Transformers:Secrets (rewritten)

Discussion in 'Transformers Fan Fiction' started by Ravenxl7, Apr 30, 2010.

  1. Ravenxl7

    Ravenxl7 W.A.F.F.L.E.O.

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    I wasn't exactly happy with how my fan-fiction story was going, so I've decided to rewrite it. I've just completed the first chapter, and will be posting it once I give it a final reading to make sure everything is correct. I hope this rewrite flows better. Here's the intro I've written to the story, which should help set up the time period. Thank you to anyone who reads and comments. The more feedback I get, the better I'll be able to improve the story.

    Transformers: Secrets

    Cybertron, home of the Transformers. War has begun to consume the once majestic planet. The Decepticons, once a small gang of prisoners, is growing to the size of a small army. Sentinel Prime, leader of the Autobots, is straining to keep the citizens from panicking, while attempting to deal with the combative Decepticon forces. Looking for an affective way to squash the rebellion, Prime puts together a group of bots to design, build, and train a special ops team. Meanwhile, Megatron, leader of the Decepticons, has his own plans for Cybertron’s future…
     
  2. Ravenxl7

    Ravenxl7 W.A.F.F.L.E.O.

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    Chapter 1- Birth of a Lie

    Prime’s office, a soldier patiently waits, unsure of his involvement in a top-secret plan against the Decepticon outbreak. Finally, Sentinel Prime walks in and greets him like a son.

    Sentinel Prime- “Orion, I’m pleased to see you got my message. Please, sit down, there’s something important I need you to do.”

    Orion Pax- “Thank you sir. I’m still confused why you’ve requested me to work on this project. I’m just a foot soldier, and there are surely more qualified bots to handle the job.”

    Sentinel Prime- “Does that mean you’re unwilling to continue with the project?”

    Orion Pax- “No sir, I’m just not sure I’m the best bot for the job. It is, after all, very important to the cause.”

    Sentinel Prime- “You’re the most qualified bot for the job, and you have great potential as a leader.”

    Orion Pax- “Thank you sir.”

    Sentinel Prime- “You’re welcome, now, back to the plan at hand. I need you to go down to Skyfire’s lab, pick up the plans he’s been working on, and take them over to the lab we’ve designated as base for this project. The others and I will meet you there later, so we can begin the construction phase of the plan.”

    Orion Pax- “No problem sir.”

    Orion Pax leaves the office and heads off towards Skyfire’s lab. Meanwhile, two brothers argue over the top-secret plans.

    Skyfire- “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times, I don’t need to justify to you why I trust him.”

    Jetfire- “Well, if I was the one designing these top-secret bots, I wouldn’t have let some mysterious bot in on the design process, let alone use them as a starting point for two of the bots.”

    Skyfire- “He’s a fairly basic bot, who’s design is similar to countless other bots. I could have ended up choosing the design as a starting point even without his influence. Besides, what Prime doesn’t know, won’t hurt him”

    Jetfire- “Might not hurt him, but it could hurt the rest of us. Anyway, I’m just glad that when this whole thing goes wrong, I won’t be the one responsible for it.”

    Skyfire- “I’ve looked over the schematics countless times, everything should go according to plan, if not better than expected.”

    Jetfire- “Well at least you got creative with the third bot. Though I still don’t understand why you dug up the designs our grandfather worked on for inspiration. They were deemed a failure after all.”

    Skyfire- “You’re forgetting that the Dinobots weren’t a complete failure. They’re still considered a valuable piece to the cause.”

    Jetfire- “Yeah, you have a somewhat good point there, but they still can’t be controlled. At least you’ve been able to correct the problems for this project.”

    Skyfire- “Yeah, it’s just too bad the issue can’t be fixed once the bot is built. Well, Orion Pax should be on his way to pick up the schematics here soon.”

    Jetfire- “I’m still mystified that Prime put him in charge of overseeing this project.”

    Skyfire- “He’s a good bot. Plus, if Prime had put a higher ranking soldier in charge, and something went wrong, he’d have a harder time keeping everything under wraps.”

