Sigh.. not feeling Christmas-y right now (rant)

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Predaking, Dec 25, 2008.

  1. Predaking

    Predaking Well-Known Member

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    You'd think that, since it's Christmas everybody will be in a joyous mood? Well it's not happening to my wife and now I am not in a holiday spirits either.

    My wife is always so annoyingly and frustratingly naggy. For example, if I pick a clothes for my son to wear, she'll complain that it's too small or not right for that time. She would pick the smallest things to argue with me, with her reasons that she had told me a thousand times and I would still do the same thing over and over, or that I should have know what she wants and do accordingly. Excuse me? How the hell do I know what she wants? Yet she keeps using that to accuse me of doing things wrong.

    Just 30 mins ago she came downstairs (where I was having breakfast) and gave me the evilest stare, while telling me I put the wrong socks on our son again. I knew she cleaned the shelf where we put the baby's clothes and put the ones deemed too small away, so I picked a pair of socks from that shelf on the baby, and yet she still says it's too small, blah blah blah. So I told her I think it's the right size, and she insisted that that's not what she would have the baby wear, so I told her she always complain too much and that she's way too picky about everything. When she shot back that I am picky too, I almost told her that if I was picky I would never have married her, but held my tongue. After calling me an idiot she stormed back to the room where the baby is sleeping and closed the door, so I guess she don't want me to see the baby for rest of the day.

    I've just about had it with her. She wants everything done to her liking or she'll raise a stink about it. She says I don't take care of the baby but I work full time while she's a house wife and I had to spent nights and weekends helping her with the baby and she's still not satisfied. I am very tempted to call a divorce lawyer and see what my options are. I took tomorrow's off from work and she rather have me go to work so she don't have to see me, well I may just leave to see a lawyer instead. What should I do to make her understand it's not just her way or the highway. I am sick of always having to defend myself about the things I do around the house. Nothing is good enough for her unless she's the one doing it.

    I am starting to feel foolish for thinking she'll change after the birth of our son. I had problems with her while we were dating, then after we got married those problems persist, and now with the baby at 14 months old she's still the same annoying self. I really can't imagine myself living the rest of my life with this woman, but is divorce really the answer when you realize just how incompatible you really are with her?
     
  2. Cory Bauer

    Cory Bauer Well-Known Member

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    Never, ever bank on your significant other changing for the better when X happens.

    I'd recommend a divorce, but suspect she will get full custody of the child. Then she'll probably raise your baby to believe you're a terrible father. If you can live with that, go through with it. Otherwise, share your frustrations and concerns with someone she will listen to, like a mother or sister.
     
  3. Poho

    Poho That's MISTER Poho to you

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    If you were having problems when you were dating then why did you get married?
     
  4. Skyfire21

    Skyfire21 A Challenger Approaches!

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    I cant offer too much advice, but from my own experience, how you respond to her when she nags is very crucial, if you yell back, you are not helping the situation. If you just have an ignoring tone, its the same thing. Honestly, as a last effort, just try to be loving to her when she nags, and see if a calm presence from you, wont help to calm her down as well.

    Also, is there anything else in her life thats bothering her? Maybe there's trouble with a friend/family member she hasnt told you about. If you're thinking about divorce anyway, there's really no threat in asking. Also, obviously, dont bring up Divorce unless you're filing the paper work.
     
  5. Cory Bauer

    Cory Bauer Well-Known Member

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    Countless people do exactly what Predaking has done. I've got friends in the same situation, although they're not in as deep as he is (no marriage or children). Their relationship is less than desirable, and they know it. But they think things will getter better after X happens, or fear that they won't find anyone better. Everyone around them sees the crappiness of their relationship, and if they're a good friend speak up and recommend they end it; after another 3-5 years of convincing themselves it'll eventually get better, they finally come to their senses.
     
  6. Poho

    Poho That's MISTER Poho to you

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    :(  it makes me sad that happy relationships are so unusual. Anyway there's some good advice in here. When my girlfriend is being unreasonable I remain calm and do what she wants within reason. She almost always appologizes afterwards.
     
  7. Teletran-1

    Teletran-1 Well-Known Member

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    Well, speaking as a guy with a 2 year old who just got divorced, it's by no means easy, and / or cheap, but I'm sure happy with my divorce. I get more time with my kid, more time to myself. The justice system really works against fathers though, so that's rough if you want custody of the child. I have a job where I can work from home 2 days a week so that helped. You have to weigh the ups and downs and also think of your kid and what'll be best for them. I guess it all depends on how bad your wife really is.
     
