Whoever said that life is about being happy all the time? I could've sworn the vows were for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health... I only assume that "in happiness or unhappiness" is implied. I love my wife, but damn it, I'm not happy all the time. If I divorced her just because I wasn't happy, then I'd have walked out on our marriage years ago. I'm not idiot enough to think that everyday everything is going to be flowers, cartoon birds and rainbows shooting out of our asses. Sometimes life gets tough. Hell, I understand how a military hitch could be an unhappy time. My wife and I are in China, and we get damn frustrated with it sometimes. But we made a commitment (you remember that word, don't you?) to each other, and we love EACH OTHER (not just ourselves and our own "happiness") enough to stick out the tough times. And guess what...sticking it out makes us HAPPY. Isn't it magic how that works? This is the reason why we have such a fucked up world... people can't be bothered to stick to it when the going gets rough. You get to feeling "unhappy" and whoops! time to go! Exercise is too hard? Boohoo, be a fatty. Job is too hard? Quit and get unemployment. Relationships are too hard? Waaaaaah, she's not making me happy enough... I don't know, man, have you ever thought that maybe it's you that just isn't trying hard enough? I mean, shit, she's got a lot on her plate being in the service. All you've got to do is be a house-hubby. (And cry me a river over that, will ya?) She's out there serving her country. Could you maybe cut her a little slack? Have you ever tried spending your efforts making HER happy??? I mean instead of worrying about whether or not life tickles your balls all the time. Hey, it's not a happy world all the time. And now, because God forbid you can't EVER be unhappy, and because you being unhappy means you get to renege on every vow you ever made to her, she gets to have her life ruined. Is that something you're really going to be proud of?
I'll start by saying to the OP that I can't comment on your situation directly as I don't know either of you, nor what you've been through. Have you tried counselling though? If not I would highly recommend that. Maybe your wife can get you into some through the Navy even? -------------- On the general topic of love and marriage: I think marriage love is both a feeling AND a commitment. The thing is that the feeling can come and go, but if it ever did leave for good - I don't know that a marriage can survive that. Question then is whether it is gone for good, and whether it is a result of a lack of commitment. Someone earlier in this thread made a great point about making each other happy and it's true: - Marriages where each spouse tries to make themselves happy are doomed to fail. - Marriages where BOTH spouses try to make each other happy will almost certainly succeed. - Marriages where only one spouse tries to make the other happy and the other spouse tries to make only themselves happy are sad affairs indeed - I'm watching some people I know live those now and it is just terrible.