    Jetfire- “Good point, a missing foot soldier will be much easier to gloss over than a general.”

    Buzzz…

    Skyfire- “That should be him now.”

    The door opens and Orion Pax enters the lab. Seeing Jetfire, a ranking officer, Orion salutes him.

    Jetfire- “At ease soldier.”

    Orion Pax- “Sentinel Prime has sent me to transport the plans to the secured location.”

    Skyfire- “I’ll have them ready for transport in a cycle or two, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to go with you. I just need to gather some supplies first.”

    Orion Pax- “No problem. I guess you’ll need to be there for the construction phase, since you know the designs better than anyone else.”

    Meanwhile, the Decepticon second in command, Starscream, returns to base to give Megatron some good news.

    Soundwave- “Are you sure he can be trusted, Lord Megatron. He is, after all, one of our newest recruits.”

    Megatron- “It’s a simple enough task that even he should have no problem executing it. Besides, it was lucky we found him when we did. His ties to the Autobot scientist should prove invaluable to our cause.”

    Soundwave- “Yes, Lord Megatron. I don’t doubt your wisdom, just his loyalty.”

    Buzzz…

    Megatron- “That should be him now.”

    Starscream enters the room and heads towards Megatron.

    Megatron- “Starscream, it’s good to see you. Has your little mission gone according to plan?”

    Starsceam- “Yes Lord Megatron, the fool Skyfire has fallen for my suggestions. The new warriors will soon be built.”

    Megatron- “Good, let’s hope you haven’t screwed up yet again. Now, go and alert Shockwave so he can begin his preparations.”

    Starscream- “Yes Lord Megatron.”

    Starscream leaves the room and heads off to alert Shockwave.

    Megatron- “Soundwave, you say you don’t trust his loyalty, neither do I.”

    Soundwave- “Than why make him second in command? Lord Megatron.”

    Megatron- “To ensure I have an eye on him at all times.”

    Meanwhile, Orion Pax and Skyfire arrive at the base of operations.

    Wheeljack- “Skyfire, I was beginning to worry you got lost on the way here. Got the tools I asked for?”

    Skyfire- “Good to see you too, and yeah, got them right here. Oh, and this is Orion Pax. Prime’s put him in charge of overseeing the project.”

    Wheeljack- “So you’re the one Prime’s been talking about. Nice to meet you, I’m Wheeljack, resident experimental scientist. I’ll be one of the builders for this project, along with Skyfire here and Ratchet. Who should be here any cycle with Prime.”

    Orion Pax- “Thank you sir, it’s an honor to meet you. I’ve read your thesis on cybernetic growth. I was astounded to find out you were expelled from the academy for it.”

    Wheeljack- “Thank you. It’s surprising to hear that someone actually read it, let alone enjoyed it.”

    Buzzz…

    Skyfire- “That should be them now.”

    Sentinel Prime and Ratchet enter the lab.

    Orion Pax- “It’s good to see you sir. I’ve brought the schematics here like you told me to.”

    Sentinel Prime- “Thank you Orion. Wheeljack, is everything ready?”

    Wheeljack- “Yes sir. I just want to go over the plans first, to ensure we have all the supplies ready for construction.”

    Sentinel Prime- “Good, better safe than sorry. We’ll begin construction immediately after everything is checked.”

    After ensuring everything was ready to go, Ratchet, Wheeljack, and Skyfire build the three new Autobot warriors. Then, once approved by Sentinel Prime, sparks were introduced to the empty spark chambers of the bots, giving them life.

    Sentinel Prime- “Raven, Thunderbolt, Warpdrive, welcome to Cybertron. My name is Sentinel Prime, your Leader.”

    With project XL7 officially under way, and the creation of three new warriors, a lie has been born, a lie that will change the face of Cybertron, forever.

    To be continued…
     
  3. Ravenxl7

    Ravenxl7 W.A.F.F.L.E.O.

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    Chapter 2- Teamwork

    Orion Pax, Data Log #6, Project XL7, Week 3…
    The new recruits are barely three weeks old, yet they’re already effectively working as a team. Almost as though they’re one entity, rather than three separate bots. The project seems to be working, so far. As young as they are, they’ve already fully developed individual personalities. Well, two of them anyway
    .