  8. ErechOveraker

    ErechOveraker I'm with Plowking.

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    The only resort I can see here it to start looking for a new lady now. It's like a job, you never quit your crappy job you hate until you have a new one lined up, yeah? Well women are the same, hook it up and just slide right into the next with no hiccups at all. I'd suggest craigslist personals, your local sub-city papers classifieds, or adultfriendfinder.com.













    Or a marriage/relationship therapist. Good luck.
     
  9. cheetorBWORG

    cheetorBWORG Cheetor Fan

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    Predaking, what was the reason you entered the relationship in the first place? If you can find that and maybe open up to your wife during a moment of alone time, you can get something good going and trying to raise the "sinking ship". Also, seek some counseling.
     
  10. Cory Bauer

    Cory Bauer Well-Known Member

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    Sorry, but I think that's terrible advice. Despite what it sometimes feels like, people can survive just fine living single. And often times, that time spent being single allows a person to figure out what it is they really want in a relationship, while helping them learn to function independently. One has to learn they can live happily alone before getting into a relationship, or they'll end up under the thumb of an evil dictator just like Predaking is now.

    The fact that he has a child with this woman means lining up his next squeeze is the last thing he needs to be focused on.
     
  11. ErechOveraker

    ErechOveraker I'm with Plowking.

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    I disagree, adultfriendfinder is absolutely a great place to find awesome ladies, yer nuts. NUTS!















    AHEM.

    Seriously, he needs to talk to his lady and see a therapist, not solicit advice from toynerds (no offense to my fellow toynerds). I'm sorry my craigslist sarcasm didn't shine through like the blazing light I assumed it was.
     
  12. Cory Bauer

    Cory Bauer Well-Known Member

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    :)  :D  I'm relieved to know you were joking. Sorry it went over my head :p 
     
  13. Zherbus

    Zherbus In Shogo Hasui, we trust.

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    Mine too!

    Seriously, you should exhaust some alternatives with her. Best case scenario, you both get on the straight and narrow. Worst case, the divorce is proven unavoidable and you can move on with your life.
     
  14. ErechOveraker

    ErechOveraker I'm with Plowking.

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    S'ok, it's xmas. :) 


    Also, and this may not be popular, but sometimes divorce is the answer. Certain people just shouldn't be together anymore if they can't make it work. I've seen, even grew up in, volatile loveless situations like that that just screw up the kids AND the adults worse than just calling it quits and settling up your affairs in the best way possible.

    But definitely go see a marriage counselor before deciding on anything. People go through rough patches, and given that it's the holidays and you're expecting another kid, stress could just be higher than usual, yeah?

    Seriously, good luck with however it goes, Predaking.
     
  15. Jux

    Jux Please, call me Steve. Veteran

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    Why did you even marry her?
     
  16. Zherbus

    Zherbus In Shogo Hasui, we trust.

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    It happens to the best of us. It's best to look forward than backwards, unless somehow the answer to that very question delivers magic rainbows that make everything good again.
     
  17. Lance Halberd

    Lance Halberd oh hai

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    I blame the persistent urban legend that marriage, like babies, are the ultimate solution to any and all relationship problems.
     
  18. Jux

    Jux Please, call me Steve. Veteran

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    The answer to that question should provide insight about his own deficiencies to prevent this in the future.

    I think it says something about you and your ability to handle relationships when you essentially say "man, there are these issues with the girl I'm dating, but I think I'm going to marry her anyway" and then "man, there are issues with my wife, but I want to have a kid anyway" and then find yourself in the same spot.
     
  19. Poho

    Poho That's MISTER Poho to you

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    What a ridiculous delusion. Just ridiculous.
     
  20. Kickback

    Kickback Proud father Administrator Super Mod News Staff

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    This is why I'm glad I didn't get married to my ex fiance. Granted, we're great friends now, but we were not ready at all when I made that stupid decision. It's also why I've remained single as long as I have ... because I do not want to deal with relationships because I know I'm not ready to tie myself down. I enjoy the alone time too much.

    In your case?

    Have you ever tried talking to her instead of arguing with her?
     

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