Transformers: Secret of the nemesis

Discussion in 'Transformers Fan Fiction' started by Jazzmatic Prime, Jul 12, 2011.

  1. Jazzmatic Prime

    Jazzmatic Prime Background Bot

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    Hi everyone, if you remember, i did a fan fic movie script for the third film after ROTF came out, i called it Transformers: More Then Meets The Eye. yeah...it was lack luster, but I've learned a lot since then and i'm working on a 4th movie fan fic script called Transformers: Secret Of The Nemesis. Its still a work in progress, but i'll post parts of it when i can. For now here's some of the new bots you'll see in my version of the 4th film...

    AUTOBOTS:
    Hot Rod / James Arnold Taylor: [​IMG]
    Firestar / Tara Strong: [​IMG]
    Hound / Jefrey Combs: [​IMG]
    Prowl / David Kaye: [​IMG]
    Auto-Trooper: [​IMG]

    Thats it for now, next time i'll show you some of my Decepticon ideas and post part one of my fan fic script.
     
  2. Jazzmatic Prime

    Jazzmatic Prime Background Bot

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    okay, Decepticon time. here's the main decepticons you'll hear about in my script.

    Skywarp / Clancy Brown: [​IMG]

    SlipStream / Gina Torres: [​IMG]

    Dead End / Joe Pesci: [​IMG]

    Breakdown / David Kaye: [​IMG]

    There are other cons like Makeshift from TF Prime. like in TF Prime, he can take the form of any character, form vehicle mode to robot mode. you only see is true robot mode. he's kid of like X-men's Mysique. later today i'll post the first part of the film.
     
  3. Jazzmatic Prime

    Jazzmatic Prime Background Bot

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    Okay, here's part one of Transformers: Secret Of The Nemesis.

    TRANSFORMERS
    SECRET OF THE NEMESIS


    Optimus Prime: “Power...it can be accepted...or feared. It can used to build...or destroy. It can be used for good...or...for evil. In our race’s history, we’ve had many objects that held great power. The Allspark, the Matrix Of Leadership...but one artifact not only could bring life...but could also destroy it.” The film starts with a shot of a Decepticon war ship, (The Nemesis), slowly drifting towards Earth. Optimus Prime: “The Nemesis...a Decepticon war ship that struck fear into any Autobot who was unfortunate enough to fall into its path. It contained an artifact called the Key To Vector Sigma, a device so powerful that it could turn organic life into machine.” A meteor strikes the Nemesis, striking it in two. One pice falls to one of Mars’ surface, the other half falls to earth. Optimus Prime: “One day the Nemesis vanished...and the Key was lost forever...or...so we thought...”

    The film then shows New York City, where out on the bay another city sits in the water with a bridge stretching out to the main land. Optimus Prime: “Since the defeat of Megatron and the Decepticons, Human kind has finally excepted our race into their world. So with the permission of the U.S. government, we’ve built a Metropolis off the shore of Manhattan, a city resembling Cybertron’s capital, a place we can call home. We call it...Autobot City.” A close up of the cities interior shows Autobot civilians living in peace. The film then shows a huge building in the middle of the city with an Autobot Insignia on it. Optimus Prime: “The Decagon, a place that represents freedom to all beings and honors those who have fallen trying to protect that right.” inside the Decagon are memorials to Jazz, Arcee, Jetfire, Ironhide, Que, and other Autobots who died in the first three films.

    Bumblebee, Sam and Carly pull up to the gate where a security guard authorizes entry to the city. when they get inside, they get out and Bumblebee transforms as Optimus walks over to them. Sam and Carly walk over to Prime holding a you boy by his hands. Sam: “Its been a while Optimus.” Optimus Prime: “It’s good to see you again Sam, Carly, and this must be Daniel. Daniel: “Hi.” Simmons walks over to them. Simmons: “Hey kid, long time no see.” Carly: “Mr. Simmons!? What are you doing here?” Simmons: “Didn’t you hear? (Looks at Optimus), Go ahead big guy, tell them.” Optimus Prime: “Simmons is now our ambassador in the UN. He frequently visits Autobot City to inform us about Decepticon activity around the world.” Sam: “What, the Decepticon’s are back?” Simmons: “Yes they have been sighted in countries around the world, causing trouble for the locals, but they have yet to have a motive. My guess is without old NBE One in charge they’re reduced to petering humans.” Optimus Prime: “Be that as it may, Megatron had many commanders in his armies. even thought his top three perished in the battle in Chicago. There are others.” Bumblebee: “RELAX...TAKE IT EASY...IF THE CONS COMA KNOCKN’...THEY WON’T STND A CHANCE!” Simmons: “Well enough Deception talk...Hows about a tour of the Decagon, Huh? Come on. I Won’t take no for an answer!” Sam, Carly, Daniel, Simmons, Prime and Bumblebee walk off as the film zooms in on a oil bar called Maccadems Old Oil House.

