Hello. I’m so new here, I made an account just to post this. My friends and I have been into Transformers for a very long time. We enjoy the mythology, the universe, and the characters. And so the Michael Bay movies were a series of gut-punches to us. Today, fueled by boredom, I thought “What the hell, I could write a better Transformers story than the movies presented.” And so over the span of ten hours, interrupted repeatedly by customers at the park gatehouse where I work, I wrote a screenplay for one. Well, not an entire one. Just the opening act of one episode in the kind of Transformers series I would enjoy watching. I showed it to my friends, and they were impressed enough that they asked me to share it with the rest of the Internet. So, here it is. I titled it “Transformers: I Could Do It Better Than Michael Bay,” but if I were of a mind to not be a smart-alec about it, I would call it “Transformers: Primus.” Bear in mind, it lost a bit of the script formatting in the copy/paste. --- FADE IN: EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS - DAY The Canadian Rockies stretch to the horizon, still and stunning. An eagle passes through our view, flaps once or twice, and suddenly DIVES to avoid an F-35 LIGHTNING II fighter jet SCREAMING past. The jet has no pilot. Regardless, a stern yet haughty voice speaks up: that of STARSCREAM, Air Commander. STARSCREAM (V.O.) Starscream to Ark Prime. I’m on approach vector. A gruff, hardworking voice answers over the comm after a requisite BEEP. The speaker is RHINOX, who we’ll meet shortly. RHINOX (V.O.) Keep a holding pattern, Sentinel’s still buggy after the quake. STARSCREAM (V.O.) What?! Is the deception field-- A huge, old, partially rusted sign stands at the end of a mountain path. We only see its featureless back. Starscream passes above it. RHINOX (V.O.) --Don’t worry, we can’t be spotted. But the auto-guns might not register you as friendly. The sign reads, in very serious letters above a stick-man running from a rockslide: “UNSAFE GEOLOGY HAZARD! SEVERE RISK OF LIFE!” Below the unlucky stickman is the same message written in French. STARSCREAM (V.O.) I am at no risk, Rhinox. You forget to whom you are speaking. Starscream flies along, still without a pilot. RHINOX (V.O.) Just don’t blow them up again. The humans almost heard it the last time. STARSCREAM (V.O.) Bah. Starscream accelerates, heading straight for a random mountain. We follow him closely on a collision course. STARSCREAM (V.O.) (CONT’D) Entering perimeter. RHINOX (V.O.) Good luck. EXT. ARK PRIME – DAY Before our eyes, Starscream crosses an invisible boundary into a decidedly non-mountainous air space. He passes tall, thin mechanical towers maintaining the illusion around: ARK PRIME, a very large, windowless, visibly undamaged spacecraft, sitting comfortably in an even larger stone platform that is a decapitated mountain. AUTO-GUNS lining the top and sides of the craft lift and rotate in the same direction. Starscream heads right for them. STARSCREAM (V.O.) (CONT’D) Sentinel, stand down! The guns OPEN FIRE, shooting streams of blue energy bullets skyward. Starscream does a barrel roll and evades the heat. STARSCREAM (V.O.) (CONT’D) Confound that system! The energy bullets keep going -- And SPLASH harmlessly against the inside of an invisible dome in the sky. EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS – DAY Dozens of tiny blue lights flare over a totally nondescript mountain. EXT. ARK PRIME BASE – DAY Starscream performs dazzling aerial acrobatics to avoid the bullets while heading for the spacecraft. Despite his efforts, a pair of shots HIT him on the underside of a wing, leaving scorch marks. STARSCREAM (V.O.) (CONT’D) D’aaah, the Pit with it! Starscream TRANSFORMS in midair and plummets with his momentum. His robot mode is lithe and thin, armed most obviously with a left-arm cannon made of his jet thruster, which he FIRES at us -- Striking an auto-gun with a parts-spraying EXPLOSION. He drops into the smoke and LEAPS off the side of the ship -- Falling and FIRING twice more, left and right, at two more auto-guns -- Which EXPLODE in turn. He TRANSFORMS to jet mode and his fans BLOW downward fast enough to catch his fall. His thruster IGNITES and he SHOOTS into a wide-open side-bay door, auto-guns firing at his wake. INT. ARK PRIME – LAUNCH BAY – DAY Starscream flies in, TRANSFORMS again and lands on his feet in a SKIDDING crouch. He comes to a stop and SNORTS. STARSCREAM (V.O.) Rhinox! HALLWAY Starscream storms down an all-metal hall, lit by a glowing white line in the ceiling. REMEDY, a shorter, round-edged female Cybertronian with an apparent ground-vehicle mode, walks into view from an adjoining hall and stops to salute him. REMEDY Oh. Welcome back, Air Commander. Starscream SHOVES past her without breaking stride. Remedy glares at him. STARSCREAM One side, Remedy! And get the paint ready again! BRIDGE RHINOX, a bulky brown and green Cybertronian with layered armor textured like leather, works a control console. A door HISSES open behind him and he flinches from sudden