Thoughts about Relationships and Cheating

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Jux, Jul 24, 2006.

  1. butz

    butz slippery when wet

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    The person in the relationship is guilty for cheating regardless of who initiated, but thats not what the thread was asking.
    As to what Jux said, yeah, if you're too much of a putz to be worth someone's while, then yeah you're probably going to lose them. Then again, that person should have the decency to dump your lame ass before hooking up with someone else.
     
  2. tikgnat

    tikgnat Baweepgranaweepninnybong.

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    This is very black and white to me, I think cheating is wrong. Obviously if you weren't aware that the other party was attached that absolves you of guilt, but if you were in the know, then you are just as guilty IMO.

    If you are in a relationship, and things aren't working out, then you should communicate and try to sort things out. If someone you like is in a relationship, and is willing to cheat with you, I would want them to resolve their prior relationship first before any hanky panky... its like you accept that its OK to be second best.

    If not, let it go, move on and find someone else. Sure, being honest may be harder, but in my mind it beats sneaking around and being decietful.
     
  3. Fretburn

    Fretburn We need Instrument TFs

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    Hmmm, I have been the other man before. And I have been cheated on several times. All those times I never got pissed at the 'other' guy. It is not his responsibility to make up for the girl's lack of moral decency. But, if he wants to get seriously involved with her he should consider he willingness to cheat...h knows first hand.
     
  4. chocula78

    chocula78 Satellite Systems Engr TFW2005 Supporter

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    The peron cheating on you is most at fault, but I would probably kill any guy that touches my girlfriend in any sexual way.

    I am not violent by nature, but that is something that would drive me to kill another human being.
     
  5. Ramberk Magnus

    Ramberk Magnus Well-Known Member

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    Yup. The third guy/gal is scummy.

    And I feel like most of you guys feel. If I meet someone who is in a relationship and I'm interested in dating-- nothing is gonna start until they end their current relationship. How can you start a relationship by cheating?

    Same goes for cheating. Just end the relationship and then go buck wild. I know for me, cheating is a 98% sure relationship ender for me. Never been cheated on, but I ain't gonna put up with any cheaters. Not gonna put up with anyone that doesn't respect me. Not gonna put up with BS. Life is too short and there are A LOT of fish out there.

    I feel bad for folks who remain in bad relationships or just don't have the self-esteem to expect/want more. Eh. Oh well.
     
  6. .SentinelPrime Is Dead.

    .SentinelPrime Is Dead. Banned

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    the only person at fault is the person in the relationship. I mean. we're all just trying to get a nut, so I dont see anything wrong with what the "other woman" is doing.
     
  7. Ops_was_a_truck

    Ops_was_a_truck JOOOLIE ANDREWWWWWS!!!!!!

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    I read Jux's post carefully before responding, just to make sure I wasn't responding incorrectly.

    Here's my feelings on it:

    The only way I feel "the other man" would be justified in doing the cheating is if the relationship had broken down to a point where the husband was abusing the wife. The more I consider it, the more I feel that that's fair enough grounds for the other man to have no problems allowing the affair to continue.

    Using Jux's example...

    Doug and Jenny are married. Tim is "the other man" with Jenny, unbeknowst (or not) to Doug. If Doug and Jenny are fine together, then Tim is in the wrong and yeah, it's his obligation not to be part of that relationship.

    If Doug and Jenny are verbally abusive to one another, than Tim should offer friendly consolation and help AND NOTHING ELSE. He is, still, by my personal definitions of relationships, not a member of the relationship. Empirically, he is not yet offering more than what Doug has the potential to offer - love and acceptance. Doug has the capability to change. And yes, my ultimate caveat is physical abuse, so I think that verbal abuse can heal over time, at least in a strong relationship.

    If Doug and Jenny are physically abusive, and Jenny is the abusee, then Tim can enter the relationship and take Jenny out of it. This is the point where, in my opinion, physical damage to Jenny or Doug becomes so extreme (as a result of disagreements) that they may not be able to recover from it for the rest of their lives. This, in my own personal opinion, gives Tim the leeway to offer a less threatening (i.e., non-abusive) alternative to Doug, marriage or not.

    ...Physical abuse is where I draw the line. That'd be it.
     
  8. butz

    butz slippery when wet

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    What if you invite the third person to hook up with your significant other (possibly even while you watch, or join in at a later time)?
     
  9. .SentinelPrime Is Dead.

    .SentinelPrime Is Dead. Banned

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    you guys are crazy. I would totally try to get with all of your wives/ girlfriends, and you know what. I wouldnt be in the wrong. I didnt make a vow to anyone.
     
  10. butz

    butz slippery when wet

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    Not wrong that you're just looking out for your own interests, no, but theres a point where it crosses the line. If you're actively trying to break up a relationship just to get laid, then you're an asshole.
    If she's with someone, it doesn't hurt to ask (might be unhappy, bored, or as ops mentioned, even abused) but if she says no, then thats your cue to fuck off and fish elsewhere- not keep going after her. The dude she's with would then be in the right to be pissed if you didn't back down when she said "no".
    Eh, just my 2ยข.
     