    Inside the Wreckers, Leadfoot, Roadbuster, Topspin and their Cybertronian dog Steeljaw, are telling tales of their battles on earth to other Autobots. The Tale of their battle in Chicago in particular. Leadfoot: “Then the Con Ships started firing on Optimus. We took out as many as we could, but we were still out numbered.” Roadbuster: “Then all of a sudden, these human missiles came out of no where and blasted most of them, right out of the sky!” Topspin: “Not bad for human weapons, ay!” Skids: “Come on Wreckers, get to the good part!” Mudflap: “Yeah man, get to the part where Optimus fights Megaton with one arm!” Leadfoot: “Hold on to your tail pipes you twits! I was getting to that! Anyway, Megatron and Prime duke it out in a one sided fight.” Roadbuster: Then Optimus takes his axe and slams it into Megatron’s head. Then with one arm...” Topspin: “Yeah his only arm!” Leadfoot: “He Rips off Megatron’s head, and spine with it. And thus ended the might rein of Megatron and his Con scum!” An off duty Auto-Trooper grips his cup. Auto-Trooper: “So what happened to his head? Did the humans try that deeps sea thing again?” Topspin: “No one knows, but word is that his head is somewhere in the lowest level of the Decagon, guarded by the Autobot Elite Guard, 24/7.” The Auto-Trooper gets up. Auto-Trooper: “Thanks for the story, it was...informative.” He then leaves the bar and without anyone noticing, ducks down an alleyway. The Auto-Trooper then shape shifts into a dark armored Decepticon, (Makeshift), and reports his findings to his commander, (Slipstream). Makeshift: “Mistress Slipstream, I have a lead on our masters whereabouts.”

    Meanwhile on a Decepticon station near pluto, Slipstream informs her mate Skywarp of Makeshift’s progress. Slipstream: “Oh Skywarp my darling, Makeshift says he’s got another lead on Megatron. According to his sources, they keep our lords head in the middle of Autobot City deep under the Decagon.” Skywarp: “Tell him to take it.” Slipstream: What if its another dead end?” Dead End: “Hey! Did someone call for Dead End!” Dead End and his Partner, Breakdown, enter the room. Skywarp: “Hah, you finally arrived! Go tell Oilslick to begin preparations for our lord and master’s grand return. i’m sure he’ll be excited.” Slipstream: “What make’s you so sure that the Autobot’s are keeping it there?” Skywarp: Prime isn’t stupid to simply toss away someone so deadly as Megatron, unlike those pathetic humans. Besides, you know what they say. Keep your allies close and your enemies...closer.” Slipstream: “You make a good point, I guess thats why I love you so much darling.” Dead End and Breakdown start to walk away. Dead End: “Sheesh, get a room! Come on Breakdown old buddy, there’s something I wan’t to check up on before we see the doc bot.”

    Meanwhile inside a Decepticon, training room, a bunch of Con’s are ganging up on two other cons, Firestar and Hot Rod. Hot Rod: “Easy boy’s, there’s a lady present.” Firestar: “I don’t think they care, Hot Rod.” Hot Rod: Well, it looks like we’re going to do this the old fashioned way!” Hot Rod pulls out his sword and begins to defend himself against the Cons. He Start’s slice off limbs and crushing body parts. Firestar pulls out her pistols and fires at the Con’s joints. Not killing them but weakening them. Dead End and Breakdown walk into the room as the last Con hits the ground. Dead End begins to clap. Dead End: “Good job Hot Head, now there’s even less Decepticons then there were before.” Hot Rod: “Don’t worry, they’ll live. I’m sure Oilslick can repair them.” Dead End: Didn’t you hear? Makeshift found where Megatron is, the Doc Bot is going to be too busy fixing him!” Firestar: “Lets hope its for real this time.” Dead End: “Oh its real hot stuff.” Firestar: “Who you calling hot stuff? Rear End!” Dead End: IT’S DEAD END! DEAD END!!! I knew those Idiots couldn’t get the job done! THATS IT! Breakdown, teach this little bitch a lesson!” Breakdown: “Breakdown-crush-tiny-Decepticon!” Hot Rod: “Hey look Breakdown! Something shiny!” Breakdown: “Where!?” Hot Rod and Firestar run away while Breakdown is distracted. Dead End: “YEAH THAT’S RIGHT, RUN AWAY! Someday i’ll get that Hot Head and his little sister too.” Dead End turns around to Breakdown, who is still distracted. Breakdown: “Where shiny thing?” Dead End face palms his head, Dead End: “Idiot!”
     
