have to break it up like you suggested. Your crits were duly noted, and I'll definitely be taking them into consideration when writing the next chapters.
     
  18. alphie

    alphie Veteran

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    No problem. :) 

    You got a great story going on, just need a little direction. Can't wait to see what you come up with next.
     
  19. SavageThunder

    SavageThunder 11th Doctor's Huntress

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    WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!:popcorn  POOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!:rock :rock 
     

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