Strangest things you have ever heard?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by jorod74, Mar 1, 2008.

  1. jorod74

    jorod74 Psycholagnist (Ret.)

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    Years ago, people made fun of Ross Perot for his nonsensical rants.
    "ya can't run the economy like a duck with a laxative...it'll kill the goose."
    or
    "We're in the barn with the bull and the horns are hornier than we thought."
    those kinds of things.
    but people really say the darnedest things. I'll share a couple things i have heard (and yes, I am from ALABAMA, so you are legally obligated to remind me of that and make fun of it) and you tell me things you have heard that made your jaw drop.


    I am quoting this because i heard this in a feed and seed store with my grandfather years ago and the man really said it:
    "I have been to three county fairs and a goat fucking and never seen anything that ugly."

    "The mosquitoes around here could stand flat footed and rape a turkey."

    lastly, from Lewis Grizzard:
    "He was uglier than a bastard billy goat."

    ...really, i need my medz...
     
  2. KA

    KA PENIS GOES WHERE?!!

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    whatever EBK has, i think its catching.
     
  3. eyeballkid

    eyeballkid Old

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    damn strait! boy knows what hes talking bout!
     
  4. Prowl_Delta_31

    Prowl_Delta_31 Eating your donuts

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    Yeah I also live in Alabama and have heard that one a few times.
     
  5. Draven

    Draven Banned

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    Snooker:
    "For those of you watching in black and white, the blue is behind the pink"
    Football:
    "If it had gone in the net, it would have been a goal."
     
  6. Talathia

    Talathia TFW's Cool Little Heathen

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    I had an (ex)friend tell me that she believed she was a vampire.
    You know. The whole dabbling in the Necronomicon and what not was just not hardcore enough for her.
    When she tried to make me believe I was a werewolf.. I started backing the hell up and away from that crazzzzy chick.
    :| I am a bug zapper for crazy people.
    One thing that sucks about 'starting over' with friends after all your old ones went nutso on you.. you don't really know anyone from before. Everything is brand new. It's awkward 8|..
     
  7. Bryan

    Bryan ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

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    When I was young and watching GI Joe, my dad overhead the "and knowing is half the battle!" bit. And then he told me that the other half of the battle was "a concentrated application of firepower and resources to destroy or accomplish your target objective."

    Two other odd gems from him:

    "Close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades, and tactical nuclear strikes."

    "If you ever find yourself in a knifefight, you messed up 200 meters back."
     
  8. Magelite

    Magelite I make stupid look good

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    :lol 
     
  9. Jarodimus

    Jarodimus the guy with that scan Veteran TFW2005 Supporter

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    From a parent:
    "Infection is part of the healing process."

    From another parent:
    "He don't see too good out of one eye -- he's got death deception."

    :lol  NO WAI!

    Heh. I've heard many variations on the "horseshoes, hand grenades, and [X]". That's a good one.

    That's not odd, that's AWESOME.
     
  10. TheIncredibleHulk

    TheIncredibleHulk Find Gary Busey!

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    Lewis Black:
    "If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college..."
     
  11. KA

    KA PENIS GOES WHERE?!!

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    :lol 
     
  12. ShortCircuit

    ShortCircuit Decepticon

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    "It gets worse before it gets better..."
     
  13. David

    David . TFW2005 Supporter

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    thats not a flashlight..........
     
  14. Ktulu

    Ktulu Whoosh TFW2005 Supporter

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    Hell yeah - I've always thought that story was one of the most hilarious things ever
     
  15. Rumble02

    Rumble02 Radicon of Obliticons

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    you can put a rattlesnake on a rollercoaster but im pretty sure, when it gets off it aint gonna bake you a cake!
     
  16. Team Jetfire

    Team Jetfire Pop-POP!

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    :lol 

    When I was a kid an learned about the birds and the bees...

    boy was that f-ed up
     
  17. Soundblaster1

    Soundblaster1 The Heisenberg of Toys

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    "What did I mean?"
    -Mentally challenged guy down the road

    Also, damn near everything on laserbeak.org. I die a little every time I go there.
     
  18. CdnShockwave

    CdnShockwave The Prince of Poses TFW2005 Supporter

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    "You'll be quite the ladies man when you grow up"

    Har Har Har
     
  19. Otispq

    Otispq Elocution Onymous

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    My first thought was what a buddy of mine said once. We were in Moab, Utah for some mountain biking on the slickrock trail, and while at some diner as he's lookin at the locals pronounces "Wow, in this town, I guess you either have a girlfriend, or you don't" Really? Ok...:dunce 
     
  20. Thundercracker

    Thundercracker Contemptuous

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    From an ECPI commercial:
    "Ever since I went to ECPI, my life has taken a complete 360."

    Sounds about right...
     

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