volume. STARSCREAM (O.S.) (CONT’D) Rhinox! RHINOX Oh Primus, here we go…. Starscream storms across the bridge as two huge double-blast-doors slide shut. STARSCREAM What good is a defense grid if I must defend myself against it?! The hexagon-shaped room features twelve control seats, two to a side, with a round central “comm table” at which Rhinox sits. A hologram above the table displays the whole base, with three auto-gun towers highlighted red. RHINOX Sorry, but seismic disturbance is a pain. It agitates the energon conversion core, and when that happens, the whole ship hiccups. STARSCREAM Then get engineering to fix it! Rhinox thumbs at himself. RHINOX I am engineering now. Orion began his observation shift yesterday and Wheeljack still has twenty years on his. STARSCREAM (grumbling) Skeleton crew. Yet another foolish policy of our aging Prime. I trust he’s not in another reverie? SENTINEL PRIME (O.S.) Not anymore. SENTINEL PRIME, big and broad-shouldered yet fading in his paint, enters the bridge at an elderly yet upright pace. He sounds old and hard, but his expression is perpetually tired. SENTINEL PRIME (CONT’D) Who could commune with our lord with your bellowing resounding in the halls? STARSCREAM Hah. Still spry enough to rise so quickly, Great Sentinel Prime? Sentinel gives a deep, ancient SIGH like wind in a cave. SENTINEL PRIME Still. Come, Starscream. Tell me what transpires in the world. Starscream makes a shooing motion at Rhinox. Rhinox rises from his seat, leaving Starscream to take it and remove a black rectangular box from a compartment in his arm. STARSCREAM As you wish, O Prime. I bring much news indeed. RHINOX And how much of it was from Soundwave? STARSCREAM Be silent, beast. Starscream inserts the black box into a slot in the controls. The hologram above the table blinks out, replaced by a loading image of two moons circling Cybertron. EXT. NEW YORK CITY – DAY New York is as we’ve always known it: busy, crowded, and loud. Famous landmarks are unchanged, but the rebuilt World Trade Center is complete. HOMELESS MEN gather on the street. Starscream narrates throughout. STARSCREAM (V.O.) (CONT’D) Human civilization remains stable, if strained. The more fortunate nations continue to enjoy technological prosperity, albeit without uniformity. HOMELESS MAN (to himself) Bugger it. I told ‘em…. EXT. TOKYO – NIGHT Tokyo bustles at night under urban electric glow. STARSCREAM (V.O.) (CONT’D) The state of that technology, however, has advanced greatly. INT. AUDITORIUM – NIGHT Hundreds of HUMANS are packed into an indoor auditorium. A massive screen behind a stage shows a logo reading “OVER-ARCH TECHNOLOGY” as a human SCIENTIST leads a short, Asimo-like robot onto the stage. The crowd APPLAUDS. STARSCREAM (V.O.) (CONT’D) After countless attempts, humans are finally at the precipice of creating artificial life as adept as they are. The scientist backs away and nods to the little robot. The little robot takes off running -- Does two forward flips before launching into an airborne somersault -- And LANDING HARD on its face. The crowd erupts with LAUGHTER and flashing cameras. The scientist looks mortified. The robot’s arms move jerkily. STARSCREAM (V.O.) (CONT’D) Flaws and all. EXT. AUSTRALIA ARRAY – DAY A titanic collection of solar arrays stand in the Australian outback. Millions of mirrors focus light on dozens of central towers. STARSCREAM (V.O.) (CONT’D) Not only that, but their ingenuity has finally begun to solve their global energy crisis. Seen from further above, the array of arrays glitters brightly in the sun. STARSCREAM (V.O.) (CONT’D) The total output of this solar array amounts to nearly one whole energon cube. And humans have built dozens like it! EXT. PLAINS TURBINES – DAY Somewhere in the world where plains stretch from horizon to horizon, thousands of wind turbines turn. STARSCREAM (V.O.) (CONT’D) Not to mention the great fields of wind-harnessers, EXT. WAVE FARM – DAY Dozens of long segmented floating pipes undulate with the waves of somewhere-or-other at sea. STARSCREAM (V.O.) (CONT’D) Or the floating wave-farms constantly at work upon the ocean! INT. ARK PRIME – BRIDGE – DAY Starscream gestures dramatically at the hologram as it cycles through footage of other wind, water, and solar farms. STARSCREAM (CONT’D) Never before has humanity amassed such a wealth of energy! Never before have they attained such technological skill! And all of it, all of it by themselves! Sentinel Prime scratches his chin, having taken a seat. Tracks inlaid on the floor suggest that all the seats on the bridge can move to the center table. SENTINEL PRIME Intriguing. Starscream SLAMS his thin hands on the table. Rhinox, seated nearby, lifts an eyebrow-equivalent at him. STARSCREAM More than intriguing, Sentinel Prime, compelling! It is time! Time to reveal ourselves! Sentinel’s weathered hand balls into a fist on his chin. SENTINEL PRIME We must be patient, Starscream. STARSCREAM Patient? Patient?! RHINOX Wouldn’t hurt to be quiet, either. Starscream takes a deep breath, pinches the space between his eyes and gets a