The Work Place Relationship

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by SamiWCP, Jul 25, 2007.

  1. SamiWCP

    SamiWCP Guest

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    Opps, wrong forum..heh.

    Move it please..

    Well, the title is a bit nicer than perhaps the reallity of it..I guess technically, it could be called an affair..As the person I've been with for a long time now is in fact married. But, that said, they are in court right now to finalize their divorce. And our relationship started long after they were originally cheated on by their spouce. And I wasn't the one to acted upon this originally..I was approached randomly--It was something I didn't even notice until I was confronted by it face to face. But for a very long time now, longer than any other relationship I've ever been in, we've been together exclusively. And most of it has been confined to the work place. And of course, after ..eh, I don't want to give names, dates or anything to particular, but, eventually people here found out about it, after a trusted friend betrayed us to them over a weekend camping trip with people he thought were his friends..and we of course all got the weird looks, and people talking..But it hasn't stopped us..And once the divorce actually is finished, we're excited to see where it can go from here..

    Now, the point of this thread..

    We've been informed, of course, as to how our employer does not support or want relationships at the work place. And that our boss certainly didn't approve of hearing about our numberous adventures on his desk..Or anywhere else in this place for that matter. And that, if we continue..We could both lose our jobs, or be transferred etc. We have tried behaving..And that never works..we've tried saying it's over..But after so long, it's just so natural for us to..do stuff, whenever we're around each other. The tease has always been the fun/exciting part..Doing it around these people, under the table touches, brush by..er, gropings etc. We've both tried to stop, and can't.

    But I also don't particularly want to lose my job. But, now that the divorce is so close to being over, and we can actually have a REAL relationship..What do you do?

    Has anyone been through this..And although not all that valued as far as opinions of strangers were to go..What would you do, or what did you do? Did it work out? Did you stop? Were you fired? Has anyone actually been fired over a work place relationship?
     
  2. Samana Rombuca

    Samana Rombuca Well-Known Member

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    All I can say is that I have a personal ban on work relationships for this reason. Honestly, it's best to keep as low a profile as possible, especially in front of others, who might squeal, or your boss, for reasons obvious. I'm not claiming to be wizened about these sort of things, but logically, a relationship in a work environment doesn't work too well unless you can be... discreet.
     
  3. SamiWCP

    SamiWCP Guest

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    We were discreet..No one had a clue, until said trusted friend betrayed us to them all..
     
  4. smkspy

    smkspy is one nice fucking kitty

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    Can anyone else hear that? It's the sound of Sami crushing the hopes and dreams of all her devoted followers with the news she's unavailable.:lolol 


    My advice though is to think of all the TFs you might not be able to buy if you lose your job. Maybe that'll help you keep it in your pants...er keep out of his pants.
     
  5. Samana Rombuca

    Samana Rombuca Well-Known Member

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    Value of friendship ftl, then. If you could keep it out of the work place it would be even better. Otherwise, it's always a gamble. I don't know what else to say.
     
  6. Switch625

    Switch625 "Up, up, and away!"

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    If your job truly is on the line here, you'll need to decide which is more important to you - the job or the relationship. In the grand scheme of things, both can be replaced.

    If you two can keep things quiet and keep the relationship strictly outside of the office, I don't see how anybody would have a problem with it.

    Whatever you decide... best of luck to you!
     
  7. Mr. Jiggles

    Mr. Jiggles loves your mother.

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    [​IMG]

    "What were you thinkin'?"
     
  8. NeilJam

    NeilJam Resident Audiophile

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    My advice is to cool it at work for a while. Even though you two both enjoy those things (the brushes, gropings, etc.) your co-workers who witness this can claim to be offended (in a way that could fall under harassment depending on your employer's policies) leading to trouble for both of you. If you two really want to have a serious relationship then at least one of you will have to find another job.

    I met my wife at work about six years ago. We tried to keep it low profile but eventually others knew what was going on (she was married to someone else at the time). We ended up working in the same department for a while then she got a divorce. Our relationship was known to everyone after that, but it sucked that we could never get time off together being in the same department. They would only allow one person to be off at a time, but did make a one time exception for us to get married in Vegas.
     
  9. SamiWCP

    SamiWCP Guest

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    We were able to move it out of the work place..But that is like only for a few short hours on a Saturday morning..And well, waking up at 6am on a Saturday so you can do stuff for a few hours, it's fun and all, but very limited. And for me personally, that isn't enough..So that's why I've been pushing it harder and more when we're together all day at work.
     
  10. Thrasymachos

    Thrasymachos energon cube

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    New York is an "at will" employment state, which means that an employee can be terminated at any time, for any reason, or for no reason (conversely, it means that an employee can quit/leave at any time for any reason, or for no reason). So in theory, yes, you could be fired for being involved in an office romance. Whether or not you actually will be depends on the proclivities of your boss and other intangibles such as perceived productivity and the volume at which your coworkers squawk about the issue.

