Transformers: down from the sky

Discussion in 'Transformers Fan Fiction' started by biscuits, Jan 27, 2010.

  1. biscuits

    biscuits Sin from Genesis

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    So i had an idea in my head for a while, so i decided to make a story out of it, so here it is. Hope you like it, oh and please leave a comment.

    Gunshots echoed through the cities of Cybertron, the home planet to a race called the ‘Transformers’. What was once a peaceful planet, turned to a planet of death and suffering. The Decepticons. They broke the peace over the planet. They began with a small force, attacking small cities and outposts that the elite guard had constructed. Their leader’s name was Megatron. He soon became the most feared robot on the whole of Cybertron. After Megatron had gotten more followers he began to attack bigger cities. Eventually a robot named Optimus prime made an opposing faction, called the Autobots.
    After decades of fighting the Autobots left Cybertron, but where attacked on their way out of the system. The Decepticons boarded there shuttle and attacked the Autobots. Optimus prime made the decision to make the Ark, the Autobot shuttle, land on a near by planet, Earth. Once they where about to land, they crashed into a volcano and where stuck there for 4 million years until the volcano erupted, bringing the Ark’s computer system back online. Teletran 1, the Autobot main computer, sent out a probe to find new to scan the planets life. The probe scanned the designs for Earth vehicles and went back to the Ark. The repair system in the Ark began to repair a Transformer, Skywarp, he was a Decepticon seeker. He put Megatron and the rest of the destroyed Decepticons in the repair bay. The Decepticons left the ship, leaving the dead Autobots, and went to make a base of operations. But Starscream, the leader of the seekers, stayed and fired at the Ark. His blasts shook the Ark witch moved the Autobot, Optimus prime into the repair bay. He was repaired and was changed into a truck with a trailer. He then transformed back into a robot and repaired the rest of the Autobots.
    The Autobots and Decepticons stayed on Earth and continued there battle their until one day. A massive battle took place when the Decepticons attacked Autobot city. Many where injured and killed. Optimus prime and Megatron had one, final, epic battle at the highest point of the base. Megatron was about to finish of prime with his fusion pistol when Optimus used what strength he had left and knocked Megatron off the side of the base. Decepticons crowded round their fallen leaders body and one of them, soundwave, picked up Megatron and took him away from the Autobot base. The rest of the Decepticons piled into Astrotrain and took off. Later in the Autobot city med bay, the greatest Autobot of them all, died. The new leader was a young and inexperienced soldier called, Starsaber.
    In space, the Decepticons had abandoned the body of Megatron. The Decepticon called, Deathsaurus took command of the Decepticons.

    400,000,000 years later.
    Earth. The Decepticons, led by Deathsaurus, had captured the whole of Earth except for a small part of the country, Scotland. The Autobots had tried to defend the Earth but their leader, Starsaber, was badly damaged in a battle with Deathsaurus. He was nearly repaired, but the Decepticons where ready for a full-scale assault on the remaining Autobots.
    “Divert the main power to Starsaber!” Commanded the chief medical officer, Ratchet.
    The Autobot wheeljack pressed keys on his control panel quickly. The lights dimmed but the Autobot on the medical bed began to awake. He stood up and looked around, then asked his second in command, Jazz, what the situation was.
    “The Decepticons have taken the whole planet apart from here. The only way to stop them would be to destroy the Nemesis base, the main Decepticon stronghold.” Jazz replied.
    Starsaber remained silent for a few moments. He thought how he had progressed from the young inexperienced commander, an Autobot almost as great as Optimus prime.
    “We launch a full scale assault then.” Explained Starsaber.
    The Autobots looked at each other, with looks of horror on their faces. One soldier, Ironhide, shouted at Starsaber: “ YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!!!!! WE DON’T EVEN HAVE THE MEN, FOR AN ASSAULT LIKE THAT!!!!”
    Starsaber looked at Ironhide and then said:
    “Me and victory Leo will be the only ones to enter the Nemesis. The rest of you will drop in the trenches and fire upon the defences and guards. “
    “ And so what are you going to do inside, eh!” said Ironhide.
    “I can’t tell you. It is a mission that will probably be the death of me. When the time comes, you will know what me and Victory Leo will do.” Explained Starsaber.
    Ironhide replied: “ And does Leo know what you are doing! Do you really think that the victory combination will be able to take out the Nemesis base?”
    There was an un-easy silence until Starsaber said “ get ready to depart, were moving in in 30 minutes from now.
     
  2. Attacker_Prime

    Attacker_Prime Optimus Prime forever

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    Nice start! Considering it is your first fan fic, it's pretty good and creative. Nice way of mixing the original G1 and the Victory series.

    Here are some advices that would improve your writer skills:

    Don't put a lot of events in one chapter. It can confuse some readers if a lot of events are written.

    Try and introduce the characters, and more dialogue. The last paragraph was pretty good in terms of dialogue, but if we weren't transformers fans we would have no idea what, say, Ironhide is like. So my overall advices: More dialogue and character development, and events that would take 1-3 days a chapter.

    It is still good and creative as I stated before, but you can make it from good to great! Can't wait to see what happens next.
     
  3. biscuits

    biscuits Sin from Genesis

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    Thanks for the advice! I didn't put in more characterisasion cause everyone here are transformers fans =D
     
  4. Attacker_Prime

    Attacker_Prime Optimus Prime forever

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    Yes, but when you watch a movie/read a book/comic, don't you expect some characterization? Same goes for fan fics. I'm not saying that your fan fic is ruined forever, I just say that it can go from a 9 to a 10 on the scale of awesomeness.
     
  5. biscuits

    biscuits Sin from Genesis

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    Ah, thanks. Im a :noob  at this.
     

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