    Warpdrive- “Hey boss, look what I can do” *boosts into the air as two insecticons shoot each other in the head*

    Raven- “Don’t get cocky now. Remember what happened last time we attacked an insecticon hive?”

    Warpdrive- “That wasn’t my fault. Thunderbolt knocked into me and shorted out my teleporter.”

    Raven- “Warpdrive, watch your back!”

    Warpdrive- *spins around and nocks over an insecticon* “Thanks boss.”

    Raven- “Don’t thank me, thank the insecticons for being brainless drones. Now go help Thunderbolt, he’s cornered.”

    Warpdrive shoots and bashes some insecticons as he runs towards his brother. Once through the horde of drones he helps him up.

    Thunderbolt- “Thanks, but where’s Raven?”

    Warpdrive- “He’s back there still attempting to get to the mother drone.”

    Thunderbolt- “Isn’t he getting swarmed out there?”

    Warpdrive- “You know him. A swarm of insecticons isn’t going to be a problem for someone his size.”

    Thunderbolt- “We should still get back out there. Let’s try that back to back move again.”

    Warpdrive- “Ok, but don’t blame me if you can’t keep up.”

    The two brothers put their backs together, lock arms with each other, and fly out of their cover. Taking the insecticon forces by surprise, the two start blasting as they spin mid-air.

    Thunderbolt and Warpdrive, who share the same skeletal frame, act like twins. Even though they lack the spark connection twins like Sideswipe and Sunstreaker share. Thunderbolt can be unsure of himself at times, but still manages to put up a good fight at times. On the other hand Warpdrive is arrogant at times, but can get out of most sticky situations his mouth puts him in.

    Effectively taking out several enemy drones, the brothers decide to land and see where their leader has gone.

    Thunderbolt- *leaning against some rubble* “Why do you go so fast, you know I get motion sickness.”

    Warpdrive- “I warned you. Besides it worked. Not an insecticon in sight.”

    Thunderbolt- *regaining his balance* “This time it did. Let’s go help Raven out.”

    The two brothers head towards their leader’s position, occasionally taking out any remaining insecticon forces.

    Raven- “Finally, I’ve been waiting for you two. I’ve got these turrets back online. I need you two to take out the guards, and to cover me as I make my way to the queen.”

    Raven is a bit of a mystery to me. He’s clearly a great leader and a great medic, but there’s not much else to him. I’ve noticed similarities to two other bots from Cybertron’s history, and it worries me.

    Warpdrive- “You sure you don’t want us to come with you?”

    Raven- “Of course I’m sure. Those guards won’t be easy to take out. The turrets are the most efficient way. Once I’m past that wall you two should be clear to come on in. Just don’t expect any more of them to be left alive.”

    Thunderbolt- “Boss, you sure you’ll be able to take care of the queen and her guard on your own?”

    Raven- “The insecticons aren’t smart. The guard assigned to the queen is never the most powerful of their forces. Those are the guards outside the hive itself, and are the one’s I need you two to take care of using these turrets.”

    Thunderbolt- “No problem boss.”

    Raven- “Ok, once I’m in position, I want you to start the assault on the guards. Once they are down start taking out as many of the rest as you can. I’ll take care of the one’s I can while running.”

    Thunderbolt and Warpdrive man their turrets as Raven gets into position, and the battle ensues.

    Warpdrive- “Hey Thunderbolt! Is it just me, or does Raven play that awful music every single time he goes solo?”

    Thunderbolt- “Seems like it, and Primus only knows why! Boss just loves his polka I guess!”

    Skyfire assures me that he’s worked the bugs out of his grandfather’s schematics, and as he’s the brain behind these designs, I should be comforted by his words. However with him out in space on a fact-finding mission, we no longer have him around to keep check on everything.

    As Raven makes his way towards the insecticon hive, his teammates take out the guards and all the remaining insecticon drones they can. Once past the wall and in the hive, Raven turns off his speakers, preferring to sneak up on the queen.

