Transformers: Decimation Prologue #1

Discussion in 'Transformers Fan Fiction' started by ORIO, May 31, 2010.

  1. ORIO

    ORIO Plant-Based Bot Super Mod News Staff

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    Hi guys, I don't venture into this forum often. But would love some help with my fanfic as well as some critiques and criticism. My overall goal is to blend the Unicron trilogy with the classicsverse. It sounds ridiculous, I know. But there are some great toys from A/E/C that look great with Classics that I wanted to develop a story to go with it. So here is the first prologue to Chapter one. I focus a lot on dialogue, so if that's confusing, please tell me.

    Here we go...

    Transformers: Decimation Prologue #1

    Featured Characters; Armada Mini-cons Rook and Crosswise, Unicron and Cybertron Sideways.

    TF Decimation Prologue #1

    The Planet Ralau

    The planet Ralau is devoid of water. The planet is hot, dry and plagued by sandstorms. The birth of a 2nd star in its orbit ravaged the world of its basic element to create life. Only the strongest of creatures survived. Sadly, these two creatures are Cybertronian. Mini-con partners to the traitorous Sideways, Rook and Crosswise find themselves without Energon and desperately seeking salvation.

    Two silhouettes walk in the far off distance. Weak and barely able to stand. Crosswise walks in front of his brother, Rook.

    Rooks online computer - "Energon levels at 0%. Reserve levels at .004%. Stasis Lock Imminent."

    Rook falls to his knees as Crosswise stops and looks over his shoulder.

    Crosswise - "Get. Up."

    Rook doesn't move.

    Crosswise - "I said... Get. Up." He extends his hand to help.

    KLANG! Rook smacks Crosswise's hand away.

    Rook - "For what?? You moron! We've been out here for cycles! There is nothing here but death! Look around you, we're back where we started! Sideways' body lays around us in pieces... What the pit are you hoping to find??"

    Crosswise - "Something. There... there has to be something! A crashed ship, an Energon well. Slag, I'd be happy to see Galvatron right now."

    Rook - "SLAG galvatron! And slag Unicron! He abandoned us here after Sideways was destroyed. He promised us peace. A purpose. And what did he do? Made us betray those who trusted us. We made friends. Autobot and Decepticon alike and HE LIED TO US!! Left us to go offline on this, slagging! PILE! OF-AAAAAAAGGGH!!!!"

    Red light flashes all around the two Mini-cons causing searing pain to their processors. The two Mini-cons recoil in pain, clutching their audio receptors. A deep, booming voice makes it clear to them exactly who is tormenting them.

    Unicron - "I. STILL. LIVE."

    Crosswise - "M..Master?"

    Rook - "ungh... He... he heard me! He's going to kill us!!! No telling what he's about to throw at us! Combine with me Crosswise! Before it's too late!"

    Crosswise - "Don't know if... I have the energy!"

    The two Mini-cons transform into Sideways' rider.

    Rook/Crosswise Online Computer - "Energon Levels at .002%. Stasis lock imminent. Disengage gestalt mode."

    Rook/Crosswise - "Slag that! We do not fear you Unicron! We face certain death either way! But we shall go down fighting!!!!"

    Red lights flashes again and Rook/Crosswise drop to their knees in pain.

    Unicron - "On the contrary. I have need of a new herald. And that blatant, stubborn, idiotic refusal to die is exactly what I require. Arise!"

    Rook/Crosswise elevate, surrounded by a bright green aura of energy. Their body starts to disassemble itself as parts and metal that lay scattered on the ground start to attach and configure themselves to the two Mini-cons' combined mode.

    A flash of light and SIDEWAYS is reborn!

    Unicron - "I require assistance that only you can deliver to me. Come my herald. We have much to do."

    Sideways' visor glares in the suns. He transforms and blasts off into the sky.

    Sideways - Yes, my master...

    To be continued...
     
  2. ORIO

    ORIO Plant-Based Bot Super Mod News Staff

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    Any... comments? Criticism?

    Posted this awhile ago and no comments! Does it suck that bad? :lol 
     
  3. herugrim

    herugrim Defiler of Energon

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    Don't worry man, you've got plenty of views so people are reading it, it just takes some time before they will comment.

    Anyways I like your idea (my own various fanfics have started with similar concepts). It's a bit of a slow start but that's forgiveable. I like how you didn't jump in with a giant cast of characters or by posting something very long.

    I'll keep an eye on this if you chose to continue it :) 
     
  4. ORIO

    ORIO Plant-Based Bot Super Mod News Staff

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    Cool thanks man :) 

    I just want to develop a good story with solid character development so that you actually feel for the characters when something happens to them.

    There is a 2nd prologue and then the main story starts. So I'll post that tonight or tomorrow
     
  5. Lumpy

    Lumpy Taylor Swift Actionmaster Super Mod

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    dig the story man... its got the feel of a script, which i enjoy... and i love the inclusion of BW stasis Lock and i love armada sideways, so its cool to see him get some use...

    one thing though, do the two minicons become armada sideways again? and recreate armada sideways? or do they get reformatted into cybertron sideways?
     
  6. ORIO

    ORIO Plant-Based Bot Super Mod News Staff

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    Rook and Crosswise's combined "rider" mode become Cybertron Sideways (as listed in the characters part ;)  ) I figure this would be a good story inbetween Armada and Cybertron where we discover what happened to those two Minicons. Plus, I never liked how we didn't get much explanation or character development for those two minicons. I also didn't like Cybertron Sideways in the cartoon. I will touch on both in back story/flash backs.

    You mentioned how it's written like a script. Did you have any problems reading it? Could you easily understand what was happening?
     
  7. SavageThunder

    SavageThunder 11th Doctor's Huntress

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    i like it just now found it! send me a friend request. ill give u fanfic writing tips.
     

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