Transformers; Beginings

Discussion in 'Transformers Fan Fiction' started by thumpmonkey, Oct 15, 2006.

  1. thumpmonkey

    thumpmonkey Well-Known Member

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    I'm turning te tables on the autobots. long ago the auto bots & Maximals fused into the siabertron republic. Megs & his disepticons concured them so starscream now runs the dicepticons, megitrons hnd,or what have you , here you go!
    1: PRIME


    'Sential prime is dead." It was a statement not a question. HE IS, BUT ALL IS NOT LOST. Rejolt major still found this creepy, "hearing" this vooice inside his head BESIDES YOU HAVE NOT CONSIDERED YOURE SELF-AUTOBOTS FOR 12 LIFESPAN, DO YOU EVEN REQUIRE A PRIME? "You know we do; besides with him we lost the matrix" ANOTHER PRIME WILL BE CHOSEN THEN. & HE WILL GATHER WARIORS &… "DON’T get ahead of yourself we don’t have a candidat." THER IS OPTRONIX.
    "That sad excuse of a sibertronian he lacks bravery strength any leadership potential.." HE HAS QUALITYS YOU FAIL TO SEE AS YOURE CRETOR & LORD PRIMUS I TELL YOU IT IS MENT TO BE. "But surely iron hide maybe?" NO.


    Optimus prime he thought he had been told by primus BY PRIMUS, to gather a team but where to begin?

    "Optronix?" Said Ratchet surprised "Why are you-how did you-what’s going on?" "Well," said optimus prime & he explained that he had been made Prime & had to gather a new team of autobots "you’re crazy! When the dicepticons conquered there were riots, battles and the diseptions killed them all & we’d be next!" His frantic shouting had brought attention to them suddenly Iron hide entered the room "you’re pipsqueak friend optronix is looking to fight desepticons?" "I…am Optimus prime" he said getting to his feet "Well then, PRIME, count me in, US in, an, I have some friends who might be interested."
     
  2. thumpmonkey

    thumpmonkey Well-Known Member

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    coinsidentily if you have any recimendations for charicters to include please share:tocas :hookday 
     
  3. mblase

    mblase Well-Known Member

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    Please tell me English is your second language.
     
  4. rebelbot

    rebelbot rebelbot

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    not bad. keep it up. But its a bit confusing to read so try to space it out.
     
  5. Alpha Prime

    Alpha Prime Ten Years Strong

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    Very confusing. Try to use qoutation marks, ", to show speach.
     
  6. thumpmonkey

    thumpmonkey Well-Known Member

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    right ,sorry about that i'le try to fix the spases I am,in my humble opineon not the best typer as for quotation marks I thuoght using somthing els for saibertransean was a good idea but hind-sight is 20/20
     
  7. Alpha Prime

    Alpha Prime Ten Years Strong

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    dude, type it in MS word first, and use it's spell check. Or if you dont have word, just read what you have typed b4 you hit "submit reply".
     
  8. thumpmonkey

    thumpmonkey Well-Known Member

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    hope I got all the bugs out this time

    2: gathering

    “Shockwave.” “Yes, my lord.” Shockwave was ,Megatron thought, one of his better minions. He was purple & black in color. “Bring me Starscream I wish to speak to him” “It is done my lord.”

    Starscream never thought he’d see the day he’d be happy to be summoned by Megetron, much less bother to show up, but this was different. Ever since they had won he had been so bored. There had of cores but they were hardly a challenge for him alone much less his team, and even these skirmishes had ended. But this was different. If megatron had called for him it must be important.

    Starscream entered the throne room but only saw the back of the throne. “Ah, starscream,” said a cold & calculating voice, “so nice of you to drop by.” “Save me the cheap theatrics Megtaron, what do you want?” “Would it kill you to show any respect to you’re superiors, like Shockwave does?” Starscream let out a humorless laugh. “That mindless stooge of yours? He’s nothing but a modified disepti-troop.” “Lets get to biasness a new team of rebels seams to be forming, calling themselves,” he smiled. “Autobots” “The autobots” said starscream surprised “ As in Primus’ team?” “Does that matter to you surely mighty starscream is not afraid-“ “You Know I’m not. I just wander who is self-righteous enough to claim they are chosen by primus, probably also claimed themselves prime.” “So you will eliminate them?” “As your pet would say, consider it done.”
     
  9. Alpha Prime

    Alpha Prime Ten Years Strong

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    A lot better, only one correction. "biasness" should be "business". "biasness" means to lean more to one side of a conflict/problem/issue. Otherwise, much better!
     
  10. rebelbot

    rebelbot rebelbot

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    Try to space you lines and separted it into separte line so it would be easier for use to know who is talking.
     
  11. Throwback

    Throwback Well-Known Member

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    keep writing and if ypu the get chance, read my fic, Evolution: The Movie and tell me what you think. I'm kinda at a loss.
     

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