    Raven- “Hmm…something seems…different than usual. These tunnels are more advanced than they should be for an insecticon hive. However the pattern seems to remain the same.”

    Quietly traveling through the catacombs of the insecticon hive, Raven silently takes out several drones at a distance.

    Raven- “This should be it here around this next corner, the royal chamber.”

    Reaching the corner Raven pauses, takes a deep breath, and charges into the chamber guns blazing, only to stop dead in his tracks. Something’s wrong…

    For now the project seems to be working, but I’m not sure how much longer things will stay this way. As much as I hate to question him, Prime seems to be overly adamant at keeping these bots a secret. Not only would their presence increase moral, but I believe their seclusion from all but those working on the project is hindering their development. A chance to socialize with civilians would make for a nice break from their strict, and at times brutal, training.

    Where there should have been the insecticon queen and her guard, was a Decepticon command station. A bot was clearly in the chair, but facing the screens on the wall rather than the entrance. Confused by what he is seeing, Raven falters before taking action.

    Raven- *pointing his gun at the chair ahead of him* “Who…who are you? And what’s going on?”

    Decepticon- *responding in a calm, cold voice* “My identity and business here don’t matter, to you anyway. What does matter is why you and your team were trying so energetically to enter this facility.”

    Raven- *getting nervous* “Answer me. Who are you, and what are you doing here? This is an insecticon hive, not a Decepticon house of horrors.”

    Decepticon- “You are partly correct, this is still a home to the insecticons, but they’ve now allied themselves with Lord Megatron and his followers. You would be wise to do the same.”

    Raven- *gaining some confidence* “The Decepticon cause is not worthy of support, and Megatron is nothing but a murderous fool.”

    Decepticon- “My master might be murderous, but he is NOT a fool. Your Autobot brethren are the fools. Lord Megatron will rise up and bring Cybertron back to it’s glory days.”

    Wheeljack- *through a speaker system* “Simulation override, end insecticon scenario 389.”

    Gradually everything around the three bots disappears, revealing they’re actually in a large training simulator.

    Raven- “Something go wrong Wheeljack? Everything seemed right from this end. Well, other than the fact that was the first time you’ve put us through this scenario.”

    Wheeljack- *through a speaker system* “Sorry about that Raven, he started monologging. Looks like I’m going to have to re-re-program this guy again.”

    Warpdrive and Thunderbolt head over to their leader, curious about how things went.

    Warpdrive- “Hey boss, how’d it go? Kinda odd for it to end before we could get to you.”

    Wheeljack- *through a speaker system* “Prime wanted to see how you’d fare against a Decepticon general if you didn’t expect them to be there. Might have to try out Soundwave next time. Shockwave is still glitchy. Keeps going into a rant for some reason. I’ll get the doors open here in a sec so you guys can come out here and review the data logs with Prime.”

    I and the others involved in this project will just have to trust that Prime knows what he’s doing, and that this will have the affect he’s hoping for on the Decepticon outbreak.

    End data log.
     
  4. Ezilla82

    Ezilla82 Expect the Unexpected.

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    Chapter 2 so far is actually pretty cool.
     
  5. Ravenxl7

    Ravenxl7 W.A.F.F.L.E.O.

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    Thanks. Page wise, in word, it's actually almost exactly as long as the first chapter, which surprised me as I wasn't expecting it to be as long. I've been trying to work in more action than I have previously, but without compromising the story. Which will hopefully bring in more comments and feedback. With just over 150 views, there's bound to be some of them with an opinion, lol.
     
  6. Ezilla82

    Ezilla82 Expect the Unexpected.

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    Your welcome. Hopefully someone does comment on this.
     
  7. G60Force

    G60Force World Smallest Mini-Con

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    I'm not into story "reading" :D  BUT NICE JOB!
     
  8. Ravenxl7

    Ravenxl7 W.A.F.F.L.E.O.

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    Thanks. With this rewrite I've been attempting to condense it down a bit, and throw in some more action. Still having difficulty cutting down the next chapter. There's enough there for a good loooong chapter, but not really enough great stuff to split it into two chapters.
     

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