Transformers: Nexus (Revised)

Discussion in 'Transformers Funnies' started by Stonecrusher, May 27, 2011.

?

Who do you want to have the first Spotlight Arc?

Poll closed Jun 16, 2011.
  1. Starscream

    6 vote(s)
    26.1%
  2. Shockwave

    10 vote(s)
    43.5%
  3. Grimlock

    4 vote(s)
    17.4%
  4. Spotlight Arc? Wha?

    3 vote(s)
    13.0%
  1. GingaMagnus

    GingaMagnus Civilized Enforcer

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    Ok, I feel the need to chime in here with two quick notes.

    One, this page in particular reminds me of a 2011 post...which isn't really a good thing. It seems a bit...simplistic. There are a few too many close up shots and there's a seriously problem with a lack of detail in the room and with the way Sideswipe steps into the portal.

    Secondly, the dialogue seems a bit awkward in this issue, though it's most apparent in this page. It feels a bit too cluttered and awkward, which kinda takes you out of the moment. Some of the bigger "blocks" of text could've benefited from being abridged just a bit or rewritten to seem a bit more "organic".
     
  2. Stonecrusher

    Stonecrusher jerk to storytelling

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    Okay, I can explain.

    This was actually one of the first pages to be drawn entirely on a tablet rather then my usual methods, and as you can see it was a bit of a learning curve.

    Second, you can blame that on Kaijuguy, and I probably should have rewritten some of the dialogue to better fit.

    Overall, not one of my better pages, but it's serviceable for the story at hand.

    Thank you for your input, though. :D 
     
  3. GingaMagnus

    GingaMagnus Civilized Enforcer

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    Ok, that first thing makes sense. The tablet is a bit of a learning curve, though I was under the impression that you've had one for awhile. However, I do have one more big problem now.

    That. This line was phrased pretty poorly. It is a valid criticism and fair enough, I don't expect you to shoulder the blame for an unaltered guest writer's work if it needs legitimate constructive criticism, but the way you phrased that makes it seem like more emphasis was put on blaming Kaiju's writing, which is really messed up.

    You're right, you should have put in more effort to rework the dialogue to make it feel a bit more natural, but that comes across as more of a side-note in that line just because of how it was phrased. You need to be a lot more careful with phrasing, I've noticed this issue becoming a bit more common these days.
     
  4. Stonecrusher

    Stonecrusher jerk to storytelling

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    Yeah, you're probably - nay, definitely - right about that. I've always been terrible at phrasing things, especially on the internet.

    Sorry.
     
  5. kaijuguy19

    kaijuguy19 Keyblade Wielder

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    I admit the writing here wasn't my strongest given that because I haven't written much nowadays and that like Stone said we were working on a new writing format which pretty much made me have to think of dialogue to include into the issue rather then writing it up first.
     
  6. Stonecrusher

    Stonecrusher jerk to storytelling

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    Welp, might as well finish this issue and move on with our lives.

    NexusGenesisI20cp 19.png NexusGenesisI20cp 20.png
     
  7. kaijuguy19

    kaijuguy19 Keyblade Wielder

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    Out of the frying pan into the fire. lol
     
  8. Sharktibolt

    Sharktibolt Well-Known Member

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    Couldn't have said it better, Sideswipe. :lol 
     
  9. bumblebeej8

    bumblebeej8 Pinpoint Doodle User#3

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    Well you guys are screwed
     
  10. DOTM Bumblebee

    DOTM Bumblebee I must be some kind of nut...

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    Okay, who brought the T-Rex? :lol 
     
  11. Fez Findie

    Fez Findie Well-Known Member

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    Wow. There just ain't no excuse for that barn-sized oversight.
     
  12. Optimax Prime

    Optimax Prime The 14th Prime

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    Uhhhhhh, that........isn't Megazilla
     
  13. Primon4723

    Primon4723 Autobot

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    :popcorn 
     
  14. Stonecrusher

    Stonecrusher jerk to storytelling

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    NexusGenesisI20dp 1.png NexusGenesisI20dTITLE.png
     
  15. Blam320

    Blam320 Assembly Inventor

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    Welp, looks like the Quints are getting involved.
     
  16. Optimax Prime

    Optimax Prime The 14th Prime

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    yup, and Bee's right in the middle of it, also, this seems like the kinda situation where you send everyone, including Admiral Thunderclash Prime (A.K.A. personal murder target #3 ( or Zappimus Prime)), at them and nuke their asses (if they have them) off the face of the Dimension, also, as far as i can remember the last time the 5 faces of Assholeness appeared a season or 2 ago, also, this seems like a good alternative to Megazilla vs. (hopefully) Alucard
     
  17. Primon4723

    Primon4723 Autobot

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    :popcorn 
     
  18. Stonecrusher

    Stonecrusher jerk to storytelling

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    NexusGenesisI20dp 2.png
     
    • Like Like x 1
  19. Olymprix

    Olymprix Moonwalkin' on the Ceiling

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    And so Destiny gets dragged into the Nexus...
     
  20. Optimax Prime

    Optimax Prime The 14th Prime

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    which one of BB's many, MANY, sisters escalated, and Optimus kicked ass in
     

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