  4. Jazzmatic Prime

    Jazzmatic Prime Background Bot

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    wow...not one comment...is it that bad? i haven't even started and all i get is 60 views and no comment. i do plan on posting more parts to my version on a DOTM sequel, but not if no one wants me to.

    i'm telling you this is going to feel like a real movie and not end up as a generic fan fic like my last one!

    PLEASE COMMENT!!!
     
  5. knyghtmare2021

    knyghtmare2021 The Goddamn Knyghtmare

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    Premise sounds good, and Optimus' opening narration seems spot on. The decepticon dialog definately needs some work.

    You might also want to think about putting each characters lines in a line by it self. Example:

    Breakdown: Blah

    Dead End: Blee?

    Breakdown: Indeed.

    Much easier to read that way.
     
  6. Jazzmatic Prime

    Jazzmatic Prime Background Bot

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    Thanks for the info look for a repost with new content in this thread sometime tomorrow.
     
  7. Jazzmatic Prime

    Jazzmatic Prime Background Bot

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    okay, i've redid the first part so it's easier to read and added a new part to is as well. enjoy and please comment...

    TRANSFORMERS
    SECRET OF THE NEMESIS


    Optimus Prime: “Power...it can be accepted...or feared. It can used to build...or destroy. It can be used for good...or...for evil. In our race’s history, we’ve had many objects that held great power. The Allspark, the Matrix Of Leadership...but one artifact not only could bring life...but could also destroy it.”

    The film starts with a shot of a Decepticon war ship, (The Nemesis), slowly drifting towards Earth.

    Optimus Prime: “The Nemesis...a Decepticon war ship that struck fear into any Autobot who was unfortunate enough to fall into its path. It contained an artifact called the Key To Vector Sigma, a device so powerful that it could turn organic life into machine.”

    A meteor strikes the Nemesis, striking it in two. One pice falls to one of Mars’ surface, the other half falls to earth.

    Optimus Prime: “One day the Nemesis vanished...and the Key was lost forever...or...so we thought...”

    The film then shows New York City, where out on the bay another city sits in the water with a bridge stretching out to the main land.

    Optimus Prime: “Since the defeat of Megatron and the Decepticons, Human kind has finally excepted our race into their world. So with the permission of the U.S. government, we’ve built a Metropolis off the shore of Manhattan, a city resembling Cybertron’s capital, a place we can call home. We call it...Autobot City.”

    A close up of the cities interior shows Autobot civilians living in peace. The film then shows a huge building in the middle of the city with an Autobot Insignia on it.

    Optimus Prime: “The Decagon, a place that represents freedom to all beings and honors those who have fallen trying to protect that right.”

    Inside the Decagon are memorials to Jazz, Arcee, Jetfire, Ironhide, Que, and other Autobots who died in the first three films.

    Bumblebee, Sam and Carly pull up to the gate where a security guard authorizes entry to the city. when they get inside, they get out and Bumblebee transforms as Optimus walks over to them. Sam and Carly walk over to Prime holding a young boy by his hands.

    Sam: “Its been a while Optimus.”

    Optimus Prime: “It’s good to see you again Sam, Carly, and this must be Daniel.

    Daniel: “Hi.”

    Simmons walks over to them.

    Simmons: “Hey kid, long time no see.”

    Carly: “Mr. Simmons!? What are you doing here?”

    Simmons: “Didn’t you hear? (Looks at Optimus), Go ahead big guy, tell them.”

    Optimus Prime: “Simmons is now our ambassador in the UN. He frequently visits Autobot City to inform us about Decepticon activity around the world.”

    Sam: “What, the Decepticon’s are back?”

    Simmons: “Yes they have been sighted in countries around the world, causing trouble for the locals, but they have yet to have a motive. My guess is without old NBE One in charge they’re reduced to petering humans.”

    Optimus Prime: “Be that as it may, Megatron had many commanders in his armies. even thought his top three perished in the battle in Chicago. There are others.”

    Bumblebee: “RELAX...TAKE IT EASY...IF THE CONS COMA KNOCKN’...THEY WON’T STND A CHANCE!”

    Simmons: “Well enough Deception talk...Hows about a tour of the Decagon, Huh? Come on. I Won’t take no for an answer!”

    Sam, Carly, Daniel, Simmons, Prime and Bumblebee walk off as the film zooms in on a oil bar called Maccadems Old Oil House.