    Obviously, I don't know you or the specifics of your work environment, but speaking in generalities, I would say that it's far more likely that you will be denied advancement rather than outright fired. Things like low or non-existant raises, being passed over for promotion, or being denied vacation requests are common retaliation. This could potentially make your workplace an unpleasant place to be.

    Ultimately, you'll have to decide what is more important to you - your relationship or your job, because, unfortunately, in the scenario you've described, it doesn't look they're going to be able to mesh. There's not really a wrong answer; it comes down to your priorities in life. Above all, you should strive to do what is best for YOU (rather than what's best for your SO, your job or anything else).

    Good luck with everything. I've had a few office romances in my time, and they are definitely complicated things.
     
  11. McBradders

    McBradders James Franco Club! Moderator

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    Fact.

    Relationships, flings at parties... WHATEVER... are a seriously fucking bad, bad, bad idea. You're in one now, and that's going to sting if it goes south. The joy being you -can't- escape it unless you or he changes jobs.

    Awkward elevator rides, hushed water cooler conversations that stop as you walk by... oy.
     
  12. Bryan

    Bryan ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

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    Don't. Shit. Where. You. Work. No good can come of it, and a lot of grief can.

    I'm sure there's one or two exceptions out there, but this is probably one rule I've found to be almost a fundamental law of the universe.
     
  13. Thrasymachos

    Thrasymachos energon cube

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    This has to be the most cynical, myopic thing I have read in an age.

    Personally, I think the value of love and friendship is worth the risk of pain.
     
  14. Deefuzz

    Deefuzz Beard On! Beardmaster! Veteran

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    I have to agree with Twist and Squirrelcar here.

    I was involved in a work relationship once and it caused me nothing but problems in the end. And after all was said and done the easiest way to move on was to get another job. I have since also put a ban on workplace relationships. I had made the mistake of fooling around with a girl or two at my next job, and even though that wasn't a relationship it still made everything uncomfortable.

    Sure there were times after that where I was in a job and flirting was still a bit fun, but it never went any further than that. I have learned the hard way to keep work and relationships separate.

    I am sure there are some cases where this wouldn't be an issue but if someone is going to ask my advice I will tell you "no, no, stay away from it" every time.

    So in this case I would advise you to start searching for another job if he means that much to you, the workplace has already sounded like it has traversed into the awkward stage with rumblings from coworkers and the speech from the boss.

    Just my $0.02.
     
  15. Team Jetfire

    Team Jetfire Pop-POP!

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    One of you (or both) will have to change jobs.

    It will be a good test of the relationship to ensure that it is not just an exciting little fling.
     
  16. y2jversion1

    y2jversion1 Rent this space today!

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    IMO nothing wrong with relationships at work - but don't do that touchy-feely mushy shit in the work environment..it's common courtesy to others. Go out during break and do that type of shit off the work premises (car, restaurant, port-a-potty etc.)

    Nothing wrong with having a relationship @ work as long as you can deal with facing that person if things go sour and if it does not affect your productivity, but it's just straight up unprofessional to behave like that on the job (as was described - groping, touching etc..)
     
  17. Mega-Prime

    Mega-Prime Well-Known Member

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    That's the part that gets me...

    He found out about this & you didn't get fired?


    Who's your boss? Larry Flynt? :p 
     
  18. Kupp

    Kupp Ford Fanboy TFW2005 Supporter

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    More or less my sentiments on the matter. I mean honestly, if something goes bad in the relationship or at work, you can't escape either, you always bring work home, and your relationship to work.

    Very little good can come of it. It can also wreck your work ethic. The many bad's outweigh the possible good.

    I also would be reluctant to be involved with someone going through a divorce. Chances are you are the rebound, the safety net while he disengages, and he will likely move on at some point, and leave you in an uncomfortable work environment.

    It has happened to my friends, so please don't take offense at this. I just think your playing with thermite on thin ice.

    I've been in the work place relationship before, bad mojo, and I have had female friends with a guy going through a divorce. Both situations end messy. You are now in both situations at the same time, proceed with caution and prudence.
     
  19. McBradders

    McBradders James Franco Club! Moderator

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    I like the way you snipped out the rest so it makes me look like a relationship pessimist.

    I appreciate it.

    I AM LYING, THANKS A LOT PAL! FOR NOTHING!
     
  20. SamiWCP

    SamiWCP Guest

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    Well, together, we're kind of like his best employees here. And we don't do anything openly, but of late I've gotten less and less concerned as to what people see or think.

    And I don't want this to sound like it's just a..little thing..This has been going on now for almost 2 years. I'm trying to get it into my head to settle down at work..We're not doing as much after hours or anything anymore..And that gets depressing..Because for me, it is a real relationship, it's just very restricted and limited...But I'm trying to find my way to have my cake, and eat it too..You know? I've found something here, and it fits..It fits really well into my life. It's all those little things..In the 2 years, we've never actually been able to sleep together..As in, wake up in the morning beside them, things like that..But, I have these little things..The nice feeling that's there..When we're simply just out driving, and I can share that with them, or out shopping, just doing stuff as a couple--Where as previously in my life, it's been no real big thing..Now, with this person, it means a lot to me..I need those things in my life.
     

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