Transformers Spark of The Dead

Discussion in 'Transformers Fan Fiction' started by mrdecepticon, Sep 14, 2011.

  1. mrdecepticon

    mrdecepticon Decepticon Leader

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    Well heres the first chapter enjoy please note that this story takes place in my own version of the Transformers universe when i write more of the first and other chapters i shall put them here to keep it all together and not in separate threads all comments thoughts ideas and constructive criticism are appreciated hope you enjoy.

    Prologue

    Even the deepest and darkest reaches of space which are almost impossible to find are still occupied.As the war between the valiant Autobots and power hungry Decepticons reach out to even the most desolate and isolated locations in the vastness of space both sides gain so little but yet loose so much.As both sides are strained for resources due to the terrible conflict which has lasted longer than anyone would care to remember. Both Autobots and Decepticons while still locked in combat desperately look for more resources so they can continue there conflict. As the battle rages both sides will not even be able to comprehend what horrors lie in wait for them.

    Chapter One
    The Autobot cruiser named Alpha five under the command of Ultra Magnus is currently under heavy fire from the Decepticon battle ship the Claw under the command of Cyclonus.Ultra Magnus stood at the command deck he looked at the monitors surrounding him each one showing another one of his squadron getting hit destroyed blown apart he slammed his fist down in anger and irritation.He looked back up at the center monitor only to catch glimpse of another sentry gun explode into a ball of flames he shook his head.

    The radio crackled "is anybody there?"most of the voice was static it was Hot Shot."Whats the status out there Hot Shot?"."They just shot our last sentry gun down Magnus"."Alright i want you to rally what troops we have left and form into a defensive position i need you to get back here think you can handle that Hot Shot?" "Sure thing sir"replied Hot Shot.

    Ultra Magnus thought to himself i should be out there fighting with them not cooped up here giving empty commands but its my responsibility as a soldier as a commander and as an Autobot besides Optimus Prime had appointed him commander .Just then the ship was struck with a death dealing surge of energy the ship began to shake and went out of control knocking Magnus off balance.He looked round and was shocked to see the engines were failing the alarm sounded rushing to the escape pod door he pushed the button it wouldn't open he pushed it again rapidly this time still nothing he slammed his fist on the button still nothing.Taking a few paces back he faced the door sideways ramming into it shoulder first but again nothing happened.

    Just as Hot Shot and the remaining Autobots manged to regroup with Magnus the ship spiraled out of control it began to hurtle downward as large chunks of the ship were ripped from its hull it started to burn up fire was everywhere."HANG ON!!!!" Ultra Magnus shouted.The only thing they could do was hope the wreck that once was a ship would land somewhere that they would survive this terrible ordeal and that they would wake up.....

    The Decepticon warship tore through the sky "activate tracking beacon" ordered Cyclonus."We aren't picking any spark readings up sir" replied Thrust."What of their vessel?" "We've only picked up chunks of it probably crashed or burnt up hopefully with em inside"replied Sunstorm glowing with energy."We are going down there to confirm that they are offline for good"."Sir the planet its not on the charts"growled Crumplezone."That is not our priority" Cyclonus replied."But its not anywhere not even in the archives according to our scanners it doesn't exist"."Well perhaps this planet could tip the balance in our favour yes another planet to be conquered by the might of the Decepticon empire rally the troops together perhaps this day wont seem as futile as it original started out".Cyclonus grinned the group of Decepticons flew from their vessel to the mysterious planet below none of them even remotely aware of what horrors would soon be discovered.

    Hound began to stir he awoke to the smell of burnt metal and the sight of their destroyed ship.He looked around to see if his comrades were also still in one piece.A surge of pain surrounded his leg it was damaged gritting his teeth he attempted to stand up using a metal beam as a cane.He kicked Wing Saber gently he came to."W wha... what where are we" mumbled Wing Saber."Im not sure my friend".Hot shot was the next to come around "what happened?" he groaned.Wing Saber helped him up "we are in hell" chuckled Wing Saber.Hot Shot rearranged his visor "seriously where are we"?

    The three robots looked from their wrecked ship. The sky was black but it wasn't night a green sun burned brightly above the yellow mountains their ship had crashed on a hill down below there was a city complex tall grey metallic buildings overshadowed crumbled and destroyed buildings.Some had completely collapsed leaving only the foundations. Others had caved in on themselves.Piles of metal , scrap and empty shells iron bits of buildings piled up some nearly as high as the buildings themselves.Behind the complex up in the hills lay a oil rig and a communications tower.The entire scene was worn rusty abandoned it could be best described as dead.