  11. useless

    useless Completely Unreasonable TFW2005 Supporter

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    Its a difficult one, and I've been the guy in that situation (IE being involved with a girl who had a boyfriend), IMO a lot of it depends on how functional the relationship is: I have had a Girlfriend I continually put off dumping because I was worried about her emotional state (not in a mentally-ill sense, the Girl was having a tough time at University and I didn't want to mess up her life more than I had to) In that situation is would a second realtionship really be messing up that relationship worse than it already was?

    Ultimately though it is a situation best avioded, for practical reasons more than moral ones, after all if she'll cheat on someone else with you, how could you ever know if you'd get better treatment? and thats not to mention how he might react if he found out.

    I won't say I'll never do it again, but I still think it is and was a bad idea.
     
  12. Ramberk Magnus

    Ramberk Magnus Well-Known Member

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    Mental Note: Hide the women when .SentinelPrime Is Dead comes over.

    You didn't break a vow but you helped in its breaking. It's like the whole bank robbery/get-away driver example.
     
  13. Jux

    Jux Please, call me Steve. Veteran

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    The more I think about it, the more it seems that it would come down to one simple thing:

    Do I know the guy or not?

    If I did, then I'll respect that boundary. If not, then hell, it's not my fault it's a bad relationship. As Kick pointed out, if she's going to cheat on her guy, she'll do it with me or someone else. Me not doing anything doesn't seem like it'll change her mind and save her relationship, she'll just move on to someone else.

    I would never actively pursue and initiate something with someone already taken - but if they come to me, I can't say I'd turn them away either.
     
  14. Dalarsco

    Dalarsco Kickback=ROCK

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    Jux summed it up nicely. You can't know both sides unless you know both people. The guy being cheated on might deserve it, so you might as well get some nice nookie out of the situation.
     
  15. honestgabe

    honestgabe I

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    I think its wrong no matter if you know the guy or not. I don't think a piece of ass is getting involved in a situation like that.
     
  16. Draven

    Draven Banned

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    Ah, probably my greatest pet hate: Cheating. Where to start... ah yes, I know.
    You'd be in the hospital. I'd ram your skull through the nearest wall with extreme prejudice.
    Anyway.
    :) 
    To me, this is a very clear situation. If there is abuse in the relationship, then the abuser deserves everything they get (and I hope it hurts). I can't think of any other situation that would make cheating acceptable. If you want to fuck someone else, have the decency to ditch the mug you're curently taking advantage of first. I've been cheated on in the past a few times, and it never hurts any less.
    There is NOT a magical excuse that makes lying to someone you're supposed to care about to that extent right, people. Don't fool yourselves into thinking there is.

    And as for those in this thread trying to justify the "third person not being responsible" theory:
    Bullshit.
    I can only assume that either you have never been cheated on, or you ARE that third person. In which case, kindly die in a hole at your earliest convenience; you are the kind of slime that I couldn't hate more if I was actively trying to.
    The ONLY time the third person is even remotely close to being even partially blameless is if they didn't know the cheater was in a relationship with someone. Of course if they don't break things off when they do find out, that blamelessness is gone instantly.
    If they DID know, then they are as responsible as the cheater. And if the third person KNOWS the person being cheated on, that automatically makes them a worthless little sack of camel shit, and eligible for the mother of all shitkickings.
     
  17. Arcee

    Arcee Optimus Scourge Forever TFW2005 Supporter

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    Thank you Draven you summed it up just the way I was thinking.
     
  18. Chaos Muffin

    Chaos Muffin Misadventure Veteran

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    To be fair though, there are times when the girl/guy tells the 3rd party that they're single. Then the 3rd party finally finds out they already had a bf/gf when It was too late.
    My first gf (joke relationship) cheated on me (slut) with some dude, but the dude confronted me and apologized and said he had no idea we were dating and Its cool if I wanted to hit him lol
    Was cool about it tho and we came buds later, and both of us wouldnt have anything to do with her.

    These days, these love triangles get so complicated and unique to each other, it's hard to classify them in under the same rules.
    Usually though you're right, the 3rd person may know and pretend not too or not even care.


    All I can say is I live by the golden rule and hope others do as well. Respect & trust are more important to me than many other things.
    Been called a *** before for not taking advantage of a drunk girl lol
    Just put a rag on her head and let her pass out.
    She was a babe, but she had a bf so that's a big nono.
    The next day she cheated with some old guy with a new camaro (in 99) and her bf was pretty bummed out (bitch)
    Me & her bf did'nt get along , but that still didnt make it right for me to make a move.
    We gotta be true to our morals
     
  19. Draven

    Draven Banned

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    I'd have turned round and said "I'm not a ***, but I'm not a rapist either, asshole."
     
  20. Backpack

    Backpack G1 forever.

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    I say the 3rd person is .... a super hero! There is no greater service to mankind than breaking up a bad/weak/pathetic/fake relationship/marrage. If this person can have a little fun doing it... all the better.

    The best way to go about it is to get it on video... and send it to the guy/girl who has been cheated on. If you're going to home wreck... no need to hold back... go the full 100% and truely destroy lives!