    Inside the Wreckers, Leadfoot, Roadbuster, Topspin and their Cybertronian dog Steeljaw, are telling tales of their battles on earth to other Autobots. The Tale of their battle in Chicago in particular.

    Leadfoot: “Then the Con Ships started firing on Optimus. We took out as many as we could, but we were still out numbered.”

    Roadbuster: “Then all of a sudden, these human missiles came out of no where and blasted most of them, right out of the sky!”

    Topspin: “Not bad for human weapons, ay!”

    Skids: “Come on Wreckers, get to the good part!”

    Mudflap: “Yeah man, get to the part where Optimus fights Megaton with one arm!”

    Leadfoot: “Hold on to your tail pipes you twits! I was getting to that! Anyway, Megatron and Prime duke it out in a one sided fight.”

    Roadbuster: “Then Optimus takes his axe and slams it into Megatron’s head. Then with one arm...”

    Topspin: “Yeah his only arm!”

    Leadfoot: “He Rips off Megatron’s head, and spine with it. And thus ended the might rein of Megatron and his Con scum!”

    An off duty Auto-Trooper grips his cup.

    Auto-Trooper: “So what happened to his head? Did the humans try that deeps sea thing again?”

    Topspin: “No one knows, but word is that his head is somewhere in the lowest level of the Decagon, guarded by the Autobot Elite Guard, 24/7.”

    The Auto-Trooper gets up.

    Auto-Trooper: “Thanks for the story, it was...informative.”

    He then leaves the bar and without anyone noticing, ducks down an alleyway. The Auto-Trooper then shape shifts into a dark armored Decepticon, (Makeshift), and reports his findings to his commander, (Slipstream).

    Makeshift: “Mistress Slipstream, I have a lead on our masters whereabouts.”

    Meanwhile on a Decepticon station near pluto, Slipstream informs her mate Skywarp of Makeshift’s progress.

    Slipstream: “Oh Skywarp my darling, Makeshift says he’s got another lead on Megatron. According to his sources, they keep our lords head in the middle of Autobot City deep under the Decagon.”

    Skywarp: “Tell him to take it.”

    Slipstream: “What if its another dead end?”

    Dead End: “Hey! Did someone call for Dead End!”

    Dead End and his Partner, Breakdown, enter the room.

    Skywarp: “Hah, you finally arrived! Go tell Oilslick to begin preparations for our lord and master’s grand return. i’m sure he’ll be excited.”

    Slipstream: “What make’s you so sure that the Autobot’s are keeping it there?”

    Skywarp: Prime isn’t stupid to simply toss away someone so deadly as Megatron, unlike those pathetic humans. Besides, you know what they say. Keep your allies close and your enemies...closer.”

    Slipstream: “You make a good point, I guess thats why I love you so much darling.”

    Dead End and Breakdown start to walk away.

    Dead End: “Sheesh, get a room! Come on Breakdown old buddy, there’s something I wan’t to check up on before we see the doc bot.”

    Meanwhile inside a Decepticon, training room, a bunch of Con’s are ganging up on two other cons, Firestar and Hot Rod.

    Hot Rod: “Easy boy’s, there’s a lady present.”

    Firestar: “I don’t think they care, Hot Rod.”

    Hot Rod: Well, it looks like we’re going to do this the old fashioned way!”

    Hot Rod pulls out his sword and begins to defend himself against the Cons. He Start’s slice off limbs and crushing body parts. Firestar pulls out her pistols and fires at the Con’s joints. Not killing them but weakening them. Dead End and Breakdown walk into the room as the last Con hits the ground. Dead End begins to clap.

    Dead End: “Good job Hot Head, now there’s even less Decepticons then there were before.”

    Hot Rod: “Don’t worry, they’ll live. I’m sure Oilslick can repair them.”

    Dead End: Didn’t you hear? Makeshift found where Megatron is, the Doc Bot is going to be too busy fixing him!”

    Firestar: “Lets hope its for real this time.”

    Dead End: “Oh its real hot stuff.”

    Firestar: “Who you calling hot stuff? Rear End!”

    Dead End: IT’S DEAD END! DEAD END!!! I knew those Idiots couldn’t get the job done! THATS IT! Breakdown, teach this little bitch a lesson!”

    Breakdown: “Breakdown-crush-tiny-Decepticon!”

    Hot Rod: “Hey look Breakdown! Something shiny!”

    Breakdown: “Where!?”

    Hot Rod and Firestar run away while Breakdown is distracted.