    "Seriously,we might not be in the Hell but this is as close as it ill ever get" Wing Saber mumbled.He turned around to view the extent of their ships damage.He hung his in sadness,kneeling down to pick up his rifle he reattached its bayonet and checked the ammo cylinder."The cons are gonna come looking for us ,they will hunt us down they will enjoy it too".

    "Well we cant let that happen then can we Wing Saber" Hot Shot replied in a colder tone than usual.Hot Shot was frightened , he was frightened that Magnus and the others wouldn't reactivate he was frightened that the Decepticons would find them and bring reinforcements with them,but most of all he was frightened they would be standard here.Waiting on this godforsaken rock while more Autobots sparks were extinguished.As they would sit here doing nothing, that's what he was most frightened of not been able to do anything while he feels they should.

    Soon Ultra Magnus and Wheelie were awake.Magnus and Hot Shot discussed what they would do and attempted to form a plan."Well what about that city its bound to have some use"Hot Shot spoke."I say we get to that radio tower and see if we can bridge communication to Moonbase Two.

    Red Alert awoke and jumped to his feet he let out a blood-curdling scream if the squad could not see Red Alert they would have thought he was in immediate danger.He stood up straight and took in deep breath."Better"?Wing Saber asked."Umm i .... eh ....d d... don't know"replied Red Alert his head now at an angle.

    He walked over to have a look at his new surroundings he put his head in his hands and sat down.He rocked back and forth.He quietly whispered "danger"........."danger" "danger".He whispered it again and again shaking back and forth.

    "Red Alert are you al right"? Hound asked cautiously he knew his Autobot ally was prone to violent and unpredictable outbursts."I can get the others to check you over ya know see if your ok".

    "We aren't dead we were fighting our .....our .....SHIP ARGHHHHH!".He quickly jumped to his feet."It ......crashed there was fire...... and.... an.... alarm and". "We are in danger DANGER!!!!! ..........DANGER!!!!.......DANGER , I must stop emergency He looked at Hound the other Autobots were now alerted.

    After a few minutes Red Alert had calmed down and the Autobots had taken a look at him and had arranged there plan.

    Chapter 2

    The Decepticons flew through the atmosphere Cyclonus took lead flying through the air displaying his aerial abilities."Show off "Thrust whispered to himself.

    Acid Storm,Sunstorm,Thrust and Cyclonus soared through the air downward to the planet bellow.All of a sudden Acid Storm began to drop further down he then spiralled and twisted around in circles."What's the matter Acid Storm cleared all your memory banks to make room for chemistry"? Just then the same happened to Thrust."What's going on I cant move im going down"the coward screamed fearing for his life.

    Within moments Cyclonus and his squad were plummeting toward the unknown planet below.
     
  2. Shatterpoint

    Shatterpoint Neato

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    Seems pretty good so far.

    I wonder where they are...
     
  3. mrdecepticon

    mrdecepticon Decepticon Leader

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    thanks well they aren't too far away right now
     
  4. Raptarrin

    Raptarrin Proud Decepticon

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    Personally, I think this sounds like a great story - especially the green sun part. I would however suggest breaking up your runon sentences, and always start new dialog on a new paragraph.

    For example, this sentence is great, but needs to be at least three different sentences: "The three robots looked from their wrecked ship the sky was black but it wasn't night a green sun burned brightly above the yellow mountains their ship had crashed on a hill down below there was a city complex tall grey metallic buildings overshadowed crumbled and destroyed buildings."

    I would change it to something like: "The three robots looked from their wrecked ship. The sky was black but it wasn't night - a green sun burned brightly above the yellow mountains where their ship had crashed. Downslope, a city complex sprawled over the landscape, tall grey metallic buildings overshadowing crumbled and destroyed buildings."

    Of course this is just an example - you would have to tailor it the right way, but I think the story overall sounds really intriguing; it just needs more punctuation and paragraph breaks.
     
  5. mrdecepticon

    mrdecepticon Decepticon Leader

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    thanks ill see if i can make any changes and i do need to split paragraphs up more thanks for the feedback much appreciated.
     

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