grip on himself. STARSCREAM (V.O.) (CONT’D) We have observed human civilization for ten thousand years, Prime. EXT. SUMERIAN CITY - DAY A blocky mud-brick ziggurat stands in a mud-brick city dotted with trees. A buzzard alights on a tree. STARSCREAM (V.O.) (CONT’D) We have been in their cities. The buzzard regards its surroundings with camera-iris eyes. EXT. EGYPTIAN FIELD – DAY An ancient Egyptian tills soil behind a pair of oxen. STARSCREAM (V.O.) (CONT’D) We have been in their farms. The oxen glance at each other, roll their eyes and shake their heads slightly. INT. TEENAGER’S BEDROOM – DAY A boom-box sits impassively on a nightstand by a My Little Pony toy as a TEENAGE GIRL reads a magazine in bed. STARSCREAM (V.O.) (CONT’D) We have been in their homes! EXT. BOMBED-OUT BUILDING WINDOW – DAY A SOLDIER in Russian Army gear leans out a window, points a rifle down at us and FIRES several times. STARSCREAM (V.O.) (CONT’D) We have been in their hands! INT. AIRPLANE – DAY Modern airplane passengers sit quietly and enjoy their flight. STARSCREAM (V.O.) (CONT’D) They have even been inside us! INT. ARK PRIME – BRIDGE - DAY Sentinel Prime rests his face in his hand and taps his cheek, weathering the argument across the table. STARSCREAM (CONT’D) But now that they are at last worthy of recognition as fellow sapients, you would have us observe still more? SENTINEL PRIME I would, Starscream. It is our purpose, our very function as the first Cybertronians in this arm of the galaxy. For did not our lord Primus say, at the very moment of our creation, “Go forth and learn?” Starscream sourly ejects the black box and the hologram returns to a view of Ark Prime. STARSCREAM We have learned enough. It is time to go forth. SENTINEL PRIME Until they are truly ready to learn of us, we cannot interfere. To act too soon would be an affront to Primus. STARSCREAM But just imagine what the humans could do if they had but a fraction of our knowhow! SENTINEL PRIME I have imagined that. It has given me insomnia. Starscream sticks the box back in his arm. STARSCREAM Then lie and worry, priest. I will return to my duties. Starscream turns on his heel and heads for the double-sliding-door out of the bridge. Sentinel SIGHS cavernously again. Rhinox shakes his head. Off-screen, the doors HISS open and shut. RHINOX He’s been observing the war-fighters too long. SENTINEL PRIME Warriors. Civilians. Scarcely a difference, when ambition drives the human species. HALLWAY Starscream storms down the hall. Remedy stays to one side this time and lets him pass. REMEDY Paint’s ready-- STARSCREAM --Save it! REMEDY (pause, mutters) Slaghead. EXT. ARK PRIME – DAY Starscream exits the bay doors at a run, TRANSFORMS to jet mode and FLIES away. EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS – DAY Starscream GRUMBLES to himself. We hear a COMM BEEP and, in short order, the mechanical flanged voice of SOUNDWAVE. STARSCREAM (V.O.) Starscream to Soundwave. Patch me to Ark Minor. SOUNDWAVE (V.O.) Complying. (pause) Connection established. Proceed. INT. ARK MINOR - BRIDGE - DAY A voice-wave pattern moves to Starscream’s voice. STARSCREAM (V.O.) Starscream to Lord Megatron. The pattern floats in the air, projected above a black, rectangular, boardroom-like comm table. A high-backed chair, a very commanding command chair, moves on a track to the head of the table. We can’t see its occupant yet in the dim light. STARSCREAM (V.O.) (CONT’D) Sentinel Prime disagreed, of course. The rusted old fool is fully content with study for ten more millennia. Two index fingers tap in front of a smiling mouth. They belong to MEGATRON. MEGATRON Pity he won’t live ten more days. The bridge is a pentagon, as opposed to a hexagon. The control panels are larger than in Ark Prime, and stuck in the five corners. The biggest is at the “top” point, behind Megatron’s seat. The other four are clearly manned. MEGATRON (CONT’D) Surely you had a look inside, Starscream. How many remain at Ark Prime? The main lights in the room come from the control screens. Silhouetted against them are huge round-edged LUGNUT, thin spiky TARANTULAS, wide-bodied STRIKA, and boxy long-armed BROADSIDE. We’ll meet them all in due time. STARSCREAM (V.O.) Only three. The mechanic, the nurse, and the old gearbox himself. The rest are out “observing” like good little scholars. Megatron smiles. MEGATRON Excellent. Ever so trusting in the protection of his god. The four shadowy Cybertronians CHUCKLE amongst themselves. Tarantulas CACKLES, for preference. Starscream’s voice pattern somehow looks sinister close-up. STARSCREAM (V.O.) How shall we proceed, Mighty Megatron? Megatron rests his elbow on an armrest and his face on a fist. His vehicle mode is difficult to determine, but it seems to involve treads and a big shoulder-mounted cannon. MEGATRON I will pay him a personal visit. It pains me, but if he cannot see the true value of humanity, we will need a Prime who does. STARSCREAM (V.O.) I couldn’t agree more, my lord. Incidentally, I hear his son Orion returned to observing the humans only yesterday. MEGATRON Kill him.