    Dead End: “YEAH THAT’S RIGHT, RUN AWAY! Someday i’ll get that Hot Head and his little sister too.”

    Dead End turns around to Breakdown, who is still distracted. Breakdown: “Where shiny thing?” Dead End face palms his head,

    Dead End: “Idiot!”

    Back on earth, Makeshift, (Disguised as an Auto-Trooper again), makes his way inside the Decagon. he is able to flawlessly sneak passed everyone except the Elite Guard, who refuse to let him pass into the vault.

    Elite Guard #1: “Sorry, classified bots and personnel only.”

    Makeshift: “Understood.”

    Makeshift walks away, but ducks down a corner as the Elite Guard shift changes. the two off duty guards walk away.

    Elite Guard #2: “Can you believe that Auto-Trooper?”

    Elite Guard #1: “Must be fresh of the assembly line.”

    As the guards walk passed Makeshift, he sees his opportunity to get in, he shape-shift’s into one bot he knows has clearance to all, Optimus. after he transforms he walks over to the new guards. The guards let him pass into the vault, and he starts his search for Megatron’s head. Meanwhile Sam and Carly’s tour continues as they meet up with Lennox, in the main computer room.

    Lennox: “Hey Sam, Carly, getting the grand tour?”

    Carly: “Wow, this place is huge!”

    Sam: “Yeah, a lot bigger then the old N.E.S.T. hanger.”

    Simmons: “And this is the main computer room.”

    Ratchet walks over to Sam and others, as another bot, (Mainframe), works on the computer.

    Ratchet: “Its good to see you again Sam, Carly.

    Sam: “Daniel, this is Ratchet, he’s the doctor robot.”

    Meanwhile down in the vault, Makeshift pretty much has taken the vault apart, and still no head.

    Makeshift: “If this is another Dead End, Skywarp will...”

    Dead End radio’s in.

    Dead End: “Hey! Did, you find our lords head yet? cause Skywarp will...”

    Makeshift: “Dead End you fool, don’t contact me while i’m in the Decagon! They has sensors everywhere!”

    Makeshift suddenly spots a locked tube like device, the only thing he hasn’t searched. Meanwhile back in the control room, Mainframe intercepts Dead End’s radio signal.

    Mainframe: “Sir, unknown transmission intercepted in the vault, matches Decepticon radio signal.”

    Ratchet: “Mainframe, put the visual on screen!”

    The screen shows Makeshift in Optimus‘ disguise trying to grab the tube like device.

    Lennox: “Prime, it’s...you!?”

    Optimus Prime: “Inform the Elite Guard and Prowl, have no one leave the city! not a single bot or human is allowed to step foot in or out!”

    Prime starts to walk away.

    Bumblebee: “Where-U-going?”

    Optimus Prime: “I’m going to get in touch with myself!”

    As the Elite Guard enters the vault, Makeshift is no where to be seen. the two guards walk deeper into the vault, Makeshift then attacks them from above. He uses his dagger to slice the one guard’s throat and uses his blaster to shoot the other guard in the face, through the head, killing them both. he then make a break for it taking disguise of an Auto-Trooper again.

    Makeshift: “Commander Slipstream, i’ve got it. I need cover fire to make my escape!”

    Cyclonus, Disguised as a Apache Attack Helicopter, approaches the city and begins to fire on the civilian autobots as well as anything that moves. When Makeshift gets outside the Decagon. He sees Cyclonus and transforms into his Auto-Trooper vehicle mode and races off. Prowl sees this and pursues him, But Cyclonus swoops down and transforms, throwing Prowl into a wall. Prowl transforms and starts duking it out with Cyclonus. he calls to his Auto-Troopers.

    Prowl: “Don’t let that fake Trooper get way!” the Auto-Troopers try to follow,but its already too late as Makeshift makes it over the bridge and shape shifts again into another car, getting away.

    Cyclonus: My work here is done! ALL HAIL MEGATRON!!! HAH, HAH, HA!!!”

    Cyclonus transforms and flies way. Back in the vault Optimus and Ratchet see what has happened.

    Ratchet: “What was that thing he was carrying?”

    Optimus Prime: “Someone I thought was out of our lives forever...”
     
  8. knyghtmare2021

    knyghtmare2021 The Goddamn Knyghtmare

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    Much better. It flows so much better than it did before. Dialog could use some polish still, but nice solid effort. One question: did you mean to have Dead End speak like an lolcat? "Hey! Did, you find our lord head yet?"

    Optimus line: "I'm going to get in touch with myself," sounds PERFECT.
     
  9. Jazzmatic Prime

    Jazzmatic Prime Background Bot

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    there, fixed it.
     

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